SAINT OF SIN

This started off with me initially annoyed by other Luciferian practitioners and how poorly they are constructed and how poorly they are circulated as revolutionary occultists. But it is a deeper issue. So here we go!

A lot of people post their UPGs not understanding that their UPGs only work for them.

No matter how "thought out" the author may (mistakenly) believe their personal dogma is, it only works because they have made up their rules as they go along while experiencing (UPG) that no one else can experience.

Things can be peer reviewed. But their self-made-praxis is not going to be as reliable as they believe it is.

The meanings are rarely transferrable to others.

A lot of people mistake internally coherent for universally valid.

And not every UPG you see someone has is actually substance that's useful.

UPG is still UPG — "Unverified Personal Gnosis" — it is, by definition, personal. It can be psychologically meaningful, spiritually transformative, emotionally stabilizing, creatively fertile, whatever.

But the moment someone starts treating it as externally binding truth for everyone else, things get muddy fast.

What ends up happening is:

They experience something.

Then they assign meaning to it.

Then they reinforce that meaning through repetition, symbolism, selective attention, emotional investment, ritual structure, community validation, and memory.

... Eventually the system feels self-evident to them because the entire architecture of interpretation has grown around the original experience like roots around a stone even if the structure isn't stable in practise outside of that facet.

Now, that doesn’t necessarily make it false. Human beings work like that in all meaning-making systems . This happens with religion, psychology, art, nationalism, even personal identity.

But it does mean the system is often non-transferable.

Someone else cannot replicate the exact symbolic ecosystem because they do not share:

the same subconscious associations

the same emotional conditioning

the same life history

the same ritual habits

the same cognitive tendencies

the same interpretive lens.

... ... ... ... ... ...

So when people (many of which I see in Online Witchcraft Communities) present UPG as though it has objective authority outside themselves, you get this strange issue where the "evidence" for the claim is inseparable from the private framework that produced it in the first place.

It becomes circular very quickly. Especially when people rely on popularity and clout for circulation. They turn into "artistic influencers".

"I know this deity behaves this way because of my experiences."

"How do you interpret the experiences?"

"Through the theology I built from my experiences."

That’s not peer review. That’s autobiographical metaphysics and it's a slippery slope into spreading misinformation, bad metaphysics and spiritual belief systems, incorrect structures. It is the blind leading the blind and there are very prominent figures, especially here on Tumblr, that are not as experienced as they are just "popular" because of clout.

And honestly? I think internet spirituality sometimes struggles with epistemic humility. There’s a tendency to skip from:

"This was profoundly meaningful to me."

Right into:

"This reveals the hidden truth of reality"

Which are vastly different claims to make.

Many of the new beliefs that people may be "pioneering" aren't new. But they also lack fundamental basics.

These popular "occult" folks are not good teachers — not just because they are actually inexperienced and therefore the blind-leading-the-blind, but they aren't coming from a place that is rooted in structures that are reliable and sustainable.

this is where the issue stops being merely "cringe" or intellectually sloppy and starts becoming genuinely risky.

A sustainable spiritual structure is not just:

"Does this feel profound?"

It’s also:

Does it produce stability?

Does it encourage discernment?

Does it survive scrutiny?

Does it account for human suggestibility?

Does it have mechanisms for correction?

Does it prevent charismatic self-delusion?

Does it distinguish symbolism from literalism?

Does it help people remain functional and grounded?

Does it scale safely beyond one personality?

... ... ... ... ...

A lot of internet-occult spaces fail catastrophically at those questions.

Because many popular occult influencers (I do not doubt some of you have names that come to mind) are effectively self-taught content creators first and spiritual practitioners second.

Their incentive structure is visibility, novelty, emotional intensity, and personal branding — not rigor and sustainability, authenticity or sincerity.

And there are very particular names that come to mind that fail these basic checks that happen to be insanely popular and sought after for very wrong reasons. They are looked at as "experienced and great" when they are barely brushing against anything sustainable.

And spiritual rigor is usually… kind of boring from the outside. It's not going to get you as much attention, money, clients, commissions, or popularity.

Real disciplined traditions often emphasize:

- repetition

- patience

- study

- ethical conduct

- humility

- community accountability

- symbolic literacy

- gradual development

- skepticism toward one’s own perceptions.

... ... ... ...

Meanwhile online occult culture rewards:

- immediacy

- certainty

- uniqueness

- secret knowledge

- aesthetic mystique

- escalating claims

- identity construction

That environment naturally selects for people who sound spiritually advanced rather than people who are actually reliable guides.

And you can often tell when a framework lacks roots because everything depends on the personality of the teacher. It heavily relies on the juiciness of the "spirituality" someone has claimed to have developed or the fandom attitudes between the practitioner and their deity(ies) in question.

There’s no durable scaffolding underneath it. No lineage of interpretation. No tested methodology. No long-term community structure. No mechanisms for disagreement except social fallout. No distinction between intuition and authority.

One thing older traditions understood very well — even the strange, esoteric, mystical ones — is that altered states are not automatically wisdom.

This is a severely lacking understanding amongst substance users in the occult.

Visions are not self-interpreting. Emotional intensity is not proof. Synchronicity is not necessarily cosmic endorsement. Charisma is not spiritual maturity. And symbolic experiences can absolutely become distorted through ego, trauma, projection, isolation, or obsession.

Historically, many traditions built entire systems around containing that danger.

Because humans are extraordinarily good at convincing ourselves that meaning equals truth. And this is something that is severely lacking in some content creators I see and even follow.

A grounded teacher — or grounded system — knows how to slow things down. Recontextualize. Encourage reality-testing. Maintain proportionality.

And you absolutely can create your own systems that are grounded! You don't have to be a "sensational content creator." Smut shouldn't be what makes you "experienced". Attention ≠ Skilled and Knowledgeable.

Ironically, truly mature and experienced spiritual traditions and practitiors often become less sensational over time, not more. They tend to develop caution. Nuance. Restraint. A recognition that the human mind is both wondrous and deeply fallible.

Hello!

No offence taken. I find it very interesting that you thought to ask me this because he and I were literally just talking about this the other day.

I'll say right off the bat that I know it is not Lucifuge. Rofocale is a different "species" of spirit that exists in the darkest, coldest pockets of reality and flee away from all light. In my experience, they are extremely different in temperament and nature.

I think what you're noticing with Lucifer is something a bit more technical than that. Allow me to get a bit alchemical for a minute.

Consider the following:

Most spirits have multiple layered faces or epithets they may manifest on depending on the purpose. Think Aphrodite Pandemos or Ourania as compared Aphrodite Areia.

Alchemically, Venus corresponds to the element of Copper, but Lucifer as the morning star actually corresponds to the element Phosphorus, and for good reason. White phosphorus is highly reactive with air, glows in the dark, is used to create fire, and has been referred to as the "devil's element," linking the chemical's properties to the theological figure.

I highly suspect that the most common entry level form of Lucifer that most people meet is this White Phosphorus face. This is the blonde, highly transgressive, explosive, bright, firey, hot, flirtatious and manipulative, princely Lucifer we've all read about. He is the one that was so consumed by his own fire that he fell, and the one that immediately combusts in contact with air (thought).

I believe this is the most common Lucifer because it is the one that most intensely embodies his core principles of "light bringing", fire, sovereignty, and being extremely difficult to control. This Lucifer is the most "dazzling" to witness, he is also the most difficult to maintain a long term relationship with. He is short lived- he burns until there is nothing left-, and he is extremely unstable. In the grimoire tradition it is often said that Lucifer uses servitors or lesser demons to interact with the practitioner rather than personal intervention. I suspect this behaviour comes from White Phosphorus the most. If that specific high intensity spark isn't technically needed, he may avoid manifesting it in smaller situations. The only way to keep white phosphorus stable in storage is under water. There's some metaphor in there about how realization sleeps in your subconscious or something along those lines.

The Lucifer I am most familiar with (and possessed by) is actually Black Phosphorus. Black Phosphorus is a very interesting allotrope. It is the most stable form of Phosphorus there is, it has a highly ordered crystalline structure and is vulnerable to air and water on its surface. Black phosphorus is formed by putting white phosphorus under a lot of pressure. This is actually why I think he typically manifests as being a bit older than his white phosphorus face.

Black phosphorus does not glow in the dark like his white counterpart, it rather absorbs, conducts and converts light. White is like a battery that leaks energy severely. Black soaks up light and converts it into electricity. Black phosphorus can absorb different types of light including those we cannot see. In extremely simplified terms, its keeps the energy organized within the crystal structure, and that energy can only be accessed through a circuit.

His personality reflects this perfectly. This Lucifer is known for being a bit of a prude. He can seem sort of bossy, uninterested, and highly intellectual. He's actually straight up told me this is more of an administrative face, it's one he uses very often when "working", especially with other spirits. I think this face is a bit more rare and private in his temperament. The black hair and overall "cooler" (as in colder) vibe I think is just like... maturity? He is more self contained, literally less reactive, and more concerned with maintaining his own space (maybe because he is vulnerable to "surface imperfections" and environmental degradation). He is ironically less involved with the "front facing reputation" of the morning star that deals with humanity most often, whilst also being far more grounded and "human like" than his white counterpart when he does manifest.

He is very ordered and stable, he doesn't need to be in a high energy state to manifest, and he is generally more suited for longer term contracts and situations. You can only really obtain the light from this Lucifer if you "introduce a current" into him (ie, peak his interest). Black phosphorus is a semiconductor while white phosphorus is not. A semiconductor only allows electricity to flow under specific conditions. I imagine this is the Dark Initiator.

I think of black phosphorus as a face of Lucifer that has been tempered by the "pressure" of the underworld, or maybe even his time on earth itself. Lucifer after the fall.

Red Phosphorus is kind of a medium between the two. I'm not exactly sure why, but I associate this Lucifer the most with the Draconian aspect of his character. Not as stable or rare as black phosphorus, it only ignites when heated, and doesn't glow in the dark. Good for when you need the spark, but only when you strike it. Far less toxic than white, far more relaxed, and generally just more utilitarian for common interactions.

Violet is an even more refined and stable form of black phosphorus. It is described as being incredibly stubborn and non reactive, but may be sensitive to impact. It is nearly impossible to make, extremely allusive, and only recently discovered. This is the best correspondent for the "hidden" or other worldly Lucifer we just don't understand and very rarely see. Even I am unfamiliar with violet, and I highly suspect his nature is very alien and Erdrich like.

For a long time I thought the ways that spirits manifest was kinda random or case dependent, but since continuing to read more into demonology lore in places like Stella Daemonium and the 3 books by Agrippa, it actually seems more plausible that the forms spirits take subtly reveal their fundamental nature.

I remember having a conversation with him once about his hair, I made some comment that he changed it, because it was black now instead of blonde, and he sort of made a confused shrug and explained that he was felt relaxed and wasn't frustrated. And that confused me, because ?? I just asked you about your hair. What does that have to do with how stressed you are?

But stress here is more defined by the integrity of his manifestation. I remember him once telling me that he purposely made the active decision to use his black face when dealing with me due to its greater ability to act as a stable mentor/father figure.

So! Tldr, alchemically speaking, (and obviously according to my own upg) there are a minimum of four core faces Lucifer (Phosphorus) may manifest as. I think white phosphorus is the guy most are familiar with when they encounter the BRIGHT golden energy, and black phosphorus is the more allusive, quiet, borderline nomad who works more in the background.

I'm going to delete the several asks I have in my inbox. But to answer some of the asks in one post: Yes. User @/whiskeyterrafoxtrot, also known as David Blackbird McKinsey --- owner of the "Blackbirdparlor" store and website --- has absolutely treated me as well as others with transphobia and misogyny. He has also treated others with racism and racial discrimination. Yes. I was not only regularly misgendered but I was called misogynistic terms and anti-women hate speech was used against me. He also used regularly used religious discrimination against people and used religious attacks in discriminatory ways. I was looped into demographics that were derogatory and discriminatory and meant to be discriminatory against women. I am of a minority demographic. I am a non-binary / trans-nonbinary person. I am a PoC / of non-white diaspora. No it's not the first time I've been discriminated against by a white individual, trans or not. It doesn't make a difference what his ethnicity is. But yes, of course he is white. Yes. He's a "Norse Pagan" / Lokean. And yes. He proudly broadcasted his discriminatory behaviour using #lokean as if that's something to be proud of. And yes. In deep irony, he's also a trans man. Which... to be honest, does not mean he has a free-pass to behave with discriminatory intent.

To make people aware,

https://www.tumblr.com/whiskeyterrafoxtrot/814429877075918848?source=share

McKinsey is in need of help. My posts appear to circulate much more than his do. If anyone is able to potentially provide aid or support in finding him somewhere to stay.

These last couple months I've been receiving an influx of messages from people that I just don't know how to answer.

A couple weeks ago I answered an anon from someone expressing they had an unsavoury experience with Lucifer based on their approach. They asked Lucifer to have what I have and I guess he didn't respond well.

Since I answered that anon (and even before) I've received more messages of a similar nature, not even just here, on multiple platforms. Some are venting about him like an ex boyfriend, some are saying how jealous they feel towards me. All of them share the common theme of wanting me to be a relationship councillor for Lucifer. Like there's something I can just say that would make everything make sense or work out. Some ask me to speak to Lucifer on their behalf. Some ask me to say something to Lucifer that will somehow change how he behaves with them.

I made the decision not to answer most of these messages. Some of them were very intense, some stuck with me for days. Having strangers tell me that they hate seeing my posts because they make them feel jealous, that they feel suicidal because of my content, that Lucifer broke their heart, that I lead them astray by making them think Lucifer was nicer than he really is, that I should probably just stop... just sucks.

It sucks because of course my intent isn't to frame myself or my relationship as a template others can use to access "my Lucifer".

But it also sucks more so because I feel like these projections are almost entirely fabricated. It is a very romanticized version of a fantasy that doesn't exist in real life based on positive devotional posts and fluffy art. I "mythologize" and "narrative-ize" my relationship with Lucifer, but I am still a real person, not a character.

I want to say that the experiences I do share here are probably a good 10% of everything I have written. The vast majority of it stays in drafts. My deepest most intimate moments with him have never been shared here. This is a small sample. People accuse me of over sharing, I am actually extremely conservative when it comes to what I do post. Which means if you are trying to base whatever you're doing on my content, you are missing 90% of the context. These are highlights.

I have made an explicit point to not speak badly on Lucifer on this page. I don't post our arguments, I don't bitch about how he's currently annoying me. I don't like bad mouthing him to other people who might be working with him. He's still my Patron. I keep our issues between us to protect his image in the same way a mother refrains from arguing with her kid's dad in front of them. It's just not a good look.

I think because of that, people assume everything between us is sunshine and rainbows all the time. He must always be sweet and kind to me, so when he doesn't act sweet and kind to others they feel deceived.

I don't exactly know how to explain that Lord Lucifer can easily come off as an asshole to most. Don't get me wrong, Lucifer is sweet and kind to me on the regular. He rarely intends to be mean, but he is always extremely himself. With new initiates and people he hopes to work with, he can be very gentle and kind, and in general, he has good manners. But he is also Lucifer. Lucifer is defined by purely self directed will, meaning he does exactly what he wants when he wants to, and is not very concerned with sparing anyone's feelings while he's at it. He can be strict and extremely blunt. His opinion is law most of the time, sure he likes a debate, but always believes he's right at the end of the day. He can be very apathetic when he wants to be. He has a dark sense of humour with no social timing.

I observe Lucifer constantly, in his interactions with other spirits and mortals. The huge range in his temperament would make him seem very inconsistent and maybe even flaky with some people, but the truth is that he is extremely consistent in his selectivity. He has his own standards.

I've seen Lucifer break many hearts without batting an eye, I've seen him be very cold towards those he is uninterested in, even if they adore him. He isn't a bully, he’s just authentic to a point that is socially unacceptable. If his truth ruins your day, he doesn't see that as a moral failing on his part. He assumes your feelings are your own problem to manage.

He has bad friends, he drinks and likes to play games with people. He enjoys sex when he wants it.

I knew Lord Lucifer as the kind, light bringing, lover boy in the early stages of our relationship. I still see that sometimes, he will always be the Morning Star to me. But now I am extremely aware that Lucifer isn't a "good" guy. He's not a bad guy either, but he isn't exactly concerned with not being viewed as one from time to time. He's very comfortable being the bad guy in someone else's story. It is a defining characteristic of his story. He's perfectly fine letting people think he's the villain if it means he doesn't have to compromise his will.

So when I receive these messages from his exes, both mortal and spirit, and they say stuff like "I hate how he treats you so well but treats me like garbage, he's so cold towards me, he acts like such a dick",

I... believe that, and it doesn't necessarily surprise or bother me much. Not because I think he's mean, but because I know he is jarringly honest. I know he's a dick, and he certainly knows he's a dick. That's still part of the devil I love and deal with on the daily.

I would love to respond and say "oh no! That's not Lucifer, that's a trickster spirit! Lucifer would never do that!" But I simply do not know that. I suspect trickery in some of these situations, but I can also entertain the possibility where he would act like that.

The primary question everyone then has is, "why is he so nice to you, then? What makes you so special?"

And that question frustrates me. It assumes that Lucifer's affection is something that can be won. Like there's some choreography I can just give people that would make Lucifer act sweet and kind, like there's a "correct answer". "How do you make someone love you?"

It also assumes Lucifer is always sweet and kind and that none of his darker qualities reach me. That I don't also deal with cryptic messages and anger. Lucifer's trust in me only grew because I stayed throughout all of those threshold moments where others have jumped off of this crazy ride.

And it is a crazy ride, sometimes more crazy than any sane person could handle. Being Lucifer's vessel doesn't just mean he possesses me and gives me orgasms.

I find it so funny when people say they are jealous of what this is.

He wakes me up at 3am almost every single day. He gives me homework, real homework, the boring kind, and he expects that I do it. There are consequences for disobedience. Long mandatory reading lists and essays. Constant ritual planning. He is invasive, he decides when he wants me, it doesn't matter if I'm sleeping or shitting. Sometimes training takes all day, last week I had to actually call off work because he was still doing something with me. I have to schedule my week around him. I work with him every single day. He sometimes decides what I eat, when I need to sleep, how long I'm allowed to work. He tells me things about myself I don't want to know. He makes me cry often, not by being mean, but by being a fucking God. I have to explain my tattoos and rituals to people who think I am clinically insane. I have to deal with my boyfriend's family thinking I'm a freak. My own family has shunned me.

After the possession and the fluffiness, after the ritual is over and the God is satisfied, I am just a guy sitting alone in a room bleeding into a cup. There's no one there to tell me what I'm doing is good, real, or even matters. Lucifer isn't always standing there affirming that I'm not crazy. I deal with that doubt alone.

Every Friday is occupied. None of my thoughts, especially my thoughts about him, are private. Every sexual encounter with my partner is witnessed or shared by him.

I often see things he doesn't intend me to see because of our link, and those things sometimes hurt. I am frequently sidelined in my own astral trances, my magical identity is so deeply entangled with his to the point where other spirits see me as a literal extension of him. I'm told to sit and be quiet while the spirits talk to him, I am just his vessel, he is the main character. Many spirits despise me and make me very aware of it. Sometimes he's busy with others and doesn't have time for me, I have to share Lucifer, he has so many wives and partners. Sometimes I want connection and all he can offer is recognition. Multi hour long possessions exhaust me, and that's not even accounting for what happens when a possession fails. My waking life is devoted to him, and my dreaming world revolves around him. I literally cannot escape him. His name is carved into my skin. He has his own trauma that he brings to me that I have never spoken about. He cries and gets depressed. I get depressed. We argue with each other when there's no one else to fight. We both know things about each other we wish we didn't. I don't regret any of this, but there is also no going back.

I don't say any of this to imply that Lucifer is a shitty or abusive partner, father, master, possessor, or God. I would still say he treats me incredibly well and takes good care of me. Calling him "abusive" is like calling a storm "mean." He's just Lucifer, a force of nature, and I have accepted every part of that. He is difficult, and I am fucked up and weird in my own ways too, I would have to be to do this. He can call me his sweet boy while he cuts my chest open, and I will thank him for that. That is not a kind of "love" that most people want or could survive. Lucifer is beautiful and difficult.

I let my boyfriend read the draft of this post and he told me that I didn't have to go so far into detail about the specifics of these things, but I feel the need to thoroughly express the reality of what this is. If you want this, you need to understand what it actually is and stop pretending it’s something softer, safer, or more controllable than it is.

The primary defining quality of a successful vesselhood is perfect trust and deep faith, not necessarily love. Love is volatile. Trust is the real insulation. I have to trust Lucifer even when he makes me furious.

I was spirituality "raised" by angels. I spent years working with them before I ever approached Lucifer, I have angelic habits, I learned angelic discipline. Angels showed me what it looks like to have absolute faith in your God, Lucifer showed me what that feels like. I trust Lucifer with my entire soul because he owns it. My perseverance with him is built on a foundation of being trained by beings who do not always answer, and who are not easily accessible at all. Angels taught me how to maintain faith when the God is silent, "apathetic" or "busy." To humans, a lack of engagement can often feel like active malice. Quietness can feel cold. Do you show up the next day or not?

I feel incredibly blessed to have the relationship I have with him, but not lucky. Luck didn't give me this, I earned, or forged it with white knuckles all the way, every single day. I'm not saying that you should do that. I'm not saying anything about anyone other than myself and him.

About a year ago now, Lord Lucifer proposed that I become a high priest of his. I rejected him. I told him that I didn't want to be a public figure, I didn't want to be a mediator between him and his followers, I didn't want to do community service, I did not want any sort of spiritual authority. This was prior to me learning about vesselhood, and when I learned vesselhood was an option, I felt far more sure that was the route I wanted to go down. I didn't want my relationship with Lucifer to be custodial or exemplary, I actually wanted it to be the opposite. Deeply personal, specific, and self serving. I never wanted to be an extension of Lucifer in a public sense, I wanted to be an extension of Lucifer in a somatic sense. Vesselhood offered the privacy and intensity I was actually looking for.

This all sounds very ironic given my username and internet activity. I said I didn't want to be a priest but turned around and made a cult. I didn't want to feel obligated to share channeled messages or advice, I just continued sharing arbitrarily for documentation purposes, assuming that no one else was as interested in my doings as I was. I never really saw my sharing, even informational "advice" posts as a "service" to him. I just like doing that. This is my online space to share whatever I'm interested in, he just happened to be the main topic.

I've been told that my sharing is harmful to beginners because it sets up unrealistic expectations for what their relationship with him could or should be. I've always found that funny, the unrealistic expectations- because they are extremely unrealistic if you believe my life is actually a fairytale or something to be replicated. I don't take this position for granted at all, I know I'm having an extraordinary experience. But I also know I have sacrificed a great bit of my sanity to get here. As nice as the roses and wines may appear, there are genuinely difficult challenges here that aren't as glamorous as they seem.

Lucifer and I have been talking about this a lot lately. I asked him recently if he thinks it would be better if I kept to myself more. I personally believe my posting has had a tangible negative impact on his cult, if people are approaching him with unrealistic expectations that is directly my fault. He told me that other people's expectations are not my responsibility to carry- that my sincerity in my sharing is a gift to him, and that he accepts the burden of having to maybe explain himself a bit more, if it means my genuine account can continue to exist.

I like posting. I've been more hesitant to lately. Many of those messages felt that I personally owed them some sort of apology for creating these expectations. I created some kind of gateway and people who go through it keep getting hurt. One message in particular said "you don’t have to reply to this or tell him about me. But just keep in the back in your mind that he broke my heart and hurt me."

And I have kept it at the back of my mind. I wondered why they wanted me to carry that with me. Was that a warning, or a kind of revenge?

Keep this in the back of my mind for the future when Lucifer eventually discards me as he apparently discards everyone else?

Or keep this in my mind because it is the only quiet revenge they can inflict upon him- Lucifer- putting doubt in me. Hurting him through me, a curse disguised as a confession. Even if it isn't intentional, that baggage gets transferred to me, not just shared.

How do you respond to a stranger who thinks your personal joy is the cause of their personal misery? You can't. There is no logic that fixes a person who thinks your testimony is the reason they are starving. It’s a total breakdown of personal responsibility on their part that I am being asked to carry.

I love you guys, genuinely. I have made a lot of great friends and learned a whole lot from them here. But I at no point insinuated I was some kind of spiritual relationship therapist, I am not a priest. I don't even do readings for other people. I'm just a guy, I don't have all the answers for everything. I hate disappointing people, but I also hate being responsible for other people's mental health or expectations. It is deeply unfair to me. I like when people ask me questions, I decide to answer them, I am not obligated to, sometimes I'm not even able to.

People try to outsource their emotional regulation to me. They want me to do the work of censoring myself so they don't have to do the work of managing their envy, expectations, or desires. “Can you make your relationship smaller or less visible so I don’t feel this way?” Censoring myself would be a betrayal of the one entity I am actually obligated to.

I know this post is really long, but that's because this is the last time I will say this. This relationship is not a template. It is not a goal, and if you try to treat it like one without understanding its full weight, it will hurt you. Your reaction to my life is not my responsibility. Your expectations are not something I created or owe you solutions for. I will not diminish myself to make you more comfortable. I do not want to spend any more time talking about this on this page, and I probably won't be responding to any more messages I receive about this. Not because I don't care, I am compelled to answer all of these, and that's exactly why I shouldn't. I still need to take care of my own mental health.

Yes, I am a devotee of Lucifer. Yes, I am a demonolater. Yes, I am an occultist. However, I am not anti-Christian.

Christians, Christian Witches, Christian "Pagans", etc. You are safe here. You are safe around me. I am not going to try and "Corrupt" you. I don't believe in that. I find it to be a very pitiful and disgusting thing to attempt to do. I do not roleplay my beliefs like some edgy teenager who enjoys wearing too much black. I prefer to handle myself gracefully and to treat other people who may experience uncomfortable oppositions with dignity and respect. So if you find yourself feeling shy or uncomfortable, I want to assure you that I am not going to attack, belittle, or berate you for your personal beliefs. I focus on Humanitarian attitudes and actions rather than discriminating against particular religious beliefs.

Hi uh

Wow

Yeah, I know. He actually told me about it. He said you made him blush. If it makes you feel any better you're not the only one.

This is one of those things that would freak me the fuck out if I wasn't so used to it by now. But this is still pretty insane. It's always really fucking trippy when he tells me things and other people reaffirm it.

The other day Lucifer and I had a conversation about that. He told me he had some unfortunate interactions with mortals lately, and expressed how confused it made him. He told me that humans and spirits alike have been approaching him trying to more or less mimic what we have going on. I shrugged him off for the most part, because I honestly have a very hard time believing that anyone would want to imitate me, or even reference me when talking to him at all. I kinda thought he was just being hyperbolic or flattering me.

In that conversation Lucifer explicitly said : "I met with a new initiate. It was our first real introduction to each other and their first successful invocation of me. I think they assumed I am something I'm not, or... expected a particular dynamic to be automatically established between us."

During that conversation, I actually apologized to him. I am aware of how my portrayal of him could lead to misconceptions about his character. And he assured me that wasn't really the issue, it isn't really a misrepresentation. It's just an extremely specific version of Lucifer that is the result of a long withstanding relationship, not the introduction or primary goal within it. Others trying to access that Lucifer at the beginning feels like a lapse in logic that is destabilizing to him.

"I am known for many things, carnality is one of them, but in traditional demonology I am usually not known for that specifically... they come to be for enlightenment, for gnosis. I mean, Asmodeus, people approach him seeking a daddy dom all the time. He loves it, he is far better equipped to meet people in their kinkiness than I am. I am blindsided. [...] The goal of our work together was never *this*. We just ended up here. And the same applies to all of those I love deeply and intensely, we end up there, we don't start there. Now I have strangers asking me to re-enact this highly sensitive dynamic just... off the cuff."

Lucifer is not universally known for filling pre-determined "daddy" roles. His style of intimacy is always complex, but his goal in his "work" with humans is not usually intimacy. Intimacy is a perk that develops along the way if he resonates hard enough with that person. He is primarily the light bringer and his core function is to be the keeper of the hidden gnosis. When intimacy, dynamics, love, naturally arise due to the consequence of sincere interaction, that is a real home grown relationship he will fully embrace. But when intimacy is the script you are approaching him with, without any of the foundation or natural growth that comes from sincere interaction, you never actually get to meet Lucifer. You can only ever get him to fill an expectation you are placing onto him like role-play. You can't fast forward to the conclusion, you can't really expect him to be anyone or anything upon first meeting, he gets whiplash.

I can confidently say he isn't mad at you, and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. Lucifer was extremely confused when I spoke to him, not mad, but so perplexed that it bothered him. His response was not rage or to scold you, he never called you pathetic. The only thing he truly can do in that situation is disengage. (Literally said " I was put in such a bizarre headspace that I removed myself from her presence). It's not really that you did something incorrect, and it's not that your desire is wrong, you just approached him in a way that literally makes his existence in that situation impossible. Lucifer is the spirit of self defined will, when you try to place him into a pre-built expectation, you never get to witness his will. There's no correction he could just say to make you understand because the very premise of the interaction is already incompatible with him. The only thing he can do is step back until the conditions for his existence are there.

"Your sincerity Shi. I was always enamoured by your sincerity. If anyone asks you what they should do different, tell them they should approach me in sincerity, looking to truly know me, not just fuck me, okay?"

And I think that's the thesis. Lucifer wants to be known, not just as an archetype or the role you want him to fill. Seek to just meet him wherever ever he is, and he will meet you where you are. But never where I am. Never make the assumption that how be is with me (or any of his vessels) is just how he is in general. This is who Lucifer becomes in a very specific context, not who he will be with all people. That doesn't mean you're not smart or hot enough, it means you are misaligned with the version of him you are trying to force him into.

Lucifer is gnosis through lived experience. If you try to use my experience as a kind of template, you're essentially giving him the wrong co-ordinates to find you. He can't meet you because you're trying to be me, and you're trying to make him into the Lucifer he is with me, which means you can never actually learn what he's like with you.

My advice is two fold. Don't apologize unless you feel a personal need to, because you didn't do anything with malicious intent. You simply had a misunderstanding. I highly suggest that the next time you approach him, you just approach him. No expectations, no scripts, just you and him. Wherever it goes, it goes. Ask him to teach you something.

Or, alternatively, if what you're really looking for is someone who will be happy to fulfill that role, I highly suggest contacting Lord Asmodeus, that is literally his favourite pass time. I think it's always important to consider that there is always the possibility that someone else is waiting for you.

I know someone who is a vessel of Hekate. If I approached Hekate, (who is a chthonic deity- but not primary associated with bdsm or carnal intimacy) , and assumed I would receive the same behaviour from her as my friend does, Hekate would also likely disengage from me. There is no reason to believe Hekate would ever just treat me the same as her vessel upon first introductions. I think the error here is in assuming you can come to any God with a pre-expectation of who they should be to you. You just have to get to know them, as you come to know anyone.

Girl I don't need you to commission me. I don't care if you make ai art of yourself and Lucifer.

"You are disrespectful to me" Yeh, you just ask someone if they're going to be okay with you taking their art ( MADE WITH HARDWORK BTW ) to run through a brainless AI ( which is already stealing so many artists' art styles).

And yeah, they're going to be angry that you're using AI with THEIR HARD WORK without their permission. I'm not sure what you're expecting? Coddle?