i do not think, therefore i do not am.

you were way in the empty, unoccupied library, his back was pressed against the cheap carpet flooring as you sit on top of him, or even better, on his cock.

he would let out porn grade moans everytime you would move while your gummy walls were still clenching tight against him, right at the tip. you bit onto your bottom lip, trying to restrain whimpers and curses as you try your best to bottom him out.

which was... you moaned, “quite impossible”

he lifted his head off the floor immediately at your groan, his blue eyes were blown out as much as they were confused, his hands tightened at your waist. “w-what?”

his pathetic, low voice was shaky because of how ragged his breath was, and it was a melody to your ear. your continuous struggle to accept him deeper due to how big he is didn't escape his notice.

“you're too big...”, you let out, and his face immediately reddened, his hands releasing your waist to hide his face in shame and embarrassment.

“is- is that a bad thing?”, he asked hesitantly. to be honest, it was his first time, and despite knowing all of the theories to make sex a success, he wouldn't know any better about the perfect size of a cock to make a pussy— especially your pussy— creamed and yearned for him.

you gasped at his pathetic cry of his size, before shaking your head immediately to reassure him. “no, no, you're perfect. it was just—”

you stared down at where you were nearly about to connect with him, about few inches left of him to be accepted. “you're the biggest this far...”, you mumbled, before leaning down to pry his hands away from his face.

“but i would make this work” your words made him whined, and he nodded his head in anticipation. needy anticipation.

“yes—hngg— yes, please, ma’am”

contents. shy satoru (ooc satoru); all fluff, no smut; this is intended to be adorable.

natsu : i literally wrote this drabble when i was supposed to be studying for my final exams! ⊙﹏⊙ one minute i was revising the heck outta myself, and another minute i was typing this on my phone! anyway, this was just something i whipped up after not writing anything for so long. it might be a little rusty, and i might edit here and there whenever i reread it again. hope you enjoy!

“... i bought one for you too! here's haribo— the sour one you love. here's your strawberry pocky. here's your twix. and here's your sprite— i wish you would choose 7up more though, they're better. and here is... your cadbury!” he claps his hands in excitement after showing you a haul of what he got from the convenience store.

gojo satoru, the adorable nerd you recently got to befriend with because of an assignment then takes a seat beside you, pushing aside the snacks to make room for his laptop and books he fished out from his backpack. you eye everything he brought to your study session with a growing adoration in your heart, especially after such an adorable haul, and now you have to hold your urge to kiss his cheeks as your offer of gratitude.

“thank you, toru”, you give him a small, appreciative smile as you reach for the sprite, which is the only thing you asked from him, clicking it open with your fingers. “but honestly, you don't have to bring this much for me. i'll pay you back later, okay?”

he stills from ripping the packaging of the strawberry pocky, turning to face you slowly with a jut out bottom lip. “wha—why? don't you like them? :(”

in response, you quickly swats your hand dismissively. “no, no, that's not what i meant” you gulp slightly, no wanting to make him beat himself, especially after such a kind gesture. “i mean, these sure are a lot. is it okay for you?”

his pout immediately falters, which is quickly being replaced with a determined expression as he responds with a vigorous nod of his head. “sure! i mean, i have to buy you some too if im gonna buy them for myself”

he then pulls a stick of pocky and munches on it. “i just thought that would be the least i could do for you. after all, you gave me a complete set of kimi ni todoke mangas for my birthday the other day”

you gape slightly. so he figures it was you that sent the manga set to his house. a smile blooms wider on your lips. he's endearing, and you can't help but to stare as he munches happily on his snacks, all the while having his free hand flipping through the book.

so he likes my gift, you whisper, and a sense of happiness washes all over you.

he whips his head when he notices your stare. his blue eyes peeking behind silver, thin-rimmed glasses that's sliding down the bridge of his perfectly curated nose. he tilts his head, his eyes belying the confusion he feels when he meets your gaze, wondering what makes you staring that intently at him.

he wants to say something, or at least try to tease you for being awed by his face, but the more he gets stared at by that mesmerizing eyes of yours, he gets nervous under your gaze.

baby boy is quick to fiddle with the paws of his sweater, averting his eyes elsewhere, just so he could avoid squirming under your gaze. “wh-what? is- is there something on my face?”

cuteness, baby, you want to coo, but instead, you let out soft giggles at the effect that you have on him, easily making him nervous with a bit of a staring.

“adorableness”, you mutter, in which he quickly looks at you. “m- me?” he would ask to confirm, his cheeks grow even warmer, as he pushes his glasses up from sliding down his nose.

you hum with a simple nod of your head. “yes, baby” the words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop them.

baby; he likes it coming from you.

he's about to plan a wedding in his mind.

you take a pocky that is opened on the table, before propping it in between your lips, your eyes not leaving him. he gulps when his eyes trace how your lips would purse around the stick, wondering their softness.

“d-do you like me adorable?”, he suddenly asks and as he does so, his eyes flicker towards your face to gauge on your reactions.

you chuckle. “i like you adorable, smart, stupid, nerd and all, if you haven't notice yet”, you smoothly slide in. “i gave away my sacred complete collection of kimi ni todoke mangas, for starter” winking at him, you chew on the snack tauntingly.

a sudden confession from you makes him grows redder, and he suddenly forgets how to act in front of you. an animated kettle reaches its boiling point on top of his head, prompting him to hide his face behind his arms, shying from your gaze.

“oh no—” he lets out, which you respond in a fit of soft laughter.

“hey, what? that was your only response? are you rejecting me?” you tease, trying to pry him away from where he hides his face on the table.

“n-no! please!” he exclaims, stilling like a statue even as you pull on the sleeves of his sweater to make him look at you, and you laugh aloud.

“aww, where's a good boy?” tilting your head to get a peak of his face, you manage to get a look on his red face as a proof of his malfunction state, but he's quick to shield himself from you. “aww, what? can't i have a look now?”

your teasing gets to him one by one. he shakes his head without looking at you, prompting you to giggle in satisfaction as you stare at the back of his head in adoration.

he's too adorable for his own good, you might cry to yourself when you got home later.

dazai is a literal meaning of touch deprived. hold his cheeks with your palm, he would melt at the warmth feeling your hand transfer to his cheek. ruffle and run your fingers through his fluffy brown hair, you would get yourself a soft dazai, whines escaping his mouth at the feeling, waiting for you to massage his scalp next. dazai will not waste every single second and opportunity so that he could get his hands on you, no matter how small the touch he will initiate, he is happy to just touch even your fingertips. with every opportunity he gets, he will hold your hands, link your fingers together while working (read : forcing) himself on reports that kunikida always gets mad at him for procrastinating.

not only that, this man loves to kiss you, whether on your cheeks, your forehead, the crown of your head, your nose, your temple, your neck, you name it. but of course, his most favorite place to kiss you (even he could never admit it) is your lips. nevertheless, it would never slip from your attention how he would mewl, his features softened everytime you award him with your kisses on his lips. this man would whimper from the slow, soft kisses you would pamper him with when he's needy.

it's an adorable, heartwarming scene really. with his hand hugging your waist tight, holding you close to him so that your kisses are endless, his another hand would grab at your clothes, his neck cranes to look up at you from where you sit him down, your hand would hold his cheek softly, caressing it with your thumb. when you pull away from the kiss, he would chase your lips, already missing the sensation. you hope you could picture his state right now with any cameras you could get your hands on, but because you can't, you resort to keep it in your mind instead, locking the scene deep at the back of your mind.

oh how he's so pretty, his lips glisten with spit, his fluffy hair is now messy, his cheeks red, his beautiful brown eyes are twinkling and as clear as days, looking up at you with adoration, lips shape into a small frown as he utters “one more..”, so pretty and so needy for your love.

nevertheless, as much as you love to spoil dazai with your attention, love and adoration, you would also love to see his reaction when he can't get all of that so easily.

you would love to test him out. thus, it explains your situation right now.

“belladonna, please..” he whines as he tries to touch your arm. you ignore his needy laced voice, internally chuckling as you force yourself to focus on the work, diverting your attention back to your laptop, leaving the man huffs in response to your lack of attention for the whole day.

“please what, ‘samu?” you ask, acting oblivious to his wants.

he huffs again, his cheeks puffing at the action. “please help me”

you stop typing the report on your laptop, turning to face him with an interested look plastered on your face. you quirk your eyebrows as in asking for the details of his request, once again acting oblivious to what he wants.

“how can i help you, pretty boy?” you scans his face as you utter the question, his forehead crease, his lips pursed, his eyes are the reflection of neediness.

you try to compose yourself at his current state ; confuse, needy and adorable, maybe you're enjoying this a little bit too much. you bit your lower lip as to at least get a hold of yourself.

he put his hand on top of yours, trying to intertwine your fingers together. it's the least touch he could get that day, it leaves him frustrated to the bone.

“i don't know! how should i know? you should just.. understand.. and give me..” his voice becomes slower as he utters more of his words, nearly mumbling. his head hangs low, frustration becomes more visible by seconds.

your heart clench at the sight, the dazai osamu, the nonchalant man everyone knows is a man who is still unable to identify his own emotions and his wants as the results of him always suppressing them really deep.

him showing his vulnerable state in front of you leaves you feeling protective over him as it really shows how he trusts you with his whole heart. part of you glad that you are able to show him the feelings of being loved, adored and taken care of as you could not imagine if he ever will go through his life without knowing all those things. the thoughts sting your heart.

“kiss..” his mumbled voice pulls you back to the reality. lifting his head up, he stares at you with the eyes he hopes he could conveys his feelings with. he further takes your hand he's holding to caresses his own cheek, wanting your warmth more than anything, wanting to feel safe. upon that, he closes his eyes, nearly mewling at the feelings.

upon that, too, your composure snaps as if a rubber band finally snaps after being pulled way too far. with one swift movement, you pulled him close to you, crashing your lips against his, pushing your lips as close as possible to let him taste you, to taste him too. your another hand find its way to the back of his neck, playing with his waves. he whimpers at the feelings.

his arms find their way to snake to your waist, pulling you closer until there's no amount of distance left between you two, placing you on his laps.

the kiss is longer than you anticipated, but that doesn't matter right now. you would give him every kisses he deserves, which in his case, everytime he wants.

(pet names used — baby, angel, etc)

you woke up with every fiber in your body ache and the headache makes you feel even worse. morning sun beams through the window licking at your skin with warm rays. you're about to doze off again in the deep slumber when you feel a strong arms wrap around your waist. for a moment, you freeze out of shock, cautiously your eyes flicking around to make out the room you've been thinking was yours up until few seconds ago.

light grey painted walls and every furnitures of similar white colour, complimented the room of grey and dark blue, is surely not the room of yours. for a second, you can feel the panic flows trough your veins, pumping your heart faster with every breath you take. ignoring the headache that keeps numbing your head, you decide to slowly get off from under the arms of the man you yet to identify.

to be released from under the blanket, you couldn't ignore the fact that the room air conditioner air dancing at your naked body, leaving you trembling a little from the sudden coldness and also the anxiety. wrapping your hands around your body, you try to squint your eyes to find your scattered clothes nearby.

in the gloomy room, you put faith in the little bit of light peeking through from behind the window blind so that you could pick back up your articles of clothing. anxious, you put your undergarments back on with sickening slow motion, trying not to make too much of a sound so that you wouldn't wake the unknown man.

you are on your tip toes to find your pants when ruffle sounds of the bed can be heard and within the blink of an eye, the hands of the still unnamed man wrapped around your wrist to pull you back to the bed eliciting a very loud gasp from your mouth. you try your best to release yourself from his embrace when he wrapped his arms around your waist and his legs entangled with yours, warm breath of his fanning at the crook of your neck, leaving you breathless, not knowing how to react in the peak of anxiety rising in your chest, but his strong hold leave your efforts drown in the drain.

“good morning baby” he speaks. a realization dawns on you from the familiarity of the voice sounds. but still, it couldn't help to ease the uneasiness in your heart when the owner of the voice is the very one person you promised yourself to not meet again, to not speak with again, to not be hooked up again, and the list goes on.

“i-isagi? what're you doing?” you speak, voice breathy, mind still wondering how you could stuck in this same room with your ex again, memory of last night was hazy on your mind and didn't help to clarify the situation.

“im isagi now? after last night too, baby? too bad”

“what are you talking about?”

“you know well what im talking about” he tightened the hug, grazing your shoulder with his nose, sniffing at your scent. the act leaving you trembling.

“let me go” you squirm out of his hold but to no avail, the effortless strong hug of his didn't bulge even an inch.

“no. stay with me, please baby”

“fucking no. and you know that too well, isagi. now, let me go”

“i dont know, tell me baby”

“isagi, we're over” you put the emphasis on your words, wanting isagi to get a hold of it.

“and..? who's agreeing with that? not me obviously” he trails off small wet kisses on your shoulder blade down to your neck, still ignorant on your attempt to get away from him.

“what the fuck, isagi? are you really?”

“harsh words, baby. harsh words”

“you go around your life, throwing me away, and now you're acting like a stupid shit, still so ignorant and all, trying to pick me up back? so funny, isagi. i don't really remember you being the type to pick up your trash”

you feel his actions come to a halt, probably processing on your words or not knowing on how to choose his words correctly to reply to the statement.

you feel his warm breath brushing at your back as he releases a deep breath out of his nostrils, his head on your shoulder.

“im sorry” was what he chose to say first. you don't react on it, it was too much apologies you've heard during your lifetime, but never once it feels genuine.

“i was a dickhead for not appreciating you when you were still mine. i was taking you for granted, not realizing on how you feel during the time of our relationship. but.. i was hit with the realization, hard, during the time i can't reach you, during the time us separating. it was painful, angel”

“so please angel. let me hold you back like this. even just for awhile”

you sigh, still not turn around to face him. “you're horrible”

“i know” he tightened the hug, wanting to show his want to hold you again deeply.

you get drown in your thoughts. as much as how you still love his hugs, his kisses, his touches and the feelings for him is still there, you couldn't help but agree that you've lost a part of your trust to him.

you let out a sigh, again. “im sorry”

isagi closes his eyes upon hearing your voice. he knows this day will come, and it happens right now. the day when you can't accept him anymore, the day when your trust isn't build within him anymore, the day where you decided it's an end to all of this, the day where he might not has a chance to call you his again, and oh god, isn't it painful?

“im sorry, isagi. this is enough. i can't accept it anymore. i would not tolerate anything like this anymore, i just can't. it's true, i still have a part of my feelings for you, but is it enough for now to be back to you and build it all again? the answer is no” you shift, and you feel his hold starts to get loose, and your heart breaks when the realization dawns that this might be the last time he holds you.

you get up from the bed, you decided this isn't worth it for you to sacrifice yourself again, not when the other party of the relationship not willing to do so. your hold on your pants is tight, slightly wishing there is a strength left within you to go through all this.

“i can't let myself be so low again. i would not go easy to you if you happen to want me back again. you knew it, it's not easy for me to build my trust on anyone”

“angel..”

“and i dont want to give you a second chance, but part of me still willing to give half of it to you”

“if our fate and destiny might cross path again, i leave it to myself to decide whether we still stand a chance on my behalf. you should too. think it all again, isagi. if all of it is still worth it to fight for”