You either love it or your hate it. Youโre scared to try it, but theyโre doing it so you might as well.. I donโt have work until Monday, so why not. It canโt be that bad. But what if I do it wrong? Iโll look like an idiot. Oh is that it? I donโt feel any different, whatโs the point of this? How do people get addicted? Maybe Iโll try again, it mustnโt have worked properlyโฆYour heart starts to beat faster, you have so much energy and you feel so relieved, youโre suddenly less worried about all your problems. You feel so much more confident but youโre thinking I hope no one finds out I did this, itโs just a one time thing. Actually I donโt care what people think anyway. Whenโs it my turn again? I learnt to do it so quickly. Wait,ย where did it all go? Thereโs none left. Has it really been 2 days. What is sleep? My stomach is starting to hurt. I donโt remember when I ate last. Itโs almost daylight, letโs go buy some food. My pupilโs are huge! Thereโs no colour in my eyes. I feel like everyone is looking at me. They all know donโt they. They know what Iโve done, theyโre all judging. Iโm not even hungry anymore, can we go home?
That was so much fun, letโs do it again soon.
I know itโs only a Thursday, but I wanna play?
Itโs Wednesday, whoโs coming over?
Itโs Tuesday, I wonder if Iโve been paid yet.
Itโs only Monday, I have no money but canโt I just get it now and pay for it later. I donโt understand how people can hate and judge this stuff so much, Iโm only doing it for fun but this stuff is awesome. Iโve lost so much weight. If I really wanted to I could stop whenever I want, itโs not like I โneedโ it.
I have work in a few hours but Iโm so tired, I havenโt slept for a week. Did you say something? Itโs like Iโm hearing noises. My sentences arenโt making sense. We are talking about one thing, but Iโm daydreaming so when I speak I fully change the subject and you have no idea what Iโm talking about.
Iโm starting to hate this place, the people. I canโt believe I was ever friends with those users, I always shared it with them and now they want nothing to do with me. You honestly believe itโs their fault. You canโt work out what youโve done wrong.
Itโs not like I ruined their lives, mineโs still fine. Although Iโm so over everything lately. Where did these feelings come from? Get rid of them, I want to be numb again.
Youโre starting to realise.
I could have paid for a house deposit with the money Iโve wasted. Itโs been 10 months, what just happened? Whereโs my best friend gone, my boyfriend, my family, my savings? Why donโt my friendโs talk to me anymore?
This used to be fun. Iโm slowly losing almost everything.
I keep calling in sick to work, I canโt deal with it at the moment. I never used to have aniexty. My OCD is getting worse. I canโt believe I nearly fell asleep driving.
You want your problems to stop but canโt work out how to fix them.
Imagine what it would be like to have a normal happy family. To have no drama. I want my old life back. Itโs been 10 months and no one in my family have noticed, itโs so easy to hide.
You know you should stop but reality scares you.
What itโs like to be happy, or sad, or excited. because I donโt care for anything anymore.
Youโre stuck wondering: What is the point of life? Who have you become?
At the start, you think youโll be okay, you arenโt stupid enough to turn into that kind of person. Youโre not seeing the tide, and then you get caught in a rip, thereโs no one to help you out, everyone else is just carelessly, watching you disappear. Are you strong enough to get yourself out? You never thought this would happen to you, youโve just worked out that when you can stop, you donโt want to - when you want to stop, you canโt.
2087
tangentwithtanner
gracieabrams
snowghoul
titsay
