anything but respectable

okay i'm tired can i turn into a tree now

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

Every time I see this creature he looks like if the wind blows on him a bit too strong he'll puff into a million seeds like a dandelion and scatter in the breeze

what is it they put in the hardware store to make it smell so good

as a woman you're always too young or too old for things because the perfect age is when you're a man

What creature is this?

Fuck your entire life