💀Walking with Death💀

Change is coming.

Can't you feel it?

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it. These words have been ringing in my ears throughout the day. I wanted to see things clearly, to grow and become the best version of myself. I did not, however anticipate the amount of work that I would have to do. The loss. The pain. I have been completely broken down, and shattered. Everything false is crumbling before me. Today, I must sit with my feelings. I must feel, what I feel.

While I know what I have to do-it does not make it any easier. To feel, and fully feel is scary. Truthfully I'm terrified, I'm witnessesing the death of my old self. I am in the process of dying. This must happen, I must shed my dying skin. Why hold on to something, that has no more to offer you? I've stood still for too long. I've shoved everything down for too long. I've allowed myself to be nothing, for too long. It's time.

I turn my eyes inward, to look at myself. I open my heart, and offer it to me for once.

Now you may think, why in the world would someone chose to worship/devote there life to Death? How morbid. Well, I daresay- that I am a tad morbid. I definitely would not consider myself to be a normal person. I've always had a interest in the occult, and a thirst for knowledge. I did not live a easy life, and still do not. I have been tossed aside by most, experiencing a lot of ups-and downs. Naturally when life mercilessly throws lemons, the lemonade is gonna get a little blood in it. All in the name of character development, am I right? Our price to pay to live. I was raised in a Christian home, and much like other Christians had a sense of fear Of eternal Damnation deeply imprinted into my brain. Even as I type this, I can still feel the fear of burning for all eternity pulse through my veins. If that's the case, then why am I still on this path of "darkness?" Well if I'm being honest with you I'm not completely sure. One thing I can say, is that for the first time in my life-things have began to make since to me. I feel seen, accepted, and loved. If something was so evil, like others may say.. why does it feel so right for me? Santa muerte, heard my prayers and answered them accordingly. Giving me not what I wanted, but what I needed. She has opened my eyes and given me the strength to look inwards at myself. Something I could have not have done without her guidance and love.

This blog is a public documentation of my spiritual journey, as I allow death to lead me to life and fulfillment. I will share my thoughts, my feelings, lessons, and messages I gain along the way, I hope perhaps while doing this my words reach the right person-not just anyone- but the right person who needs to hear.