and in everything i see, i see him

going through my bimonthly existential crisis about how i think i'm doing life wrong and how i'm spending time living in a small apartment so far removed from nature when the city is mostly stressing me out these days but i don't want to move because i have these fleeting moments of just loving city life and i'm young and need to be here but do i actually and i envision myself in a little garden and a small house but the hard truth is is that i'll never be able to afford that so what am i really dreaming about but my god do i want to garden and i want to wild swim more and go hiking but it's just not easily accessible here and what if i'm doing it all wrong, you know!!!! anyways time to go to bed