Sakto lang

Sally Rooney- Normal People 

na agad ding napalitan noong ibinili ako ng lutu-lutuan 

It's been a year since I started writing about my life-- to keep track of my self, to keep track my non-existent progress and notes to remind me I am still alive. I just got tired pf writing the same thing again and again knowing I am not making any progress at all. It feels like writing an essay about a topic you do not fully understand. So you end up searching on the internet and paraphrase the words to make it sound like yours. Stupid. I got tired of writing about my emotions because no matter how many times I try to write something different-- new self discoveries, deep down, I know that change isn't just for me. All I feel are worst of the worst. Grievance, disappointment, loneliness, insecurities, madness, hopeless and self-pity-- all of these emotions inside me-- raging all at once amd forgetting that I only have one heart. It feels like there are 5?6? people living inside me. Most of the time, I don't feel like living in my own body anymore. I feel suffocated. I wanted to get out.

This pandemic has only gotten my existencial crisis impossible to overcome. fuck Duterte.

#HIMYM