Maybe It Was Peace At last, Who Knew

I went to the gym today and there was a girl there who Ive never seen at the gym before but looked like she had made it her lifestyle. She was stunning. Just high wasted lulus, a sports bra, scuffed white converse and ear buds. Nothing enhancing her beauty nor congesting it. Just raw. And her movements and practice with weights effortless. She moved with conviction and a happy demeanor. She reminds me of that quote. people are a mirror for you to see yourself. I use to be her. How? Because I use to show up for myself. And then I stopped. I started making choices that did not reflect that lifestyle of health and confidence, of conviction and gratitude. I let things in that were never meant to be there; doubt, comparison, self-judgement, fear, and every other word that should stay out of your mind’s vocabulary.

So when does it stop and when do I get back in the driver seat? At what point do you make the change, stop the emotional brutality that you place on yourself. Get off the roller costar of emotions that facilitates the unbearable negative self talk. If you do something enough times it becomes easy. But that easiness is only a product of consistency. And the way to achieve that is being present with each little battle. Because that's all they are, little mind hurtles. The complication starts when those little battles are combined with the pasts history and the futures worries. You must choose to be stronger that your mind and choose to be present.

This is my first post in... years. And so much has changed yet so much is the same. The things that are the same are things that we want so badly to change. Things that change do so easily, our hair, style, relationships, jobs and why? Because it is organic, it just slowly over time happens. Nothing is forced, it is gently let go. And at the same time everything that remains consistent that we want so badly to change, stays the same. Like a sliver that wont budge and when you get out the tweezers in nestles its way deeper into you. Agitating every aspect of your being, causing your focus to be called to it at all hours. The more you focus on it the worse it gets. And there lies the challenge.

Per my personality type it makes sense now that my default is perfectionism, impulsivity, hyperawareness, ext.. Being the rarest personality type (INFJ) is neither good nor bad. What is good is understanding what makes you tick. And now I feel like I finally have the tools to live this life to the fullest.

Being HSP I will take more responsibility for my environment. You are what and who you surround yourself with. Social media has made it very easy to surround yourself with people and things that are in short glamorous, beautiful, valued, not you or not what you have. Basically all that scrolling (to some) is detrimental to  their psyche. Why? LACK. All these images are of things that are not within your life, taking you out of the present moment. And what is in the present moment? EVERYTHING YOU DO HAVE. In this moment is where gratitude is cultivated.

In order to make a change to my life I need to revaluate it. Being INFJ I need to significantly limit my social media interaction and change what I am feeding my mind. Routines are vital. My morning routine needs to come first. Meditation, workout, lemon water, gratitude journal, skin care, breakfast, meals set for the rest of the day. Being aware of my hormones has also been advantageous. During your Luteal / Menstrual cycle it is especially important to load up on leafy greens and healthy fats. Be flexible with your cravings make sure to eat  what sounds good while being aware of the underlying plea your body is making for the proper nutrients. Have LOTS of quiet time. Go home, put on some ambient music, essential  oils and be still. Overstimulation in the form of extroverted activities (even social media) will only exacerbate your need for stillness. This many times will send you over the edge as INFJs have a propensity to Overdo sensory activities such as eating, exercising, watching TV, shopping.

Tune in in order to tune out this loud world.

 Looking forward to making this my main place to express my thoughts feelings and creative images again.

"I am a healthy person, with healthy habits" - Melissa Hartwig