WHAT IN THE TOXIC FUCKING MASCULINITY DID I JUST READ
Of the highest degree. This pre-meditated emotional violence. That he never questioned the sanity of his father’s logic, never saw how miserable his mother was, how non-existent her self-worth must have been, is his utter failing.
There comes a point when boys become teens and young adults, that if you are not exposing yourself to other cultures and mindsets and begin the introspection and questioning of the values, habits, you were taught by your caregivers, the methods of the way you were raised, and now the beliefs you have held onto as you move into young adulthood - you become responsible for the shit you procreate.
Young children repeating bigoted things of their parents? They barely understand what they’re even talking about. You at 16, 18, 20+ still repeating that shit? You’ve had plenty of opportunity to learn and had the self-awareness to do so.
Then “sins of our parents” become our sins when don’t do anything about it. That guy in the story, full well knew what he was doing. He knew to hide it from her, he knew to say it even if it wasn’t true, knew it would repress her emotionally to keep her attached to him. He was taught how to emotionally manipulate his partner - that he never questioned it and saw how COMPLETELY FUCKED UP that thought process, was is his responsibility and ultimate failing.
The red flag for this: if a man does not talk critically about the way he was raised - if he never ever talks about the shortcomings of his parents, or the weird things they did, like his parents were perfect and he had an idyllic childhood… watch out for him. He’s never taken his parents down from the pedestal he put them on. He’s not questioned the beliefs he was raised with likely never formulating his own. Which, if he’s never broken away his identity from his parents, there’s more than likely a whole lot he’s never done away from his parents. And what you’ll end up with is just a manchild as a partner, for whom you’ll do all the physical work and emotional work in the relationship because he has never done it himself.
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