A Struggle For Existence

“Of course I was always this way, I’m the son of the prince of hell.” Magnus spoke softly with a grimace. “Yes I was born this way.” He confirmed as he glanced at Hal. “So are you going to spend eternity like this? You could end your life, it’s not hard.” The warlock spoke. Shax demons always did a pretty good job of taking a warlock out. However Hal wasn’t a warlock so he wasn’t sure it would apply in the same manner. “Why would you do that to yourself? Living in such a state. Why do you live through it?” Magnus asked curiously then. It seemed like Hal wanted nothing to do with living, so why did he? “You are not human any longer, no humans are immortal. Perhaps if you start to think that way you’ll find a little more peace.” He had no astounding advice, nothing incredibly deep or passionate to say. It seemed pretty cut and dry. “Tell me why you’re here. My friendship is not something worth living for.” Magnus murmured with a small grin, “What keeps you here?” 

Magnus held his gaze with a curious expression. His eyebrows raised only slightly before Hal turned away from him. “Don’t worry it doesn’t hurt my feelings. I’ve gone through my fair share of buzzkills.”

“Who’s to say I haven’t tried?” He whispers, and then the quickest of glances is shared between them. Admitting that you suffer day in and out and that you tried to end that suffering is not easy no matter if you are mortal or immortal. Witnessing the responses and possible judgement is never easy. For Hal, he could not place why he found such shame in it anymore, but it seemed to bring him back to reality oftentimes.

“Do you not have a concept of time my love?” Magnus asked through a laugh. “Of course the chains rust and break, if you fall for mortal every single time.” The warlock murmured softly as he watched Hal produce and light a cigarette. He was never a smoker himself but back in the 80′s he really did think it looked cool on him. “I’ve told you time and time again I am available and NOT mortal.” He chuckled as he rolled his eyes and reached out for the cigarette. Even in deep conversations Magnus really wasn’t. Life was far too long to always be serious. Quickly he brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled, only holding the smoke in his mouth before he passed it back to the other man. “Your soul can take much more than you think. It will.” He spoke lowly. Magnus had been alive for a long time, he’d been so high and so low at points but he always got back up. “What caused the thoughts you’re having?” 

“That’s not true.” Magnus responded equally as soft. The warlock was mostly made up of witty comebacks and pop culture references but he did try his best to comfort Hal. “The world doesn’t recycle itself, it is a fixed planet. We are entitled to be here just like every mortal.”

His eyes trail to follow as Magnus takes his cigarette and remain on his features even after it is returned to his hand. Finding none of it as humorous as the other was making it. He allows him to bring his comments to a finishing statement and then pops a question,      “You were always this way, were you not?” Without a missed beat or so much as a glance he takes a heavy drag, “and blessed with magic and powers to top it off? You see, I was not this way. I had a mortal life, a family, a home.” Smoke escaped between words, “My mortality was ripped from me unwillingly at 27, and ever since I have only lived a life of disappointment. My wife died, my only son died, my daughter in law will not allow me to visit my granddaughters. I cannot return to my home country or the place I considered refuge. There is not a cause. My mind reminds me of these things everyday, whether I like it or not... I am nothing more than a meer human with the incapability of decaying in the way the universe intends humans to. There is no incentive, no magic, or ultimate knowledge.”      Just then, Hal finally bit his tongue, eyes searched Magnus’ own and when he didn’t find what he looked for, he pried them away. Taking heavy drags before muttering between them, “I do not mean to step on your positivity...”

If they were going to get philosophical and deep on one another, he was going to need a cigaret.      Trained fingers went away at producing a cigaret and lighter, much so that he did not require but a few glances to what he was doing. Once the first puff of smoke cleared his lungs he had a response prepared, “You know how many anchors I had and the chains rusted and broke?” He glanced back at Magnus with an equally but undoubtedly mocking stare, “This world wasn’t made for immortals. A soul can only take so much tragedy before its no longer a matter of putting hair on your chest and turns into torment.”     He pauses, taking a long drag before prying his eyes from the others and stare into a fixed point in the distance. Smoke finally began to calmly escape him as he provides a softer response, “Mortals... It is meant for mortals...”

Scarlet sits in silence for a moment before sighing and looking up at the ceiling. Her hands fidget for a moment, she raises one to her hair, hesitating before dropping it back to her lap. She shakes her head, no matter where she went she was abnormal, abnormal and dangerous. That’s what life had taught her and it was hard to reverse what was drilled into her head.      “I am abnormal, no matter where I go.” She leans back in her seat and finally looks back at him. “Even if a fairytale world I am- would be abnormal. I have been my entire life.”      She kept going back to what he said before, about hurting people, “I lock what’s inside me away so I wont hurt people. It might hurt me in the long run, but I’d rather that than it hurt the people around me.”

“From birth my people are taught that what makes them different is wonderful. It is what gives life meaning and makes us a nation of individual.” She murmurs accepting tissues from the box and dabbing lightly at her eyes. It was she that looked down on herself for being weak. Others would understand as they had in the aftermath of her first kill. But she could never let herself do that. Shuri was a princess and a warrior first everything else came after. “Being human is harder then people make it out to be. Especially when people don’t need that part of you….they need you to fight. To bare the weight of their fears and hopes. So yes they will judge and look down upon you because it is the only thing that will make the feel better, feel alive. Coping…there is no time to cope. No time to breath and just be. So you go on into you crack and break with no one to sweep up the pieces.”