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God, what does it mean to be undone by your love?

Utterly and completely undone by your love

To simply be. 

Does it look like arms dropping to my sides

every strength of mine casted aside.

Dropping my hands lifted in glorification, 

Great leaders have faith in other people. I used to be, and sometimes still am, someone who did group projects all by myself because I couldn't trust my group members to get it done "well". But throughout the years serving the Lord, my perception of leadership has expanded. By not trusting another person with a task reflects unhealthy pride. In a sense, it's saying that you think you're the only capable person to successfully complete the task. Directly or indirectly, you're degrading that person's ability and saying that they simply can't do it. You think that your way is the best way and that whatever they have to offer isn't worth trying. Surely there are times when people have proven to be "let downs", making it hard to entrust them once again. But... know that if they fail, it's okay. The world looks at the results and efficiency but God looks at grace, second chances, betterment and faith. He cares more about the person than the task at hand. As leaders, it's our role to encourage the best out of others; to build them up in progress. Let go and trust God that He will guide that person to succeed and fulfill the responsibility. Trust that he/she can do it through the Lord. Leaders don't control; they lead, they build up, they encourage improvement. 

 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

Luke 18:9-14

"And then I realized how many stupid times a day I use the word 'I.' And probably all I ever do is think about myself."

Recently listened to one of John Piper's sermons called A Spectacular and Scary Promise: Assurance, Suffering and our Great Inheritance. 

It was such a meaty, hearty sermon but the greatest thing I got out of it was suffering. If I am a child of God, I must suffer. Sons/daughters suffer. No pain, no gain. No cross, no crown. No suffering, no inheritance. Throughout so much of my life in pursuit of Christ, I thought that I didn't suffer enough. I wasn't being persecuted. No one hated me for being Christian. I found problems in that so I prayed and I asked that God, if I am to be a true follower, please give me hardships. As scary as it is to ask that, God remembers and answers all prayers. Beginning in a basic level, I got to experience people ridiculing the faith I tried to share with them but still, that's about as crazy as it got. But just recently, I'm beginning to realize that there's more to suffering than that. There's suffering that's worse than the kind that attacks us externally. Piper says that suffering is "the suffering of this present time that makes us groan for new bodies". 

Faith, walking in righteousness is so hard. Especially right now in this season of my life. My soul is suffering because I'm fighting internal battles. I'm suffering from the heart ache of my unsaved parents. I'm suffering in learning how to be a lover and not a worker. I'm suffering in the wilderness because I'm trying to find the true, real God amidst the darkness. I'm suffering because I'm questioning aspects of my walk and even challenging my faith in it's entirety frequently. I'm suffering with doubt and confusion. I'm suffering because I hate my sin and I do everything that I don't want but don't do everything I want to do. Amidst all this, my suffering makes hope shine brighter. Yes, suffering can be physical circumstances, but suffering in its glory is the fight with ourselves that makes us desperately want and need Christ.