whirling silently in space

i think everyone should program at least once just so you realise just how fucking stupid computers are. because theyre so fucking stupid. a computer wants to be told what to do and exactly that and if you make one typo or forget one detail it starts crying uncontrollably

Martha St. Recipes

Patron saint of middle class suburban women

you gotta come to the club man drinks are $18 and were all on our phones googling dog surgery

If I had been in charge of The Office, the last season would have seen the release of the "documentary", and it would be a massive hit on Netflix or wherever, enough so that there was demand for a second iteration of it. But the impact of the fame would have completely warped all the characters, and all their interactions with and comfortability with the camera. Jim would be doing his smile at the camera in a self-conscious way, knowing that this was essentially his catch phrase. All the characters would change their appearance, and they would become influencers just because you can't not accept $10K to make a TikTok for Kraft. And the drudgery of working at a paper supply company would become the drudgery of working at a paper supply company while also being a public figure whose income from Cameo dwarfs the office worker money, but where continued employment is more about maintaining a brand identity. There'd be episodes about stalkers, obsessive subreddits, getting stopped by people on the street, and the whole thing would become an ouroboros of self-reference. And it wouldn't be funny at all.

"grackle" really is a perfect name for a bird. knocked it out of the park w/ that one

sits on my own blog like it’s the edge of a lake wistfully

skips a stone over a few posts

back from the hospital

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

fonts will be named shit like viscera antique, 16 bit dreams, doctor's orders, bingo condensed, googly, wish you were here