8 Tips to Improve Your Relationship
So you've finally found the one, and you're ready to spend the rest of your life together. Congratulations! But wait, why do things feel more difficult the longer you know your partner?
The quirks you found endearing now hide habits that are annoying, and the bright spots in your relationship dull in comparison to the ugly sides of them you've never seen before. Did you make a mistake? Was this relationship never meant to last after all?
Don't fret! Just like life, love has its ups and downs. There's no such thing as a "perfect love," and part of deepening your connection to your special someone is working through the rough patches until you understand each other. After all, nobody in the world was created exactly alike. To truly complete each other's second half starts with you, yourself. Here are 8 simple steps for couples to improve their relationship.
1. Recognize you and your partner's communication styles.
Different types of communication styles may result in misunderstanding or assumptions. Don't jump to conclusions, and try not to assume the worst when your partner says something unpleasant—chances are, they meant something completely different. Oftentimes, it's these differences that attract us to each other. Knowing and understanding how you communicate can bring couples closer than before.
2. Slow down your speech.
For that matter, slow down your speed of speech and lower your voice so that both you and your partner allow each other to be heard. Find a communication style that creates a safe space in your relationship, encourages difference of opinion, and deepen your understanding of each other.
You may be surprised to see how simply slowing down and listening can drastically improve relationships. It will help you communicate your own thoughts clearer, too.
Life is a journey, not a race. Relationships are not games to be won. Scorekeeping in any relationship (when no scores should exist at all) prevents you from moving past conflicts to make positive changes. Ask yourself this question: do you want to keep the numbers, or your partner?
4. Identify how you approach conflicts.
In other words, learn how to fight better (and don't get physical with each other)! Do you want to get it right, or prove yourself right?
Is winning more important than understanding? Resist problem solving when a solution isn't necessary.
There are ways to handle arguments appropriately with empathy and patience. Communication should serve as a bridge to connect your differences, not break ties down. Resist the urge to fix your partner. Focus on what you can change about yourself—you may be surprised at how much it changes the world and people around you, too.
5. Create rules around conflict.
Avoid "you" statements (which implies blame and creates defensiveness) and use "I" statements, which set a more neutral tone. Don't try to project your feelings or "mind-read your partner. Instead, allow them to express what they feel and why they behave the way they do.
Avoid making demands or threats, and don't wait for the "perfect moment" to bring up something that could potentially be a source of conflict. When talking about important topics, set aside a time where neither of you will be interrupted. Avoid public spaces to maintain privacy, unless in the presence of a therapist.
6. Accept conflicts and fighting.
Disagreements and arguments are a normal part of every relationship. Learning to navigate them without blame and criticism will resolve these conflicts more peacefully. Always talk face-to-face and resolve the issue as soon as you can to prevent misunderstandings or resentment from building up. But if needed, cool down when things are getting heated. It's okay to go to bed angry, but don't let the anger fester in your heart indefinitely.
Remember: avoiding each other only postpones the issue, not resolve it.
7. Express empathy, validation, and understanding.
Being able to imagine how others might feel and experience, communicating to another that you can understand the world from their point of view, and finding a way to attune to your partner's feelings are all positive building blocks to promote closeness with your partners.
Showing them you see and acknowledge their thoughts and feelings helps both partners gain deeper insight and understanding of each other.
8. Practice self-care and recognize when your partner needs space.
You also need to take care of yourself to make positive contributions to your relationship. If needed, find time to indulge yourself in separate hobbies, activities, and "alone time" for peace of mind. Becoming a caretaker for your partner does not count.
Avoid managing your partner's life, but do set good boundaries for yourself and your tolerance for any unhealthy behaviors in your partners. It doesn't work if you become your partner's doctor, therapist, teacher, or parent.
At the same time, give your partner the time and space to process their feelings if needed.
That's a start! And remember: life is more than black and white, just as success is more than following numbers. If you and your partner would like in-depth assistance from our trained mental professionals, schedule an appointment today.
Sanctus Clinic is a counseling center and mental health facility located off Pearl Street in GOLDEN WARD. Our team of licensed professionals are here to help you make the best of your life mentally and emotionally.
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