Sakura

I learned to hate myself for being transgender before I knew I was transgender. I laughed at the jokes in stand up comedy routines, and prime time sitcoms, and animated comedy shows, and in the movies, and in books, and in games, laughing at trans women for existing, about “men in dresses”, about people who “got their dicks chopped off”, and I learned to think that was worthy of ridicule.

And then a day came when I felt a pang of envy at what my female classmates were wearing and I repressed it, and felt guilty, and a day where I felt incomplete because I had no breasts and I repressed it and I felt disgusting And a day when I realized the only images of romance that made me feel anything showed two women together and I repressed it and I felt like a monster And a day when I realized I felt sick when I looked at myself in the mirror after every shower before work and couldn’t bear to look at my own face, and I hated myself. And then there came a day when I hated myself so much, and I thought I could never understand why, and so I just wanted it all to end. And it was just a miracle that I swerved my car back into my lane in time.

And all of it started with a joke that I heard on TV, and then kept hearing from all the voices from the ether, over and over and over, worming an idea into my mind before I was old enough to realize I was absorbing it, the idea that a man in a dress is funny, and that changing your body parts makes you a freak, and that women who have penises instead of vaginas are liars and hurt men. And they’re still making these jokes. And somewhere out there right now, just like all those years ago, there is a little girl in a t-shirt and cargo shorts with buzzed off hair watching the TV, hearing that joke and absorbing it without knowing it, who will someday have to pry herself apart to tear it out of her head, just like I did.

Kindness does not require passivity or social grace. Kind characters can stick to their guns and stand up for what they believe in. They can yell and scream and curse. Kind characters can be angry and disappointed when others do not show them the same compassion they show others. Kind characters can be tactless, oblivious. They may be rough around the edges (but have a heart of gold).

Kind characters often value justice and strive to stay connected to their humanity, even when the things they must do threaten to strip it away from them. Kind characters sometimes have to make difficult choices. Sometimes, kind characters even behave in a way that is unkind.

Kindness is complex, and it’s only a single solitairy characteristic that contributes to a character’s personality. While it can absolutely present as soft-spoken, honest, and open-hearted (my personal FAVE), it certainly doesn’t have to be.

ESPECIALLY when its one of my fursonas.