Mandy's Blog

Last year was a tough year in 2023 when I lost both my uncle and aunt and I had to let go of a family member. Being strong means being tough. I cannot control others actions but I can only control myself. My goal is to clean my house this month and to check to see if I can locate my journal I lost. Otherwise, it is what it is. I am having another journal shipped to me from Amazon.

I tell myself I am not going to overreact. I have a better future ahead and it’s up to me to uphold it.

I cried when I heard this song. You may have known me due to my past, but I grew out of what I used to be. You may judge me due to my past behaviors, and then judge me due how I am. You don’t know me. I am a child of God and I am still learning. I was a still a child, didn’t get a chance to feel the world around me. Grew up and struggled with only one parent with a rough childhood. I don’t seek pity, but this is a reminder that there are others that are struggling. Its time for me to move on with new people, new places, new beginnings, and a new job. 

You know what? Its time for a new beginning. Time for me to smile. Go easy on me-Adele. Time for new beginnings new hope, new jobs, new people. Time for me to trust in my journal and leave behind the people I once knew. Time for my time to shine. I can’t let others opinions and thoughts of me determine my smile and my worth. I deserve so much better than Blue Cross. I deserve so much better than being payed this low. I DESERVE so much better than being mistreated by my superiors. Honestly, time for my time to do this. As you can see I am frustrated. Frustrated with being PASSED ON for promotions no matter how good I am. 

I ask God to give me the strength to find a better job and new opportunities for a new company that would value me. I am worthy and loved. Praying. Patience is virtue. I pray that I can move on with new and better things with new people who I can work with. I been depressed lately. Got to find motivation somehow to know that I have to stay strong. I’m not perfect. People can be mean and hold your flaws against you. I want to leave the past behind and start new.

This post is for those who are going through rough patches. To remind you that you are not the only one. That people can be mean and having something against you. But only God knows you and your feelings and hurts and your wants and needs. 

Are there new beginnings in the horizon? I believe so. 

I had been very busy. With school, work, and my new house I bought. Life has been full of ups and downs...and I have my boyfriend by my side one step at a time. I am struggling to identify with who I am. At times, I feel like I am not enough at my job. 

Once my time comes, I pray to God that I will be with my grandmother Me oui and my bay Yacuza. And my grandpa, grandparents, and auntie that left this world. I mediate every night thinking of my family. God is here with me one step at a time. Its up to me to take that one step at a time, to be strong, and to stay hopeful.

Thinking about Me Oui. Miss you me oui. Why did you have to leave us? It has been 7 years since you left us. And yet, I still miss your guidance and comfort. Telling me how to cook, clean, wash the dishes, do the laundry, and telling me stories. Me oui why did you have to go? I love you so much. I have Shin now to lean on, but still no one can replace you. Sorry for my mistakes. Do you yet watch over? I wonder. Maybe I am being selfish. I love you so much and nothing has been the same. No one understands me only you can comfort and make me understand the world. Deep inside I need your guidance. this is what happens when you lose the mother that you had. #sad