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I just wanted to post a song I wrote years ago during my struggle with anxiety/panic attacks. It got so bad that I had to have someone by my side while I was falling asleep, because I was afraid my heart was going to stop. Even that fear alone would cause my heart to race and my hands to go numb, giving me a full on panic attack. It sounds so ridiculous now…but that’s what anxiety can be. It can be irrational or ridiculous or realistic. I want to tell everyone who is struggling with anxiety/panic attacks to be strong, hold on to the things and people you love. Keep holding on to hope and I wish you all the very best. 

Lyrics:

Can you feel my heart beating

it’s going faster it seems

it’s getting harder to breath now

don’t you just want to run and shout

cut it out

Can you whisper a song

that I can sing along

i don’t want to die here

so I have to rid of this fear

When my hands went numb

i felt like a useless son

you were there by my side

and made sure everything would be

all alright

Can you whisper a song

that I can sing along

i don’t want to die here

so I have to rid of this fear

The fear and anxiety had it’s hold on me

The fear and anxiety had it’s hold on me

has

has

has

Sometimes I actually record some of the songs I write sometimes I actually write happy songs This is by far my favorite happy song I’ve written or played. It’s lovely. Please, friends, give it a listen???

CHEMICALS

The populations rising,

Far more then, before,

The ghosts are coming forward,

From behind closed doors,

The derelicts of the city,

Are rising from the ashes,

And the people keep on breathing.

While the dead…

Break…

Free…

You give up an arm and a leg,

To forget, hidden bruises.

As long as you get, what you want, what you need,

You don’t, care what you got to lose,

 While down in the gutter a forgotten,

Who’s given all, they have.

Is whispering in your ear….

“get it back, GET IT BACK!”

Good luck!

The people devour your conscience,

Your will to survive.

Re-member,

What it was like when your will was to,

STAY ALIVE!

Talk...to me?

What am I to do when the only thing you want to do,

Is breath, it in

BREATH IT IN!!

And as the sun goes down the ghosts go,

Back to hide…

And through the day the people talk,

About the quiet night.

But what they don’t know is the souls,

Listen to… every word,

And through the night a collective, laughter,

Can. Be. Heard….

 (Whoops, i giggle a bit at the end…)

sooo..lots of hidden meanings, and symbolism. The derelict, ghosts ( all represent something) The dead, DOES NOT mean brain eating zombies ( hope you could figure that one out..)and so on and so on…

I haven’t written any songs in quite some time. The last time I wrote (probably around September) I wrote a song for someone who, at the time, who was very important to me. When we went our separate ways I promised myself to not write a single song about that person as a way of venting or processing things. I didn’t want to waste my breath or words on someone that I intend on never speaking with again. But, in doing that, every attempt to write would end up in me overcompensating and trying to come up with overly happy songs and songs to assure folks that my heart had not been bruised. And while I would love to knock out joyful songs all the time, what I was writing was not genuine, so they were put aside. Yes, I’m at peace with things, God has honestly been more at work in my heart in the last 2 months than ever before, and I’ve had amazing opportunities to serve and connect with people in this new year. But there isn’t harm in recognizing hurt and being transparent. My hope is to write music that highlights emotion, but not in such a way that there is not a sense of hope. There is always hope.  A C.S. Lewis quote that I keep on going back to lately says,  "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

Soooo I wrote a new song! She’s Got It All

You’re one little girl with a knack for breaking hearts

A pretty smile, some innocence, over before the start

So no one needs to know that to you I gave the key

I’ve got a reputation, but between you and me

She’s just one girl, but she’s got all my time,

All my mind,

She’s got it all, she’s got it all

All my smiles, cross every mile

She’s just one girl, but she’s got,

She’s got, she’s got it all

I’m not one to say that I’m not shiny, bright and new

But I’ve got a weakness miles wide, looks a lot like you

To think I’ve wasted years on those songs that had to end

When it’s just you I’m listening to again and again and again

She’s just one girl, but she’s got all my time,

All my mind,

She’s got it all, she’s got it all

All my smiles, cross every mile

She’s just one girl, but she’s got,

She’s got, she’s got it all

And you can’t tell me that she can’t star in every dream I have

Cause when I’m sleeping is when I’m home

And home is where she’s at

She’s just one girl, but she’s got all my time,

All my mind,

She’s got it all, she’s got it all

All my smiles, cross every mile

She’s just one girl, but she’s got,

She’s got, she’s got it all

One girl, with all my time

All my mind, she’s got it all

All my smiles, cross every mile

She’s got, she’s got it all

She’s got, she’s got it all

She’s just one girl, but she’s got

THE END I’m not, as fragile, as you think. I’ve made, enough holes to make you sink, The water’s Not safe for us to drink. But, I’ll push you in and wait for you to swim again.   Conceited, Well you’ve got such a pretty mouth. I’m breathing in, The same air, that you breath out, You fell so deep, That if you wanted to get out, I’d take your hand, and push you in again. In the dark it boils over, You will never tell the truth. The stains made on my leather jacket, Come from blood stains on your suit. Don’t tell me that it’s not you’re fault Cause I’m not really in the mood for this! When did you become so jaded?! You stepped just a little too close this time! It’s cause you’re inebriated, Well honey you’re the one who drew the line. The paints just a little bit faded. I guess we could draw it one last time. In the dark it boils over, You will never tell the truth. The stains made on my leather jacket, Come from blood stains on your suit. Don’t tell me that it’s not you’re fault Cause I’m not really in the mood for this!

Conceited, Well you’ve got such a pretty mouth. I’m breathing in, The same air, that you breath out, You fell so deep, That if you wanted to get out,

I’d take your hand and push you in again…well honey, I guess that this is the end

Well hey there Montparnasse, and Claqusous lovers in the tumblr world! I have made your muses/fave characters a song! hope you enjoy it huns.

-you guys may interpret it however you’d like. I made it for the two characters above, but if you can feel some other characters in there “hells yeah!” if you like this and would like a song for your favorite character, just ask, i LOVE doing this!!!

So, I decided to put up that original song because some of you wanted to hear it. It’s not amazing or complicated and i’m sorry it’s really really miserable. I refuse to share this on facebook to people I know because I’ll look like such a loser.

NEW ORIGINAL SONG!! wrote this in ten minutes and im in love 

take me away lyrics 

boy take me away, send me to the other side of the galaxy

I wanna see all the constellations I can

Lets go hiking across the world lets go before you find another girl

I am ready if youre ready to go 

Everybody says I am ridiculous, but im in love, what did you expect? I just want you

Take me away 

I said no

I said no

When will we go away?

I’ve lost my seat, among the stars

And I just want to know, can I stay where you are?

Coz I cant be the siren of the great, big ship

Serenading all the sailors, can you hear the screams?

Of the ones that got away, of the ones that thought theyd always stay

Everybody knows its not the right way to go 

Call me beautiful, tell me something that I don’t hear

Tell me that its love, tell me that its love, tell me im enough 

Everyone wants to be something other than what they are,

I just don’t ever want to look back feeling bitter 

  Take me away, take me away