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I feel like I'm always here when I'm either angry or sad. I sometimes wish I had someone who cared enough to hear me out. It's not that I don't have people that listen, it's just that I know they only listen because they feel obligated to.

Anyways that's not why I'm angry this time. Now that I think about it, I'm more disappointed with how a particular situation turned out. But can I really blame myself for this major misunderstanding I've been going through? Heavens no, it's sad that I was kinda waiting for something to come along that would make me feel an ick.

Ugh, why do men always choose to be so fucking elusive? Now I feel naive for assuming the type of relationship I'm getting involved in. Honestly, my fwb is doing a better job at being honest and nonproblematic. I see why people like me choose it over an actual relationship, sigh. I guess my decision not to be in a serious relationship with anyone isn't gonna change for now.

Everybody wants to be casually dating and include sex and not be in a relationship. It's even more discouraging to date when the people you're attracted to share different values & morals. How the fuck am I supposed to find love if no one wants to be in love? Don't get me wrong, I love myself, way more than I did a few years ago. So finding love isn't a necessity, but it is a want.

What a shit show this year has been...I've gone through so much that I can't believe I've made it this far. Honestly thought that I'd probably had some unfortunate death already, but I'm not spared from the misery that man was sent here to experience. Between some simple interactions that I've had with the people I've encountered this year, there are also the things like the big changes like moving to another part of the country from my family.

There were many moments when I wanted to hate everyone and not go out to a world filled with people. I've isolated myself so much this year that I can feel the effects of my actions, but don't regret the decisions I've made in these 12 months at all. I think even though some experiences caused me great pain, I've still gathered useful info from them and I'm grateful I could live through them.

Sometimes, I have these questions that play on and on in my head. Like: Why does it hurt so bad to be disappointed? Is it because I actually expected it to happen? Am I naive? Do I think of things as too simply? But then, I think to myself that I couldn't possibly be naive. As I tend to overthink everything all the time, almost all at once.