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As a queer, trans, kid of color to come parents I've basically been out to my folks forever, but the way it's always worked in our family is with uneasy stuff it's often just talked about once but never again. Well, when mom was over and people came and visited, every time mom said "he" in reference to me I corrected her. Every time she said "good boy" or something related I corrected her. Well, eventually a thing happened. Not only did she appear to get it she was telling and correcting my dad! She started calling me "Good girl", and when I asked her about it she said she's known; she's used to calling me "boy" but is going to work on not doing so because no matter who I am she loves me...

Another Pride Month is underway. I remember when I first came out (and maybe a few years after that) Pride was this exciting opportunity to be out, proud, and as I am with my people. It hasn't really been that for me in a long time. Being a part of my leather communities and getting to be of service injected some new life into my overall impression of Pride; though if presented with other more...important opportunities I'd gladly go to those (in fact on a few occasions I have). With the arrival of this Pride Month something feels different though. I guess it's "The Cancer Boost" (well, that's what I'm calling it for now anyway).

See, I've been doing a lot of seizing of opportunities since "the c word" arrived; by way of everything from officially coming out to my blood family once and for all to tracking down some of the baseball cards I've always wanted basically because even though compared to a lot of folks with comparable conditions I'm doing pretty okay and most days I actually *feel* pretty okay the truth is I've still been told that what I have is basically incurable. To me this means there's no telling how long I'll be around, and I guess to me how that relates to Pride is yes, I have a lot of hangups about Pride, the commercialization of it, and things; yes, I'm still trying to work out how I feel about this new body I'm dealing with and those are all real things, but what is also real is this month (and really any time around it) is about celebrating me, my identities, my loved ones, their identities, and how proud I am that in spite of everything we've all made it this far, and I don't have time to let hangups overshadow those things.

Just for today I will try to be kinder, gentler, and more forgiving of myself. I will remember that there may be goals I wish to reach, things I wish to do, or "better" versions of myself I wish to be, but if I don't get to them now it doesnt mean I've failed.

I will remember that despite how I was feeling or what I aimed to accomplish yesterday if today is an off day that that is okay because I am human; I have off days; I deserve to honor myself and my need to take care of myself; and that doesn't make me weak.

I will remember that if someone has expressed a desire to take care of me that is their desire to give to me; it doesn't make me a burden; and I can honor them by letting them take care of me. At the same time, if I feel overwhelmed by the attention that is on me I will remember that I also get to maintain my boundaries and decline the offer. Self care is paramount.