Joke's On You!

‘  it is only once in awhile that you see someone whose electricity and presence matches your at that moment.  ’ ‘  we could have been happy. i know that, and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know.  ’ ‘  i mean, i hope you’re happy, but the sky is still the sky without you and i’m not surprised by that anymore.  ’ ‘  that didn’t happen, of course. things never happened the way i imagined them.  ’ ‘  we need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.  ’ ‘  i still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.  ’ ‘  i used to think i was tough, but then i realized i wasn’t. i was fragile and i wore thick fucking armor. and i hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. and i thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.  ’ ‘  perhaps one did not want to be loved as much as to be understood.  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  is anyone anywhere happy?  ’ ‘  we didn’t talk about anything heavy or light.  ’ ‘  we were just there together and that was enough.  ’ ‘  i looked and looked at you and i knew, as clearly as i know that i will die, that i loved you more than anything i had ever seen or imagined on earth.  ’ ‘  you think ‘okay, i get it, i’m prepared for the worst,’ but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. that’s what kills you.  ’ ‘  i belong to moments. not to people.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did, even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  the you who you are tonight is the same you i was in love with yesterday. the same you i’ll be in love with tomorrow.  ’ ‘  i’ve seen a lot of beautiful things with a heavy heart.  ’ ‘  but the heart has its own memory and i have forgotten nothing.  ’ ‘  after awhile you could get used to anything.  ’ ‘  i crave a dangerous kind of love – one that breaks hearts and bed springs.  ’ ‘  just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean your lives will fit together.  ’ ‘  there is so much stubborn hope in the human heart.  ’ ‘  be patient with me. my heart is heavy.  ’ ‘  my heart talks about nothing but you.  ’ ‘  i want you by my side so that i never feel alone again.  ’ ‘  i think too much. i don’t feel enough.  ’ ‘  i might confess that it’s you i love.  ’ ‘  maybe some things aren’t supposed to last. maybe they mean more that way.  ’ ‘  i was supposed to be having the time of my life.  ’ ‘  i hope i’ll always believe in love even if love shames me and tries to destroy me. i’ll hope i’ll want to start again.  ’ ‘  what does it mean to mourn what never happened?  ’ ‘  i’m awfully difficult but i do know when i love someone and i’ve loved you ever since i can remember.  ’ ‘  the sad truth is that the truth is sad and that what you want does not matter.  ’ ‘  you can’t leave yet. i’m not finished falling in love with you.  ’ ‘  i’m not sorry for who i had to become in order to survive.  ’ ‘  i didn’t necessarily feel like dying, but i’d been feeling a lot like not being alive.  ’ ‘  with me, you’re number one and there isn’t even a number two.  ’ ‘  you shouldn’t miss people who don’t miss you, right?  ’ ‘  i tried so hard to be everything you wanted, i forgot who i was.  ’ ‘  do you know how hard it is to say nothing? when every atom of you strains to do the opposite?  ’ ‘  our only kiss was like an accident – a beautiful gasoline rainbow.  ’ ‘  that’s what’s so damn difficult about making the decision to leave. whether it’s the right or wrong call, it hurts just the same.  ’ ‘  everybody should have to love, and it should last as long as your life does.  ’ ‘  loving you was the easiest thing i ever did. even when it was hard, it was easy. loving you was like breathing.  ’ ‘  i love you. i don’t always understand you, but i love you.  ’ ‘  how do you go back to being strangers with someone who has seen your soul?  ’ ‘  break my heart. break it a thousand times if you like. it was only ever yours to break anyway.  ’ ‘  just so you know, i fucking loved you. i fucking loved the daylights out of you.  ’ ‘  i hope you find someone you can’t live without. i really do. and i hope you never have to know what it’s like to try and live without them.  ’ ‘  i think we almost loved each other, but the only thing i was sure about is that almost wasn’t good enough.  ’ ‘  of course i miss you. one minute you were here and now you’re gone. even if i didn’t love you, i’d miss you. and i loved the fuck out of you.  ’ ‘  people don’t always get what they deserve in this world.  ’ ‘  what if you find your soulmate at the wrong time?  ’ ‘  you drink a little too much and try a little too hard and you go home to a cold bed and think, ‘that was fine.’ and your life is a long line of fine.  ’ ‘  i was so fucking soft for you and you ruined me.  ’ ‘  time will pass; these moods will pass; and i will, eventually, be myself again.  ’ ‘  and i’m over it, i’m over it, i promise i’m over it. but it still hurts sometimes.  ’ ‘  ‘almost’ is the worst way to love someone.  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i think. all i know is that most of the time i would rather be with you than anyone else i know.  ’ ‘  you are pretty much the only thing that makes me get up in the morning.  ’ ‘  what did my fingers do before i held you? what did my heart do with its love?  ’ ‘  it has been a beautiful fight. still is.  ’ ‘  stop insisting on clearing your head – clear your fucking heart instead.  ’ ‘  too often, the only escape is sleep.  ’ ‘  it’s necessary for me sometimes just to be alone and quiet and doing nothing.  ’ ‘  you have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.  ’ ‘  i do love you – i can’t change that.  ’ ‘  come and kiss me and let’s forget.  ’ ‘  i don’t ask you to love me always like this, but i ask you to remember.  ’ ‘  somewhere inside of me there will always be the person i am tonight.  ’ ‘  i used to build dreams about you.  ’ ‘  i love you so much, much, much that it just hurts every minute i’m with you.  ’ ‘  sometimes people just want to be happy, even if it’s not real.  ’ ‘  every nerve in my body could be damaged or numb and i’d still be able to feel you.  ’ ‘  i may be in pain, but i am not weak.  ’ ‘  you look like a dream i’ve never had before.  ’ ‘  you can live a good life without ever knowing real love.  ’ ‘  you are as real as anyone, and your doubts make you more real, not less.  ’ ‘  the one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.  ’ ‘  the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.  ’ ‘  it’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. we have no scar to show for happiness.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is partly suspicious with chances of betrayal.  ’ ‘  just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional bits of jealous rage.  ’ ‘  the weather today is partly angry, leading to resignation and ultimatums.  ’ ‘  for the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn’t such a great skill to have.  ’

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’ ‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’ ‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’ ‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’ ‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’ ‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’ ‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’ ‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’ ‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’ ‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’ ‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’ ‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’ ‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’ ‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’ ‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’ ‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard!  ’ ‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’ ‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’ ‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’ ‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’ ‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’ ‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’ ‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’ ‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’ ‘  i know this and i love you.  ’ ‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’ ‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’ ‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’ ‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’ ‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’ ‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’ ‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’ ‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’ ‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’ ‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’ ‘  dance up on me!  ’ ‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’ ‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’ ‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’ ‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’ ‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’ ‘  bababooey.  ’ ‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’ ‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’ ‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’ ‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’ ‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’ ‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’ ‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’ ‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’ ‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’ ‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’ ‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’ ‘  the calzones… betrayed me?  ’ ‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’ ‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’ ‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’ ‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’ ‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’ ‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to.  ’ ‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’ ‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’ ‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’ ‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’ ‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’ ‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?!  ’ ‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’ ‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’ ‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’ ‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’ ‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’ ‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’ ‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’ ‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’ ‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’ ‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’ ‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’ ‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’ ‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’ ‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’ ‘  i hate people.  ’ ‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’ ‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’ ‘  what? i love garbage.  ’ ‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’ ‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’ ‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’ ‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’ ‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’ ‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’ ‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’ ‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’ ‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’ ‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’ ‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’ ‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’ ‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you.  ’ ‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’ ‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’ ‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’ ‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’ ‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’ ‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’ ‘  what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?!  ’ ‘  oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk.  ’ ‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed!  ’ ‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’ ‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’ ‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’ ‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’ ‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’ ‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’ ‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’ ‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’ ‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’ ‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’ ‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’ ‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’ ‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’ ‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’ ‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’ ‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’ ‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

                          &&  there can be no reviving it, now.

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“ is it bad i really want to kiss you right now? ” “ do me a favor, kiss my ass. ” “ they can all just kiss my ass. ” “ i kissed someone today. ” “ i kissed a girl/boy and i liked it. ” “ kissing burns calories you know. ” “ my lips really want to meet yours. ” “ so are we going to kiss or not? ” “ i sent you a bunch of kiss emojis. ” “ don’t talk, just kiss me. ” “ i really enjoyed our kiss last night. ” “ you make me want to kiss you. ” “ you owe me a kiss. ” “ pucker up. ” “ read my lips, no. ” “ your eyes say no but your lips say yes. ” “ i just want to kiss you. ” “ i miss your lips. ” “ give me a kiss. ” “ blow a kiss my way for good luck. ” “ ever kiss in the rain? ” “ ever kiss under water? ” “ it was just a kiss, that’s all. ” “ a kiss doesn’t mean anything. ” “ i love when our lips meet. ” “ where do you want me to kiss you? ” “ i want to either kiss you or kill you right now. ” “ did you really just kiss him/her? ” “ friends aren’t allowed to kiss one another. ” “ kiss me one more time. ” “ want to make out? ” “ you’re a terrible kisser. ” “ teach me how to kiss? ” “ i remember our first kiss. ” “ your lips are calling my name. ” “ let’s just kiss already. ”