Home isn't home anymore and our new home isn't home anymore. And I know that home is larger than a place… I know. But I don't feel like home is anywhere right now. Everything that was me I left at home. Our new home doesn't feel like it could be home right now because it's just us… and them… no community. No one to pour into. Nothing to stay busy. No opportunity to just enjoy and be. No support. No outlets.
I'm so sad about how it all turned out. All of it. And as I spend the last two days home before going back to our new home, I feel a gut wrenching pain that there is no home. Not when it continuously houses family that is not mine, weight not designed for me to carry, isolation I am not strong enough to handle, large emotions and levels of acceptance that dismantle any ounce of effort I have after a work day.
I can be excited to go back to our new home to see you and our dogs, and equally sad to go back to our new home because I don't want anything else that comes with it.
I feel completely robbed of the life I wanted for myself as it pertains to family. The future I envisioned for myself is blank. I have no way of conceptualizing a new future right now. I don't see anything.
blakekathryn
vaporwave
gummygunk
gamechangershow
romaincrisis
pixelskylines
