Saam

Intro

I know I’m not being delusional because when I’m delusional I like to keep to myself.

Posting for the first time since April 14th is kinda weird.

I’ve been so confused, angry and tired these last couple of days.

I feel like the guy on tiktok measuring the distance between his house and a tree.

There’s either a cult or some sort of government base in my local park. Too much isn’t making sense.

you could be a trans woman. i used to loathe men, always getting into fistfights with them, always getting into relationships to just. abuse the dudes I was with. the rush that i got from making them feel like shit was unlike anything else. i gave my dad a bloody nose so many times. this might come across as.. haughty and airheaded, but I'm just being honest. not trying to impress anyone. it's what I did. all because I wasn't allowing myself to be the man that I am. the visceral hate I felt was all because I had been brainwashed by transphobic retards (so.. for a while, I was a transphobic retard too) into thinking that trannies were sick. the fact that I wasn't allowed by society n those close to me to be different made me hate my differences instead of those who caged me. i was just one and they were plenty. hating myself was easier than swimming against the current. the only way I could ''reclaim'' my power back from the differences that I am, was through being violent towards them. punching them into the ground, either literally or mentally, until they felt numb enough. ''how dare they look like that, sound like that, dress like that.. I want that shit more than they do.'' was my subconscious reasoning ig. i am.. the healthiest I've ever been now that I've finally transitioned. I got a penis and everything. i can cum too which is wild lol. maybe this isn't your case, but.. dude.. entertain the thought. trust. who gives a fuck if the people around you give you shit for changing. they aren't your people anymore. hate is so very comfortable. it rots your brain, you can't feel a thing except for it. a defense mechanism blown so far out of proportion it swallows you whole trying to defend you and then you *are absolutely nothing except for it. but you're still in there.. // I'm willing to bet you haven't felt something real since forever. it's all samey, flat and dull. when was the last time you felt warm happiness inside your chest? anything that could help you return there? + I'm not a one-off case. when one hates something so fervently.. Sometimes.. it's because we're avoiding reckoning with a part of ourselves. we're avoiding it because, well, others who already were where we wanted to be at, hurt us, so we associated the hurt with the destination, instead of just those particular individuals. we hate those who represent the part of us that we don't like for whatever reason. the only way to reconcile with oneself, in order to live a life where you can actually feel things, is to figure out where that hatred you feel is coming from. i genuinely think you might be a trans woman. revelations like often these shatter one's idea of self. they're like death. but you can come back from this one. those girls you see in your dreams... do they resemble you in any way? i look similar to the men I'd draw when I was younger.

Delete this shitty account once and for all

Are all of your schizophrenic delusions negative in nature, or are some positive as well?

I hate being semiconscious of my own schizophrenic delusions. Knowing you’re wrong but keep finding evidence or having vivid images in my head of something happening.

That Jaydes gig the other day looked fucking trash.

I’m decaying.

Hi whiteboy with swag