sorry i wasn't good enough

I struggle with disordered eating and body dysmorphia

This is where I vent about it and such

I often long for you and wish to speak only to you.

“I need to lose weight so bad. My rolls are all over the place. Maybe I’ll skip dinner!” -my mom looking in the mirror, age 8

“These people are disgusting, I can’t even watch this show without wanting to throw up” -my mom watching weight loss shows, age 11

“That dress is perfect! Now we just have to make sure you don’t gain any weight before July because it’s already pretty tight” -my mom and aunt as I was trying on bridesmaid dresses, age 13

“Don’t worry, she was a bigger girl. Not really my type, know what I mean?” -my ex talking about his ex girlfriend, age 16

“Has she gained weight? Man, she’s really letting herself go. I mean, she used to be so pretty” -my friend talking about his ex, age 20

“Babe you gotta take it easy on the sugar! That’s how you get a big belly like (coworker), *laughs*” -my boyfriend on an ice cream date, age 21

Every time you made a fat-shaming comment, no matter who the target was, you taught me my ED mindset. You taught me that the world will love me less if I’m fat. You taught me that pretty equals skinny. You praised me when I was low weights and cautioned me when I was gaining. So don’t turn it around on me asking me how this could have happened: