yearning

“Funny,” he said, pointing his pen at you. “You’re lucky I’m in a generous mood today.”

You raised a brow. “Oh, really? Because the last time you said you were in a generous mood, you stole my chair from my desk.”

He laughed, unbothered. “Yeah, it was funny seeing you stomp off.”

It was easy to fall into the rhythm with him, this back and forth you’d perfected over the past months. There was something different about it now, with it being less sharp than it used to be, but still enough bite to make it fun.

There was a moment where the both of you didn’t say anything. Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk, his gaze softening in a way that always seemed to catch you off guard. “I wanted to ask, I haven’t really done so after that night but…are you doing okay?” He asked, voice quieter.

The question would’ve made it hard to breathe if it was two months ago, but now, you are mostly healing, trying to better yourself without thinking about the past. He hadn’t asked you that since that night in the rain, the night you’d been a mess on a street corner and he’d somehow been the one to find you, bring you into his home, and listen without judgment. The question made your heart warm, and more so that he was the one to ask you. Your lips curled into a small smile.

“Yeah,” you said after a second, nodding. “I’m doing okay. Thanks for asking.”

His mouth tipped into the faintest smile, the kind you weren’t very used to seeing from him. This was more genuine. “Good,” he said, like he actually meant it. His eyes stayed on you, carefully watching you as your eyes locked.

You leaned a hip against the edge of his desk, arms crossed as you studied him. “You’re staring at me,” you said flatly.

Steve didn’t look away. “Yeah. You got a problem with that?”

“Yes,” you replied, but your voice lacked conviction.

His smirk deepened, that irritatingly confident glint in his eyes. “You’re bad at lying, you know that?”

“And you’re bad at…whatever it is you do here,” you shot back, gesturing vaguely at the scattered papers.

He glanced down at the mess on his desk and shrugged. “You mean being devastatingly handsome while juggling all these fashion reports? Yeah, it’s exhausting, thanks for noticing.”

You rolled your eyes, but your lips twitched despite yourself. This was the problem, because you couldn’t tell when he was trying to get a rise out of you just for fun, or if there was something else lingering beneath the words. And lately, you were starting to think it might be both.

Steve leaned back again, spinning his pen between his fingers. “You know, for someone who claims to barely tolerate me, you spend a lot of time in my office.”

“That’s because it’s the only place in this building that doesn’t have annoying interns yelling at one another,” you deadpanned. “And Eddie always complaining about his relationship problems.”

Steve stood up from his chair, walking around the desk to stand in front of you, leaning in closely as he looked down at you. “He does complain a lot, doesn’t he?” He tilted his head, eyes narrowing slightly, like he could see straight through you. “You’d think he could just, I don’t know, talk it out or break up, but nope.”

You held his gaze longer than you should have. It made you feel so fuzzy inside, a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to whenever you were around him. You hated how he made you feel, because truthfully, you couldn’t even think straight without your brain always going back to him and his stupidly pretty face.

A knock was heard at the door, and both of you turned to find Eddie leaning against the doorway. His brow arched when he noticed how close you and Steve were standing. A slow smirk tugged at his mouth as he watched you both.

“Am I interrupting something?” He finally asked, gesturing between the two of you.

Steve felt heat rush to his face. You, on the other hand, only frowned, brows knitting together. You genuinely didn’t understand what he was talking about, and you turned fully toward him, crossing your arms. “No. Why?”

The smirk slipped from Eddie’s face at your genuine confusion. For a second, he’d been sure something was going on since you two were standing so close, grinning at each other like you hadn’t been at each other’s throats just yesterday.

“Just asking,” Eddie said with a shrug, though he missed the way Steve shifted on his feet and looked away. “Had to make sure neither of you killed the other yet. You’re like my neighbor’s kids, they’re always fighting. I keep waiting for the day one of them turns up in a ditch.”

“There’s your answer. Your neighbor’s kids are children, and we’re not, Munson,” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes. That earned a soft chuckle from you. “We were actually just talking about you.”

Eddie’s brows pulled together before his lips broke into a crooked grin. “Oh, were you now? I know, I’m a hot topic.”

“When it comes to your relationship, then sure,” Steve teased, tilting his head with a smirk.

Eddie scoffed, pointing one of his ringed fingers at him. “Okay, hey! That’s a sensitive subject!”

You giggled at his wounded tone, but Steve only crossed his arms, unimpressed. “Did you need something, Munson?”

“Oh, right!” Eddie snapped his fingers, the original reason for his visit returning to him. He pointed at you, a big smile forming on his face. “Nance wants you in her office. Says it’s super important.”

Your brows drew together. “Uh…did I do something wrong?”

His grin widened. “Nope. Pretty much the opposite, actually.”

“Like what?” You pressed, but Eddie only shrugged. You huffed. “Right. I’ll find out anyway.”

“Yep. See you later, sweets!” He called over his shoulder, giving a big wave as he skipped away down the hall.

When you turned back, Steve was staring at you with the same wide grin Eddie had worn a moment ago.

“What’s up with you?” You asked.

“Nothing,” Steve said, putting a hand on your shoulder and pushing you toward the door. “Go see what Nancy wants.”

You rolled your eyes and walked out. “God, you people are so weird.”

You made your way down the hall, Eddie’s grin still fresh in your mind, though you had no clue what he’d been so giddy about. As you walked by the new office, you slowed without meaning to. The last time you’d really looked at it, it had been somewhat finished, with only bare walls, drop cloths on the floor, the air smelling faintly of paint and sawdust. Now, the space was completely transformed. A wall of tall windows let in golden afternoon light, falling across wooden desks and perfectly arranged decor.

Even from the doorway, it had this polished, modern feel that only reminded you of the offices back in Lennox. You lingered for a moment, taking in the shiny floor, the soft rug under the main desk, a tiny potted plant on the windowsill. You’d be happy for whoever got this office, no doubt that it was going to one of the executives.

Shaking yourself out of it, you kept walking until you reached Nancy’s office. Her door was cracked open, and when you knocked gently against the frame, she glanced up from a stack of papers and smiled. “Hey,” she greeted warmly, setting her pen down. “Come in, sit.”

You slipped into the chair across from her, crossing one leg over the other. “What’s up? Eddie said you needed me, and that it was ‘super important.’” You made air quotes with your fingers, earning yourself a small laugh from her.

“First, how’s your week been? Work going okay?” Nancy asked, leaning back in her chair.

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s been fine. A little busy, but fine.” You tilted your head. “I am a little confused though. You didn’t call me in here just to ask about my week, right?”

She smirked faintly, ignoring your question. “What was your office like at Lennox?”

That caught you off guard. “My office?”

“Yeah,” she said, folding her hands on her desk. “I’m asking since you had your own office there, so I’m sure it was—” she gestured vaguely with her hands in the air, “—a little different from here. You know, since now you have to share the office with everyone else.”

You gave a small shrug. “I mean, sure. It was bigger. My desk was custom made, there were shelves built into the wall, there were large windows that showed the city. It was…nice.” You smiled briefly, remembering the sound of the Braiser traffic below and the smell of espresso from the café across the street. “But it’s not like I need that here. I like how it is now.”

“I just imagine it was a whole other world,” Nancy said with a knowing hum to her voice.

You narrowed your eyes at her, clearly not understanding where this was going. “Nancy. Is there something wrong?”

She bit back a grin. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

“Spit it out,” you pressed.

Nancy stood then, smoothing the front of her blouse. “It’ll be easier if I just show you.”

You frowned but got up, following her out into the hall. Her pace was quick, and you trailed behind her, trying to guess where she was leading you. Your stomach gave a strange little flip when you realized she was headed toward the new office.

The closer you got, the more your brows furrowed. “Nancy, what—”

Before you could finish, she pushed open the door, and the sounds hit you all at once.

“Surprise!”

You froze at the doorway, blinking at the sight of every single one of them. Robin was perched on the edge of a desk, Eddie was grinning like a maniac, Jonathan was leaning casually in the corner, Max and Lucas were elbowing each other, Mike looked like he’d been bribed into showing up, Argyle was holding a coffee in one hand and raising the other in a celebratory fist pump, Jane stood beside Will near the shelves, both of them with wide grins, while Dustin was halfway to tripping over a chair in his rush to clap you on the back. Even Steve was there, hanging back with his arms crossed, trying and failing to hide the curve of a smile.

“What…is going on?” You asked, your voice a little quieter than you intended, eyes darting from face to face.

“Congrats on your new office, dude!” Argyle announced, his voice way too loud for the size of the room.

“My—” You looked around again, finally noticing the way the space was arranged. The desk, the shelves, the side tables, everything was organized so perfectly. This wasn’t just generic company furniture, this had been put together for you. You turned slowly to Nancy, still processing everything. “This is…mine?”

Your mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. You were still taking in the details. Your brain struggled to match the picture in front of you with the fact that you’d only been here for four months. Four months. That wasn’t nearly long enough to warrant your own office. People like Robin, Eddie, or Argyle had been here longer, and were just as talented. Why would this space go to you?

“I—” You finally managed, glancing from Nancy to the others. “I don’t get it. I’m still technically new. Shouldn’t this have gone to…I don’t know…one of the other executive designers?”

Nancy stepped forward, smiling the kind of smile that made it feel like she’d been planning this for longer than you thought. “You deserve it,” she said simply. “You’re a really hard worker, Y/N. And you’re also a senior designer. You have the most experience out of everyone here.” Her voice softened, but there was pride in it too. “You’ve been doing this for a long time. That’s years more than the rest of us had when we started.”

Her words hit you in a strange way. You thought of Braiser, of late nights in your uncle’s studio surrounded by fabrics and paperwork, of the sounds of machinery and the thrill of seeing an idea come to life. That had been your world for so long, even before it all fell apart.

You looked over at Robin, Eddie, and Argyle, searching their faces. “You three aren’t upset?”

Robin’s face broke into a wide grin. “Upset? No way!”

“Yeah, we’re stoked for you, sweets!” Eddie added, his big smile almost matching hers.

Argyle lifted his coffee in salute. “This rules, man! We’re happy for you!”

Something in your chest tightened, but not in the bad way. You didn’t even try to stop yourself as you turned to face Nancy and threw your arms around her, squeezing her tightly. Even though she was your boss, you couldn’t help but grow closer to her, even as far as calling her one of your best friends. “Oh my God, thank you!”

The cheer that went up around the room was so loud you felt it in your ribs. Arms circled in from all sides, and suddenly you were swallowed into a messy, laughing group hug. In the jumble of shoulders and elbows, your eyes met Steve’s over someone’s head. It was quick, just a flash of his warm brown gaze before someone shifted and pulled you both closer. You felt him for real then, his arm brushing yours as you hugged the group, and the brief second when he hugged you, and only you, made your stomach flip hard. He let go a moment later, but the ghost of his hand on your back lingered long after.

When the noise died down, Robin clapped her hands. “Okay, so obviously we have to celebrate this.”

“Dinner,” Eddie declared, pointing a finger up. “Somewhere fancy, I say.”

“Fancy?” Lucas raised a brow. “Isn’t that a little…too much?”

“Too much? Nonsense,” Argyle said with a dramatic wave of his hand. “This is an office worth fancier-than-fancy.”

Jonathan, crossing his arms now, tilted his head. “Alright, when’s everyone actually free?”

That was apparently the wrong question to ask, because the next few minutes devolved into a full blown argument. Max had some skating thing next week, Lucas had whatever basketball gig, Jane’s schedule didn’t match Dustin’s, and Eddie apparently had booked guitar lessons to help some kids he knew.

“This is ridiculous!” Robin muttered over the overlapping voices, throwing her arms up.

Nancy finally raised her hands. “Okay, to be safe, what about the Saturday in one month?”

There was a pause, then a chorus of agreement.

“Perfect,” Eddie said, pointing around the room. “One month from now, we go big.”

“Big,” Argyle echoed solemnly, holding up his hands for emphasis. “Wait…can I bring Eden?”

Dustin started hopping on the spot, practically vibrating with excitement. “If he gets to bring his girlfriend, then I get to bring Suzie!”

“Great! I’ll bring Chrissy!” Eddie exclaimed, clapping his hands way too loudly.

Robin gave him a flat look, one brow raised. “Aren’t you guys on a break?”

Eddie groaned dramatically, throwing his arms up. “Why is everyone suddenly so invested in my love life?!”

“Uh, because you literally announce it to the entire room every single day?” Robin shot back, deadpan.

“Leave me alone, Buckley!” Eddie huffed, pointing at her like a scolded kid.

Mike raised his hands, stopping the group. “Okay, whoa! Since when were we bringing our partners?”

Lucas smirked and gave Mike a light shove on the back. “Don’t worry, Mikey. We all know you’re going to bring Jane anyway.”

Jane’s ears went red and she looked away, trying — and failing — to hide her grin.

“Yeah, like you and Max?” Mike shot back, mock glaring.

“Yes, like us, Mike,” Max chimed in, pretending to be annoyed but clearly enjoying the attention.

You blinked, suddenly realizing that everyone somehow had a date lined up. “Uh…so is everyone in a relationship?”

Jane giggled and pointed toward Robin. “You could say Robin’s about to be in one. With Vickie and all.”

Your chest tightened for a split second at the name, memories of your ex-friend from Braiser flooding uncomfortably into your mind. “Uh…who?” You asked, voice tight, a little nervous.

Robin groaned, throwing her hands up dramatically. “Oh my God, leave me alone!”

Steve crossed his arms and chuckled at his best friend’s expression. “Vickie is the girl Robin’s obsessed with. She also works in the building next to ours.”

Everyone laughed at Robin’s exasperation, before she spoke up, narrowing her eyes at Will. “Okay, fine. What about Will then? Aren’t you and that guy talking, little Byers?”

Will’s eyes went wide, and he immediately shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets. “Uh…what? You mean Ethan? I mean…maybe?” His voice cracked just slightly, a blush already creeping up his neck.

“Maybe?” Jonathan teased his brother, nudging him lightly. “You’re definitely blushing, Will.”

“Red as a tomato,” Dustin added, practically bouncing in excitement.

Then Eddie’s eyes lit up, and he leaned toward you with that mischievous grin you had learned to fear and love. “Hey, what about you, sweets?” He asked, pushing you playfully. “Anyone you want to bring as your plus one?”

You blinked, a little caught off guard. “Uh…I don’t have anyone in mind, no.”

“Hmm,” Dustin said, eyes sparkling. “Steve doesn’t have anyone either! He’s like a total loner!” That caused Steve to scoff. “Maybe you and Steve could go together!”

Your stomach flipped, and you could feel your ears heat up. You looked at Steve, whose smirk was only slightly restrained, like he already knew what was coming and was enjoying it a little too much.

“I feel like that’s just going to cause them to kill one another,” Lucas said slowly.

Steve raised an eyebrow, looking at you carefully. “Me? Go with Luxe?” He asked, trying to make it sound nonchalant, but there was a subtle lift at the corner of his mouth that betrayed him.

“Yeah!” Dustin shouted, bouncing excitedly. “You two are the only single ones left!”

“Okay, but I have standards,” you shot back, holding your smirk and keeping your gaze locked on his.

Steve faked a gasp, leaning closer as if he was offended. “Excuse me? You’re saying I don’t measure up to your standards, Luxe?”

“Oh, I’m saying you might just barely scrape by,” you shot back, grinning, enjoying the familiar banter that had become a comfortable part of your days.

Nancy clapped her hands to cut through the chatter, though a small smile lingered on her face. “Okay, everyone, so the Saturday in one month. Deal?”

You just shook your head, smiling despite yourself. Four months ago, you never would have imagined yourself here, in this room, in this group, in this moment, but you felt it now, clear as day. You were exactly where you were supposed to be.

Eventually, the noise began to thin out. One by one, the others trickled out with plans to meet back in the shared office space, arguing over what snacks to bring before they helped move your belongings from your old desk to the new room. Argyle was the last to go, calling out some joke about how you needed to ‘bless’ the office with good vibes before you officially moved in. The door swung shut behind him, and suddenly the room felt quiet.

You turned, realizing Steve was still there. He was now standing inches away from you, watching the scene with that quiet, unreadable expression he got sometimes.

“Guess it’s just us,” you said, tilting your head.

“Guess so,” he replied, taking a step closer. His hands slid into his pockets, and that action somehow made your pulse jump. He glanced around the room again before meeting your eyes. “Seriously, though…congrats. You earned this.”

You smiled, trying to keep it casual even though you heard how his voice had gone softer and more genuine. “Thanks. Not sure I’d go that far, but…I appreciate it.”

He tilted his head. “Not sure you’d go that far? Luxe, you work harder than half the people here combined. And before you say anything…yeah, I’m including myself in that.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Wow. Harrington admitting I work harder than him? Should I be writing this down?”

“That’s not what I said.” His grin was quick, but it didn’t reach his eyes in the usual teasing way. There was something else there, something warmer, and it made your stomach flutter.

For a moment, you both just stood there, taking in the space. You glanced down at your hands, fussing with the edge of your sleeve, and when he shifted to step past you toward the door, your fingers brushed against his.

It was the lightest touch, barely there, but you felt it in your chest. His hand twitched like he might grab yours, but then didn’t. You didn’t move yours away immediately either, though, and for a second, neither of you breathed.

“Well,” he said finally, voice low. “I should get going then. Don’t want anyone to think we’re doing anything in here.”

You smirked, covering the fact that your heart had just kicked up. “Oh, God forbid. That would ruin your whole tough guy, ‘I barely tolerate her’ image.”

“And yours,” he responded easily, his gaze still holding yours.

You rolled your eyes, but the smile tugging at your mouth gave you away. “Right. Thanks for sticking around to say that. I’ll try to live up to this very prestigious honor of…having a room with a desk.”

He huffed a laugh, stepping back toward the door. “Enjoy your new freedom.”

With that, he turned to leave, but not before his hand brushed yours one last time, lingering just a second longer than necessary. You didn’t stop him, and you didn’t say anything as he disappeared into the hallway.

Only when you were alone did you let yourself press your hand against your chest, trying to steady the flutter there. You weren’t going to admit it out loud, but whatever this was between you and Steve, it was starting to feel less like banter and more like something you didn’t know how to name yet. You could only hope he felt the same as you.

You balanced a box of folders and sketchbooks against your hip, navigating between scattered supplies, bags, and the oddly aggressive placement of a coffee cart. Your new office already had its desk, chair, and essentials in place, gleaming and perfectly arranged, so you didn’t have to worry about furniture. You just simply had to move your stuff into the space, filling it with the life that had accumulated over the last four months.

Robin was already in the hallway, clipboard in hand for dramatic effect, directing everyone like she was the boss. “Alright, team,” she called, without even glancing at her pen. “We’re not touching the desk, obvi. We’re only moving Ms. Braiser’s things. Boxes, supplies, pens, sketchbooks, emotional baggage…all that shit.”

Eddie groaned, adjusting his grip on a crate of markers. “What’s with the clipboard?” He asked, frowning. “Is there anything even on it?”

Mike huffed, crossing his arms. “Do we really have to do this? I feel like ten people helping is an excessive amount.”

“Yes, Mike,” Max muttered, rolling her eyes. “That’s basically half of her stuff anyway.”

Argyle raised his almost finished coffee in the air. “Alright! Team operation! Let’s get our favorite rich girl’s life moved!”

You laughed, setting the box down for a second to stretch your arms. “You guys are ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.”

Dustin, carrying a stack of sketchbooks like they were delicate artifacts, looked alarmed as Mike began to pick up a stack of books lazily. “Careful Mike! Those are fragile! And by fragile, I mean Y/N spent months obsessing over them.”

Lucas shook his head. “I just hope nothing leaks or explodes. Remember what happened with Steve’s soda last week?”

You rolled your eyes but felt your chest warming at the thought of all of them being here, putting effort into helping you feel at home. It was very comedic, and somehow so much more touching than you expected.

As everyone shuffled boxes and rearranged supplies, Robin walked quietly beside you, guiding a particularly awkward stack of folders into your new office. Her voice dropped so low you could barely hear it over the laughter.

“You know,” she murmured, glancing at you with a faint smile. “Steve was the one who suggested to Nancy that you should have this office. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

You froze for a second, gripping the box a little tighter. “He…did?”

Robin nodded, eyes soft. “Yeah. Thought you should know. Said he didn’t trust Eddie, Argyle, or I to have one. I don’t know if I believe him,” she finished with a wink.

Your chest tightened in that fluttery, impossible-to-ignore way. Warmth spread from your stomach up to your cheeks, your fingers curling slightly around the cardboard. “Oh…cool,” you breathed, barely above a whisper. “I…I didn’t know.”

Robin gave a small, knowing smile before stepping back to help Eddie wrestle a box of supplies into the office. “What are you doing, Munson?!”

You blinked, letting the words settle, letting your heart squeeze just a little with the knowledge that Steve, of all people, had thought about you enough to make this happen. For a moment, among the laughter, teasing, and the shuffle of boxes, you felt completely seen.

As the team continued moving your things, you carried that warmth with you, arranging your supplies on your new desk and shelves, feeling like this new office was not just a space for work, but it was now a much more personal and private way that showed how someone cared enough to notice you, and it made you smile like a fool.

The noise of the city outside was muted through the windows of Billy’s office as he sat at his desk, deep into paperwork. His desk was clean, save for the neatly stacked contracts on one corner and a glass of whiskey he hadn’t touched in over an hour. He’d been staring at the same line in a proposal for what felt like forever, his focus slipping again and again into the same place it always did when he let his guard down.

You.

He told himself it was stupid, because months had passed and he’d made his choice. Or rather, the choice had been made for him the second his father told him with that clipped tone, that the girl was no longer a suitable match, that she would only tarnish their image. Billy had been raised to do everything for the public and he’d learned young that love didn’t factor into it.

He’d let you go, let you down when you really needed someone, watched you disappear without even knowing where you are. He was now on the cusp of taking over Lennox, with everything he’d been told he should want, still thinking about you.

A sharp knock on his door made him jump away from his thoughts. Carol slid into his office with a fake smile on her face, her perfume trailing in behind her. “Hi, Mr. Harrington,” she said lightly, shutting the door behind her.

“Ms. Perkins,” Billy muttered, flipping a page on the contract though he didn’t register a word. “Do you need something?”

Carol made herself comfortable in the chair across from his desk, crossing one leg over the other. “So…this may be long overdue but I decided to tell you because I’m sure you’re just a little bit curious,” she began, her voice sickly sweet. Billy hummed, not really paying any mind as the woman continued. “I wasn’t there, but a couple months back, Tina and Vicky went on a little trip. They did a lot of asking and went to this little town called Hawkins, you know, where our dear Y/N now lives.”

Billy’s head immediately shot up, his eyes now focusing on Carol as she watched him closely, her eyes glinting like she was waiting for the sudden action.

“Apparently, she’s miserable. She’s hit an all time low. They could barely recognize her. The poor princess is going through so much,” Carol said with a fake pout, her voice dropping low.

Billy kept his expression flat, but the words landed somewhere deep in his chest. He knew what Carol was doing, speaking like she was passing along harmless gossip, but she wielded it like a knife.

“She’s not the same,” Carol went on, leaning forward now. “Not that it matters. I mean, you’ve got Heather, right?”

The name made him look away in guilt. Heather. She was your closest friend, now the girl in his bed. He didn’t need Carol to tell him what that looked like. Hell, he’d told himself the same thing more than once. Heather wasn’t you.

Carol smirked when he didn’t respond. “We both know Heather’s a rebound. You can parade her around at galas all you want, but you’re never getting over her. You loved her. Probably still do. And nothing you’re doing now is going to fill that void.”

Something twisted in him then, the blunt truth of it hitting deep with the way she said it, like she was savoring the sting she knew it would leave behind. He hated that she wasn’t entirely wrong, the hole you left behind was still there, and Heather hadn’t come close to filling it. Hearing Carol mention your name, bringing up what he had been too afraid to say out loud, wearing that smug little smile, made him want to flip over the table.

Billy straightened in his chair, his gaze hardening. “Ms. Perkins,” he said, his voice low but sharp enough to stop her. “I’m going to ask you to leave.”

Her smile faltered for just a second, but she masked it quickly, standing with a slow shrug. “Just trying to help,” she said, though her tone was far from innocent. “Maybe you should pay her a visit.”

He didn’t answer, nor did he move. He simply watched her cross the room and push open the door. When it shut behind her, he finally exhaled, the sound rough in his chest. He reached for the whiskey, taking a big sip as he stared out the windows.

He didn’t know how long he’d been zoned out until he heard his door open once again. Heather stepped in, her hair perfectly set, her silk blouse catching the light as she walked toward him. She didn’t wait for an invitation, just leaned over the desk with that same smile and pressed her lips toward his.

Billy angled back in his chair, the movement subtle but enough that she ended up brushing his jaw instead of his mouth. He reached for the papers on his desk as if the moment had never happened, flipping through them with a disinterested hum.

Heather straightened, her brow pulling together. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he said instantly, still looking at the page in front of him.

She lingered, watching him for a moment before circling to the other side of the desk. “Are you sure? You can talk to me, Billy,” she said, her voice laced with worry.

Billy’s eyes followed a line of text he wasn’t reading, and then, almost without thinking, he decided to ask what was on his mind. “Have you talked to Y/N lately?”

Heather froze, the question making her eyes widen in surprise. “What?”

He looked up then, catching sight of the way she was staring at him in shock, before he shook his head. “Nothing. I was just wondering. I just…no one has heard much about her lately.”

Her frown deepened, her arms folding against her chest. “Why would you be wondering that?”

“No reason, babe,” he said with a sigh, leaning back in his chair as he ran a hand through his hair. “I was just curious.”

Heather bit the inside of her cheek, trying to think of something to say. She wouldn’t lie and say that what she and Billy have been doing hasn’t made her feel guilty, but the fact Billy suddenly brought you up out of nowhere made her stomach twist. It reminded her, that no matter what, she would never compare to you. “You know we’re not really friends anymore. You know that. So why are you bringing her up all of a sudden?”

Billy leaned back further, the leather of his chair creaking softly. “I didn’t realize asking a question was ‘bringing her up.’”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He asked, feigning confusion, though his tone stayed calm.

“Act like it’s nothing,” Heather snapped. “We’re together, Billy. Why would you even be thinking about her?”

He didn’t answer right away, just studied her from across the desk. “I’m allowed to think about people I used to know.”

“People you used to date,” Heather shot back, the emphasis sharp. “Love even.”

The word made him slightly flinch, but he quickly covered it up by leaning forward. The room suddenly felt too tight, her words only causing more damage. Billy didn’t look away, but his voice stayed even. “She was a part of my life for a long time. I can’t erase that.”

Heather let out a disbelieving laugh, shaking her head. “Unbelievable. You know how this looks, right? You sitting here thinking about her while I’m standing in front of you?”

“I wasn’t—” He stopped, catching himself before he could sound too defensive. “You’re reading too much into it.”

Heather’s arms tightened over her chest. “No, I think I’m reading it exactly right.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. They just stared at one another in silence. Billy finally set his papers down, leaning forward with his elbows on the desk.

“Look,” he said, his tone more softer. “What matters is we’re together now, okay? She and I are done. We’re finished.”

Though the way his jaw tightened betrayed the thought running beneath it, the one Heather could clearly see, because her frown didn’t ease. She studied him for another second before stepping back, her voice lower now.

“Yeah. You’re right, babe,” she said. “That’s what matters.”

Heather turned and left, the door clicking shut behind her. Billy sat back again, staring at the place she’d just been. He told himself her reaction was overblown, that it was just a question, nothing more. But the truth was harder to shake, the truth that had been sitting in his chest since before Heather walked in. He had been thinking about you, and no matter how much he tried to hide it, he knew exactly why.

His fingers tapped on his keyboard, going to the search bar almost without him realizing it. The cursor blinked at him as his eyes focused on the screen.

He hesitated, only for a second, but he knew that once he did it, he couldn’t take it back. The word formed under his fingers, letter by letter.

Hawkins.

It was two weeks later and you were sitting in your new office, the one you still sometimes kind of expect someone to knock on the door and tell you there had been a mistake about. The nameplate with your name gleamed against the wood, the desk still smelled faintly of polish, and the sunlight through the blinds made stripes across the floor. You’d been deep into a layout draft when your stomach reminded you, rather loudly, that you hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

You stood up and stretched, then decided a trip to the breakroom vending machine wouldn’t delay your progress too much. The hallway was quiet, most of the team buried in projects, and your eyes caught the shared office space that had once been yours as you walked past it. You walked into the breakroom, your finger going straight for the same button on the vending machine that you always chose. The familiar thud of the packet dropping to the bottom tray made you smile, and seconds later you were unwrapping a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. You had just bitten into one when you heard the door open behind you.

“Let me guess,” Steve’s voice came from the doorway, warm with amusement. “Chocolate covered pretzels. Again.”

You turned, pretzel halfway to your mouth. “You make it sound like a crime,” you said, chewing slowly just to annoy him.

“It’s not a crime,” he said, walking further into the room, hands in his pockets. “I’m just pointing out that you get it every time. Like I said before, I never took you for a chocolate covered pretzel kind of woman.”

You smirked. “Maybe I’m just loyal to my favorites. Ever think of that?”

He leaned against the counter, pretending to inspect the coffee machine but watching you out of the corner of his eye. “Oh yeah, you’re definitely loyal to it, alright,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes.

You were about to shoot back another sarcastic comment when you saw him push away from the counter and cross the small space between you. Your shoulders stiffened instinctively, not because you thought he’d do anything, but because Steve Harrington moving toward you like that did something to your breathing.

“What—”

“Hold still,” he said quietly, lifting a hand toward your face.

You froze.

His fingers hovered near your cheek for a split second before brushing lightly against your skin. “Crumb,” he murmured, and you knew he meant the crushed piece of chocolate from the pretzel. The small moment caused a sudden change in the atmosphere, and you found it hard to breathe with the way he was looking at you.

Neither of you moved. His hand dropped slowly, but his eyes stayed locked on yours, and suddenly the low noise of the vending machine and the beating of your own pulse were competing in your ears. You weren’t sure if you imagined him leaning closer, or if you were imagining his eyes flicking to your lips, but when he took another step forward, you knew then you weren’t imagining it anymore.

His lips met yours, slow and almost hesitant, and for a split second you forgot how to breathe. It wasn’t that you didn’t want it, because you wanted it so much it almost scared you. It was that your mind couldn’t quite keep up with what was happening, like the moment had been pulled from a dream you’d never dared to admit you wanted. Every part of you seemed to lock up, your pulse thudding loud in your ears, the faint taste of chocolate on your tongue mixing with the taste of coffee on his in a way that felt dangerously perfect. And then, before you could stop yourself, you moved.

Your fingers slid up into the back of his hair without thinking, tugging him closer, like some part of you had been waiting for this far longer than you’d realized. His other hand came up to your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin so gently that it made your chest ache, and the kiss deepened in a way that made the rest of the world fade away. The entire room, the fact that you were at work, it all disappeared under the press of his mouth, the warmth of his breath, the way you could feel his skin from the hand you had pressed to his neck.

For a moment, it didn’t matter how you’d gotten here or that you’d spent so long trading sarcastic remarks and pretending you didn’t care. All that mattered was that you were kissing Steve Harrington, and it felt like you’d just stumbled into something you weren’t sure you’d know how to walk away from. When you finally broke apart, you were both breathing just a little heavier. Steve’s eyes darted to your mouth, then back up, and he let out a shaky laugh.

“Shit,” he said under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I just did that.”

Your chest was still tight, but you shook your head. “It’s okay.”

“That…shouldn’t have happened,” he said, but his voice lacked conviction.

You tilted your head, a teasing smile tugging at your lips. “Do you regret it?”

He didn’t even hesitate. “No. I don’t.”

Something unspoken passed between you, and your stomach did that stupid little flip it had started doing far too often around him lately. “Okay,” you said softly, looking away before you could overthink the way he was looking at you. “I…should probably get back to my office.”

He nodded, and you both smiled. It was the kind of smile that felt impossible to hide, and before any more words were exchanged, you turned and walked away.

Back in your office, you sat down at your desk and stared at the same page of your layout draft for ten straight minutes. The moment replayed in your head over and over, the way his hand had touched your face, the way his lips felt against yours, the way you didn’t want it to stop.

It scared you, because you’d never felt this before. Not even with Billy. You’d dated Billy for years, but what you felt for Steve was different. It was alive. It was real. And that was exactly why you didn’t know what to do with it.

Your mind ran in circles, questioning everything. Did he kiss you because he actually liked you? Or was it just him being playful, messing with you like he had back when you two didn’t really like each other? You couldn’t tell, and the uncertainty was enough to make your heart feel like it was trying to climb out of your chest.

By the time the sun dipped lower through your windows, you’d made a decision. It was the only way you knew to protect yourself. You had to avoid him. It wouldn’t be forever, but just long enough to get your head straight. Enough to breathe without replaying the feel of his lips and wondering what it meant. You leaned back in your chair, staring at the ceiling and trying to slow your pulse.

Friday afternoons were bitter sweet. You said a tearful goodbye to your girls about twenty minutes ago, crossed between the sorrow of saying goodbye and relief of saying goodbye. Still wiping the tears you always felt silly for shedding, your laid your head on Nancy’s shoulder. She gave you a sweet pat on the cheek, wiping the remnants of her own tears as you both looked onto the empty road the bus had pulled away in.

“They were so funny, I think I might actually miss them,” Nancy smiled. 

“I know I’m going to miss them. I remember all my campers,” you lifted your head to look at your co-counselor. 

Her eyes widened, “All of them? I mean sure I remember my… well not my favorites per say, but the nice ones. The sweet ones.”

“And the really troublesome ones,” you giggled. Nancy shook her head.

“I try to forget those ones,” she said, sounding not guilty at all. 

“Nancy!” you scolded. 

You both turned to walk back into the dining hall. Campers were gone but there was still much to be done. You thought through your mental checklist, the cabin was all done thanks to the girls, Southside Bathhouse, Nature Center, Zipline and Rockwall, bike shed… the list seemed to go on and on. As Extreme Sports Area Director, you knew there was a lot to clean up at the Rockwall (as always), and you hoped it would keep you busy enough that you wouldn’t have to clean South Bath. 

You groaned audibly as you walked towards the Nor’Wester break room, thinking about all the things on your plate. 

Joyce interrupted your thoughts, “What are you groaning about? It’s Friday isn’t it!” she smiled at you. 

“Yeah Joyce, which means you get to go home and I get to spend the next hour and a half cleaning.”

“See! There's that good attitude. You get to clean!”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah… What week is your kid coming here Joyce?”

Her eyes lit up, “You heard? Will and his friends will be here, not next week, but the week after. Week Seven.”

You smiled and nodded, “That’s a good time to come. We're not all totally burnt out yet but finally have our shit together. It’s like the golden week.”

Joyce smirked, “Trust me I know,” she suddenly went shy and turned away a little, “My uh, my friend… will be volunteering for the rest of the summer. He’s going to help out the nurses and maintenance office. Apparently John needs some more help with all the brush cutting he’s doing.”

“Friend? We can just bring friends here?” you asked jokingly.

“Yeah! Hopper and Gavin go way back, so he called in a favor. Hopper’s getting here on Sunday. Thankfully Steve offered to charter all the kids to camp that week.”

You smiled at the mention of Steve’s name, but a weird feeling started to spread in your abdomen. That’s right, he’ll be gone. Again. Which means no Steve for two weekends even thought he sort of promised... You sighed inwardly and said, “That’s really generous of him.”

“Isn’t it? Well hon, I have to head out, but you have fun cleaning,” she said mockingly, waving her fingers at you like a magician would, turned and left. 

You sighed again. You didn’t mind cleaning, but there were so many kids in Extreme Sports that week and none of them put away their helmets, harnesses, kayak paddles, or zipline safety gear properly. You would probably have to completely rearrange the bike shed. You turned to head into the Nor’Wester room

You went straight to your cubby and started grabbing the things you stowed away in there during the week, too busy to go all the way back to the cabin. 

“Hey!” Steve called your name, “What’s up?” he said, sounding giddy. 

“Hey,” you greeted back, “just grabbing my things then straight to the rock wall,” you pointed in the general direction of the rock wall. Sort of. 

“Did you want some help with that?” he asked. 

“No, that’s alright. Besides, don’t you have to clean the waterfront?”

“Well as a good Area Director, I make sure everything is clean before Friday,” he said smugly. 

You rolled your eyes, “Whatever. If you really have nothing to do then yeah, I could really use the help.” you said, trying not to sound pleading. 

“Of course, let me just radio Jonathon to let him know,” he turned on his radio and told Jonathon very quickly he would be at the rock wall. Only static came from the radio but Steve took that as an affirmative. 

“Cool! Need anything else before we go?” he gestured around.

“Nope! The sooner the better” you said, turning to the exit. 

The walk over was pleasant, trading small talk. The whole time Steve seemed to be vibrating, which was not matching your more somber vibe. Trying not to let the idea of Steve being gone this weekend bother you. He seemed excited for his date, and you shouldn’t feel any way about it. He was your friend, you should be happy. 

As you opened the rock wall shed, you grimaced at the state of his. Helmets on the ground, harnesses not reset, strewn on random hooks. You walked straight in, Steve had to keep bent over in the shed, given its short height. 

“The harnesses are color coded by sizes and go on the hooks smallest to largest,” you pointed to the first and last hook. Steve picked up one of the red ones, the largest size. 

“You know, I’ve never been on the rock wall,” he said. 

“What? Never?” you said, shocked. “I’m pretty sure everyone got a chance during training week.”

“Not me, got too scared. I belayed though!”

“Oh yeah, I remember. You were really bad at it,” you laughed. 

He sputtered, “No one ever taught me! They just told me to ‘take the slack out’, as if I even know what that means,” he defended. 

You laughed, “Well, if you ever decide to stay even a single weekend, I’ll keep the wall up and I can teach you,” you offered, cheeks feeling warm. 

He seemed to burst right then, nearly hitting his head on the short roof, “I’ve been wanting to tell you, I’ll be staying this weekend!” he grinned. 

You matched his grin and cheered, “Really? What changed your mind?”

He grew a little red at your question, “Since I’m going home next weekend, I called to reschedule with Heidi, so I’m all good to stay!” he said, moving his hands around wildly. 

Your face twisted a little at the mention of her, but not even that could quell your now happy mood. 

“Steve,” you said slowly and stepped towards him, “This is going to be the best weekend of your entire summer. I will make sure of it,” you grinned mischievously.

Steve seemed a little intimidated by that but grinned all the same, leaning further down in the small shed, “I can’t wait to see what you do,” he said slowly.

Growing nervous by the sudden closeness, you threw the harness in your hands at him, “I’ll keep the wall up for the day, but we gotta get this shed organized,” you bent down to start picking up the other gear on the ground. He smiled at you, almost a little nervously at the mention of the wall. 

“Maybe we can do it after cleaning?” 

“No way, I haven’t eaten since noon and it's-,” you paused and looked at your watch, “-nearly four! Clean, dinner, reconvene with the group, then wall,” you explained pointedly. 

He breathed out a sigh of relief, “Okay, okay, it’s your wall after all.”

“Exactly, it’s my wall. Now start hanging shit up!” you said, throwing your hands up. 

Cleaning took about an hour and a half. You and Steve managed to clean all the sheds; Zipline, Rockwall, Bikes, and put the kayak paddles away properly. You even managed to swing by the Nature Center and help finish the cleaning up there with Eddie and Carol (and avoid both bathouses… you were busy!) 

“I can’t believe you do all that stuff! Like, I couldn’t imagine climbing a rock wall, ziplining, and biking miles all day, every day. That’s insane. And I thought Water Sports was hard. All I have to do is like, lifeguard and canoe around the lake once a week. You’re insane,” Steve ranted. 

You laughed as he did so, feeling very flattered, “Well I have help. And it’s not like I do it every single day. Today was just kayaks!”

“Yeah and I saw you slinging them up and down all by yourself for like thirty minutes! You are crazy strong,” he laughed. 

You shook your head and laughed, leaning back a little. “You are so funny. You know, I'm pretty sure they only put me here because of my insane muscles,” you said, putting your bicep up and kissing it, making a show of it. 

Steve hopped in front of you, walking backwards, “Oh yeah, I see those muscles, lets see the gun show.” he said, putting up both of his hands and curling his fingers towards himself. 

You laughed and pushed him gently, “No way, you’re not getting that for free!” you started to jog away from him. 

He chased slowly after you, “Well how much do I gotta pay Sunshine? I’ll give you my Freeziepop if you give me a ticket to the gun show,” he said, flexing his own arms, and then pointing one out straight. He was in a sleeveless camo tank top and you couldn’t ignore the veins in his arm as he flexed, his muscles on full display and tight on his shoulders suddenly. You laughed quietly and a little faintly and said, “Absolutely not, you can’t make me.”

He stopped in his tracks. The dining hall was within view, but you were glad you were far enough away from the others, so that only Steve could see how warm your body had gotten.

“I can’t make you, but I’m gonna get it out of you one of these days,” he wagged his finger, warning you. 

“Yeah right, Harrington,” you rolled your eyes, continuing to the dining hall. 

He motioned a stab in the heart, “Last names! We’re using last names now? I thought we were friends,” he said, pretending to plead with you. 

“You wish,” you grinned at him, walking faster, expecting him to catch up. When he did, he pushed your shoulder with his. 

“So, what are your big plans tonight,” he asked quietly, looking around. 

You looked around as well, making sure no one on Leadership or Gavin was around. You started quietly, “Well, I’ve got some mixers and hard stuff in my car from my parents house last week. They’re not interested in tequila the way we are,” you giggled, remembering how Torres nearly cried when you mentioned tequila shots last week. 

He wiggled his eyebrows at the mention of tequila, “I see, going hard this weekend huh?”

“I’m gonna try,” you said, raising your eyebrows. You ended the topic of conversation as you entered the dining hall, walking once more to the Nor’Wester room for the end of week meeting that Gavin always held. It usually involved cabin changes, age groups, and new co’s. 

You made conversation with some of your other friends, Patty and Mae, about the week ahead. Gavin burst into the room, the doors swinging wildly after him. 

“Okay team!” he started before launching into his speech about how well everyone handled the week, some shout outs for exemplary behavior, finishing up with house keeping. 

“So, we don’t have cabin assignments figured out yet, we’ve got a weird ratio coming this week and not enough male counselors. We’re probably going to have to do another ‘mega cabin’,” he said, eyeing Robin and Steve who had a mega cabin in their first week. Robin had a far away look in her eye, like she was experiencing a flashback. 

“I apologize for that but there’s really not much we can do. We’ll make sure to tell the mega cabin counselors early on Sunday so you have enough time to prepare and move cabins. And with that!” he clapped his hands together, “you guys all have a safe and productive weekend. I know you all will. Get lots of sleep, drink lots of water, and have a good night!” He clapped his hands together again, signifying the end of the meeting. 

Before Gavin even left the room Robin groaned, “I swear to God if he puts me in mega cabin again I’m quitting,”

“You’re not quitting,” you rolled your eyes, "Besides, there's no way he’d do that to you again. You and preteen boys were a terrible mix.”

“I know! Like, I don’t even know what they like, much less how to talk to them!” she said, exasperated. “I much prefer my girls, even if they try to commit biological warfare against me and Carol,” she said, shaking her head with a small smile. 

Nancy called your name from across the room, “Hey, I’m gonna take a shower, did you want to come?” she asked, pointing towards your shared cabin. 

“Absolutely,” you nodded vigorously, “I am covered with dust and dirt and probably spiders from the shed.”

You gave Steve a quick look as you left the room with Nancy, seeing he was talking to Luis. He caught your eye as you looked and he gave a quick wink at you, before turning his attention back to Luis. 

Your face grew hot from his wink but you managed to give a smile before closing the door. 

_ _ _

You felt incredibly refreshed after your shower, you and Nancy both took hour long showers and you knew the other girls were taking just as long. You, Nancy, and the other girls gossiped a bit as you treated yourselves post shower. You used your nice lotion you saved for the weekend when it wouldn’t all be washed away by lake water in a couple hours, trimming your nails and giving your hair a good shake out before putting it in a single braid. Nancy was plucking her eyebrows, Patty was painting her nails, Robin was brushing her hair carefully, and Carol was still in the shower, yelling back when she could. You assumed Sarah and Mae, the last girl counselors, were back at their cabin waiting for the hot water to kick back in (oops). 

Robin brought it up first, “So Patty… you and Torres huh?” she smiled slyly. 

Her freckled face turned red, “Yeah… I mean, he’s really nice and super sweet and like… insanely hot. It sucks he has to leave at the end of the summer,” she frowned. 

“Oh come on, Mexico isn’ t that far from Indiana,” Nancy said gently, hearing what she said after the words were already out of her mouth and winced. 

Patty snorted, “Right. It might as well be the moon.”

You gave her an empathic look, before trying to make the conversation a little lighter, “Maybe, but it’s quite the summer romance,” you wiggled your eyebrows at her, “Like, not everyone gets a chance with their boss!” you giggled. 

“He’s not my boss, Darcy is my boss. Besides, I’m older than him by like five months!”

“I know, I know, but you gotta be pretty hot shit to even take that chance,” 

She scoffed, “I am not hot shit, you literally got with him before the summer started!” she laughed. 

“Hey hey hey,” you said, putting your hand up, “We made out one time, that’s hardly ‘getting’ with him. And we decided that we were better off as friends!”

Nancy snorted, “Yeah, besides, she’s got eyes for only Steve now,”

Robin barked a laugh, Patty giggled, and Carol yelled, “WHAT?” from the shower. 

You gawked at her, “I do not have eyes for Steve. We literally just started being friends. He’s too… bro-y for me. I like a guy who's more sensitive and sweet.” you said, deflecting and totally lying. Your mind was racing deflect deflect deflect you are literally in the presences of his ex-girlfriend and BEST friend. 

Nancy giggled again, “Oh please, ‘Of course I’ll share a tent with Steve! Oh no, I left my shorts outside… I guess I’ll just have to wear yours,’” Nancy said, mimicking you terribly. 

Robin piped in with a deep voice, “‘Oh please, let me walk you to your cabin all the way across camp, it could be dangerous! You want me to stay the weekend? I’ll just call and cancel the date I’ve had planned for two weeks! I’ll do anything you saaaay,’” she imitated Steve dramatically. 

“Okay and who asked to share a tent with her boyfriend?” you said pointedly at Nancy, “Besides, he offered me his pants! And he also walked you to your cabin too Robin! And he didn’t cancel his date, he said he rescheduled it,” you said, finishing quietly. 

“Is that what he said? I heard him on the camp phone this morning telling Heidi he wouldn’t be able to hang out all summer. I wonder who influenced that decision…” she said, giving you a knowing look. 

You looked around, speechless, and let out a hysterical laugh, “I had nothing to do with that!” you said, not being able to stop the smile from forming on your face. 

“Oh you totally have a crush on him,” Patty said, looking up at you from the bench in the showers. “You’re too excited about that,”

“I am not excited that he cancelled and I don’t have a crush, but I'd be lying if I didn’t say I was excited for all of the camp staff to be here tonight!” deflect deflect deflect.

At some point during your interrogation, Carol had hopped out of the shower and was now drying her hair, “Yeah, what are the plans tonight?” she asked, wringing her long black hair. 

“Well, you can all do whatever you want, but I have some loose ideas for tonight,” you said proudly. You remembered how last year’s camp staff went insane around this point in the summer and you were excited to recreate that. 

“I have some stuff from last weekend if anyone's interested in that, I know Mae also brought some stuff,” you made a smoking motion towards your mouth and Patty’s eyes lit up, “I was thinking we could have a fire, make dinner, drink if one so wishes, start up the sauna and head for a midnight swim. Jump off the trampoline, maybe the Aquaslide…” you looked around expectantly. 

“Off the top? That’s like thirty feet,” Robin said, saying your name very seriously. 

“Thirty, Robin? It’s like twelve. Besides, we’ll all be wearing life jackets! Oh Robin it’s so much fun, you have to try,” 

Robin and Nancy seemed apprehensive as Carol and Patty were basically jumping with excitement. 

“I’ve always wanted to do that!” Carol exclaimed. 

You grabbed her hands and shook with excitement, “Oh Carol, it’s so much fun you’ll be obsessed,” your eyes lighting up playfully and giving her hands a squeeze. “Now, I have to change and do something at the rock wall. You should recruit some of the guys for a kitchen raid. I’ll make sure Eddie gets the fire started,” you said, clicking your radio before calling for Eddie. He agreed, of course, that pyromaniac…

You stepped into the stall to change. You debated putting your clean swimsuit on now or later, landing on now since it’ll save some time for you later on. You put on your black one piece, the lining a stark white against your skin, which was now a few shades darker after spending basically every waking moment out in the sun. You put on a comfortable pair of longer jean shorts, to save the chafing from the harness, and a navy blue tee over the suit. Throwing on your black sandals, you collected your stuff from the bathroom, bid goodbye to your girlfriends, and headed to your cabin to drop off your things. 

You wondered if Steve still remembered your tentative plans to hit the rock wall. You debated radioing him, but after the interrogation in the bathhouse, you decided not to. Too public. You’ll just go to his cabin and see if he was still up for it. 

On your walk to his cabin you felt your confidence shrinking. What if he was just kidding? Or being playful? He didn’t want to climb the wall when there were professionals to belay him up, but would he feel safer with you? Someone who’s only been doing it for a month? Sure, you were good and well practiced, and although he was taller you figured you’d be able to counter his weight well enough. 

As you passed the waterfront and Cabin 6 was in full view, you stopped, your confidence shrinking to nothing. Just as you were about to turn around you watched Steve walk out of his cabin. His hair was still damp from his shower and he was wearing a black pair of cloth shorts and a white shirt, which made his tanned skin look even tanner.. His wet skin were still shining through the sunlight dapples and you could nearly make out the freckles and moles on his arms, having darkened with the sun. He turned his head and saw you, a smile overcoming his face as he walked towards you. 

“Hey! I was just about to go to your cabin. Are we still on?” He pointed his thumb backwards towards the low ropes and Rockwall. 

“Yep!” you said, new found confidence. “Let’s get you a harness and helmet and I can show you how it’s done.”

His grin only grew bigger, “Perfect.”

You unlocked the shed and grabbed him a red harness, the biggest size (made for adults and older campers). You gave him the helmet size you usually wear, not really thinking and he attempted to put it on. 

“I think this is too small,” he said, the helmet basically sitting on the top of his head. 

You snorted, “My bad, didn’t realize your head was so big,” you laughed and handed him a larger helmet. 

He put it on and although it clipped, you were very familiar with how a helmet was supposed to fit and he looked wrong, you bursted out laughing. 

“What?” he grinned, confused.

“That’s still too small,” you shook your head, grabbing one of the two Extra-Large helmets in the shed. “If this doesn’t fit I don’t know what we’ll do,” you giggled. 

“No way, this fits perfectly,” he said, adjusting it. 

“No, trust me, it’s not even covering your forehead, which is like, half the reason you wear one,” you said, thrusting the Extra-Large helmet in his hands and quickly unclipping the one on his head, and snatching it off to hang it back up. 

Steve’s eyes were wide at your actions, but put the new helmet on. He clipped and tightened it. “This does feel a lot better,” he said sheepishly. 

“Nothing wrong with a big noggin,” you said, wrapping your knuckles against his now protected head. 

He pretended to feel dazed, eyes crossing and walking towards the exit, stumbling out nearly actually hitting his head. You grabbed your instructor gear as he walked out and rolled your eyes. You showed Steve how to put the harness on properly and how to check if it fits correctly. 

“You just put your hand in flat,” you example, putting your hand into your leg straps, “make a fist, and if you can pull it out just like that, it’s too loose.” you flattened your hand and pulled it out. “For your waist put two fingers in,” you held up two fingers and placed them in the waist strap of your harness, “twist them, and if they twist against the side of the strap, it’s tight enough,” you said, repeating the action for Steve to see clearly. 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to recreate it, but you could tell he wasn’t doing it right. You were sure the harness was tight enough (he wasn’t 7 afterall), but tried to help him anyway. 

“No, no, like this,” you said, doing it again. 

“Can you do it for me?” he asked. You had done it a million times on yourself and helped out kids when they needed it, but his question made you pause. It’s just a harness check, but putting your hands so low on his body made you nervous. 

You blinked, “Uh yeah, sure,” you said, quickly putting your hands in his waist band and checking. It was actually a little loose, and just out of habit, you grabbed it and tightened it. Steve let out a gasp from the sudden constriction. 

“Sorry,” you looked at him sheepishly. You took down the tarps covering the base of the wall, placed your instructor gear on, and clipped yourself to the rope, holding the other carabiner end in your hands. 

“Do you want to do the full thing or just get on the wall,” you asked him. 

“Well I’m here to learn aren’t I?” he smiled nervously. 

“Right,” you smiled and clipped him in, “Okay eyes on me the entire time. The commands start with you, you say, ‘on belay?’ Belay is like, French or some shit for ‘secure’, so you're asking if you’re secure. When I check that you’re secure I will say ‘on belay’. Then you ask, ‘climbing?’ to which I will double check,” you said, already double checking, “and I will say, ‘climb on!” or something to that effect. Are you ready?”

The second you clipped Steve in his face went flush and then white. “Yeah, I’m ready. Uh. Ándale?” he said, nervously. 

You laughed, “on BELAY,” you corrected and then said with confirmation, “On belay.”

“Climbing?” he said, still looking sort of sick. 

“Climb on! Take your time Steve, we’ve got nothing but time,” you said, taking the slack out of the rope. 

He swallowed hard and turned around. He placed his hands on two colorful ‘rocks’ and stood there. After a minute had passed he chuckled nervously, “Sorry, just- just getting a feel,” he started to touch different rocks. 

“All good Steve, take your time,” you squatted a bit, displacing his weight with your stance. 

He nodded vigorously, but still didn't move. “How do I know I won’t fall,” he looked back at you. 

You pointed at your break, “This. If I have a break, nothing will happen to you. The rope has some give, so it might feel like falling, but I have you in complete control. You won’t fall.” You tried to sound as comforting as possible. 

He nodded again, and turned back to the wall. He finally took a step up, one foot still on the ground. You gave quiet reassurances. He finally put his second foot on the wall and let out a gasp. 

He said your name a couple times frantically, “I’m scared.”

“That’s okay!” you said, using your counselor voice on accident. “Just try a couple more steps, then we can stop okay.” 

Steve didn’t say anything, he just took another step up, you nodded muttering, “Good, good job.”

Steve made a few more steps up, struggling from the lack of experience. After a few more, he was close enough to grab the platform bolted on the wall for breaks. 

“Just grab the platform and take a break. You’re so close, I believe in you!” you encouraged him from the ground. 

Steve said something you couldn't hear and leaped up to grab the platform. You took the slack out of the top as he pulled himself up. Once he was sitting on the platform he threw his back on the wall, letting out huge gasps of air. Steve was maybe 15 feet in the air, but to him it felt like the top of the world. He looked around, still midheight with the trees, but impressed with himself none the less. 

“Woah!” he called your name, “This is awesome! I’m so high up! I’m also really scared and my forearms really hurt,” he said breathlessly. 

“Guess you just gotta hit forearm day more,” you joked

He just chuckled and said, “I guess so. This is really cool. This is what you do all day?” he said, not looking down. 

“Well, I mean. No. I’m usually down here, doing exactly this,” you held the rope up to show him, but he wasn't looking. 

He took some deep breaths and said, “Can I come down now?” 

“Of course,” you said, planting your feet and placing the break on harder (which isn’t really a thing, but it made you feel better doing it anyway). “Just scoot off the platform and hang there, I’ll let you down,”

Steve yelped, “Hang there? Wait, I don’t know that feels sketchy,”

“Steve! I have got you! I’ve put campers bigger than you up here, I’m not gonna drop you,” you assured him. 

He slowly scooted off the platform, taking well over a minute to do so. The second his butt left the platform, his hands gripped the rope in front of him and he screamed. You couldn't help but laugh, you had never heard him scream before. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” he cried your name, “get me down please, please get me down,”

You didn’t even bother answering, knowing you would start laughing if you did and slowly started to let him down. His eyes were closed the entire time, hands clinging to the rope. When his feet brushed the ground, his eyes shot open and you quickly let him back on the ground. The moment he was stable he basically collapsed on the wall. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, that was so scary I can’t believe I did that. Holy shit I can’t believe I climbed the rock wall,” he said like he was actually pleading to God. 

“I know! You did awesome Steve!” you said as you reached down to unclip him, but before you could, he shot up and launched over to give you a hug. 

“That was awesome,” he said, head still buried in your hair, and his body warm from adrenaline and fear. “I seriously thought I was gonna die up there,” 

“I would never let that happen,” you said, giving him a squeeze. “Wanna go again?”

Steve flinched back so hard he nearly tripped on the rope, eyes wide. 

“Kidding! I’m kidding! You’re done for now. Consider yourself a professional rock wall climber.” you grinned. 

He rubbed his forearms soothingly and said, “I think I’m good, I’ll leave that up to you.”

“Wanna help me take the wall down?” you asked, finally unclipping him and untying the knots, preparing to take the rope down and replace it with the paracord. 

“Yeah, sure, what do you want me to do?” 

You took off your helmet and harness, telling him, “Take this stuff back to the shed, I’ll have the rope down by then.”

“Okay,” he said breathlessly again, grabbing your things. 

You work quick, and by the time he was back you were already wrapping up the rope, giving him a big comforting grin. “You did a really good job Steve, I’m really proud of you.”

His face grew bright red, redder than it was on the wall, “Well, thank you for letting me. Believe it or not, that was really fun,” he said, rubbing his arms again. 

“Of course. Are you ready for dinner?” you asked, finishing up the rope. You left the tarp down, promising yourself to come put it back up tomorrow morning. 

Steve’s eyes shot open, “Dinner! You haven’t eaten yet? It’s like almost 8 o'clock!"

You laughed, “I know, but it was getting dark and this should be done in the daylight. I mean, you need the daylight. I could do this in the pitch black and still get to the top,” you teased, starting to walk over to the shed. 

“Oh yeah? Maybe we’ll have to put that to the test?” 

“As long as we get someone else to belay. I don’t trust you at all,” you laughed. 

He huffed, “I could do that in my sleep, it looked easy enough. At least I'll be on the ground,” he said, looking down at the grass.

As you walked over to Eddie’s cabin, Cabin 2, Steve couldn’t stop talking about the rockwall, “I mean, I've never done anything like that! Don’t know if I ever will again, but it’s good to do it at least once, right?”

You laughed and agreed, “Absolutely! You’re hitting a lot of firsts this summer. Camp self is your best self right? Cliff jumping, rock wall climbing… Think you’ll want to do the zipline next?” you teased. 

He balked at that, “Absolutely not. No way. And besides, ‘camp’ isn’t why I did those things,” he said, looking timid, but still with a small smile on his face. 

“No? Why?” you asked. 

“I don’t know… I did them because of you…” he gave you a look you couldn’t really decipher. 

“Me? I didn’t do anything,” you pointed towards yourself. 

He shook his head, and said quietly “You do everything to me,” he paused, catching himself quickly, “Like, you’re super supportive and just really impressive and you really… make me want to be better. To do better, to do more. I wouldn’t have done any of this without you. Seriously. I am like, totally petrified of heights but with you there it just… it feels doable. You give me a sense of confidence I haven’t felt since high school,” he admitted.

You stopped him in the middle of the trail, “Steve,” you gently grabbed his arm, “That is really kind of you. I don’t think you need me, but I’m really… happy… to hear that my support and care for you actually helps. You make me want to be better too,” you confessed. 

Steve’s smile was one of relief and he put his other hand over yours, “It means everything. That’s what I meant earlier. Obviously.” 

You looked into his eyes, more deeply than you had ever before. You became very aware of your proximity and for the first time, you didn’t feel… awkward or nervouse. Your heart rate was spiked and your hands felt clammy, but the pull in your chest only made you want to be closer. His eyes were so beautifully brown, and you could see lighter flecks all throughout. Looking at his freckles you noticed how many more he seemed to have. Fighting yourself to not reach out and touch them, your feet decided to take another step. As you were about to take that step, you heard someone call Steve’s name. You both jumped away from each other, your heart dropping at the mutual reaction.

“Steve!” Eddie called in the dark (when did it get dark?), “You coming?” Eddie then called your name and started walking towards the two of you, “Gangs all here! We've got brats and hotdogs cooking, s’more stuff,” he said your name again, looking down a little to get close to your face, “I heard you have tequila?” he grinned. 

Still recovering from your moment earlier you nodded, “Yes! I do! I will- I will go get it right now. Catch you two later,” you said, giving them both a tight smile and basically running away in the opposite direction of your car. 

The next morning, you woke up feeling warm. The sun beating through the tent was lighting up the inside of your eyelids. You couldn’t force yourself to open them, finding the softness of your sleeping bag and the warmth of the sun too intoxicating. Lulling yourself back to sleep for just another moment. You knew that it must have been close to seven o’clock, familiar with the sun’s position and heat by now. 

After finally peeling your eyes open, two things became very obvious. Steve, while in a separate sleeping bag, had basically crawled out of it and had thrown half his body of yours. His right arm tossed over your torso, his left tucked underneath himself. His face was squished, lips parted, as he snored quietly. You could feel the in and out of his breath on your hairline, he was so close. Too close. Anxious and a little embarrassed, you realized you were only looking with your left eye. Your head shot up, trying to blink your right eye open. 

You quickly and carefully pulled yourself out of his embrace, however difficult that was, to inspect your face. You quickly unzipped your backpacking, grabbing your travel mirror-brush combo, taking the first look at your face this morning. Your jaw dropped, your right eye must have been at least the size of a tennis ball. 

“Oh my God!” you whispered, “Fuck this is so bad,” you thought about how embarassing it is to have to wake up next to such a handsome guy with a literal baseball attached to your face. You shook your head and took a couple deep breaths, thinking back on what might have caused this. 

The second, very obvious thought entered your head, even more startling and embarrassing than the first. If we stay here any longer, the campers will see where all of their counselors slept that night, which would be very bad. That was enough to kick your butt into high gear. 

“Steve!” you whispered harshly, and gently shook his arm from its place in your lap, and you quickly wondered when he moved it back. 

“Steve we have to get up, the kids will be awake soon,” you said, beginning to shimmy out of your sleeping bag. 

In your shimmy, you had to hold yourself back from making too much noise against the tent fabric, which was inches from you. Confused, you looked over at Steve and saw no less than 3 feet of space in between himself and the opposite wall of the tent. You scoffed and gave him a good shove, “Jeez man, leave me a little space next time huh?”  

Steve, still in shock of being shook and shoved awake, just looked embarrassed. However, almost instantly, his red cheeks and sleepy expression changed to one of concern. He whispered your name, “What’s wrong with your face?”

Instantly slapping your hand over the right side of your face, you grew hot, embarrassment filling your entire body, “Shut up!” you whispered shrilly, “it’s just some swelling, don’t act like you’ve never seen it before,” you paused and then said shyly, “is it that bad?”

The left side of Steve’s open mouth went up slowly and the look in his eyes could only be explained as hysterical. He started quietly laughing, his chest moving in small puffs, but it was still somehow maniacal and uncontrollable. 

Steve, still laughing like a crazy man, said, “No, no, no, you look fine. You look… regular,” he then began to laugh even harder, “It’s just the morning swell I’m sure,” he said, now trying to curb his laughter. He shook his head. “It’s... You look rugged. Like a pirate. Or someone who survived something really cool. It’s definitely not horrifying or weird and symmetrical—wait, asymmetrical. I meant asymmetrical. Asymmetrical beauty, that’s a thing, right?” he said, all while gesticulating like a mad man. 

You dropped your head into your hands, “You are the worst liar.”

“Yeah, well, I panicked! I didn’t want to be the guy who screams ‘OH GOD YOUR FACE’ first thing in the morning!” he fake screamed.

You grinned at him through the haze of embarrassment and said lamely, “Thanks for that, I guess.”

You huffed loudly and ripped the tent zipper open, “Oh my fucking God,” you mumbled, running a hand across the good side of your face. You threw on your black sandals and speed-walked over to the water jug you lugged to the campsite. You aggressively turned the little valve and held your hands under, letting the water collect. You splashed it on your face, but the water was warm, and would hardly do anything to help the swelling go down. 

You stood up and huffed again, turning around. Steve was standing outside your tent, tall and shoulders slouched, the sun rising just above his head creating a halo effect. His hair was a mess of waves, flattened and puffed in weird directions from sleep and the summer humidity. He was still giggling at you. He looked beautiful. You almost shook your head at that thought, pull yourself together. You knew you must have looked a mess, the same humidity never did you any favors. 

He put on a green cap over his bed head, and now you wish you had done the same but for your whole face. Seeing that he was laughing with you, not really at you, you finally heaved one big sigh and you felt the pull of an idiotic grin overcome your features. You threw your hands in the air, communicating a silent, ‘oh well!’

You quietly walked over to Nancy and Jonathon’s tent and scratched on the nylon gently. 

“Hey guys,” you whispered, “gotta get up before the campers do. Hurry up,” you only heard two perfectly in sync groans as a response, with the sound of rustling following. 

You walked over to the bear bag hung in the tree line and began to untie it. As you gently lowered it, careful not to drop all your breakfast for today and garbage from the night before, Steve came over to assist. He carefully untied the large bag and carried it effortlessly over to the picnic table. 

“You ladies can have all our fruit and granola bars if we get all your bagels?” Steve haggled, looking back at you. 

Trailing behind you scoffed at him, “As if! My girls need their carbs if they’re gonna make it across the lake without passing out.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “Worth a try,” he said grinning, and set down the bear bag on the picnic table. He gave your face another quizzical look, “I think it’s a bug bite,” he reached out and gently touched your eyelid. Normally, you would be a little more thrilled that a very handsome man was touching your face so gently, but in this moment it felt a little humiliating. 

“Must be, I’ve never had this happen before,” you hoped your face wasn’t flushed, but the heat in your face told you otherwise. 

“We’ll just have to visit the nurses when we get back”, he said, smiling sweetly at you. 

Nancy and Jonathon finally crawled out of their tent, Jonathan’s shirt on backwards, to which Steve immediately pointed out, laughing. Nancy was the first to yelp at your appearance. 

“Oh my God!” she ran over and grabbed your face, “are you okay? What happened?” she nearly shrieked. 

You laughed a bit as she squished your face to get a better look, “I think it’s a bug bite,” you said with lips smushed together.

Steve snorted, “It’s just the morning swell,” he said again. 

“Even funnier the second time Steve,” you joked dryly. He made a funny face at you and turned towards the boys’ tents.

“Time to wake the beasts up, yeah?” he asked. You nodded, and began to unpack everyone’s breakfast, giving everyone a fruit, granola bar, and bagel. Nancy walked over to your camper’s tents and started clapping loudly. 

“Okay ladies!” she commanded, “time to get up and pack! If we get to camp before,” she paused, looking at her watch, doing some mental math, “Nine o’clock, you can all have TWELVE minute showers.”

That bribe must have been enough, because the girls exploded out their tents and immediately started packing up their belongings. 

“Eat breakfast first!” Nancy said, eyebrows raising. The girls instantly ran over to the picnic table, and like monsters, began to eat. 

Steve leaned down to you, “She runs this shit like the Navy,” he said, impressed. 

“I know,” you replied, “and I thank God for her everyday.”

_ _ _

When you arrived, the nurses were waiting at the dining hall, collecting all the camper’s medicine from counselors, as the nurses office, dining hall, and camp officer were all in the same building. Instantly, your favorite Nurse, Joyce, saw your face and laughed. She laughed even harder than Steve, grabbing on to the table to brace herself. 

“What,” she smirked, “lose a fight with a tree branch?”

“Har Har Joyce,” you said unamused. The entire canoe trip back was just the girls mercilessly bullying your new look. You made yourself the duff for the trip back rather than paddle, so you decided it was even. “Fix me?” you pleaded and held your arms out jokingly. 

“I got it, come inside, " she said and motioned you into the Nurses’ office.

You heard some foot shuffling behind you, and as you turned to tell Nancy where you were going, Steve was inches away from you. 

“I’ll come with you. Nancy and Jonathon can handle them,” he said, talking more to Joyce than you. You leaned over to look beyond Steve. Nancy was already giving you a thumbs up with a sly smile. She turned towards the girls and you could hear her rattle off instructions for showers this morning. 

You turned to Joyce, who was giving you a similar smile. Joyce was around 45, her thick dark brown hair (with some grey streaks) pulled into a pony at the base of her neck. She wore a blue and red tie-dye sweatshirt and long black shorts, to match her black orthopedic shoes. She was your favorite person at camp. Save for maybe Robin and Nancy. 

Steve and Joyce sandwiched you as you walked into the Nurses office, which shared the same space as Gavin’s office. He turned towards the sound of you three, signature smile on his lips as he took you all in and, without missing a beat, said “Wow! You look great!”

You rolled your eyes, “Gavin what if a deadly spider bit me and this is how I die?” you said, very seriously. 

“Doubtful. Black Widows don’t live in Northern Indiana, and I doubt a Brown Recluse would even bother with you,” he joked. 

You feigned a stab in the heart. Gavin turned his attention to Steve and pointed at him with the pen in his hand, “What are you doing here?”

Steve shrugged, “Moral support?” he said, unconvincingly. 

Gavin just nodded and said, “Keep the screams of pain down if you don’t mind!” and closed the door to his office. 

Joyce scoffed at him but laughed anyway, “He’s a trick isn't he!” 

The little nurse’s office smelled like sunscreen and aloe. The fan on the windowsill rattles as it oscillates, cutting through the early heat and providing you much needed relief. You sat on the small cot with a rapidly puffing eye, trying to hold an ice pack Joyce gave you just right. Joyce gives you a good once over, “Well, that mosquito had something to prove. You’re not allergic, are you?”

“No, I don’t think so. It just looks… horrible.”

She shrugged, “It’s not that bad. You’ll be able to see again before dinner. Maybe.” She gives a faint smile and turns to grab an antihistamine from a drawer.

Near the door, Steve lingered awkwardly, arms folded, back against the frame like he’s just incidentally still here, like he didn’t insist. Joyce glances at him, briefly, but there’s something in her eyes. A flicker of unspoken thought, one that clearly entertains her, before she looks back at you.

“You didn’t canoe over here like that, did you?”

Steve interrupts, “No, I canoed with her. She was just in the middle, Just in case.”

Joyce gave a comical look around the room before making eye contact with Steve again, “In case her eye fell off?”

He scoffed, “I’m being supportive, Joyce, you know you really oughta be nicer to me, since I’m driving Will to camp in a couple weeks,” he said clearly teasing the older woman, acting way too defensive.

She laughs at that and gives a small, knowing shrug. “You’re so right Steve, I don’t know what I was thinking,”

Her eyes rest on him for a second longer than necessary. You don’t catch the look he gives her in return: slightly sheepish, a little guilty, a little grateful.

After she finished assessing you she grabbed a second ice pack and said, “Stock up. Swelling’s already gone down since you walked in, ice will help,” She turned to Steve, “Don’t worry, she’ll be looking just as beautiful as always by Camp Dance tonight,” she said as she wiggled her eyebrows at Steve. 

Steve grinned, “I wasn’t worried,” he said as he uncrossed his arms. 

You eyed them suspiciously, unsure what that interaction just meant. You slowly stood up and Joyce began to rush you both out saying, “I still have to get everyone checked in, get on your way!”

She walked past the two of you as you stayed in your spot in the dining hall. 

“Who’s Will?”

“Joyce’s kid, and Jonathon's younger brother,” he said, pointing to the blonde boy. 

Your eyes bulged out of your head, “What? How have I been here for five WEEKS and no one ever told me they were related?”

“You didn’t catch the fact they had the same last name?” he asked, shocked that you had no idea. 

“I didn’t know Joyce’s last name! Besides, they look nothing alike,” you threw your hands up, exasperated. 

“Yeah, I guess. Wait until you see Will though, he looks just like her,” he said with a fond smile on his face. “He’s gonna love it here, I can just feel it,” he paused, “might not love camp dance though, but he can just chill with me by the bridge,” he said thoughtfully, already making plans for the two of them when Will would arrive. It was sweet.

“Are you excited for Camp Dance tonight?” you asked Steve gently, trying to gather what he and Joyce meant earlier.  

He shook his head, “Not really, I usually just do bridge duty. Pretty boring, but if it’s not boring, then it’s bad,” he said, referring to the fact that bridge duty basically kept a headcount of all the camper’s leaving the main dance area. If the numbers were off, that meant a camper was missing, which was bad, needless to say. 

“I can help you do bridge duty!” you offered. You normally were the life of the party, getting even the sulkiest kid to dance to Y.M.C.A. (with all the correct dance moves, of course).

Steve shook his head, “Absolutely not, the dance would be totally dead without you, you have to be on the dance floor.”

You scoffed at that, even if it was true. “Well I can balance my time! I imagine bridge duty gets kind of boring… and lonely.”

“Yeah, but I don’t mind it,” he took in the doubtful look you gave him, “Seriously! I’m not super into the, like, whole dance party thing.” 

You didn’t seem too convinced by that, you knew Steve was lying. You just didn’t understand why. “I’m still gonna visit you,” you gave him a pointed look. 

“I’m not gonna stop you.”

“Good.”

You looked at each other silently for a moment, still in the corner near the nurses office entrance. You both seemed to realize at the same moment that you were still very much on the clock and needed to get back to your cabin. 

You cleared your throat, “I’ll see you at the dance tonight,” you nodded and quickly turned away. You scanned the dining hall for your cabin. Seeing the absence of all the faces of your girls, you quickly walked out of the closest exit back towards your cabin. Your head was still reeling a little bit, from the swelling or the conversation with Steve you weren’t sure. 

You wondered why he was lying. It’s fine to not like aspects of the camp you worked at, hell, there was plenty you didn’t like (Gaga ball for instance…) but to lie about what was most likely a very silly reason had you wondering. The conversation filled your thoughts until your feet managed to find their way to the front door of your cabin. You opened the door quickly, not wanting to leave Nancy alone with the girls for much longer (for Nancy’s sake). The lights were all off when you entered and Nancy was reading in an old worn chair by the window. She gave you a small grin. 

“Your eye looks better already,” she said, “The girls are all showering and since we’re the first cabin back. I’m just letting them shower until they feel like it, probably won't be more than twenty minutes,”

“What if they use all the hot water?”

Nancy shrugged, “The other cabins should have got back earlier,”

You laughed at that. “When do we,” you wiggled your finger between you and Nancy, “get to shower. Because I feel disgusting,” you emphasized. 

“Yeah, I would too if I slept in the same tent as Steve Harrington.”

“Oh but someone just had to sleep with their little boyfriend didn’t they,” you teased back, a huge grin settling on your face. 

Nancy grew red, “You could have said no!”

“I know, I know…but then what fun would I be? Besides, Steve’s not so bad,” you shrugged. 

“Not so bad?!”

Nancy was about to say something else but you waved your hand and said, “Nope, you need to tell me what you and Jonathon did all night,” you wiggled your eyebrows at her. A small smile adorns her very pretty and now red face. 

“We didn’t do anything,” she said, an uncontrollable smile on her face, “it was just nice to like… stargaze and… cuddle together. It was actually so perfect,” she said gushing. 

“We ended up zipping our sleeping bags together to create, like, a mega sleeping bag. We just talked… and I know we spend every weekend together but to have a nice quiet moment together during the week was… really special.”

You smiled at the girl, “That is really special. You guys are really special, I don't know if I've ever seen a more perfect match.”

“Can I tell you something?” Nancy asked, looking suddenly quite serious. 

“Yeah of course.” you furrowed your brows.

“I was really nervous to come here, but Robin just had these incredible things to say about Camp - and about you too. I was nervous that I wouldn’t make any friends” -you scoffed at that, but didn’t interrupt- “nervous that people would think Jonathon and I were too involved to be around kids together, but mostly, I was nervous to come here with Steve,” she bit her lip at that. 

You frowned and titled your head, “Steve?” you knew they all came from the same town, thanks to Robin, but you weren’t aware of the status of everyone’s friendship back at their home town. 

“Yeah, I mean, we dated in highschool so I know how he can get when things don’t really go his way, and he did not want to be here. Like. At all. I think he only came so he didn’t have to spend three months away from Robin” she scoffed. 

“Wait, you guys dated?” your eyes wide in shock, neglecting basically everything else she said. Maybe it was because Jonathon and Nancy were such a pair, you couldn’t imagine her with anyone, much less Steve. You were finding out a lot about Hawkins, Indiana today. 

She blushed a little, “Yeah, my sophomore and junior year of high school, honestly it was pretty on and off and kind of just… bullshit the whole time. But I was so worried, especially those first couple weeks. I mean, he was just moping and wouldn’t talk to anyone,” she rolled her eyes, “I felt like saying, ‘Just go home Steve if you’re going to act like a total brat!’ but Robin insisted we give him time. And now, I'm really glad we did. He’s really growing into his own here, don't you think?” she looked at you with big eyes. 

“Yeah, totally. I mean, I kind of figured he just thought he was too good for this place.”

Nancy snorted, “Oh he totally did, but I don't know, this last week he seems really.. Inspired? Invigorated? He’s actually putting in effort..?” she said, giving you a funny look. “I’m not sure what it was but I’m glad he’s finally, really… embracing himself.”

You smiled sheepishly, “Camp self is your best self, right?”

Nancy grinned, “Exactly!” she leaned in, “You know, on Sunday he worked all morning with Gavin to give out some scholarships to some kids from our hometown. My brother and his best friend are coming in a couple weeks, and thanks to Steve, most of his friends will be here too.” 

“Oh, like Will?” you supplemented your new knowledge.

“Yes! And Max, El, Lucas, and Dustin, his favorite,” she rolled her eyes endearingly. 

“That is… amazing. I mean, that’s a lot of money, but that's fantastic. He must really love your brother if he’s willing to negotiate a free camp for four kids. I can’t believe Gavin accepted it.”

“Well, if we're really being honest, those kids are some of Steve’s best friends. Except Robin. And Gavin, you could probably come up with any sob story about some kid who has never been to a summer camp and he’d throw money at you before you’re even finished with the story” she said, shaking her head. 

You laughed at that, knowing it was kind of true. “His best friends are… children?” you questioned, not really judging, but certainly curious. 

“It’s more like, he’s their babysitter and as they got older that bond just kind of… stuck? You know? I think it’s really nice actually.”

Quickly you said, “I do too! It’s really important that kids have good older role models… and there’s no better place for that than here!” you said, kind of weakly.

Nancy smiled, and then suddenly looked around, “How long has it been? Should we check on them?” she jutted her thumb towards the bathhouse. 

Suddenly remembering your girls, you jumped into action, hollering behind you, “Don’t worry, I’ll handle showers!” 

You slammed the back door shut and jogged to the girls bathroom, hearing them well before you saw them, loud giggles and shrieks echoing through the bathroom. You smiled at that, at their happiness. 

_ _ _

You and Nancy spent an hour with the girls deciding on a theme for your cabin to present at the dance. Alisha came up with the very original, and not at all overused theme of ‘neon’. So, only wanting to make sure the girls had an amazing final night at camp, you and Nancy went all out. Neon face paint done carefully by Courtney, who, despite her jittery energy, was quite an artist. 

Yvonne, ever the fashionista, had plenty of neon to share. From arm bands and leg warmers (you sweated at the idea of wearing so many layers in the summer heat), to t-shirts and leggings. You laughed at her, “You think you packed enough?” and she only laughed in response. 

Nancy was a little more toned down than you, but she was still on theme. She wore jean shorts over a neon pink swimsuit you couldn’t believe she owned. “It’s my moms!” she defended. Her converse was black but had neon splatters all over and the blue flannel she wore over her swimsuit had some neon green lines embedded in the pattern. You insisted they were lime green not neon green but she shushed you before the girls could hear. 

You, on the other hand, loved dressing to a theme. Since neon was fairly common, you had acquired a few items of clothing to fit a wide array of themes. You had on neon green matching shorts and a t-shirt, which was made of cotton and fit loose. A few weeks back you had stolen some neon necklaces from the Camp’s costume bin, along with the purple headband you had on under your hair, giving your frizzy style even more volume. Underneath your shorts you had on some deep blue tights that your mother had gifted you for Christmas that year. You ended up borrowing some hot pink armbands from Yvonne, needing just one more pop of color. 

You let Courtney go wild on your face paint. You had tiger stripes surrounding your features, all in pink and green, and a matching cat nose and whiskers. Your arms were decorated in all sorts of stars, hearts, and smiley faces done by the other girls. You couldn't be bothered to be annoyed about the amount of clean up this would take, or the fact that you finally took a nice long shower not ten hours before dirtying your skin once more. You loved to see them happy. For a moment, and only a moment, you imagined your life next summer. Graduated, working a regular job, unable to come back here. Your heart squeezed for a minute, but you knew you couldn’t dwell. You had to be in the moment with these girls -your girls. 

You wondered if this was how Steve felt with his group of kids back home. If he felt the same swell of pride and care for such little humans. Wanting to protect them from everything. You envied that he would be able to watch his kids grow and learn as life went on. You only had these girls for six days. You wished you had more time at camp, more summers, could witness and help create even more opportunities to grow. To be a part of the slow unfolding of who they’d become. 

You wanted to see Piper teach younger campers how to braid hair, start lanyards and bracelets. To watch Alisha finally get her canoeing badge without tipping over. To hear one of them shout your name from across the dining hall next summer like it was the most natural thing in the world, because to them, it was. But camp was built on goodbyes. That was part of the magic, too, everything feeling so alive because you knew it wouldn’t last.

And maybe that was why Steve was starting to take it all seriously. Maybe he'd realized, like you had, that it does matter. Every homesick kid, every melt down, every proud or silly moment. Especially the silly moments.

You tucked the thought away before it made your throat hurt.

When you regained consciousness from your circling thoughts, you took a look around and asked, “Okay, is everyone ready?”

After a chorus of screaming and ‘Yes!’ you clapped your hands once and said, “Alright! Let’s go dance!”

The girls basically sprinted out of the cabin. Your cabin was fairly close to the main dance area near the Lodge and right by the waterfront (so the more introverted kids could fish or play Gaga ball). You let them run, hoping to exert them of energy before bed. Hanging back with Nancy you began to chitchat. 

“What do you think Jonathon’s cabin chose?” Nancy asked. 

“Probably something really boy, something like… sports or hunters. Jonathan and Steve don’t really strike me as the super creative kind,” you smiled at the girl. 

“I don’t know… Jonathan has his moments. You know,” she laughed, “Steve’s conceited enough, I bet he picked, like ‘dress as your counselor’ so he could just see half a dozen mini-Steves.”

You bursted out laughing at that, “That would be a total nightmare!” you exclaimed. “Ugh, I hope not.”

As you approached, you started to gather some of the other cabin themes… a couple more cabins dressed in neon. Some had blankets tied over their shoulders, and you guess they were superheroes. The littlest girl’s cabin all had tutu's and you wondered if they all brought them independently or if their counselors, Patty and Mae, had made them earlier in the week. That would be a good cabin activity,  you thought to yourself, pinning the idea in your mental corkboard. Glancing around again you finally saw Steve’s cabin and the theme was… rockstars?

The boys' outfits were clearly thrown together at the last minute. Some of them had bandanas from the Camp Store wrapped around their forehead, and two of them were holding old tennis rackets from the Athletic Shed. You raised your eyebrow at that, as the director of Extreme Sports all athletic equipment had to be checked out through you. When your eyes found Steve’s they were already on you, the expression on his face was guilty, but mostly playful. He had on a red shirt (the most amount of color you’ve ever seen him wear), jean cut offs that were clearly homemade, and a leather jacket you assumed immediately was Eddies. He looked more like a high school theater production of Grease than a rockstar, but you thought it fit well enough anyway. 

You shook your head as you approached, “You know you’re supposed to check out shed equipment from me right?” 

He grinned back at you, “Didn’t have the time, the guys just decided on this theme like, ten minutes ago. I had to sprint to go get those. Do I get brownie points for that at least?”

You matched his grin and pushed him in his chest gently, “Absolutely not! You’re breaking like, my number one rule of the shed!”

“Well I guess I’ll have to make it up to you sometime,” his eyes showed with mischief as he said it. 

Your face grew warm at that but stood tall and proud, “Oh you will.”

As you walked away from Steve, ignoring the whole body heat you started to feel, you looked around again, trying to find one more face before heading into the dance hall. Your eyes scanned the grass and picnic tables as you felt a force knock you forward and instantly you knew who it was. 

“No way!” Robin yelled, “both our cabins chose neon! We’re matching!” 

You laughed at her and fixed her position on your back as she clung on, “Half the cabins here are neon Rob, it’s not exactly original,” you whispered to the freckled girl. 

“Yeah but what matters is we are matching despite the fact that I’ve barely seen you all weeeek,” she groaned. 

You finally put her down, tired from the weight and the short piggy back ride you gave her. “I know, it’s been so terrible without you, I don’t know how I’ll do another week without you” you said sarcastically. 

She grinned again and laughed, leading you both into the dance hall, “You’ll have to tell me about your overnight on our break tonight,” she winked and danced away. 

You stared at her retreating figure for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. Of course you were going to tell her but why did she wink. Your thoughts were quickly interrupted by the chorus of teenage girls yelling your name. The ancient speaker was playing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and they were screaming the lyrics at you until you joined their dance circle, singing along. You thrashed wildly, barely on beat, but that didn’t matter. The sweat gathering all over, the tangled mess your hair was becoming, or the rank smell of the old Lodge, none of that mattered. 

You stayed in the dance hall for most of the dance, herding kids in when the songs were good, dancing around with the small 8 year olds who idolized you, with their tiny hands in yours. After “Take On Me” had faded out, you knew there were only a few songs left, so you left, deciding to bother Steve on bridge duty. He sat there alone, all the other kids were busy with the various activities at the dance. 

“Hey there rockstar,” you greeted the brunette, looking bored out of his mind. His head snapped up at your voice and he grinned. 

“Hey! Has anyone told you yet that you look like you’re about to teach an aerobic dance class for women above forty,” he joked. 

“Ouch, insulting and weirdly specific.”

“If anything it’s a compliment, like I said, you make anything look good.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yes because this would look good on anyone,” you said and spun around. Steve laughed, but didn’t say anything. 

You sat down on the ground next to him, your joints cracking as you did so. You were only 22, but you felt 100 after days like today. 

Instantly Steve jumped out of his metal folding chair, “Here have a seat, I was getting stiff sitting there for so long anyway.”

“So…” you asked as you sat down, “will you be at camp this weekend?”

“Uh,” he paused and looked away, “no. I’ll be in Hawkins.”

You groaned, “You’re gone like every weekend! Sure the house parties are fun but camp parties… whole other beast,” you said, trying to convince him. 

“I really would stay but I made plans a couple weeks ago.”

“What are you doing?” 

“Uh… I have a date. With this girl. From my old highschool. Like she's out of highschool now, she’s not… in…” he trailed off awkwardly, not making eye contact with you. 

Your chest felt funny at that. You recovered instantly, “Ooooooh a date!” you whisper yelled, “Steve that’s so fun!” your voice was like, an octave higher than normal. 

“Yeah! Yeah, it should be. I kinda wish I was here though,” he said, finally making eye contact. 

“Well, there’s still like, almost half the summer left. Plenty of time to hang out on the weekend,” you smiled tightly. Why did this bother you? You only recently became friends with Steve. Like last night basically. 

“Plenty,” he repeated. “What’s the big party plans?” 

“I don’t know if you want to know, don’t want to make you jealous,” you joked. 

He laughed, “Maybe. Tell me on Sunday when I’m back.”

You nodded, not really knowing what else to say. You didn’t want to ask about her, whoever she was. As the final notes of “Sweet Caroline” faded out you stood up. “Okay loverboy, time for Thursday Night Campfire,” you said as you walked away. 

_ _ _

Thursday night campfire went about as well as it normally did. The younger campers had their own original skits making you laugh, not at the jokes but at how cute they are. Older campers did classic camp skits like “Lawnmower” and “Pebbles”. Your girls did the always favorite “Break Time” skit, mocking how they envision you and Nancy on your break times. They weren’t too far off honestly, as half the girls pretended to sleep on the dirt the entire time. The Teen Program kids sang some of the most gut wrenching songs, finishing the night with “I Want to Linger” by the Andrews Sisters. Your girls began sobbing and clutching each other while you and Nancy cried silent tears, she grabbed your hand. 

“Thank you for being my co,” Nancy said tearfully, like this would be the last she’d ever see of you. 

“And thank you for being mine,” you whispered and leaned over to hug her. It wasn’t the last time you’d see Nancy- obviously- but you were always strangely sentimental, especially on the last night of camp. This would be the first and last time you counseled these girls with Nancy, you would never have these same moments or memories ever again. It was as beautiful as it was sad, reminding you again to treasure every moment with your campers. 

After the counselors sang their own sad song, a song that’s been sung at camp for generations, the cabins left one by one, the smallest cabin first. You stood arm in arm with Nancy on your left, Eddie on your right. Swaying as you sang you watched your friends take their kids back to the cabin to get ready for bedtime (and the counselor’s break time). When Eddie left the line, you scooted closer to your right, finding Steve there. It made sense, you were the oldest cabins, the last to leave, but you still found your heart skipping a beat. He put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to his side, continuing the sway and swing. The song wasn’t exactly musically advanced, but you thought his voice sounded beautiful. You hoped you weren’t embarrassing yourself by continuing to sing. 

Finally, it was time for you and Nancy to leave. You both gave the boys a teary eyed smile that you knew they’d make fun of you for later. As you escorted the crying girls back to your cabin they exchanged numbers, writing them on a spare page of Courtney’s sketchbook. 

“Promise me you’ll call, all of you?” Alisha pleaded. 

“I promise!” Piper cried. 

“We should be pen pals too! I’m way better with my writing than I am with my words,” Yvonne said, eyes wide. 

“That’s the same thing Yvonne,” Courtney said, rolling her eyes through tears. 

“Is not!” Yvonne cried, launching herself on Courtney for a hug. 

You and Nancy just giggled watching the girls fall over themselves. Hopefully dancing and crying will make going to bed easier, but you weren’t really going to enforce a bedtime tonight. They can sleep on the ride home. 

As the girls brushed their teeth and negotiated longer flashlight time, you looked to Nancy, “Am I good to leave for break?” you asked her, her hair still wet from showering. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna put some earplugs in and hope they don’t shine a light directly in my face,” she smiled. 

You bid her and the girls goodnight and left the cabin quietly. Your agenda:

Shower, obviously. You cried your whiskers and nose off but you still had plenty of paint and grime to wash off. 

Eat. The staff kitchen always gets stocked on Thursdays, right before the weekend. You were hoping for the mac and cheese and hush puppies you had for lunch Wednesday.

Spend as long as possible in the Nor’Wester room, counselor designated break room. You missed all your friends!

Walking up to the Nor’Wester room you could see Robin through the windows, reenacting a story from this last week. You picked up your pace to try and hear the rest. 

“...and Carol literally was like, “If you don’t get these frogs outside I’m going to take away milk privileges” and the kids went berserk. Claudia screamed that Mister Frog was the only important thing in her life, keeping in mind that all of them were named Mister Frog. I mean, there were like, thirty freaking frogs in our cabin and it smelled worse than when Tommy P shit his pants in Cabin 8. Then half of them called us ‘cruel and unusual’ for taking away milk privileges, but it’s like, if you can’t handle leaving nature as it is, then you don’t get milk!” Robin ranted, gesticulating wildly. 

Patty was over herself laughing crying, “I’m gonna pee!” and then everyone laughed even harder. Robin spotted you in the doorway as she finished her story and ran over to you, crushing you again. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, they just don’t get my humor,” she said, clutching your head. 

Steve scoffed, “I get your humor, I just don’t think you’re very funny.”

“Now that’s cruel and unusual,” she deadpanned. “Did you hear all that, do I need to tell it again?”

You laughed, “I think I got the gist. Frogs no milk, screaming 10 year olds. Does it still smell?”

She nodded her head gravely, “Carol and I are going to be cleaning that cabin by the time everyone finishes their cabins, the bathrooms and the dining hall. I am debating sleeping on the porch tonight.” You giggled as she dragged you back to the couch with her, squeezing you in between her and Steve. He tried to scoot away to give you space, but there was absolutely no space left on the couch. Instead of sitting in an empty seat, he stayed and threw his arm on the back of the couch behind your head. 

You listened to your friends and their stories on the couch for what felt like the entire night. Throwing in your own, like waking up that morning with an eye the size of Texas. 

“Hah!” Steve laughed, “you should have seen her! She shook me awake and the first thing I see in the morning is this giant, puffy thing yelling at me to get up. Like, I was trying not to make her feel bad, but when you look like you're turning into Sloth from The Goonies, there’s only so much you can say,” he laughed. 

Eddie titled his head, “First thing? Did you guys all share a tent? Two people is hard enough to fit in those things, I couldn’t imagine four.” You ignored the knowing look Robin gave you. 

Steve shook his head, “Nancy and Jonathon asked to have a tent to themselves last night,” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Eddie’s eyes blew wide, “So you two shared a tent, just yourselves?”

“And she was wearing his pants this morning.” Eddie's eyes grew larger yet. 

You scoffed, “That was only because we couldn’t find my shorts last night before bed. He was just being nice.” your body continued to grow hot as you thought about this morning. His arm around your waist, his face right above yours and tucked into his chest tightly. The day had been so busy you nearly forgot, but now it was the only thing you could think of. 

“...why couldn’t you find your shorts,” Eddie said slowly. 

Steve snickered and covered his mouth and you smacked his chest on instinct, “Oh my God Eddie! Get your head out of the gutter! We went swimming, I tossed them, and found them in the morning when there was light. Not everything is the intro to a porno you know,” you scolded him. 

“Okay…” he said, not convinced. You grew hot at all the eyes on you and the laughter that echoed the room. 

By the time it was midnight, the conversation had lulled. Robin was reading a book on the couch, Eddie, Patty, Gregory, and Sarah had left a half hour ago, stating they still needed to shower. You watched as Eddie and Gregory walked in the opposite direction of the boys showers, but didn’t say anything. 

You stood up, “Robin, want me to walk you back to your cabin?”

She stretched in the chair, “Yeah probably, Steve can be our guard dog,” she said, pushing through a yawn. 

He grumbled but didn’t say ‘no’ as he got up and opened the door. “Ladies,” he gestured. 

You both mumbled thanks as you made the quiet walk to the cabins. Robin’s cabin was closer to the dining hall so you dropped her off first. She gave you both a hug and mumbled, ‘my heroes’ as she shut the door. 

You and Steve walked in similar silence. You were only a few yards away from the counselor door when Steve stopped you. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey?”

“I just wanted to say um… I hope I didn’t go too far with the Sloth joke. He’s actually kind of cute when you really look at him.”

You giggled, “No Steve it’s fine, it was funny. I had my Quasimodo moment, but just you wait. Your time is coming.” 

He put his hands up, “Woah… just don’t touch the hair.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” a beat, “Well, goodnight Steve, thanks for the walk.”

“Wait!” he reached out and instantly slapped his hand against his leg to keep it at his side, “I also… I really want to be here this weekend. Like, I really want to.”

You tilted your head in confusion, “It’s okay Steve, seriously. This will not be the last party we throw. I’ll make sure we throw one next weekend too, okay? Pull out all the stops. I’ll make sure we jump off the top of the Aquaslide next week, stargaze at the Nature Center, and movie night in Cabin 2. All of it.”

He laughed and ran his hand through his hair, “I’m not worried about that. I mean I love that, I want to do that, please make sure we do,” he added on quickly, “I just… that’s not why… I just really want you to know that I would much rather be here.”

You laughed a little uncomfortably, “Well don’t let your date hear you say that!” and you punched his shoulder, immediately regretting the very awkward action. 

“I won’t. You're right that’s mean to Heidi. I…” he stopped. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay, sleep well,” he leaned forward and gave you a hug. 

Heidi. The name almost made your nose scrunch as you hugged him back. “I’ll see you, Steve,” you said into his shoulder. He let go and took a few steps back. You turned to go into your cabin but you could feel his eyes still on you as you closed the door. 

After an hour voyage across the lake, traversing rapids in your small shitty canoes, and a mile and half portage with all of your things in hand, Cabins 6 and 11 finally made it to the designated camp site. Your campers fall down in a well-deserved huff. You were shocked, you didn’t hear a single complaint from any of them, not even a peep. In fact, they almost seemed to be enjoying the hard work. You let them have some time to settle as Nancy and Jonathon began to start a fire for dinner, while Steve unpacked the food. You place your bags by your tent bag, two lifeguard tubes near the edge of Jumping Rock (the cliff side), and immediately hang a rope in a tree to hang the bear bag later in the night. You learned your lesson during the first Site Night to hang the rope before it got dark. Thinking of the dark, you hollered to the kids behind you, “You’ll be setting up your own tent, so don’t let it get too late!” 

A chorus of groans followed your announcement, and Steve yelled back, “No dessert if your tent isn’t set up by the time dinner’s ready!”

You smirked at him, thankful for the backup. Nancy and Jonathon were too preoccupied to pay attention to you and Steve. 

“Steve…” you drew out, “if I cook your hobo stew, will you put up mine and Nancy’s tent?”

He grimaced at you, “I don’t know, I think I’ll need something else,” he eyes you playfully. “How about… You help me lifeguard the cliff and cook dinner, and I’ll put up your tent,” he said, sticking out his hand to strike the deal.

“Deal!” you shook his hand excitedly. Pitching the tents was your least favorite Site Night task. 

_ _ _

Your campers gathered around Jonathon’s hastily made campfire as you finished cooking dinner, all the tents were set up perfectly, girls on one side, boys on the other, with counselor tents on a hill, somewhat centered between the two. You let the girls giggle and gossip with each other, pleased to see them tolerating one another. You and your fellow counselors were further back on a picnic table, chowing down on your stew, talking about everything and anything related to camp. 

“Oh, by the way, you guys,” Nancy started, and looked between you and Steve bashfully, “Jonathon and I have a question for you.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” you said in between mouthfuls.

“Would you guys mind if…” her voice got low, “if Jonathon and I shared a tent tonight? You can say no,” she added quickly. 

You looked at Steve, your face contorting uncomfortably. Sure, you and Steve were friends, but you were just becoming friends, and the last time you shared a tent, you also shared it with a dozen other people. Before you could say no, Steve almost yelled-

“Yes!” His face grew red and he looked at you, a couple of times, quickly saying, “If you’re okay with that. I think it’d be really fun,” Steve said with so much sincerity, you couldn’t possibly say no. 

“Of course, that sounds fun. Just don’t have too much fun, you two,” you winked at the couple. 

Jonathan scoffed at that, “You’re disgusting, there are children here,” he mocked you. “Isn’t it time for a cabin activity? A little… cliff jumping?” Jonathan cringed as he said it, clearly hating the idea of it, but it was something both sets of camper’s had been talking about since checking ‘Jumping Rock’ out. You knew he’d be just fine though, he and Nancy would be at the top making sure everyone had shoes and lifejackets on.

“You know it,” Steve smirked at his co-counselor. He leaned back towards the campers, “Okay, guys! Swimsuits on in 10 if you want to cliff jump!” Steve gestured to you and himself and added, “We’ll be waiting for you guys in the water!”

He hopped up off the table and tried to pull you along, “Come on!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” you laughed, tossing your sweatshirt onto the picnic table, and then ran towards the edge, both of your lifeguard tubes waiting for you.

You stepped out of your shorts and threw them aside in a place you would remember them. You were in your favorite one piece, a blue one piece with red lining all around the edges. Athletic and flattering, you looked good. You looked over to Steve to ask who should go first, but he was already looking at you. This time, he didn’t look away, but he did make quick eye contact. He raised his eyebrows at you questioningly, his face growing warm. “What’s up?” he squeaked out. 

“Do you wanna go first?” you gestured towards the edge of the cliff. It was about 30 feet until the surface of the water, and another 20 before the bottom of the lake, but from up here it might as well have been a mile jump. You loved the excitement, though, the adrenaline rush wasn’t even your favorite part. It was the feeling of free-falling, the weightlessness of it all, and the wind against your skin and through your hair. It was incredible, and you couldn’t wait to go, but you wanted to give Steve a fair chance of going first. 

He looked over the edge and laughed nervously, “That’s all you,” and took a step back. He gave a fake cough and said, “I’ve never actually… I don’t really like heights,” he explained. “I might take the path down…” he trailed off, looking towards the tiny overgrown path that led down to the bank. 

 You nodded understandingly and placed a hand on his arm, “Of course, I’ll meet you down there.” You faced forward, the sun was just beginning to set over the lake, and you took it in for a moment. You looked back at Steve and smiled, “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” hand still on his bicep.

“Totally,” Steve responded, “beautiful,” his eyes flashed between you and the sunset. His eyes dropped to your hand as you removed it from his arm, missing the warmth, even in 80-degree weather.

You took a deep breath, clutching onto your lifeguard tube that was under your left arm, and glanced back at Steve again for reassurance. Anxiety and excitement bubbling in your chest. The lake was like a perfect mirror to the beautiful sunset, and you took a few steps back. Not wasting another moment, you took off running towards the edge. The sun in your eyes and your hair bouncing wildly, Steve couldn’t believe he was the only one to witness this. He was completely mesmerized, staring at you as you ran off the edge. The moment you lose the ground underneath you, you let go of your tube, arms flailing. You couldn’t help the excited scream and hysterical laughter that left your mouth. 

The water was freezing, and the shock of the cold water made it hard to breathe for a moment, but once your face hit the surface, you laughed again. “Steve!” the first words out of your mouth instantly, “You gotta try it!” 

His head peeked over the edge, and you heard his laugh echo across the lake. “Give me some room!” he yelled as his head pulled away, taking some steps back. It was silent for over a minute (you checked your watch). Suddenly, you heard the pounding of his feet and saw his legs sprawl out as they left the rock. He let out a scream that sounded more akin to a horror flick than a joyous occasion. As his body cut through the water, his tube pulled him back to the surface. He came up sputtering and laughing even more hysterically. 

“I can’t believe I just did that. I’ve never done that! I never even jumped off the swings as a kid! Holy shit! I can’t believe you made me do that!” Steve rambled, his eyes wide with adrenaline.

“Made you? I didn’t do anything, that was all you! You should be proud of yourself!” you yelled back, despite being only a few feet away from each other. 

“I would have never done that if you weren’t here. I’d be a stickler up at the top like Nancy and Jon. Oh my god,” he threw his head back and laughed. “I can’t believe it, that was awesome.”

You found yourself staring at him again, for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few hours, you couldn’t help it. He swung his head around and began to swim towards you, his large arms stretching and moving himself forward impressively fast, until he was right within your personal space. You both were treading water, your tubes long forgotten. 

“You’re like, really really awesome, you know that?” You looked into his big brown eyes, your face fawning a bit, touched by his compliment. 

“Steve, that’s-”

The sound of screaming cut you off abruptly, and you remembered you were supposed to be guarding lives in the water, not staring into Steve Harrington’s doe eyes and gentle smile. Not counting the freckles and moles on his face, brought out even more by the summer sun, you were supposed to be watching your campers.

Your campers were crying your name, over and over, “I can’t do it!” Courtney yells. 

Yvonne screams even louder, “What if I die?” which causes all the other girls to scream. 

Nancy has her ears covered while you scream back, “You won’t die! Just run and jump, you big babies!”

One by one, you watched your (irritating but) wonderful girls encourage each other, support one another, and eventually gather the courage to jump. It was such a beautiful moment to watch. Courtney went first; she was quite the leader, and this impressed you beyond belief. Steve’s cabin wasn’t much better, but they were petrified with fear until finally, Wade took the literal leap of faith. By the time the kids had all gone up and down three times, it was getting dark, and you and Steve decided to call it quits. 

Alisha begged, “Can we please do the polar plunge here tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” Steve said seriously. It would be a polar plunge, and it meant they all were going to be soaking wet the entire way home, which usually led to some health issues in campers you all wanted to avoid. 

You and Steve pulled up the rear of the group, trudging along silently from exhaustion. Not a bad silence, in fact, quite a pleasant silence. You pushed Steve’s arm to let him know you were deviating from the group for a moment to go grab your shorts. Foolishly, you did not have a flashlight, and when you walked up to the top of the cliff, looking at the dense foliage, you realized that looking for your shorts was useless. Steve had followed you and realized what you did at the exact same time and said, “Shit. We can just look in the morning.”

“Yeah, but those are my only pants,” you said shyly. You were supposed to pack light! It’s one night!

“You can just wear my sweatpants. We’ll be in the same tent anyway, so it’s not like they’ll notice,” Steve offered, referring to the campers. 

“What will you wear then?”

Steve scoffed, “I like to live lavishly, I usually bring two pairs of pants, if you can believe it.”

“I actually can’t,” you said dryly.

“That’s okay, I’ll believe for the both of us,” he smirked. 

_ _ _

You were sitting by the fire, back at the knees of your camper, Piper, who was braiding your hair. She had what looked to be hundreds of beautiful little braids with beads woven in between the strands. She was braiding your hair into just two big braids, but said she could ‘sacrifice’ a couple of her extra beads for you. When she finished, you took another look around the campfire.

You noticed the girls growing increasingly tired with every minute that passed, until finally the conversation had completely died down. The boys were off in the woods. You think you saw them building forts earlier, but now you could just hear them whispering. 

“Okay, girls, I think it’s time for bed,” you said, just above a whisper, getting up and shaking the shoulders of Alisha, who was passed out in the dirt, a log as her pillow. As they started to file into their tents, you saw Jonathon doing the same with his boys. You gave him a wink across the fire before heading into yours and… Steve’s tent. Your face grew hot thinking about it. Sleeping in such a small space with him felt incredibly intimate, and you weren’t sure what to make of it. He seemed very excited at the prospect of sleeping in the same tent as you, though you wondered if he just didn’t want Nancy and Jonathon to feel guilty for asking. 

The absence of crunching gravel let you know your girls had gone to sleep, you turned around and whisper-yelled ‘goodnight!’ to your girls, who very adorably and sleepily said goodnight back. The air had become much colder, and you were thankful for the pants Steve would soon lend you. You made eye contact with him as he walked a camper to their tent (a boy who was scared of the dark had asked him to come with him while he brushed his teeth), and he smiled at you. You gave one back and unzipped the tent, taking your shoes off before carefully crawling in. You were a little startled when he put his face in the open tent flap and pointed aggressively at his backpack. 

“My sweatpants are in there. Go ahead and put them on. I’ll brush my teeth while you do that,” he said, and quickly pulled out and zipped the door up to give you some privacy. You rummaged through his bag and found what you assumed were the ones he wanted you to wear. They were simple, navy blue Nike joggers. You quickly undressed, taking your swimsuit off and putting on clean, dry undergarments. You put his pants on, untying the drawstring for more comfort. You unzipped the door to hang your swimsuit to dry and looked around to see if he was nearby or if any campers were creeping. The last thing you needed was for a camper to see the tent switch. You looked over at Jonathon and Nancy’s tent, hearing the quiet whispering and giggling, and you smiled gently at the two of them. You carefully stepped back into your tent. While waiting for Steve, you lay down on top of your blue sleeping bag and shoved your sweatshirt under your head as a pillow. You couldn’t help but notice Steve had a real pillow on his side. Talk about lavish! You were told not to pack too much of anything. Were you the only one to listen to that advice? 

You flipped the switch of your flashlight and grabbed the one luxury you cared to bring: your favorite book. You shined the flashlight on the open pages and read through a few pages before you heard Steve scratch at the nylon of the tent. 

“Are you decent?”

You laughed, “Yes, I’m clothed, come in.”

His head popped in and began to crawl inside, flipping on his butt to take his shoes off. He glanced at your book, “Do you want to read for a bit before going to bed?”

“No, it’s fine, I’m like, exhausted.”

“Yeah, me too,” Steve said, but the way his eyes were flitting around the tent led you to believe he was less tired than he was letting on. “You look good in my pants, by the way. You look nice in blue.”

You looked down at your legs and then back at Steve, “They’re sweatpants.”

“Still, you look good. In like- everything.” Steve’s eyes were wide, and he wouldn’t look you in the eyes. Your face grew red at the compliment. 

“Thank you. For the compliment and letting me wear them. I really appreciate it.” 

The tent fell into another quiet moment, the sounds of the campers' distant chatter and the rustling of trees outside filling the space. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t easy either. The heat of the tent, the closeness of your sleeping bags, and the quiet sound of nocturnal creatures made everything feel much more intimate.

You both settled into your sleeping bags a bit more, and you shut your flashlight off. You broke the silence this time. 

“You seem to really like your cabin this week. I’m still thinking about what we talked about last week, how you felt that you couldn’t connect with anyone at camp. Has that changed?”

Steve seems a little surprised at your question, “Yeah. I’ve taken what you said to heart. Finding that appreciation and connection. You know I’m- I’m letting camp change me, letting camp really, like- take its course on me. It’s been great letting my guard down and not being so… pretentious… about everything.” he said, sounding a little embarrassed, “I mean, even today, watching the guys help each other, and care for each other, it really makes you feel like you’re a part of something bigger,” you could see him grin, even in the dim light, “Like when Wade jumped. He looked like he might pass out before he jumped, but when he came back up… he was so stoked. Like, just so proud of himself."

“Isn’t it incredible! And you get to be a part of that. It seems small Steve, but you’re changing lives here, not just your own.”

“It is…” Steve smiled to himself and then chuckled quietly, “I don’t think I would have done any of that as a kid. And I definitely wouldn’t have the courage you’ve got.”

“I only pretend to be cool, my heart was still racing the entire time.” 

Steve was quiet for a moment, "I don’t know… I just think it’s awesome how you can just do all of that. You’ve got this confidence, like… nothing can rattle you. You walk around like you own camp, and you basically do. You walk around dancing like you don’t care if anyone sees. And maybe no one does, except me,” Steve says that last part so quietly, you couldn’t make out what he said. He looks over at you, and even though he can hardly make out your profile in the dark, he stares anyway. 

“I do not own camp,” you laugh, “and I dance like that because I just always have a song stuck in my head. Gotta dance that earworm out,” and you start wiggling in your sleeping bag, which Steve can only tell because of the scratchy sound of it against your clothes. You laugh and then say seriously, “But, thank you. That means a lot. It’s good to be recognized, you know? You also are like, really impressive this week. I haven’t seen such life in your eyes… I don’t think ever.”

He laughs quietly, “That’s probably true. It hasn’t seemed worth it until now.”

You smiled back at Steve, though neither of you could see each other. You were glad the cover of night shielded your facial expressions. You were beginning to like Steve, but you still haven’t forgotten the arrogant sex pest he seemed to be not five weeks ago. People change, but they don’t change that fast. You wondered if he was playing the long game with you. Maybe he was trying to get closer to Patty or Mae, your best friends at camp, and you were the way in. Instantly, you willed yourself to stop thinking about that, your chest uncomfortably tight. 

“Goodnight, Steve,” you said quietly.

He smiled, and you could see the glow of his teeth even in the dark, “Goodnight, sleep well,” adding your name quietly.  

The waterfront was still, the surface perfectly reflecting the sky like glass. It looked endless as it blended into the horizon. You tossed your sandals and dry things on a nearby bench and padded barefoot down the dock. Looking down into the water, if you looked past the reflection, you could see the sun rays exposing the bluegills and sunfish that lived under the dock. You dunked your foot into the water, deciding it was plenty warm to dive right in. Ungracefully and lazily, you dove in, knowing exactly how deep the water was, and began to front crawl, finally disturbing the surface of Elk Bay. You watched as your arms caused ripples and waves, felt your feet kick away seaweed, and tried to calm your nerves. 

Sunday was the day all campers arrived. You knew you were a great counselor but every week came with all the same usual fears. Will they respect me? What if they hate me? How do I keep them entertained and safe? Will they like each other? One of the things you disliked about Camp Elk Heart was the change of campers every week. It’s difficult to make meaningful connections in the week you’re given with your campers, but you’ve been successful this summer. You’ve been lucky so far to have some incredible groups of girls, but you’ve witnessed other cabins and their ‘Hell Week’ cabin, and you knew that your time was coming. It was already Week 5 out of 10! Surely one of these weeks will be terrible and awful and push you to your limits more than you’ve ever been pushed before. 

You start to realize the more you try to force yourself to not think about your anxieties, the worse your mind is making them. You paused for a moment to tread, looking around the lake, and then around the waterfront. Suddenly you sense movement to your right, in the treeline. You hear the noise from the Northside of camp, colloquially known as “boys side”- and then it’s gone. A rabbit? A fisher? You prayed it was something that couldn’t swim. 

You kept your eyes on the treeline in front of Cabin 6 as you hurriedly swam in. Two weeks ago you fought off a fisher that was living under Cabin 11 and if you never had to see one again for the rest of your life, it’d be too soon. Grabbing your things and rushing to the bathhouse you’re glad the water on Northside is perpetually freezing. Some hated the cold water, but today, you found it refreshing in the humid weather. 

_ _ _ 

Your hair was still damp when you walked into the Nor’wester room for the camp-wide Sunday meeting. You were already moved into your cabin for the week and knew you were Co-ing with Nancy this week, but you still had yet to receive your camper assignments or med sheets for the week. Having new campers every week had its downside, but it also meant living and working with a new counselor every week- which you loved. You sit down in one of the only open spots on the couch next to Mae. You glance across the room, taking in everyone's faces. The people you’ve grown to love or care about, babbling excitedly to see their camper’s names and age groups.

You don’t really feel like joining in, being totally and completely content watching everyone else’s happiness and excitement. Your chest swelled with love, a feeling that seems to happen multiple times a day since you started working here. As your eyes flit across you the room, you try to ignore the pull in your chest to look at him. You didn’t see Steve after your bonfire on Friday, apparently Robin needed to go all the way back to Hawkins Saturday. You couldn’t hide your disappointment when Mae told you yesterday. You still haven’t been able to thank him for cleaning the party aftermath. 

You wonder if he left without saying goodbye intentionally. You completely avoid eye contact with Steve and, a little delusionally, you think he might be starting right at you. You wave a little at Torres, who was perched in front of the group with his arms crossed next to Southside director Darcy. He gives you a friendly smile and a little wink, his way of telling you the meeting was starting soon. You hear the door open and as your eyes move to see who entered, you catch Steve looking right at you. He looked away instantly in the opposite direction as everyone else, who were staring at the double doors. 

Tall and stocky and always sporting a backwards hat, Gavin is one of the kindest and most caring bosses you’ve ever had. He claps his hands and gives the room his signature sparking white and perfect grin. 

“Are you guys ready? What week is it?” he yells.

“First WEEK!” you and the rest of the room yells, even louder. A call and response Gavin started a few weeks back after sensing everyone becoming too comfortable with the routine.

“What week?” He cups his hand behind his ear. 

“FIRST WEEK!” the room feels like it's shaking.

“Exactly! It might be week 5 but these kids have been waiting all summer for their first week of camp! So let’s get out there! Give them creativity, compassion, and damn good time,” Gavin says as he passes out cabin assignments and med sheets. You make eye contact with Nancy from across the room, basically in Jonathon’s lap, and raise your eyebrows excitedly as Gavin passes you your list of girls for the week. 

She says something you can’t hear to Jonathon and gets up from her seat, walking over to you. You hold the papers face down, waiting for your friend and Co before looking at it. 

“What are you hoping for?” you ask the curly haired girl.

“Literally anything except the 10 year olds. They’re old enough to mouth off, but little enough to still wet the bed and that combination is just too much for me” Nancy says, shaking her head. “You?”

“I haven’t had the oldest girls yet so I’m hoping, fingers crossed, Darcy was listening when I asked for them.”

Nancy grins at you and grabs one side of the papers, “Ready? Three, two, one!” 

You flip the paper over and instantly your eyes go to the margins, looking for the ages. 13, 13, 14, 12, 13, your eyes widen in excitement at Nancy and at the same instant you both shout “Oldest girls!” Secretly though, you know you would have had the same reaction regardless of age. 

You laugh as you and Nancy dance in your seats, “Oh, my god.” you said suddenly, “Nancy,” you said, sounding very serious. 

Her eyes go wide, “What?”

“This means I can finally go across the lake! I finally have girls old enough to canoe without capsizing or crying! Should I sign us up for Elk’s Harbor?”

Nancy starts pointing at the Site Night sign up sheet across the room, “Yes, yes do it now!”

Another aspect of Camp Elk Heart that was new this year was “Site Night”. Every Wednesday every cabin has to pack out all their food and sleeping necessities to a campsite that was not on camp grounds. Some places could be quickly hiked to, meaning they could pack more for comfort and make multiple trips (and usually for younger campers). Others were miles away and usually required campers to bike, which meant all of their things would be brought to the site for them. Elk’s Harbor was a totally different beast, and campers had to be, at minimum, 12 years old to go. Canoeing across the lake, down the river and through a small series of rapids (where most campers tend to flip their canoes), to a small opening that’s hidden behind a low group of leaning trees and if you miss it, you’re basically past the point of no return. Then, portaging all of your stuff and your canoe 150 rods all uphill (just under half a mile) to the campsite. The campsite sat on the side of the most perfect rock on the edge of the lake for cliff jumping and swimming. It is highly sought after, and this was the moment for your adventurous heart and spirit to finally take it. 

You basically sprint across the dining hall to the Site Night sign up sheet, dodging people and chairs and politely as you can. Just as you’re coming up to the front of the room, you see Steve, pen in hand, calmly writing his own cabin number somewhere on the sheet. 

“Excuse me!” you shout, almost shouldering Steve out the way and grabbing the spare pen on the table. Your eyes rapidly scan the paper for Elk’s Harbor. When you do see it, you go to write your cabin but see someone has already taken it. 

“What? Who’s in Cabin Six this week?” you said, looking around for the culprit. 

Steve looked at you awkwardly, not quite understanding why you’re upset. He gave a fake cough and then said, “I’m Cabin Six. Me and Jonathon.”

“You have the oldest boys? Didn’t you have them last week?” you said, looking at him with saucer eyes, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Yeah, turns out I’m pretty good with them so I get older boys again. Are you trying to go to Elk’s Harbor?”

“Yes!” you said exasperated, “were you not just there?”

“I was supposed to go last week but my boys were too scared. Went to Quartz Creek instead, it was easier to bike there,”

“Well, if you like having the older cabins so much then you'll probably have them again, this might be my last time ever. Please, can we go to Elk Harbor instead?”

“What!? No way, I’m not guaranteed an older cabin ever again, I got lucky this time.” Steve said, bringing his eyebrows in. 

“Steve come on, you’re Watercraft Director, you could just go there whenever. You have full access to canoes all the time!”

“And you’re the Extreme Sports Director! You could just ask Gavin to go like- like- rock climb over there or something and he’d just let you!”

As your bickering was growing in volume, Steve’s words caught the attention of your Camp Director. 

“Woah woah! What’s happening over there?” Gavin called from inside the kitchen, helping the cooks with dishes before campers got here. 

“We both want to go to Elk’s Harbor but only one cabin can go at a time,” you said, a little dejected. Despite Steve being one of the more introverted counselors, Gavin adored him. Probably from bonding over their love of sports and the gym. You knew on some weekends they would go work out or run together. Steve was obviously a favorite and if it came between you or Steve, you knew who Gavin would choose. 

“Why don’t you both just go?” Gavin responds, nonchalantly. 

You and Steve looked at each other, and he said, “We can do that?”

“Well not normally, but you’re both good counselors and I trust you to behave and take care of your campers. Besides, not everyone gets the chance to go across the lake so I’d rather you both just go than one of you miss out on it,” Gavin turned back around to continue helping the kitchen prepare dinner. 

Your eyes lit up as you whipped back around to the sign up sheet, scrawling ‘Cabin 11’ in the corner of the box for Elk Harbor, not wasting a second. You turned to Steve smiling, “I’ve never done a co-ed Site Night, this will be so much fun!”

Steve looked a little nervous but smiled just a big, “Yeah, super fun! Do you think our cabins will get along?” 

“Oh of course, I’ve never had a bad group of girls, and boy cabins love me! I’m sure it’ll be great,” you turned to Nancy who was across the room, chatting with Jonathon but looking at you, and gave her two thumbs up. 

_ _ _

What had started as a group of girls who weren't super ‘outdoorsy’ had quickly turned into your first (and hopefully last) Hell Week. Despite only having 5 campers, the cabin was constantly disgusting with clothes, dirt, and sand, covering every surface, no matter how many times you and Nancy begged them to clean their stuff. They were completely disrespectful to you and Nancy, never listening, never on time, and always complaining. You could deal with the messes, the lateness, all of that, but hearing them complain for the fifth time in an hour ‘why do we have to do this, why can’t we be inside, why can’t we just tan’ was like nails on a chalkboard. Their teen voices reached decibels and frequencies you didn’t think were humanly possible when they came across frogs or bugs. 

You had truly never felt such…irritation, for a group of children. The nicest one, being the oldest 14 year old, but she was still very clearly not interested in being outside when she didn’t have to be. Your one saving grace was the fact that the girls were repulsed by the boys in Cabin 6. Despite the disgust with the other 14 year olds boys, they were utterly obsessed with Steve and were ecstatic that they’d be spending the night ‘with’ him and his cabin. 

Site Night was always pandemonium. As you walked into the Dining Hall you could barely hear your thoughts, it was that loud. Campers were talking, yelling, gossiping, all while making their dinner for tonight. You let Nancy handle your campers, food, and meds, meanwhile, you were doing all the physical tasks that needed to be prepped before leaving. You had gotten an early start, prepping the tents, canoes, and overnight bags for your launch at 3:30. You couldn’t wait to make your classic ‘hobo stew’, a conglomerate of leftovers from the last few days. You made sure to tell your campers that the secret to good hobo stew was making sure you had enough sauce, salt, and pepper. 

You were weaving through the crowd of children to your group of children when someone caught your shoulder

Steve called your name, “Hey! Are you excited for tonight?”

You looked up at him and laughed, “With my girls… I’m not sure. What about you?”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed a little, “You’ll have to tell me what that means later. But absolutely, I mean, these kids are awesome. Blake is an Eagle Scout,” he said, starting to point to his campers, “Marcus and Eli are Boy Scouts, and, uh, Ethan and Wade are just super cool!” His cheeks were red from smiling, pride evident on his face. He had such knack for working with older campers, you wondered if he had more childcare experience than he let on. He didn’t seem the babysitting type, but you’ve been wrong about him before. 

“That’s awesome,” you flashed a big smile at the boys, “My girls are also super cool, but in the mall rat sort of way,” you didn’t even sound convincing to yourself, “I have a feeling the portage and hike are going to be pretty rough, but that’s okay! That’s the type two fun we’re always talking about!”

“No, type two fun would be if it started rain-”

You gasped and slammed your hand over his mouth, “Never, ever, ever, say that word before going on the water. Don’t you know that’s bad luck?”

You looked at him wildly as he stared back with wide eyes, he mumbles through your hand, “No…” then he licks your hand.

“Yuck! You’re such a freak!” you yelled, wiping your hands on his shirt (that might as well have been two scraps of fabric covering only the center of his chest, a fact you tried to ignore). 

“I’m the freak?” he laughs, “You keep your hands to yourself now or I’ll show you a real freak,” his face almost instantly flashed to horror at what he just said.

You laughed again, a look of disbelief coming over your face, “Yeah Steve, you’ll show me a ‘real freak’? Didn’t know you had a side like that.”

Steve groaned and grabbed your shoulders, shushing you, “I swear, everytime I make that joke it always comes out wrong. I’m not even like- trying to flirt-”

“Flirt?” you interrupt, your teasing tone filling every word, “flirting at work is prohibited Steve, you better watch your mouth.”

Steve was smiling, his face growing red with embarrassment, “Yeah, yeah, whatever go do your job or something,”

“I’m trying!” you said walking away from him. You look over your shoulder and say, “You’re just so distracting!” and send him a wink. 

You turn around and continue towards your cabin. As you approach you’re a little shocked at how… well behaved they all appear to be. Breakfast is in its bag, along with all of their hobo stews packed away. The girls didn’t seem upset or anything just very focused. Courtney, Piper, and Yvonne were staring at some journal pages from one of Courtney’s many, many journals. You couldn’t make out the writing totally but you swore you could see Steve’s name written at least a dozen times. Sarah and Alisha however, were staring in the direction of Cabin 6, but not directly at them. 

“Hey guys! How's everything going?” you glanced at Nancy, who was looking quite proud. 

“Pack out is going great,” Nancy answered, “All the food and meds are packed for the night and the girls have been doing a great job!” she said, exceptionally and oddly positive. 

“Uh huh. Well girls that sounds great! You should be proud of yourselves. Uh, Nancy, wanna help me make my dinner?” you said, gesturing to the buffet-like table of all this weeks’ leftovers. “I got uh- I got all the stuff ready to go, canoes ready to launch and all the supplies are packed in my canoe. Two canoes for the girls and one for us. What did,” you did a double take back at your girls, “what did you do to them,” you whispered into Nancy’s ear. 

“I told them if they didn’t listen to us we wouldn’t go across the lake which means… no Steve. They’ve been pretty well-behaved since then,” she proudly said. 

“Well, alright! Works for me,” you laughed. “How bad do you think this is going to be?”

“I think it’s going to be the worst night of our life. Is type three fun a real thing?”

“Type three is, what? You don’t have fun in the moment and it's not fun to remember. That’s just a bad time,” you and Nancy both laughed. 

Finishing packing up your dinner, you let the girls lead the way to the canoe launch, their quietness wearing off, and soon enough they’re gossiping and chatting again. 

“Oh my god, there’s no way he thought he could beat you in volleyball. I mean, you’re on the Varsity Volleyball team as a freshman! Ethan is like, the most unathletic Boy Scout I’ve ever met,” Piper gushed. 

“Right? As if! I’m the libero on my team even,” Yvonne gloated to the girls, who all immediately gasped in disbelief. 

“I like volleyball but I’m way better at basketball,” Courtney started, before launching into a monologue. You swore that little girl spoke faster than jets flew. 

You wished they would listen to you, but they were cute to listen to. You remembered what it was like to be a young girl again. Just as you’re getting your lifeguard tube on, Cabin 6 emerges from the trees. 

“Hey ladies,” Steve says, “heading out already?”

All of the girls’ mouths snap shut at Steve’s arrival, except for…

“Yep!” Courtney pipes up instantly, her blonde hair almost blinding in the sunlight, “We’re gonna beat you Steve!”

“I bet you are. Hey,” Steve turns and says your name, “would you mind staying back and helping me finish packing out? I promise we’ll be the first canoe in the water, but at this rate we won't leave until the sun has set,” he said, eyes pleading. 

“Let me ask Nancy real quick,” you run over to your girls. “Hey, can one of you canoe with Nancy? I’ve gotta help Cabin Six, is that okay Nance?”

She nods, “Of course. Boys are so useless. We’ll meet you there, Alisha, come join my canoe,” she said, calling to the duff in the middle of her canoe. 

Alisha groaned, but got up from her spot and trudged over to Nancy, “I was really hoping to not paddle today Nance. My shoulders hurt from the sunburn.”

“And who told you to wear sunscreen?” Nancy asked angrily, “Grab a paddle,” she grumbled. You watched as your cabin paddled away in an uncontrolled zig zag pattern, you could hear the giggles of Nancy and groans of the others as you turned back towards Cabin 6. Jonathan struggled to explain how to portage a canoe to the two non-Boy Scouts and could barely split the weight of one on his shoulders with his camper, Ethan. Steve was trying to get the attention of the rest of the boys who were chasing each other with paddles. 

“Okay guys, what needs to be done?” you yelled to the group. 

Steve yelled your name in relief, “Can you help me get the Trail Department stuff? We still need to fill the waters too,” he smiled at you brightly. “And guys!” he yelled, “make sure you go to the bathroom now! I’m not asking again.”

You both turned away from the rambunctious group and headed towards the Trail Department. Steve broke the silence first, “I really appreciate your help, they’re great kids but they’re a handful. Besides, I’ve never been very good at the whole ‘pack out’ thing. I’m not… super organized, I guess,” he said and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. You glanced at his arms as scratched, almost mesmerized by the way his muscles moved under his skin, his tanned skin highlighted the sun and his sweat. He was still wearing the extreme cut off tee and a pair of black swim trunks that were almost a little too short. If there’s such a thing, you thought warmly. His hair was long, and looked like it had been pushed back repeatedly by sweaty hands. You didn’t realize how long the silence was, and when you didn’t say anything, he turned to you and you quickly made eye contact, trying to avoid the warmth in your cheeks.

“We can’t all be perfect!” you mustered awkwardly, moving to push the TD door open. The breeze from the AC inside pushed your hair back and it felt amazing. It was another extremely hot and humid day, but you knew the tan you would get from the sun was going to be incredible. You always canoe in your swimsuit, ‘just incase’ you told yourself, but you knew it was to avoid the dreaded farmer's tan. 

You called out to the Trail Director, letting her know you were grabbing the last of Steve and Jonathon’s pack out supplies. You and Steve began to collect his supplies; toiletries, tents, canvas bag, bear bag, and all the essentials for a night in the woods. As you walked back to the boat launch you tried to make conversation, “So, have you canoed before?”

He stares at you for a moment, a strange look on his face, and says laughing, “I’m the Waterfront Director. Yes I’ve canoed before, just not there,” he gestured to the water, vaguely where Elk’s Harbor was, and his own swim trunks. He winked at you, “that’s why I need your help, you’re the orienteer-er. A captain needs his crew.”

“I am not crew, if anything I’m the captain! I’m the cartographer mapping the stars so we don’t get lost!” you exclaimed, “besides, getting across the lake is easy, it’s the rest that’s a little more difficult.”

You began to pass the supplies to all the canoes and campers, while Jonathon got everyone settled and fitted in lifejackets. You wanted to spread the weight of supplies evenly, especially since these campers were fairly experienced cano-ers. As you finished passing supplies out Steve grabbed your canoe and dragged it into the water. He sat on the front of the boat, feet planted firmly on the ground so that you could climb in without getting wet. 

“Three points of contact,” Steve teased, angling his head towards you “Be a good role model for my young, impressionable campers,”

You giggled at him, and carefully stepped into the canoe. Good lord, he was like a brick house! You thought as you climbed in, the canoe hardly moving even as you set your full weight down. 

Steve carefully followed suit, and used his canoe to push the boat into the water. “Okay captain, lead the way!”

You laughed as you placed your paddle in the water, directing the canoe expertly from the back, meanwhile Steve was the power house in the front. Working with him felt like second nature. You glanced behind, seeing all the other canoes in the water, somewhat surprised to see how well they were handling themselves, working like a perfect team. 

Steve looked over his shoulder at you, and said your name quietly, “I really appreciate your help. Jonathan is awesome, but I could tell this was a little beyond his strengths. I think we’d still be on the shore without your help. So, thanks.”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit! I’m sure you would have been fine, you're plenty capable,” you smiled brightly at him. He nodded his head curtly, a smile to match yours on his face, and turned around still grinning.

_ _ _

Eddie, who is sitting down on the steps of the RV, nodding along to Tommy’s advice for the road ahead, can’t seem to find it in himself to focus on what the man is telling him, not when his friend looks like he is about to die. 

Steve is leaning against the side of the RV with his arms crossed. His knee is bouncing as his eyes are stuck on the road ahead. Waiting and waiting, waiting for you. His heart keeps pounding painfully in his chest. His mind racing with all kinds of thoughts. Ones he doesn’t want to think about. Ones he is afraid of. What if you decide to stay here after all? What if you decide that Aaron should be the one to take you to your family and bring you back here with him? 

The thought pains him. It causes shudders to run down his back. It fills him with dread and sadness, but also with anger. 

What would he even do if you said you are not coming with them… with him? 

Would he be able to do anything about it? Would he get desperate enough to ask you to stay with him by telling you the truth about his feelings? 

Steve brings his hand up to his hair, running it through it nervously. He takes a deep breath, though it does little to calm him down. Only when he finally catches sight of you, walking down the road and to where he is standing, does he feel like he can breathe again. That is, until he sees him. 

Aaron is walking beside you, holding your hand. He feels like his breath gets knocked out of him again. He knows he should look away to spare himself the pain of watching that, but he can’t. 

Eddie pushes himself off the steps when he sees you. He clears his throat, trying to catch Steve’s attention, but the brunette is set on you. His eyes are glued on you. Eyes filled with sadness and pain. 

He doesn’t look away. He can’t. 

“Morning.” Aaron nods at Steve, who doesn’t even acknowledge him, only you. 

But you aren’t looking at him, nor at Eddie, who is trying to make eye contact with you, but your eyes are on the ground. The metalhead can’t tell whether it’s shame etched into your features or regret, but he can tell that you don’t feel comfortable standing here in front of Steve while having your hand held by the man you spent the night with. With the man you didn’t want it to be. 

“Brought you your sunshine back.” Aaron says, squeezing your hand as he briefly glances at Steve, who is still not looking at him. 

Tommy, who is standing on the side, looks down, chuckling under his breath. 

“Thank you, I was starting to think she would ditch us and stay here.” Eddie jokes, still looking at you. 

And when you finally look up, he notices the same exhaustion on your face that he sees on Steve’s. 

And Steve, he sees it too. He wants to feel relief so badly, but he knows the exhaustion can have two very different meanings. The latter makes him feel nauseous. He doesn’t want to think about it. His mind was swirling with the sickest thoughts all night. He doesn’t want to let it consume his mind again, not when you are back and here, ready to get back inside the RV with them. With him. 

“Never.” Aaron chuckles, looking down at you. “The offer was on the table, but I think she prefers you guys.” 

Steve’s mood sours even more. And he can’t help but huff at Aaron’s words. 

Eddie notices one thing, and that is how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. You avoid Steve’s eyes, especially.  

“Yeah, I’ll stick with my friends.” You say softly and look up at Aaron, giving him a small smile, but still big enough to make Steve’s heart ache. “But thank you, Aaron… For everything.” Your words have deeper meaning, and Steve knows that. It only worsens the pain in his heart, knowing that you have shared special things with another man. He doesn’t know whether he wants to scream or slam his head into the RV. He knows he should look away from you and him, but he can’t. 

Aaron nods, giving you a soft smile and another squeeze to your hand before he lets you go. 

“Anytime, Darlin’.” He nods, tipping his cowboy hat at you, making you smile a little bigger. 

“Alright, are you ready to go?” Eddie asks you, wanting nothing more than to put his best friend out of his misery. 

“Yeah. I’m ready.” You mumble, still not looking at him. 

You turn towards Tommy and step towards the older man. You bid your farewells and thank him for all he’s done for you and your friends. He shakes your hand and gives you a warm smile, telling you that the gates will always be open for you and your friends. 

You feel a bit awkward having to say goodbye to Aaron in front of Eddie and him. You can feel his eyes on you. His gaze is burning into your skin, and not in a pleasant way. You know he watched you last night, when you were dancing with Aaron, when you kissed him. You didn’t look at Steve after, not even when you left with him. You couldn’t. And now you can’t either. 

When you turn back to Aaron, you notice that he is looking at him. His chin tilted down a bit, eyes filled with emotions you can’t read. He isn’t glaring, nor is he looking at him cockily, none of that. There is something in his eyes, something only directed at Steve. And when he looks back down at you, his eyes flicker with different emotions. His lips curl into a smile again, and he takes a step forward, opening his arms to you. 

“C’mere.” 

Your cheeks heat up when he reaches forward, taking your hand into his own. He pulls you towards him and away from Steve. He wraps his arms around you and gives you a tight hug. Leaning down, his lips brush against your ear, “be careful out there for me, alright?” 

Steve squints his eyes. He clenches his fists, digging his nails into his palm. He takes a deep breath. He feels unsure of what he feels. Anger or sadness? He isn’t sure at this point. But he knows one thing: it hurts awfully to watch you be held by another man. 

“Always.” You whisper and squeeze his waist before you pull away. You look up at him, intending it to be the last time. You say goodbye with a smile, but he has different plans. Before you can let go and step away from him, Aaron cups your cheeks and caresses your cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your mouth, and then he leans down and presses his lips against yours. He says goodbye with a kiss. 

Steve’s heart drops to his stomach. The same nausea from the night before rising up in him. Anger fades away so quickly, and dejection settles in instead. His nails no longer dig into his palms. His chest no longer feels tight from rage. His eyes aren’t glaring anymore. All he feels… is pain. 

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut when he sees the expression on Steve’s face. He was mad at him before he knew how he really felt about you. Now he can’t feel that anymore, not when he is suffering like this. He can’t bear those eyes. 

Steve stares at you, at the back of your head. He watches. He watches how another man holds your face and kisses you. That’s all he can do. Watch. He knows he should move. He knows he should turn around and get inside the RV, wait for you there. But he is frozen. Stuck in place. 

Just like you, if he looked closer. 

When Aaron pulls away, he brushes his knuckles against your cheek. 

“Remember to contact me once you arrive so I know that you’re safe. And if you need me to come pick you up, use the coordinates, and I’ll do so.” Aaron says, looking into your eyes deeply. 

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding. 

“Okay.” Aaron nods and leans down once more, this time only giving you a short peck instead of a full-blown kiss. It’s still enough to make you blush, to make you flustered beneath his eyes. 

You squeeze his wrist and give him one last smile. 

“Goodbye, Aaron.” 

“Goodbye, Sunshine.” 

His smile looks a little mischievous, his wink too. You can’t tell what he is trying to say. But his eyes flicker between you and Steve. 

Steve, who isn’t even looking your way anymore when you turn to look at him, is facing away from you. 

If only you saw the tears in his eyes that he is hiding from you. 

You take a deep breath and look around one last time before you turn around and make your way inside the RV. You don’t know how much longer it will take to get to Nevada. You don’t know how much more pain you will have to bear till then. But you know that the rest of this journey won't be an easy one. 

“Hey Nance.” You say softly, smiling at the girl in the driver’s seat. 

She drops her map and turns to face you. You have seen her this morning, sneaking out of Tommy’s room with hickeys on her neck. She froze when she was met by the sight of you standing by the window and sipping on a freshly brewed coffee. You expected her to get awkward, but instead she smirked your way and told you that a girls talk was much needed. 

“Hey, you.” She smiles, eying you up and down. She leans her elbow against the steering wheel and points a finger at you. “We’re still having that conversation later.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” You whisper, growing flustered beneath her blue eyes. You don’t get to say much more because Steve stomps inside after you. He brushes past you and makes his way over to the couch. He sits down, refusing to look your way, and maybe it’s for the better, because you aren’t sure if you want him to look at you. 

Eddie walks in too, after saying his goodbyes. He waves at the two men one last time, giving them polite smiles before he shuts the door and locks it. He breathes in deeply and looks over at Steve. 

The worried look in his eyes makes you tense up, even more when the metalhead glances at you with emotions he hasn’t shown you before. You don’t know why, but it makes your chest ache, and it makes you unable to look at him longer. You force your eyes away from him and look down, awkwardly making your way to your seat, which was next to Steve. 

Eddie watched you intensely. His brown eyes take you in as he tries to read the expression on your face and the obvious tension in your shoulders. He wants to ask if you are okay, but then he looks over at Steve, who is looking out the window, refusing to turn towards the front of the RV, and he decides against it. 

With a sigh, he turns around and makes his way over to the passenger seat. He plops down and grabs the map off Nancy’s lap, only briefly glancing at the girl who is shaking her head at him in confusion. Her eyebrows are furrowed. Confusion and irritation were written all over her face. 

“You gonna drive or not, Wheeler?” 

Eddie’s voice was cold. The coldest you’ve ever heard. You never thought you would hear him talk like that, and much less towards Nancy, who looked just as surprised, and even hurt. She stuttered a bit, not knowing how to deal with Eddie’s sudden anger.

“I– Yes, I’m– Yeah.” She turns the engine key, and the RV comes to life. Steve was still not looking your way, and you felt nauseous as the motorhome rocked side to side. You weren’t going to be able to stand it, so you got up, and rushed towards the back where the bed was, creating distance between the two of you once more.

Steve felt his heart collapsing at how quickly you moved from his side. How quickly you couldn’t stand his presence. Just one minute passed since you sat down next to him, and it was enough. 

He stared at the floor, unable to speak, unable to move and Eddie noticed. His eyes moved from the map and towards Steve. He sighed, putting the map down, his eyes turning to look at Nancy who was driving.

“Change of plans. You go to the back, have your girls talk, while I drive and Steve is my copilot.” At his words, Nancy frowned, looking at him before staring back at the road.

“What? We– That’s not how we planned it– You can’t drive, your leg–”

“Well, I am changing it, and I can move my leg. So, stop the RV, and let me drive.” Steve’s eyes were wide at Eddie’s tone, finally noticing the change. He saw Nancy’s curls bob a little as she shook her head, slowly stopping the RV to get out of the Driver’s seat. Nancy didn’t even glance towards Steve as she passed, and the brown haired man could hear a sniffle following right behind her steps.

He heard the sliding door close, and Eddie stepped into the Driver’s seat, putting the radio on, for the very first time, and his cassette. Steve’s eyes widened, pushing himself up from the couch, and rushing to the passenger’s seat, shaking his head.

“Eddie, we can’t use the radio, it drains the battery–”

“You really wanna hear that?” Eddie’s eyes were knives towards Steve as he buckled himself up. The brown haired man trembled slightly at the realization that Nancy and you might be talking about last night. He certainly didn’t want to hear that. He shook his head, sitting on the passenger’s seat and buckling up, before grabbing the map. 

Eddie started the drive again, and the music of various metal bands filled the air. Steve frowned, looking at his friend.

“How did you get this?”

“Remember the barista? Back at the community? Yeah, he gave me a copy of his playlist. Fucking cool, isn’t it?” Steve nodded, looking back at the road as he felt the emptiness start to consume him a little.

“Everyone made at least one friend in there, huh.” Eddie cringed at his friend’s words, sighing.

“No one would have been able to handle all the Harrington charm.” He joked, and Steve shook his head, frowning.

“What?”

“Especially that grumpy attitude, and those amazing eyebags you have.” At Eddie’s jokes, Steve rolled his eyes.

“Wow, thanks for that man.” 

“Just trying to cheer someone up here.” Eddie stated as he whistled along the screaming that was coming out of the speakers. Steve cringed, looking at his friend again.

“Couldn’t you have at least gotten a tape that– I don’t know, would have been to everyone’s liking?”

“Aw, are you sad we don’t have Madonna in here?” At that, Steve finally cracked a small smile. A small victory on Eddie’s side. “Maybe I did get other cassettes, but I’m saving them for special occasions.” 

A beat of silence fills them after those jokes, the RV moving back and forth as Steve stares at the map. Clearly, Eddie didn’t need guidance. He had already inspected the map before, and Eddie had a good sense of direction. He always did. But maybe Steve was hallucinating. Maybe he was panicking, but he swore he heard Nancy’s gasp, or a laugh. So he made conversation again to add to the music.

“Why… the sudden change of attitude?”

“Come again?” Eddie asked, as if he hadn’t noticed himself how he was acting recently.

“You were a little… harsh? With Nance?” At Steve’s words, Eddie shrugged, shaking his head.

“Really? Didn’t think so.” Steve couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in his chest. He looked out of the window, knowing he won’t get Eddie’s thoughts out of his mouth any time soon. A pang of pain in his head interrupted his own though. He felt himself become a little light-headed as he looked at the road, the sight of it dizzying him. “Steve?”

“Huh? I’m– fine. I just got a little dizzy, that’s all–”

“You mean the lack of sleep. Try to get some–” But Steve immediately interrupted, holding onto the map tightly, looking down at it.

“I’m fine. Keep driving.” Eddie glanced at his best friend for a few seconds, then his eyes returned to the road ahead, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as anger filled him. The feeling of helplessness. The feeling of pure fear of losing Steve.

And no one else but him noticed.

-

Eddie was having a bad day. At least that’s what you told yourself on the first day of being back on the road. He was unusually quiet with you. He barely talked to you, and he barely looked at you. 

You thought that he got off on the wrong foot that morning, that maybe he didn’t want to talk, that he wasn’t feeling well, or just having a bad day like you or Steve, or even Nancy had before. But then the second day passed, and the third, and he was still not… his usual self. 

A weird energy hangs in the air. It makes you feel uncomfortable. It makes you feel guilty, and you don’t know why. You didn’t do anything wrong, did you? But taking a look at Nancy, and seeing those sad blue eyes follow her best friend, who barely talks to her these days, makes you feel like it is your fault… somehow. You don’t know if something happened between them, if they had an argument or a disagreement when you weren’t around, but something tells you that you are the reason for the way he is treating her. 

Her eyes are sad whenever they fall on Eddie, but they are filled with anger when they lock with hazel ones. Steve cowers away every time her ice cold glare hits him. 

He doesn’t even look at you – only when you aren’t looking at him. His eyes are glued to you every chance he gets when you are busy with something. They roam your face and your body. Those eyes filled with longing would break your heart if only you caught him. 

It’s snowing outside, strongly so. The wind is heavy too, making it impossible for any of you to sit outside for dinner the way you did all these days. When you and Nancy ate your dinner at the small table in the RV, Steve and Eddie left to eat theirs outside. In those three days you have been on the road, the four of you haven’t sat down to eat together once. Tonight is the first, and it feels awkward. Nobody is talking. The only sound filling the RV is the scraping against plates and the howling of the wind outside. 

Eddie is staring at his bowl, shoving down his food with an irritated look on his face. Steve’s eyes are glued to his food as well, though he doesn’t eat as fastly as Eddie does. Nancy, who is sitting beside you on the sofa, is picking at the beans while your plate is completely untouched. Your stomach is empty, but your appetite isn’t there at all. The thought of even picking up your fork and taking a bite makes you feel nauseous. 

You look down at the map, looking at all the possible directions to take to get to Nevada. You know you won’t get home any time soon, but you know that some roads would take you there faster while others wouldn’t. Some could bring unwanted obstacles. A hoard of infected that you somehow managed to avoid so far. A tree blocking the road, forcing you to take another exit. Monsters. Another snowstorm. Unfortunately the map can’t provide you with this kind of information. 

“You should eat.” Nancy says softly, nudging your shoulder. 

“I’m not hungry.” You mumble, not looking up from the map. 

Steve glances at you, worriedly looking between your untouched plate and your face. He notices the dark circles under your eyes. The line between your eyebrows. The tired look deeply into your features. 

His heart aches. It constantly aches now after he lost you. You are right there. You are right in front of him, and yet it feels like you are gone. What he would do to feel you in his arms again. To hold you and–

“You should still eat.” 

You tense up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. The roughness and coldness in it being so clear. It doesn’t only make you freeze. 

You look up to find him staring at you intensely. His brown eyes which are usually filled with warmth, are… cold, just like his voice is. 

“I said I’m not hungry, Eddie–”

He slams his empty plate on the table, making you flinch a little. 

“Yeah, you said the same this morning and last night. You are not eating, you are not sleeping. If you keep going that way, you’ll get sick again and hold us back. Do you wanna see your family or not?” 

Your eyes widen and you open your mouth, though your mind is empty and you couldn’t form a sentence if you tried. His words feel like a slap in your face. The hurt residing in your chest is deep enough as it is. To feel such anger from someone who did nothing but defend and comfort you till now feels awfully painful. He had never been angry at you before. He had never done anything to make you doubt how he feels about you. Eddie had your back from the start, back when he knew barely anything about you. He was the one who fought for you to stay with them, and now… this?

Steve’s heart aches at the sight of your shocked expression. His sad eyes soften when he notices the hurt flashing in your eyes. He froze at Eddie’s words. 

“Okay, what crawled up your ass?” Nancy finally snaps, dropping her bowl on the table the way he did as she glares daggers into her best friend, having had enough of his attitude and the silent treatment he is punishing her with. She felt nothing but sadness for the past few days but now she can’t help but feel angry. “What is your problem?”

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he turns to face her. 

“I am not talking to you.” 

“Clearly!” Nancy scoffs, shaking her head at him. “You are being an asshole.” She snaps, having had enough of this. 

You blink, snapping out of it. Your eyes meet his for just a second, but a second enough to see the worry and the pity. God. You don’t need that. His eyebrows are furrowed as he continues to look at you, and you can’t take it. You force your eyes away from him. 

“Right.” Eddie scoffs. 

“No, you’ve been an asshole since the party! Giving us the silent treatment and only opening your mouth to be a jerk… really, Munson?” Nancy exclaims, tilting her head to the side as she stares at her best friend. Her words come from anger and despair, but her eyes say something else. Something Eddie can’t even see through the haze that he is in. 

You look between them, and when you see the way they look at each other, the way they never did before, your heart starts pounding a little. 

“That’s rich coming from you.” Eddie laughs humorlessly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nancy snaps, squinting her eyes at him. 

“You were an asshole first, Wheeler. You were a real asshole.” Eddie mumbles, and for the first time in days, you see something other than indifference in his eyes. You see disappointment towards Nancy. 

And you see the way Nancy freezes as she gets quiet for a moment. The realization sinks in when her eyes flicker over to Steve, only for a brief second. 

The lump in your throat grows, and your heart starts pounding a little faster when you look between them. Did she say something to him? Did they argue when you weren’t there? Did she hurt him? 

Anxiety creeps up on you as your eyes flicker back and forth between them, noticing how Steve avoids her glaring blue eyes, no ounce of remorse or guilt in them, while his are filled with sadness. 

“With good reason.” Nancy murmurs under her breath, shaking her head at Eddie. 

“Really?” Eddie scoffs as he leans forward. “If you really think so then I have every reason to be disappointed in you.” 

The fear that you have been the reason for all of this turns into harsh reality at his next words. 

“You took care of someone you met just months ago, when the one who has been here for years should have been your priority.” 

There have been many moments in your life when you have felt like your heart stopped beating, when the pain was so deep that you froze and could only stare. Harsh words have been thrown at you before. Friendships have been broken. Friendships that were only ever one-sided. People you gave your everything to, dropped you without batting an eye, replacing you without a struggle. 

In the end it was only ever you. No matter how much you tried, you never found people who wanted you. 

You found something real here. You found them. Eddie and Nancy, who took you in, invited you into their home without a moment of hesitation. And even Steve, who despite his efforts to push you away, let you in. 

It was good. It was nice. For a moment, you had everything you ever wanted. You can’t believe that the reason for it to fall apart would be yourself. And even worse, it didn’t only fall apart for you. It’s falling apart for them now too. They are falling apart. 

The lump in your throat grows bigger and bigger, cutting off the air to breathe. Your eyes start burning with unwanted tears as you look between Eddie and Nancy. Their voices are faded now as they still argue. All you see are the angry glares they throw at each other while Steve looks helplessly between them. 

Your ears start ringing, and your chest starts hurting so badly when you take a good look at him. 

He is suffering. 

He is suffering because of you. You broke that friendship between you because you couldn’t control your feelings. 

Nancy is suffering because she is on the way to losing her best friend, because of you. Because she was angry at Steve for hurting you, because she chose your side when she shouldn’t have. You never wanted this. You never wanted her to pick a side. You never wanted her to be angry at him. 

“Sunshine?” 

You snap out of it. Blinking a few times, you look up at him to see him eyeing your face. His hazel eyes are filled with worry, and you can’t take it. You can’t. 

Nancy and Eddie pay no attention to you or him; they keep snapping at each other. Your name is never mentioned, and Eddie doesn’t throw you in directly, but you know that every jab is meant to be directed at you. 

And you can’t take this anymore. 

You can’t watch them fall apart anymore. 

You can’t let yourself be the reason for them to lose one another. 

You get up and storm away, not noticing how Steve was ready to run after you, thinking that you were about to go through the door and out into the storm. But he settles back into his seat when you lock yourself in the bathroom. 

You grip the edges of the sink as you take a deep breath. One look in the mirror is enough to cause those tears to fall. An indifference towards yourself growing deeply. The sickening feeling in your chest keeps spreading as the realization sinks deeper and deeper. 

Of course, you had to ruin that one good thing in your life. 

And you dragged them down with you. 

But you can’t, you won’t keep doing that. You won’t ruin what they have. You won’t add further damage. 

So, despite the pain and the heartache, your next decision is an easy one. 

-

Steve is sipping on what must be his third cup of coffee, though it does little to take away his exhaustion. He is tired, more than ever before, but he can’t sleep. Every time his eyes close, cruel pictures invade his mind. Nightmares that only ever consisted of Robin and how he could not save her are now replaced with you getting ripped away from him, and every time it happens differently, leaving him to feel more afraid after each nightmare. 

He is sitting by the fire, across from Nancy, whose eyes are practically burning with rage. He felt small beneath her gaze before, feeling the indifference towards him in a whole new way. It makes him feel uncomfortable, but also a little irritated because she won’t even really talk to him. All she does is snap at him and glare daggers into his skin. 

It worsened after he saw you talking to her earlier. 

The whole day was spent in awkward, tense silence after Eddie’s and Nancy’s fight the night before. Nobody really talked to each other. Nobody really looked at one another. Only when Eddie decided that it was time for a break from driving were you all forced to interact in some way. 

While Eddie and Steve prepared a little fire, you had dragged Nancy away from them and towards the little stream Eddie stopped the RV by. Steve couldn’t make out any words that left your mouth, though he saw the sadness on your face from a mile away. His curiosity made him watch the whole interaction, and when he saw the shock and denial on Nancy’s face as she shook her head, his heart fell a little. Despite not knowing what it was that you had said to her, he felt anxiety creeping up on him. Nancy kept shaking her head and fighting you over whatever you were saying, though he could see that you were set on it. 

You avoided his eyes when you made your way back to the RV, and you haven’t left it ever since. 

Now he is left dealing with Nancy’s hateful eyes as she is cleaning her gun. He wants to glare back at her, but the brunette looks a little intimidating right now, especially with that gun in her head. He is convinced that a part of her wants to aim it at him. 

He takes another sip of his coffee and looks around. The little spot that Eddie had picked is beautiful. A hidden little spot in the forest, surrounded by pine trees. A pretty stream where Eddie is sitting by on his camping chair, away from everyone. The sun is shining, melting the snow on the ground. It’s difficult to appreciate this scenery when his heart is aching and his friend group is falling apart. 

When he looks back at Nancy, she huffs and rolls her eyes, making him clench his jaw. 

“You got something you want to say to me, Nance?” 

“Nothing nice.”

Steve scoffs and nods his head. 

“Yeah, I figured that.” 

“So we can agree that you’re an asshole? Amazing.”

Steve squints his eyes at her. Irritation bubbling up inside of him. He’s had enough of this. He’s had enough of her attitude, and he’s had enough of watching Eddie treat you so coldly. He’s had enough of them picking sides. He’s had enough of them fighting each other, when they were inseparable before. 

It’s nice to know that he isn’t the only one who feels protective over you, but he is sick of everything that has been happening after leaving Wyoming. 

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, though he never uses his voice. The words get caught in his throat when the RV door opens and you come out, stealing his attention. Your eyes meet his for a second, and his whole body freezes when he sees the redness in them. The circles under your eyes are deep and dark. Your whole expression is one of sadness. You have been crying. 

It isn’t only his heart that aches at the sight of you, it’s his whole being that aches. He swallows harshly and holds the cup tighter in his hand. The urge to drop everything and rush to your side and pull you into his arms is stronger than ever. 

But he can’t. 

You break eye contact and move down the stairs as you tug your jacket tighter around your body. You look around for Eddie, and when you spot him by the stream, you start making your way towards him. Ignoring Steve’s eyes on you. Ignoring Nancy’s worried gaze. 

You breathe in the fresh air. Nerves running high as you approach the metalhead. You clear your throat to announce your presence behind him, but he doesn’t even look up. He is staring at the water, smoking a cigarette.

You stop beside him and appreciate the view before you for a second, and you take another deep breath before you turn to face him. 

“Eddie?”

He only hums in response, not even acknowledging your presence. 

“Can we talk?” You ask, hating how shaky your voice sounds. 

“Sure.” He mumbles, still not looking at you. He brings his cigarette up to his lips, taking another drag. 

You shift on your feet uncomfortably, blinking as you feel your eyes growing hot again. You never thought that you would have to deal with this. You never thought that you would be on the receiving end of his indifference. But he made things very clear last night. 

You wait for him to look up, to at least take a look at you, but he doesn’t. 

“Can you at least look at me?” You know that you are starting to sound desperate, but you can’t help it. You thought you meant to him as much as he meant to you. 

You can see him clenching his jaw, taking a deep breath, and huffing. 

Your shoulders drop, and your face falls further. The pain is hitting you harder than before.

“Okay then… I guess not.” You mumble, looking down at your feet as your vision gets blurry. “You won’t have to deal with me much longer.” 

At that, his head finally snaps up and he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What?” He asks, no longer interested in the view before him or his cigarette. 

“You barely look at me, you don’t even talk to me anymore. I can tell that you don’t want me around anymore–”

Finally, he stands up and steps towards you. His eyes are big and confused. 

“What are you trying to say?” He asks, trying to make you meet his eyes as he tilts his chin down. 

You take another deep breath after swallowing the lump in your throat. You look up, still blinking so as to not let the tears fall. 

“I already told Nancy… I’m… after I find my way home, I’m taking my family back to Wyoming.” 

It’s a decision you didn’t want to make. You wanted to go with them. But you are not going to invade Steve’s home. You are not going to add further damage to a friendship you already managed to break. 

Eddie freezes. 

His anger filled eyes widen, flashing with confusion and shock. 

“W-What? What… Why? You said you were coming with us–”

You shake your head and cross your arms over your chest. 

“It’s better for everyone that way. I’m not going to move into a town he is supposed to feel comfortable in,” you point in Steve’s direction before you angrily wipe your fallen tear away. “And I’m not gonna be the reason for you all to fall apart. You were right, Nancy shouldn’t have taken care of me, she should have been there for him.”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows. Guilt flashes in his eyes, and it crashes over him how awful his words must have sounded to you. 

“Sunshine–”

You shake your head, trying to stop further tears from falling. 

“No, Eddie. It’s okay. I appreciate what you all have done for me, but I won’t stand by and watch you lose each other because of me.” You mumble, your voice getting quieter now as you don’t trust it anymore. 

Eddie shakes his head, staring at you, bewildered. 

“I broke up the group enough as it is. I’m not coming with you. Final word.” Before another tear can roll down your cheek, you turn around and walk away from him. Every step becomes harder as you make your way back to the RV. 

“Sunshine?” Nancy murmurs, getting up from her chair already. 

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You mumble, not looking at her or Steve’s way as you make your way up the steps and slam the door behind you. 

Eddie stands back for a moment, letting your words sink in. Guilt and sadness rushing through him, but even more so, it’s anger and irritation. You aren’t the reason for all of this. It’s the lack of communication between you and the brunette who keeps staring at you with sad eyes instead of acting upon his feelings. This could have been between you; this should have been between you. He doesn’t know how it all blew up like this. But the moment sides were picked, it all started falling apart, and now even more so. 

Do you really think that they will be better off without you? 

Do you really think that you mean this little to them that they could just move on from you and act like you were never there? 

Do you really not see how they were falling apart before you? How Steve wasn’t even there with them? 

He’s had enough. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and starts making his way towards his friends. The despair inside of him to fix all of this running deep. He storms his way over to where Steve is sitting. The man looks up at him, with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted. 

“You need to snap out of it, right now!” He points a finger at him. 

“What?” 

Nancy looks between them, confused. She draws back a little when the metalhead turns to face her with anger in his eyes. 

“You knew?” 

She shakes her head, tilting her head to the side, “huh?”

Eddie clenches his jaw, sucking in a deep breath, he tries to calm himself down. 

“That she is not coming to California.”

Nancy’s shoulder slumped, and the confusion on her face faded away. She straightens her back and glances at Steve, who looks like he is frozen in place. His hazel eyes are wide, filled with shock and fear. 

“What…?” 

His voice sounds broken enough to even make her feel bad. She looks down and sighs. The feeling of Eddie’s eyes glaring into her skin, overwhelming her a little. 

“She told me earlier… I couldn’t convince her otherwise…” She mumbles softly. 

Steve’s whole body is frozen. He is staring into blank space as his mind is screaming at him to do something. Not having you anymore, not feeling you in your arms anymore, not being with you like he was before, is one thing, but losing you completely is another. He can’t go on without you, not like this. He was so afraid of losing you that he didn’t notice that he was already on the way there. 

Eddie huffs, shaking his head at this whole situation. He brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. He looks down at Steve, feeling a slight anger towards him again. If only he opened his mouth. 

Eddie knows he needs time, but that time is running out now. 

He thought that their conversation on the porch the night after the party was a push enough, but apparently not, because he still hasn’t done anything about it. 

“What are you going to do?” Eddie asks, forcing him to look up. 

Steve knits his eyebrows together, pursing his lips as he shakes his head in question. 

“What–?”

“Are you going to do something about it or are you just gonna let her do that fucking shit?” Eddie asks, being fed up with everything. 

Steve takes a deep breath. Eddie’s anger is contagious because he is starting to feel it too. Eddie is trying to speak with his eyes, to remind him of what they talked about, to remind him how he felt when you left with another man… just for one night. 

“Eddie–” Nancy starts. 

“No! Shut up!” Eddie snaps at her, pointing a finger at her. “This has nothing to do with you!” 

The girl draws back in shock. Her eyes flicker back and forth between Eddie and Steve. The latter getting angrier each passing second now too. 

“Are you going to let her go back to him?” Eddie asks, knowing where to hit him. 

Steve’s eyes darken at his words. The anger now is so clear in his features. He sucks in a sharp breath. The thought of you leaving him, the thought of being the reason for you to find your way back to Aaron makes him sick, but it also makes him snap, finally. 

“Steve…” Nancy mumbles, seeing the expression on his face. “What are you gonna do?”

Steve slams his cup on the ground, and he gets up. He runs his hand through his hair, huffing as he stares at Eddie. 

“Yeah, no…” Steve shakes his head. Everything boils up inside of him, everything and all at once. It explodes. And he is unable to hold it back any longer. “Fuck that shit.” He grumbles and brushes past the metalhead, and he storms inside the RV.

The despair grows inside of him, making the anger so much more intense than before. A mixture of emotions rushing through him, and he can’t even place what exactly he is feeling. 

Just as he slams the door shut behind him, you come out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around your body. Your skin is still shining from the water, your hair still dripping. The both of you freeze for a moment, staring at one another. 

You notice his expression, it’s hard not to when he stares at you like this, breathing heavily and looking angrier than ever before. 

“What–”

“We need to talk.” 

You bring your hand up to the knot on your towel, holding it. You huff as you shake your head at him, “there’s nothing to talk about, Steve.” You say as though you don’t miss him, as if you don’t feel anger for how all of this went down. 

“Yes, there is!” Steve exclaims, throwing his hands up. “I’m done with this…I can’t take this anymore.” He points between you and himself. “And now I find out that you aren’t coming with us to California!? Were you ever gonna tell me about that, or did you plan to just hop off the RV and pretend like nothing ever happened between us?” 

“Nothing happened. You made that very clear, Steve. I thought there was a chance, but you quickly shut that down again.” You mumble in confusion, not understanding what the look in his eyes is for, but you see the rage flashing in them when they notice the mark on your collarbone. 

“I–”

“You know why I thought we had a chance?” You ask, feeling irritation spark at you now too. You have thought about what happened many times. You have thought of all the reasons for your unusual courage. You have thought about what Eddie had said about you and Steve before. You have thought about what Aaron had said. “You gave me mixed signals and then you chickened out like a little boy.” 

Steve’s eyes widen at your words, having not expected something like this at all. 

“A little boy– excuse me?” 

“You said I’m childish,” you point at yourself, feeling a rush of sudden anger. “But have you looked into a mirror?” 

Steve draws back in shock. This is not how this was supposed to play out. This is not a sight he expected from you, especially not after you stormed inside the RV looking like you were about to break down. 

But your anger is so clear on your face now. Your eyes are burning with it, just like his own. The energy in the room shifts into something stronger. 

“What did you just say?” He asks as he takes a step towards you. 

“You heard me. You’re a fucking boy. You knew how I felt about you, and you still decided to play with my feelings. Friends don’t sleep in each others’ arms, Steve. Friends don’t hold each others’ hands the way we did. Friends don’t do what we did! You knew exactly what you were doing to me!” You finally get it all off your chest. You finally feel your chest decompressing from every single word you wanted to say to him from the moment he didn’t give you a minute’s peace.

Steve swallows harshly. Guilt creeping back into his chest. He now sees what it seemed like to you and it makes him feel like absolute shit but knowing that you found comfort in someone else right after hurts. Someone you are willing to run back to now. 

“I did what I thought was best! For the both of us! And you, on the other hand, you behaved like a fucking brat, who didn’t get what she wanted and threw herself at the first guy she met!” Steve snaps, letting all his anger out as he moves even closer to you. 

You stare at him in disbelief. You take a step forward too. “You seem to have forgotten what I told you at the mansion! I wanna live my life, Steve! I want to experience things! And I told you that I would do it if given the chance–”

“A chance?” Steve scoffs as hurt flashes in his eyes. “Was that what I was to you? A chance? A possibility?” 

“What!?” You almost yell. 

“Was I like Aaron?! Was that the reason why you approached me, Sunshine?”

How could he even think such a thing? How could he even ask such a thing? After everything that you have done for him? 

Steve’s eyes are so angry, but even through that, you can see something more. You can see the hurt and something else…

“If I only looked for a possibility, then I would have gone for someone like Eddie, not you!” 

He scoffs, shaking his head at you, “what is that supposed to mean!?”

“You hated me, Steve. You made sure I felt that, what makes you think that you would have been a choice if that was the only thing I looked for!?” You ask, tilting your head at him in a way that drives him crazy. 

Steve’s shoulders slump, and he averts his eyes for a second, letting them fall back on your collarbone again. The evidence of another man’s lips on your body now etched on your skin. A reminder of what he was supposed to have, what he could have had if he didn’t push you away. 

How could he have let this go so far? 

You are right, you did tell him that if given the chance, you would take it, and he remembers how nauseous those words have made him feel. 

And he feels the nausea still, just worse than before. To know that he let you slip through his fingers. To know that he is the reason why you spent the night with him… His heart aches in a way it never did before, and it makes his eyes burn. 

“I never– I just never thought that you would actually–” his voice breaks, and he has to turn around, feeling choked up. He feels such anger towards himself that he throws his bruised fist into the wall beside the door. 

You stare at the back of his head. Disbelief and shock cross your features as the realization begins to sink in slowly. 

A friend wouldn’t behave that way. A friend wouldn’t feel such anger over you spending a night with someone. A friend wouldn’t feel so… so jealous. You can’t help but feel annoyed now. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to act all jealous on me now, Steve! How dare you feel jealous after what you did!?” 

Steve freezes. A scoff falls from his lips. 

“Jealous…” He mumbles and turns around to face you again, shocking you once more when he reveals tears in his eyes. “Try feeling like I’m being stabbed in my heart, in my lungs, in my stomach, Sunshine! Try feeling like my entire world was flipped and I’m back in the upside down again, only that I’m not, and it feels even worse than that!” 

You freeze at his words, at his tears, at all of this. You are confused and you are lost, not following along anymore. All that you can see is a hurt man, suffering because of you, because of his feelings for you. Feelings you thought he did not have. 

Your heart starts aching all over again, and your throat closes up on you. 

A tear rolls down his cheek as he takes a step towards you. 

“I didn’t want to be with you because if something were to happen to me, I didn’t want to be the reason for you to hold back on anything. I already lost someone dear to me, I know how it feels… I don’t want you to go through that too. And the thought of having you, of reaching happiness, of having a life with you, only to lose you… I wouldn’t survive that, Sunshine.” He admits, his voice above a whisper now as those tears roll down his cheeks. 

Your eyes are wide, and the anger is replaced with shock now. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your breath is knocked out of you. 

Steve takes a deep breath, sniffling as he takes the final step towards you, cornering you against the wall behind you. 

“But fuck… Seeing you with him filled me with as much pain and despair as if you had just died.” 

Your whole face falls and pales at his confession. Your heart drops to your stomach as your eyes well up with tears. The guilt that you have felt before now is growing bigger and bigger, burning you in ways you have never felt before. 

He never rejected you because he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. He never led you on. He never gave mixed signals. He never– Oh god. You stare at him, at his suffering eyes, at the tears that you have caused. 

And Steve can see it. He can see the guilt and the regret in your eyes. He can see the disappointment that you feel for yourself now. 

Your bottom lip trembles as you open your mouth to speak. 

“I’m… I’m–”

Steve shakes his head as he looks into your glassy eyes. 

“Don’t you dare say sorry. Don’t. It– As much as I fucking hate it, there’s no one to blame but me. Don’t say sorry for trying to live your life.”

You sniffle as the anger fades away completely. You can’t even bring yourself to look into his eyes anymore. You tilt your chin down, casting your eyes on the ground. 

“Steve… What is… What is the point in telling me all this now?” You whisper, not trusting your voice anymore. 

Steve had made his decision. He did the night on the porch after he talked to Eddie. He just didn’t find the courage, not until now. Not until he heard her voice in his head. 

‘Don’t be a dingus.’ 

Steve reaches his hands out to you, wrapping them around your wrists, making you look back up at him. He can see the troubled emotions in your teary eyes. 

“Let me go, Steve.” You whisper shakily as you try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you; if anything, it makes him hold you tighter. He takes another step forward, pushing you up against the wall, pressing himself against you. 

He is breathing heavily, and his heart is pounding in his chest, threatening to burst through his skin. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips. 

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. He will never let go again, he will never let you slip through his fingers again, he will never let you walk away again. 

You feel his tender yet tight hold on your wrists, his skin against your own after so long. You can feel his body against yours. You can feel his breath on your skin. You can feel everything, everything you have longed for. 

“Steve–” 

“I’m never letting you go again, Sunshine.” Steve whispers as he breaks all the promises he had made to himself and smashes his lips against yours, taking your breath away completely. He cradles your cheeks and kisses you in a way no one ever did before. Passionately. Roughly. Desperately. 

It takes you a moment to move, to reciprocate. You are too surprised, too shocked by what is happening. Your heart is pounding in your chest so strongly, you fear that it might explode. 

Steve is kissing you. 

Steve is kissing you like he’s been craving it for god knows how long. 

And the kiss tastes of tears – sorrowful yet aggressive. His lips are soft against your own, his touch even softer. And when it finally really sinks in, you close your eyes and lean into him. You throw your arms around his neck and press yourself against him. Standing on your tippy toes isn’t enough, you place your toes on his boots to be even closer to him. You let go of everything and kiss him back just as desperately. 

His whimper vibrates against your lips, sending shivers down your spine and lust rushing to your core. 

His heart nearly combusts as he finally feels you. He can feel the way your knees buckle when he deepens the kiss without wasting a second, and it only leads him to hold you tighter. He wraps one arm around your waist, securing you against him. 

His large palm covers your entire cheek. His nose bumps into yours as his lips continue to move at a fast pace. He swipes his tongue along your bottom lip, needing to feel you more, needing to deepen the kiss further and further. Your lips are so soft, so perfect against his own. How did he wait for so long? How could he waste so much time? Kissing you feels like everything he imagined and more. 

And kissing him feels like everything you have thought it would. It makes you weak in the knees. It makes you ache for more. It makes you crave him more and more and more. You cup his face, holding him with both hands. Your heart flutters when he moans and holds you tighter. 

Even as you both grow breathless, you refuse to break the kiss you both have craved for so long, not wanting the moment to end even when you both know that this is just the beginning of it all. 

Only when you feel like you are about to pass out from the lack of air do you pull away. You open your eyes at the same time. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak enough words. 

“I’m done being stupid.” Steve whispers as he looks at you through hooded eyes. He leans down and pecks your lips. “I want to live.” Kiss. “I’m so fucking scared but I want to live; with you.” Kiss. “I’m done pretending you don’t drive me crazy.” Kiss. “I want you so bad, god, you have no idea what you do to me, Sunshine.” 

You whimper at his action, at all the kisses, at all his words. The hope that once bloomed inside of you, rising up from the dead. Your eyes are wide, glinting with a happiness he hasn’t seen in so long. 

“Show me.” You whisper, pleading with your eyes. “Please.” 

He never planned for this to happen, let alone like this. But who is he to deny you any longer? 

He wastes no second to connect his lips to yours again, and this time you don’t hesitate to kiss back right away, making him weak in the knees as well. His heart soars in his chest, beating so strongly out of happiness – just like yours does. 

You pull him back and away from the spot you are still standing on and Steve doesn’t hesitate to back you up and towards the back of the RV, not breaking the kiss once, not even as he rips his jacket off and you help him out of it, pushing it down his arms and throwing it on the ground. 

He picks you up, his arms around your body, and your legs dangle a bit from the ground, so he doesn’t step on your toes while walking towards the bed, making you whimper into his mouth. He can’t help but smile into the kiss at the sound. 

You couldn’t believe that you were finally kissing him, and what this night led to. You felt the edge of the bed at your calves and then he lowered the both of you down, your back hitting the bed. Your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, tightly, the kiss never ending. If you could stay like this forever, you would. You definitely would. 

Steve was trying not to lose his mind as his tongue danced with yours. As your legs spread so he could fit in between. This only happened in his very rare nice dreams. Dreams he had when he only held you close to him. When you two slept with each other. He should savor the first time between the two of you a little more, but his feelings were clawing at his chest, begging to come out. 

And you wanted him. You told him to show you, and that he will. He was done denying you. He was done being a fucking idiot. He was done being a walking corpse. He wanted to live, and his only oxygen was you. He loves Eddie, Nancy, the teens… But somehow, Steve knows that you are his reason for living now. As horrible as it sounds, as unfair as it is, but you had carved your way into his soul so easily. Terrifyingly easy.

His hips rubbed into yours, and you could feel him completely because you were naked underneath that towel. You should be feeling shame, embarrassment, but all you can feel now is how happy you are. How much you want this. How much you need him. How much you need to show him how you feel. 

He moaned into your mouth, and you never thought you would hear that in your life, and much less because you were the reason for this sound. It’s been a long while for Steve, and rubbing his growing bulge against your naked center, was not doing good things for his brain chemistry… nor his dignity.

But it was a point of no return now. He pulled away from your lips, his breath hitting your lips heavily, his eyes finding yours for a split second. His mouth found your cheek, then your jaw, then he started going down. You gasped when you felt him kiss your pulse point, then nip at it. Shivers ran down your entire spine as your nails dug into his scalp.

Steve was in heaven with the taste of your skin on his tongue. Finally. You were like a forbidden fruit. You were that chocolate you delight yourself on a cheat day. You tasted divine. You were perfect, and he always knew you would be, but now he had the proof of it. 

“Steve–” You breathed out, and he hummed with delight as his hips rutted into yours again, the desperation growing at each second.

“Perfect… So fucking perfect, Sunshine…” He mumbled into your skin as he moved to the other side of the neck. His mind flickered with the memory of what’s on your collarbone, so he guided his mouth towards it, and your back arched a bit at the feeling on your sensitive skin.

You gasped when you felt his mouth engulf the mark someone else had left on your skin. Steve groaned, his hands digging onto your waist, fingers printing on your skin through the damp towel. He was going to rebrand you. He didn’t want traces of the other man on you. He had to cover them. Gladly, this was the only mark he could see that needed to be erased.

He made it messy, bigger, red with purple hues all around it. He pulled away to admire his work, and his entire body shook when he saw you underneath him. Your wet hair was all over the mattress, your chest moving up and down, your eyes half lidded, and your lips all swollen thanks to his kisses. 

And his mark. Now big. Vibrant. 

His jaw clenched, moving downwards again to take your lips with his only for a peck, making you whine when you felt him pull away. He chuckled slightly, his lips moving to nip at your jaw, to then breathe into your ear, his hips now moving in circles against you, and you could only gasp and moan at the feeling of his bulge rubbing against your clit.

“I’m so mad at myself–” And you felt him bite onto your earlobe, making you sigh. “So fucking mad… I wanted to be your first. I really wanted to…” He sighed against your ear and then moved down to kiss underneath it. “But I can work with being your last, so please– Please, Sunshine–”

“Steve–” You breathe out, your nails digging into his shoulder blades, feeling him grow bigger in his pants. He didn’t hear you, or that’s what you thought at least, because you felt him kiss your pulse point again, making a moan escape your lips. “Steve–”

He finally realized you were calling out to him, so he pulled away from you, breathing heavily. His eyes looked down at you, and you could see the fire inside his hazel orbs. How much desperation, hunger, and emotions swerved inside. 

“You don’t– Not now–?” You shushed him, shaking your head at him, your eyes finding his lips, you were already missing. 

“You… can still be my first.”

And Steve stopped breathing. What did you just say? 

“What?” The question came out more cracked than he anticipated, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t. Your eyes were looking up at him, a guilty frown appearing on your eyebrows as you looked away, gulping down your nervousness.

“I– I couldn’t…” And fuck, you didn’t want to cry. You really didn’t, but there were so many feelings coursing through you that you could barely begin to describe each one. Your voice cracked a bit as you kept talking. “I kept– I kept thinking about you… And I just couldn’t… I fucking couldn’t…”

And Steve could sense the hidden anger behind your tone. Not directed at him, but probably at yourself. He had rejected you, and an opportunity presented to you, one you wanted to experience before you passed, or before something happened, and you could not fulfill it because… of him. 

How could he have been so fucking stupid? He really didn’t deserve your forgiveness. He didn’t deserve you. You thought of him in times when the only person you should care about is yourself. Steve didn’t deserve you… But even with that knowledge, Steve wasn’t going to ever let you go. He was going to fight to be the man you deserved. Not a boy. A man. 

And he felt so selfish for feeling happy about this outcome. He felt so evil for feeling relief out of you not having your first time with that man. He felt so greedy for feeling happy that now, he was the one to experience you first. Hoping he would be the last as well. That you would know of no other body but his.

But then it dawned on him just how rough he was being. How straightforward he was. Fuck, this should be special, and he was acting like an animal. He wanted to wreck you just seconds ago, ruin you for eternity, but now, all he wanted was to make this special. Make your first time be a nice one, almost painless. 

So he drew his hips back, and your head snapped towards him again, desperate eyes following, which caught him off guard. Your arms came to wrap around his shoulders again, your head shaking from side to side. He gulped, his hips stuttering with the need to press down again, but fuck– He wanted to be a gentleman. 

“Sunshine–”

“Steve, baby, please–” His brain chemistry completely malfunctioned at the nickname. His hips came crashing down onto you, instantly, as if he were magnetized. A moan escaped your lips before you spoke again. “I want it. I want you. Please…” 

“Are you sure?” He had to ask and hear that this was fine from your part. His self control was wavering the more he thought of what was about to happen, trying to remember where were the condoms Eddie had jokingly brought into the fucking RV.

You gave him a nod, his hair falling over his face as he stared down at you. The both of you were breathing heavily, looking down at each other, eyes filled with need, with want, with desperation. He gulped as his head reeled with anticipation, his eyes falling to the knot that secured the towel to your chest. 

His eyes found yours again, and you gulped, fingers kneading into his scalp softly. You gave him a slow nod again, wanting him to continue. You needed him to continue. You’ve been craving this for too long. You’ve been craving someone like him for too long. 

He pecked you once, soft, long, and your belly turned with the amount of butterflies that just burst inside. When he pulled away, his hand moved towards the knot, slowly, fingers grazing over the fabric. He would see you bare. He would be able to drink you in, completely, and his heart could barely stand it.

“Stevie…” And when you whisper his name sweetly, it does it. His fingers hook inside, and he is pulling–

The side door of the RV bursts open, fierce stomps rushing in as well as jagged breaths from your other two friends, who you have forgotten completely about for the past minutes. Or hours. It felt like hours. Kissing Steve felt endless, if you had a say. Steve hissed when he pressed himself completely on you so your dignity would not be displayed to the people who had just entered.

“SORRY, LOVEBIRDS, WE GOTTA GO!!!” Eddie yelled once, not before turning his head to see the display of Steve on top of you on the bed. He wanted to yell in victory, but the slam of the RV’s door closing snapped him away, and he sprang into action again, running to the driver’s seat.

Nancy was breathing heavily, her eyes widening at the scene at the back of the RV, making her squeal and clench her eyes tightly as she rushed towards the folding screen that separated the bedroom from the rest of the RV, blindly waving her hands around to try to give you guys privacy. Steve was frowning, his head looking over his shoulder in complete and utter confusion as Nancy finally closed the blinds.

“What is going on!?” He yelled, and you were still in another dimension, trying to gather yourself again to understand the situation. You could hear Nancy yelling, and then a slam at the top of your head, at the top of the RV. Then another. Your fear creeped in as Steve snapped his head to look up, then the engines came to life.

“EDDIE TOUCHED SOMETHING HE SHOULDN’T HAVE!” Nancy yelled, and you could feel your heart hammering in your chest at the mix of emotions that threatened to send you into cardiac arrest. 

“How was I supposed to know THESE FUCKERS CAN REPRODUCE!? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A NEST!” At that, Steve grew a bit more alarmed, but before he could ask, he was jerked into the bed with you, further up, thanks to the sudden speed Eddie started driving in. 

“Shit!” Steve’s arms held onto you as a few slams could be heard outside the RV, and when he looked out the window, he saw the demobats flying next to their motorhome. 

“If only YOU WEREN’T BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME, AND ACTUALLY LISTENED, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!” Nancy was still yelling, and your arms were wrapped tightly around Steve as the RV suddenly swerved, turning left, and you squealed when you two started rolling to the right.

“Jesus CHRIST!” You yelled as Steve used his foot to prevent you from slamming into the wall behind you, his arms still around your body, your face tucked into his chest. The slams against the RV became less, and then, there was another swerve to the right, sending you both rolling towards the left.

“MUNSON!” Steve yelled as his back collided with the wall, making a grunt escape him. He was trying to hold you close so that your towel would also not fall from your body. The RV drove fast, steady, rocking a bit, and then he felt Eddie slowing down. He let out a sigh, looking around the ceiling, seeing some dents on the corners from the hits of the monsters, but nothing too big. 

“OKAY, I THINK WE’RE CLEAR!” You heard Eddie yell, and you let out a sigh of relief at the same time Steve did. 

“You okay, Sunshine?” Your heart never stopped beating like crazy, first from happiness, then adrenaline and fear, and now from happiness again. Steve is in your arms, and you are in his. You gulped, nodding, looking up at him.

“Y-Yeah… I– What the fuck happened?” Steve groaned as he glared at the closed blinds, before looking down at you again. He really didn’t want to let go of you, but he didn’t want you to catch a cold. He kissed your forehead, making the both of you sit up again.

“I’ll find out. Meanwhile, you get dressed.” Your eyes scanned his features, and you couldn’t help yourself when you raised your hand up, moving his hair away from his eyes, and he felt the air being sucked away from his lungs at your gesture. He took your lips with his in a gentle kiss, short, pulling away when the two of you heard grunting on the other side.

“Don’t let them kill each other…” You softly spoke, and he huffed, shaking his head. He gave you one more kiss on your cheek before standing up, and moving the folding screen so he could walk out. Nancy and Eddie shut their mouths when Steve closed the screen again, a glare in his features as he walked towards the front. 

Neither Eddie nor Nancy was looking at him. They looked guilty and nervous. From what Steve gathered, it was Eddie who started it, so his hand found his friend’s shoulder, feeling him stiffen underneath him as the grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Munson.” Eddie gulped, clearing his throat, knowing he fucked the most amazing opportunity up for his best friend.

“I– Uh… Well, what happened was, Harrington–” But Nancy cut him off completely.

“He was being an ass, and I told him he should not touch the glowing thing in the cave–”

“A cave, Mrs. Wheeler, here, walked in first, by the way–”

“I didn’t put a gun to your head to follow me in!” She yelled back, to which Eddie glared at the road, scoffing.

“Oh, so you want me to just watch my best friend enter a dark cave, all by herself!?” He spat back, and Nancy fake laughed, shaking her head.

“So, now I’m your best friend!? That’s so fucking rich–!” 

“HEY, HEY, HEY!” Steve finally yelled, waving his hands around, trying to stop them from talking, and Nancy looked at him, while Eddie closed his mouth. “So, what the fuck happened?”

“... I– I didn’t know it was an egg…” Eddie finally confessed, and he gulped as he continued, “It was just so shiny! And it looked like a pimple! I just–”

“Don’t tell me you popped it like a pimple, or I swear to god–” Steve closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, but Eddie remained silent. Nancy was quiet for a few seconds, knowing Steve was growing angrier, and even when she didn’t want to defend Eddie… She couldn’t help herself.

“On our defense… It’s the first time we've found a nest that belonged to them…” At her words, Steve finally sighed, letting the air out. Still– His hand came flying to the back of Eddie’s head, making him headbang once, and then he pinched Nancy’s nose, making her squeal and swat him away. 

“This is what you get for being stupid. Both of you.” Steve wasn’t going to say it out loud, but he also wanted to strike them for interrupting him. He felt eyes on him, and he saw Eddie looking at him through the rear-view mirror. “What?”

Eddie started wiggling his eyebrows at him, which only made Steve blush, and cross his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. He suddenly remembered, he was supposed to take over with Eddie, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to be with you. He felt his heart quickening its pace at the prospect of leaving your side again, but, Nancy… She would be awake for 24 hours straight if he changed his spot with hers.

“Nance, you… You should uh… Go to bed.” Steve started, trying not to wince from the pain of those words. Nancy scoffed, shaking her head.

“As if it weren’t obvious enough, we are changing places.” Eddie’s eyes widened slightly, worry flashing over them. Steve stuttered a bit, shaking his head.

“No, that’s– You need to sleep–” 

“You need to sleep.” It wasn’t an insult or a bad joke. Nancy looked at him with serious eyes, her lips pressed together, as if stern. “So, we are changing places.”

“... She is right, Steve.” Eddie commented, his eyes not leaving the road as he drove. Steve’s jaw clenched with conflict, about to try to talk Nancy out of it, but then she continued, straightening up again on her seat, looking out the window.

“Plus, it gives me private time to talk a bit with this asshole here, who is also my best friend… so…” Eddie huffed a laugh, but didn’t complain. Steve looked back and forth on them, knowing they did in fact need to talk, but Nancy’s health also mattered.

“I know more than anyone what lack of sleep can cause–”

“It’s just 24 hours, Steve… I’ll be fine.” Nancy gave her final word of it, and Steve knew it. He sighed, the RV rocking slowly now as Eddie kept his eyes on the road. He then talked, interrupting the silence between the three of them.

“Big boy, they’re in the cupboard below the sink, by the way.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, completely confused, and Eddie smirked, looking over his shoulder as Steve leaned in, the scene all too familiar.

“Condoms.” Steve blushed a deep red, smacking the back of Eddie’s head again, eliciting a pained groan from the metal head. Nancy tried to hide a giggle, putting her palm over her mouth. 

For a split second, everything was normal again.

“Steve?” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his heart stopping for a second before he turned around to see you peeking out from the folding screen. He could feel his body warming up again, knowing he would hold you tonight, sleep with you, just sleep with you, was enough to make him believe he was the luckiest man in the world.

He gave Nancy one last glance, and she gave Steve a nod and a soft smile. The first smile after days. He felt the corner of his lips tug, turning to finally walk back to you. He closed the door behind him, and you were already tucked in bed, sitting, waiting for him. 

Your eyes followed him when he opened a drawer from underneath the bed, taking out his sleep shirt and sweatpants. You licked your lips in anticipation, wondering if he would change in front of you or not. Should you cover your eyes? Maybe? You’ve seen him shirtless, sure–

The moment he took his shirt off, embarrassment filled every inch of your body. You hid your face in your bent knees, against the comforter. You felt your stomach doing somersaults, and you could feel a tornado inside of it as well. Privacy. You are giving him privacy.

And Steve was planning on going to change to the bathroom, but since you were hiding yourself already, which he thought was cute, there was no harm in changing here. You are so shy now. He noticed it. Your voice when calling out to him was small, doubtful. He took his pants off, his eyes never leaving your form to check if you were peeking or not, and he put his sweatpants on, followed by his shirt. 

“You can uncover your eyes, Sunshine.” He chuckled when you looked up at him, and he could see just how flushed you must be. He crawled into the bed, sitting next to you. “You already saw me in my underwear, and I saw you, remember? No need to be embarrassed…”

You whimpered at the memory, looking away from him as you felt your cheeks burn a thousand degrees. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, bashful, too nervous to even look at him, despite what almost happened between you two.

“Those were– very different circumstances…” Steve hummed a bit, now realizing what you meant. He had to take it a bit slow, at least until you were relaxed around him. He leaned towards you, pressing a kiss at the top of your head that made your heart jump into your throat. Your eyes found his, and after so long, after so many weeks, he finally smiled at you.

“Hi, baby.” 

Those words coming out of him made your entire body melt. Your fingertips grew itchy, with the need to touch, and your lips became dry. It was more than just the nickname. It was the smile you had been missing for so long. The smile that had disappeared from his features, was now back, and it appeared when he looked at you. 

Your eyes filled with tears, yet you gave him a soft smile as well, your nose bumping his.

“Hi, Stevie…” 

☀︎

FINALLY. HUH?

There was something about the stillness and the way the world softened when the sun went down. The village would go quiet, the townspeople finding their way to their beds, sleeping until sunrise. There was no one to bark orders at him, no shouting in the cobblestone streets. Just the occasional howl of the wind or the sound of a horse whinnying from the stables.

Out where the village ended where the cobblestones faded into the fields is where Steve loved to patrol the most. It was the most peaceful, a brief distraction from civilization.

He walked the same route every night, his boots softly pressing down onto the tall grass. His sword hung at his side, more habit than necessity. The only conflict he’d run into in the last few weeks was the occasional drunk wandering home late or the rare fox nosing into someone’s henhouse.

And then he saw you that first night.

At first you were just a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. The pale fabric of your nightgown caught the moonlight as you crossed the open field to your place below the crooked willow tree, right next to the creek at the edge of the woods.

He assumed you were off to get some peace and quiet, or maybe even to meet a lover. But there wasn’t anyone else who showed, it was just you.

Steve noticed it was a reoccurring thing. Night after night, you slipped out of your cottage and wandered toward your spot in the grass beneath the tree. You’d sit in the grass with your head tilted back, eyes closed. Sometimes you’d stay there for a while, motionless from what Steve could tell from a distance.

One night, Steve stalked closer, his curiosity getting the best of him. He kept to the trees, his glove holding his sword as his side, steadying his breath. He watched as you padded barefoot to your spot, the grass holding an obvious indent from your consistent place. He watched intently as you sat beneath the willow, stretching your legs out, your nipples peeking through the thin fabric of your nightgown. Steve’s heart rate picked up as his eyes trailed from the soft pudge of your belly to your breasts, the sight of your nipples making arousal begin to bubble at his core.

His breath hitched in his throat as your hand landed on your chest, briefly ghosting over your nipple, before slowly trailing down your stomach.

He should’ve turned away. He was a knight, bound to honor, his oath, and to discipline. But as your breath hitched, and your fingers moved beneath the hem of your gown, pushing it up over your panties, Steve felt the discipline in him withering away.

As your fingers began to slide beneath the waistband of your panties, Steve retreated, the guilt curling hot and sharp in his chest.

The following night, Steve waited for you again. He waited where the cobblestone ended, and he watched as you wandered to your spot. He watched as you settled in the grass. He quietly stalked through the tall grass towards the trees, settling behind the same tree as the night before. He watched as you slid your dress up over your thighs, the mound of your pubic bone visible through the tight fabric of your underwear. Your hand slid under your panties just as it did the night before, your core throbbing at the thought of chasing another release.

Steve made a rash decision. He stepped out of the shadows, suddenly not caring if his sword clanked against his armor. You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of him stepping towards you. You gasped, your hand flying from between your legs, scrambling to pull your dress down.

“S-sir, my apologies.” You stammered, your heart thumping against your chest. “I didn’t expect anyone to be out here.”

Steve didn’t speak as he crouched before you, his brown eyes even darker in the moonlight. You watched as he took off his gloves, tossing them on the ground beside you, his gaze not leaving yours. His hands reached up to his helmet, slowly removing the metal, his brown locks messily falling into place. You took in his appearance, your heart fluttering as you eyes trailed from his hair to his eyes, then down to the stubble above his top lip.

You sat frozen, the hem of your dress hastily tugged back over your thighs, your breath coming shallow. The heat from earlier still pulsed low in your belly, but the shame of getting caught by a knight tangled with it, pulling your strings tight.

His voice broke the silence.

“Do you come out here every night?”

You hesitated, your lips parted. Before you could stop yourself, you whispered: “No.”

Steve’s brow twitched. He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t lie to me.”

You looked away, your fingers curling into the grass.

“I’ve seen you. Three nights now. Same path, same hour, same gown.” His voice was low, almost gentle, but there was a hint of something under it.

You said nothing, your heart pounding in your throat.

“So tell me.” He said, moving in a little closer. “What do you do out here, all alone?”

You opened your mouth, but no words came out.

Steve’s gaze dragged down your body, slow and heavy. “Do you just sit here and listen to the wind? Watch the moonlight on the water? Or do you do something else?” His voice dropped further, barely above a whisper. “Something you don’t want anyone else to see?”

Your lips parted in a soft gasp, and Steve saw the way your thighs pressed together instinctively. He leaned forward, bracing a hand on the ground between you, close enough that you could feel the heat of him even through the cool night air.

“I’m not here to punish you.” He said, his hands reaching to his sword belt, unfastening it and letting it clang to the ground beside him.

“Tell me what you do to yourself.” He said, his eyes fixed on yours. “Tell me how you touch yourself when you think no one is watching.”

You swallowed hard, your voice a shaky murmur. “I didn’t think anyone was watching.”

“I know.” He said, softer now. “That’s why I stayed hidden.”

His honesty burned. So did the way he looked at you, like you were something sacred and sinful.

“I just…” You started, your breath shaky. “I just needed.. something. I don’t know what.”

“Release.” Steve said, the word thick in his throat. “You wanted to feel good. Safe. You came out here all alone to fall apart where no one could see.”

Your face heated up, shame and arousal twisting in your gut.

“Do you do it slow?” He asked, his voice even softer, but a little rough around the edges. “Or quick, like you’re desperate?”

You shivered, your fingers twitching in the grass.

“Do you slip your hand under your panties like you did tonight?” He continued. “Or do you ride your palm through the fabric first? Work yourself up until you can’t take it anymore?”

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t.

But Steve leaned in, a little closer.

“You don’t have to hide from me. Not out here.” Steve whispered, so close that you could feel his breath panning over your face.

He reached out, slow and deliberate, and brushed a knuckle down your cheek.

“I can help you.” He said softly.

Your lips parted. “Sir…”

He crouched fully now, his knees falling to the grass. “Steve.” He said, offering his name.

“Steve.” You repeated softly, swallowing hard.

“Let me help you. Let me be the one who gives you what you need.”

You didn’t speak, but your silence said enough. His hand trailed from your cheek to the column of your throat, not pressing, just feeling.

“You don’t have to lie under this tree in the dark pretending like your fingers are enough.”

Your thighs squeezed together, your body betraying your hesitation. Steve noticed it, but he didn’t touch you there, not yet.

“If you let me touch you.. I can give you what your fingers can’t.” He paused, his breath catching like he was afraid to say it.

You swallowed hard, but your eyes burned hot and your chest tightened.

“I’m not sure..” Your voice cracked. “I don’t think that’s allowed.”

He froze. Your gaze dropped to your lap. “What if someone finds out? What if I’m— not pure anymore?”

Steve’s fingers stilled on your throat. You rushed to finish, your voice trembling.

“They say if a man breaks your maidenhead, you can’t take a proper husband. That you’re.. ruined.”

Steve was quiet for a long moment. Then gently, he reached for your jawline, cusping it softly in his fingers. “That’s conditioning.”

You looked at him, confused.

“That’s someone else’s voice in your head. Some priest or hag warning you that your body is only good if it’s untouched. That’s not the truth.”

He ran the back of his knuckles along your jaw.

“I don’t want your purity.” He said, his voice sharp and low. “I want your honesty. I want your heat.” He paused, his hand trailing for your neck downwards, his fingertips ghosting over your hardened nipples. You gasped, feeling your cheeks get hot at his touch.

“And I want you to look at me while you fall apart.”

You trembled, lips parting.

“If I touch you.” He continued. “You won’t be ruined. You’ll be mine.”

You blinked as his hand rose back to your throat, his fingers curling lightly into the sides of it to hold you in place. “Tell me what you think about when you lie in this grass. Tell me what you wish someone would do.”

Your thighs clenched again, your breath catching.

“Say it.” He whispered. “Say you want me to help. Say you want more than your own hand.”

You shuddered. You hesitated a moment before speaking: “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Steve leaned in, his lips nearly brushing yours. “Good girl.”

He hovered his lips over yours, not closing the distance quite yet. His hands trailed from your throat to the back of your hand, winding his fingertips up in your locks.

“Now tell me, where do you want me?” He whispered, his breath hot on your mouth. You breathed shakily, letting your forehead fall against his. Your hand trembled as you grabbed his wrist, dragging his hand from your hair, and directing it downward. You let his hand ghost down your body, from your chest to your soft belly, and down further, below the hem of your dress. You slid his hand beneath your gown, trailing it up your knee, up your thigh, towards your bundle of heat that felt like it was seconds from catching on fire.

You swallowed hard and furrowed your eyebrows as his hand pressed against your mound. You flattened his fingers against your lips, the heat radiating through the thin fabric of your undergarment.

“Here.” You whispered. Steve’s brows furrowed, his tongue gliding over his lips.

Steve regained control of his hand, and gently ran his fingers against your clothed slit, rubbing it up and down, your wetness collecting through the thin fabric. You gasped, your head tilting back at the newfound sensation. Your hands came up to grab his shoulders. Steve lowered his mouth to the front of your neck, leaving an opened mouth kiss there as he used his free hand to gently lean you back, letting you lay flat against the Earth.

“You should’ve known someone would find you eventually.” He murmured. His hand between your legs worked more intensely, your hips bucking at the sudden pressure added to your clit.

“I bet this is what you wanted. Wanted someone to find you, wanted someone to take care of you.” Steve said further. His hand suddenly stopped at your core, a heavy sigh falling from your lips at the lack of pressure.

You watched as Steve lowered himself away from your throat, his body settling between your legs. The metal of his armor was cold against your bare skin, making you jolt and whine. Steve leaned down, his hands reaching up to push your gown up over your belly. You watched through hooded eyes as his fingers looped under the waistband of your underwear, then slowly dragged them down the flesh of your thighs. His gaze left yours, settling on your folds. They glistened with arousal under the moonlight, a sigh falling from his lips.

“So pretty and wet for me.” He murmured.

You watched as he lowered his face to your core and pressed a soft kiss to your folds. Your fingers gripped the grass beneath them, your lower back rocking, trying to get him closer.

“Patience, sweet girl.” He said. One arm looped underneath your leg, and the other snaked up to your pussy. With his forefinger, he tested the waters, dragging the pad of it up your folds, collecting some of your arousal.

You inhaled sharply, then tilted your head to the side to fall against your shoulder.

Steve lowered his mouth to your clit, his tongue prodding at the nub in flicks, his finger working in stripes against your labia.

“Oh my.” You breathed out suddenly, your lower abdomen clenching tight at the sensation. You were extremely sensitive, much more sensitive than you’d ever been for yourself. The feeling was heightened when it wasn’t your own touch, and you knew it wasn’t going to take you long to find your release.

Steve vibrated a groan against your folds, pulling away to allow his finger to trail up to your clit. He began working soft circles, your thighs trying to clench around him. He propped himself up on his elbow to utilize his other hand. His other forefinger found its way to your entrance, the tip prodding gently at it.

“Have you ever been inside?” Steve asked, watching as your brows furrowed hard in pleasure. You shook your head, your breaths falling in sharp inhales and exhales.

“I’ll take it slow. It might feel strange at first.” Steve warned you, then watched your reaction as he slipped his finger inside, your walls only resisting for a moment. He used his other thumb to keep circling around your clit. Your thighs began to tremble beside him, and you knew you weren’t going to last much longer with his finger curling up inside you.

“How does it feel?” Steve asked, his finger working with expertise below your waist.

He must’ve had lots of practice, and the thought sent a pang of jealousy through you, but the feeling soon dissipated when his fingertip curled up into the spongy flesh of your g spot, sending a wave of pleasure through your lower half.

You were so focused on the way his fingers felt on you to answer his question, but you let out a shaky moan instead, which answered his question enough.

Steve’s fingers worked faster, and the pleasure was climbing. You could feel the muscles in your abdomen beginning to tighten, and your legs were beginning to tremble from the pressure. Steve added another finger, slipping into you with ease. You whined at the added fullness, and your hands gripped tighter on the grass beneath you.

“That’s it.” Steve assured you, his mouth coming down to plant a kiss on your pubic bone.

Your breath caught in your throat as your orgasm hit you, your walls clamping down on Steve’s fingers, and your legs vibrating beside him. Your vision went white as you tipped your head back, your mouth parting unknowingly. It was unlike any release you’d given yourself.

Steve watched you with hungry eyes, his fingers not slowing down as he worked you through your climax.

“So pretty when you come..” Steve muttered. He almost sounded muffled, as your hearing was still fuzzy from your orgasm.

Steve fingers slowed as you came down from your high, your pussy now almost dripping from arousal and your come. You gawked down at him, watching as he pulled his glistening fingers away from your folds and reached up to his mouth, wrapping his lips around them. You watched as he hummed as he tasted your release. Your chest heaved in pants, Steve’s eyes falling to your nipples.

“How do you feel?” He asked, lowering himself down, his mouth hovering over yours. You could smell yourself on his breath, and that sent a pulse of arousal through your core.

“Amazing.” You breathed out, then closed the distance between your mouths. You kissed him deeply, your hands reaching up behind his head and into his curls.

He hummed into your mouth and kissed you back. He hovered above you, holding himself up with one arm, while his other slid down to the front of his pants, palming his erection through the fabric. He grunted as you rocked your hips up into his and whined into his mouth.

He pulled away, licking his lips as he gazed into your eyes. You broke eye contact and let your gaze fall to where his hand was holding his erection. You glided your top teeth over your bottom lip and dragged your hand from his neck and down his chest, and to his hand. You followed his actions and palmed his bulge with him, his brows taut.

“You feel that?” He asked, rocking his hips into your hand. “That’s all for you, sweet girl.”

You stared up at him in admiration, watching how his swollen lips parted in pleasure. Steve stopped your hand and stood up, his armor suddenly feeling like a thousand pounds. He held your gaze as his hands moved to the buckles at his sides, unfastening them. One by one, he undid the clasps, and let his chest plate fall to the ground, then the pauldrons from his shoulders. His body revealed itself, his muscular arms catching the moonlight.

He didn’t speak as he stripped off the last of his armor. He looked less like a knight now and more untamed. He ran a hand through his tousled hair and stepped back towards you, his dark colored tunic on display. You sat up and pushed yourself up to stand, placing your hands on his chest. You ran them upwards, feeling his shoulders and his neck, his warmth radiating into your skin now without the armor to block it. Then your hands journeyed downward, grabbing the hem of his tunic, pulling it upwards. Steve helped you pull it over his head, revealing his toned chest. You ran your fingers from his belly up to his chest, running across the hair there. You planted a kiss to his chest, then trailed up to his neck, placing an open mouthed kiss below his ear. His hands wrapped around you, kneading into the soft flesh of your waist.

You ran your hand from his chest back down his front to his crotch, your fingers closing over his bulge that was now straining against his pants. You palmed him, his hips bucking into your hand, his mouth falling open as you kissed his jaw.

“Y-you sure you haven’t done this before?” He breathed out, his eyes closing in pleasure.

You fought back a grin and kissed the corner of his mouth. He turned his head, kissing you passionately, his lips dancing against yours. His hand moved from your waist to your breast, giving it a gentle squeeze. His hand moved to the straps of your nightgown, pulling them off your shoulders, then pulled away from your kiss to tug the gown down your body, revealing your bare skin to him. His gaze fell to your bare breasts, your nipples pebbled, and goosebumps littering your skin in the cold night air.

Steve took your breasts in his hands, gently massaging them as he kissed you again, this time his tongue sliding into your mouth. He pressed his front against you, his erection rubbing against your belly. You whimpered, clenching your thighs together.

Steve pulled away again, his breath fanning over your lips in pants. “Need you to lay down.”

You obeyed, and laid back down in the grass, propping yourself up on your elbows to look up at him. You were suddenly overly aware of how naked you were. You could feel the cold nipping at the soft skin of your belly and breasts. Steve watched your body as he removed his shoes, then his pants and undergarments, his cock springing free.

He was big, bigger than you thought he’d be. This wasn’t your first time seeing a penis, but it was your first time seeing one like this, one that was so erect and leaking from its angry tip. Steve’s hand dropped to haphazardly stroke himself, then he lowered to his knees. He hovered over you, his warmth relieving you from the cold air.

“Want to fuck you now.” Steve said, not sugar coating his words. His hand left his cock and dropped to your folds, your pussy still soaked. His fingertip found your hole, and you held onto his shoulder as he slid his finger into you, testing to see if you were still ready for him. You moaned as he pumped his finger in and out of you for a few seconds before adding another, your walls stretching intoxicatingly around him. It didn’t take long for your walls to readjust to his intrusion.

You were nervous, scared even, but you were too aroused and enamored to change your mind about this. This was everything you’d ever fantasized about. The whole situation was taboo, something you never thought would happen during your time, but here you were, giving yourself up to a night guard.

Steve leaned back a bit and guided his cock to your pussy, his tip brushing against your folds, collecting some of your arousal. Your breath hitched when it glided over your clit, as it was still sensitive from your orgasm.

Steve’s mouth dropped to your breast, taking your nipple is his mouth, sucking on it gently, before moving to the other. He was obsessed with your tits, and suddenly the thought of knocking you up crossed his mind. His cock twitched in his hand at the thought of your belly swollen with his child, your breasts swollen and full of milk. He groaned into the flesh of your chest, the tip of his dick notching at your entrance. A gasp fell from your lips, and your hands wound themselves in his hair.

“Going to stretch you so much.” Steve muttered as he stared up at you with hooded eyes.

He’d put this off long enough. His tip was sensitive and angry, the precum dripping down his shaft now. You whimpered as you felt him press harder into your entrance, not quite pushing himself in yet.

“Please.” You breathed out. Steve gawked up at you, your voice not only surprising him, but also yourself. You were aching for him.

At this point the furthest thing from your mind was losing your purity. You didn’t care if it was about to hurt, and you didn’t care if you bled. You were entirely consumed by the want to feel every inch of him inside of you, and the anticipation was killing you.

“It’ll only hurt a bit, sweet girl.” Steve reassured you.

With those words, Steve pushed into you slowly, his tip breaching your hole. He entered you with ease, your hole swallowing up the first inch of him. You gasped at the new sensation. He stayed there, slowly moving the head of him in and out of you, testing your stretch. You were more than ready for him, your walls not even attempting to squeeze him out.

“Taking me so well.” Steve muttered, his gaze falling to where he was entering you.

He pushed himself further, sheathing himself another couple inches. The stretch was consuming you. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as you had expected. If anything, you were obsessed with the feeling of him splitting you open, marking you as his.

Steve rocked his hips against yours, pushing the rest of his length inside of you. You let out a strangled moan and dug your fingertips into his biceps. Another gasp left you as Steve brought his thumb up to your clit, ghosting the softest of circles to it. Your thighs involuntarily jolted at the added sensation, your walls clamping down on his cock.

“That’s it.” Steve spoke, then leaned down to place a hot kiss to your neck, dragging his lips downward to your collarbone, where his teeth grazed the heat of your skin.

You whined as he picked up the pace slightly, his strokes now a slow, but consistent pace. You could feel his length reaching a depth that you’d never felt before. His length curled up, hitting your g spot perfectly.

The sound was pornographic— you were soaking wet, the sound of his length sliding in and out of you was a sound that permeated the air and made your muscles clench. He was moving even faster now, his tempo hitting you deeply, and you knew there was no chance you wouldn’t bleed from this.

“Can’t get enough of you.” Steve panted. He hovered lower now, the heat from his chest radiating down into yours, his breath hot against your neck.

You reached up to his scalp, tugging on his brown locks. He whined into your skin, then trailed his mouth upward to yours, meeting your lips in a heated kiss. He grunted into your mouth, his thrusts becoming harder and more frequent.

“Oh my god.” You said against his lips, your eyes beginning to roll back. His hand was now at your nipple, pinching and flicking it softly.

Perhaps tonight would be the night he’d put a baby in you. Then you would truly be his. He imagined coming home from patrol to you and his child, a hot meal waiting for him at the stove. He pictured you waiting for him in your shared bed, your beautiful bare body on display for him, waiting to add another member to your family.

His thoughts went straight to his core, and he could feel his release creeping up on him. His thrusts were becoming choppier and slower. He could feel his balls tightening as it drew near, and he imagined how intoxicatingly you’d look with his seed dripping from your folds.

“Going to fill you so full.” Steve muttered, sweat beading on his forehead.

Your head tipped back, you breath catching in your throat. Your body was hyper aware of everything. How hard your nipples were in the night air, how your tits bounced with every thrust. You felt his body heat transferring to your skin, his chest hair tickling the soft flesh of your breasts.

“Please.” You muttered again, your tone strangled and exasperated.

“Fuck.” Steve grunted, his release hitting him hard.

He shot hot spurts deep inside of you, and selfishly thrusted as deep as he could. You whimpered under him, feeling his cock beginning to soften inside of you. He kept himself nestled inside of you, plugging you full of his seed. He needed this to be the moment he fucked his child into you.

Steve stayed above you, lowering to lay on you, but making sure he still held himself up enough as to not put his full weight on you.

His hips rested between your thighs. The rise and fall of his chest brushed against your collarbone in even waves. His nose was buried in the crook of your neck, lips parted, and his skin damp where sweat had gathered.

One of his hands was braced by your head, fingers buried in the grass. You didn’t know if he was holding you close or holding you down, but it really didn’t matter to you.

He finally stirred, just slightly. His hips shifted, cock nudging deeper, pulling a sharp gasp from your throat.

“You’re still tight.” He murmured against your skin, his voice thick with satisfaction. “Still holding me so close.”

You bit your lip, your skin flushed from head to toe. He still refused to pull out, like he belonged there now. Steve leaned back just enough to look at you. His hair was messy, a curl falling over his brow.

“You feel that?” He asked quietly, a hand sliding up your side. “I’m still inside you, still filling you.”

You nodded, unable to speak. He dipped his head low, kissing the hollow of your throat, soft and slow.

“I don’t want to leave.” He said into your skin. “Not yet.”

His hips pressed forward again, and your walls throbbed around him.

“I’ll keep your secret.” He said after a while, barely above a whisper. “But don’t expect me to stay away after this. I won’t.”

And with the moonlight bleeding through the trees, illuminating the beads of sweat on your skin, Steve moved again, not with urgency, but with slow need. You realized there was nothing you wanted more than for Steve to take you again, again, and again.