entropy

Missing you always, Forever in our hearts.

February 01

"Kanunay, karon, puhon, kanimo ra ko ko mupahuway."

"Kay sama ako sa balod sa lawod nga naga-atang. Dad-on unta ko ning hangin paingon sa imong lapyahan."

I crave intimacy, surrender me your mind and body.

I would give anything to have what we had before, anything to have you back again. 

Just one chance to make it work. 

My fingers hovered over the keyboard of my phone, typing my bottled feelings for you that you once set aside. Contemplating whether I should send it or keep it in my draft folder along with many others, as it should be — a fleeting moment caused by my delusional self. 

Inching a finger to press send, reality bites me in the head. 

Love should be given willingly, not forcibly. I, this me right here, I wanted you to give me your love willingly. Not out of pity, not forced. 

Isn't it sad to want something the most in this world only to know in your heart that it's the most impossible thing to have? I would do anything — hell, I would trade anything just to have what we had before. Anything to have you back. 

see a blade,

I'm holding a knife

and my mind plays a series of scenarios —

bloody hell.

But I don't do it, no I don't.

I let go of the knife

take the rope and blade

out of my sight.

I sighed, and murmured to myself;