feel free to change any pronouns, etc. || may contain some nsfw!
“In this world, there are good guys and bad guys… And /we/ are the good guys.”
“I will not be bullied into submission.”
“Would you like to start over?”
“Have you been hiding in here for an hour?”
“If there’s something I need to change, I wanna change it.”
“I bring you in so they can see that they don’t actually want the thing they think they want.”
“Would you consider erotica?”
“Obviously, I’m not suggesting you go have sex on camera…unless that’s something you’re interesting in.”
“You know, I miss you making fun of me…”
“I’ve called you like a million time to hang out. What is going on?”
“I’ve eaten Cinnamon Toast Crunch for my last six meals.”
“Don’t you wanna be happy and have a family?”
“I didn’t know we were supposed to wear costumes…”
“I said I’d do anything so here we fucking are.”
“Just sit there, look at me, and smile, okay?”
“Look at you; you’re like a parade.”
“Do people think you’re pretty? Because, like, I’m looking at you… One second I think, ‘Fuck yeah, she’s hot,’ and then the next second I’m like, ‘I dunno. Is she? Really?’ I mean, you just have one of those faces that kind of…changes…”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“[Name]. [Name]. [Name]… That is not a great name.”
“I’m really sorry… I swear this is the last time…”
“You said you didn’t want anyone to find out about us. I took that seriously.”
“You’re proud of yourself for trying to cheat on your wife again?”
“Please, can we not– use those words?”
“This isn’t normal behavior for me.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you…”
“I was feeling sorry for myself and you took advantage of that.”
“Please, go home to your family.”
“You are the most real person I’ve ever been with.”
“If you don’t wanna leave here with a broken spine, I suggest you listen to what he has to say very carefully.”
“Better make it count then, right?”
“We have to go above and beyond.”
“It’s an honor to meet you.”
“I don’t like your face. Or your ass. I dunno. Maybe I like ‘em too much.”
“Move outta my way, fuckwad!”
“You wanna come over for dinner?”
“What the fuck kinda friend are you?!”
“I don’t know… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…”
“Things don’t just happen. People make choices.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk about this?”
“I don’t wanna fucking talk to you.”
“I wanna kick your ass, and then I never wanna see you again.”
“I’m not gonna fight you.”
“My special skill is that I’m not fucking boring.”
“Are you done? Because some of us like to work.”
“Don’t bring shit up like that, man.”
“What? History is a beautiful thing.”
“Who doesn’t trust a man with a mustache full of coke?”
“Whatever it is you want, I don’t have time for it.”
“I don’t have time to deal with spoiled little bitches who don’t take anything seriously.”
“I am the Cezanne of bullshit artists.”
“it’s not about the lie. It’s about where the lie takes you.”
“This doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch for you.”
“Everybody’s gonna hate you!”
“I don’t want everybody to hate me!”
“Try not giving a fuck. There’s a lot of power in that.”
“The devil gets all the best lines.”
“Just because we’re at a party doe not at all mean we’re okay.”
“If you talk to me again, I’ll throw you through the fucking window.”
“Seems like you could use a drink.”
“Why am I feeling guilty about leaving that asshole?”
“And he’s – What’s the word? – /Stupid/. He is so stupid.”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind every twenty minutes.”
“Twenty minutes is about as long as I can possibly pretend that everything’s okay.”
“This is for when you start puking. These carpets are really expensive.”
“Is your hair a dance floor?”
“All the windows need to be open at all times.”
“I can’t fully control what happens when I’m asleep.”
“You staring at my tits?”
“The only other boobs I’ve seen in person before are my brother, [Name]’s.”
“I’ve actually never lived with girls before, so, I’ll probably stare sometimes, ‘cause you’re basically just like an alien from another planet.”
“Every night before bed, I put lotion all over my body, because it’s scientifically proven to be the only thing that stops the aging process in it’s tracks.”
“I get anxious when I feel like I’m behind– especially in a group setting.”
“Hey, you can’t talk to her like that.”
“i am not ready to talk to you.”
“You keep hanging up on me every time I call you.”
“Just get whatever you need and get out, okay?”
“You are still angry and that’s fine.”
“I haven’t lived with anyone in a very long time.”
“I made the choice to stop working. I actually wanted to be there for my kid.”
“I like the color black.”
“Ugh, he must think I’m a total fucking poser!”
“I can’t order anymore pizza. I’m out of cash until next Friday.”
“Do you think he actually wants me to call him?”
“Oh, you guys are friends now? That’s cute.”
“I like you like this. I like you more than I usually like you.”
“What kind of person do I seem like?”
“Oh shit! That looks dangerous!”
“What if I have to talk to his mom?”
“He probably already has a girlfriend, anyway.”
“Don’t make me be the ‘Rules’ person– I’m not emotionally equipped for that.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy.”
“I have tolerated her being here, because, I, uh, well– I actually enjoy watching you make her feel like shit, but we have an unspoken rule that we stay as far away from each other as possible.”
“It was here, and then it was not here.”
“There’s too fucking many of ya, anyways.”
“You’re not gonna drop me, right?”
“Look at me– you’re gonna kill it.”
“She swoons every time you walk into a room.”
“Be kind and generous to her, like you are with everyone.”
“I think I’m having a heart attack.”
“You don’t wanna let people down; I get it.”
“I feel like I’m disappointing a lot of people right now.”
“Everyone loves you; you’re like Santa Claus.”
“I gotta figure out a couple of things.”
“I’d like to call on the power of my three favorite Americans: Ronald Reagan, Larry Bird, and Jesus Christ, himself!”
“You always fucking do this! Whatever success I have, whatever good thing that I have built, you wanna piss all over it!”
“You better cheer it up right now!”
“Why didn’t you say something? I love birthdays!”
“I had to get some power back in the situation; the balance was off.”
“It was a dramatic gesture.”
“You are such an immature fuck!”
“Will you do something about his face?”
“You’re right, okay? I am all of the things that you wanna scream at me.”
“You are entitled to your anger and I acknowledge it.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“I guess it’s just…not what I pictured.”
“I think… Honestly… It’s perfect.”
“Are you waiting for me to open the door for you?”
“You can’t not celebrate your birthday!”
“I can’t tell when you’re joking and when you’re just being mean.”
“I feel like this isn’t working.”
“I know you were just fucking me because you wanted things.”
“I wasn’t shagging you because I wanted something.”
“This was supposed to be fun, but you’re so bloody paranoid all the time.”
“I have a shitty history with women.”
“I’ll go with you; we’ll get a cake, it’ll be a date.”
“You don’t actually like me, you’re just afraid to be alone.”
“Sometimes, you have to trick yourself into having a good time.”
“Just pretend you’re having the best time in the world, and then maybe you will.”
“I don’t trust shoes that move.”
“it’s really nice having you here.”
“What did I do to make you hate me?”
“Why did we start a family if we were so miserable?”
“Can you let me hug you?”
“Just wasn’t the right time for us, y’know?”
“Sorry. I’m sure this is not how you wanted to spend your morning.”
“I feel like I’m supposed to ask you if this is what you want.”
“Don’t come back without doughnuts.”
“Take a deep breath and try to relax.”
“Where the hell have you been for two weeks?”
“I’m a sucker for non-threatening, unavailable men who compliment me.”
“You certainly wear a lot of makeup…”
“Someone’s grumpier than usual…”
“I appreciate you just getting the fuck out of the way.”
“Sometimes I’m so sad that you took away the option of us ever being able to have a normal fucking conversation.”
“Just join my, uh, my pity party.”
“I've made a lot of terrible decisions– some of them I don’t even remember.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Look, I get that there’s no great way to deliver this news, alright?”
“It can only get better from here… I think… I hope…”
“Have to take a rain check on that coffee.”
“I… I was born for this moment!”
“You’re a fucking quitter.”
“I am trying to keep an open mind– this is just kinda silly…”
“Tonight, I take back what I deserve!”
“You wanna grab a drink?”
