better pray for hell, not hallelujah

NO bald. NO nuance.

#guy who doesn’t think other people are real is good in bed???? No. @lansplaining with accurate anti-propaganda for Our Winner Xue Yang 

#this is a grave misunderstanding of the term 'body count' @hydrofelicity HELP. 

Lan Qiren: repressed turbovirgin who would probably faint if he saw a nipple and is still hung up on the girl who pulled his pigtails in ninth grade. 0/10 nothing is happening here

Sect Leader Yao: misogynist middle aged dad. he can fuck but it won't be good. 1/10

Wen Ruohan: he's got that cultivator stamina, definitely fucks, and is very hot in every version of canon, but he's a wannabe emperor, he's not going to be a considerate lover. 2/10

Xue Yang: as has been pointed out, he doesn't think other people are real and is unlikely to care about your pleasure, and he also thinks SSC is for pussies. but if choking a goth twink is your dream and you don't prioritize survival you might have a great night. 3/10?

Jin Zixuan: he'll probably cry and be excruciatingly awkward the whole time especially if you hit on his mommy issues. but he'll put the effort in and be a gentleman, unless he doesn't like you and is only doing this out of obligation, in which case it'll be miserable. 5/10

Mo Xuanyu: I have to admit he's also likely to be a virgin but he's definitely fantasized about everything and would be thrilled to try it out. 5.5/10

Su She: 10/10 if you're Jin Guangyao. 7/10 otherwise because he's keeping his shirt on and thinking about Jin Guangyao while you do it, but he's competitive enough he'd still want to make sure he did a good job.

Wen Zhuliu: yeah he probably fucks like a machine. 8/10

Would he approach said treatises with grim determination? Yeah probably. Would he develop a goddamn exercise regimen for his tongue and practice it religiously? Hell yes.

So now I'm curious...