Sabrina's Tumblr

i keep trying to shout how much i reject the finale. i am filling up every space i can with all of the reasons it doesn't make sense to me, doesn't work for me, doesn't feel canon to me. not because i'm trying to convince myself of my position, but because i'm trying to convince myself that i will be able to move past this feeling by just rejecting it. but in truth i don't know how to unsee it. and i do not know if i can enjoy good omens anymore. because while those issues of taste and media literacy surrounding the convoluted philosophies about free will and reincarnation, and the whole not kissing or not saying "i love you" issues can all be debated as intellectual, matters of logic and judgement and comprehension... there's a big chunk of this schism that comes from perception and emotion, and not all emotional responses/reactions can be logic'ed or be correct or incorrect.

and one of the most impactful for me is what feels like multiple instances of extremely out of character dialogue and choices. and because of aziraphale and crowley's characterization and choices in the finale, i was very quickly drained of the feeling of comfort in them and their love. i can't love that aziraphale with how he speaks to that crowley. i ache too much for that crowley. i don't feel that their love as presented is that powerful or beautiful anymore because now it just radiates what from my experience feels completely toxic. and so i'm left with wondering why would toxic love save the universe. why is it good to get reincarnated back into a toxic relationship. and even if you try to make the logical argument that that toxicity is only there because of the angel/demon opposite sides thing, it doesn't feel like enough to excuse the fact that it happened. it destroys for me the beauty of it.

so even if "that is them," i don't know how to care about asa and anthony getting to be happy and in love if I wouldn't have been peacefully, comfortably happy with crowley and aziraphale getting together after what i saw in that episode.

For my dear readers, I present: the much sought after I survived Lifting Eden Badge.

A special shoutout to those of you who read the fic before going to church; to those of you who read it at work during your lunch break; and to the one reader who had to leave the room after their family started questioning the strange noises they were making.

You are all heroes. Have this badge, courtesy of my fantastic, talented beta @crowleyscleaninglady.

*wanders off in search of meaning*

my newest painful obsession: aziraphale thought crowley came back for him.

they kiss, aziraphale says i forgive you and instead condemns them both, crowley leaves. the lip touching itself is fucking essay worthy because holy SHIT the amount of micro expressions flickering across his face is endless, michael sheen acted his ass off.

i think it's a mixture of surprise, unspoken love, a HEAVY dose of fear, disbelief, and oh my god what did he just do what did i just do. he turns away from the door and we get a very very quick shot of how exactly he is angled.

standing up straight with faked spiteful anger, the same anger he spit at crowley out of fear and insecurity, chin up, clearly waiting for something - or rather someone. we gotta remember that every single time crowley has left aziraphale, he came back. every. single. time. he came back and apologized, that's what they do.

crowley comes back and aziraphale forgives him and they continue bearing their silence.

the bell rings when the door opens again, just like it did when crowley left, and just. look at his face. how quickly he swivels around. the blink and you will miss it spark of hope.

and then the pure devastation when he realizes it's not crowley.

aziraphale thought crowley was coming back for him. he was WAITING for him to come back. even after all that, he couldn't imagine crowley actually leaving him behind, especially not after that kiss and his entire indirect love confession.

just like crowley thought for a tiny heartbeat that aziraphale was kissing him back, aziraphale hoped, hell, he fucking thought he KNEW crowley would never abandon him. not after "i could always rely on you. you could always rely on me." aziraphale has taken him for granted, of course he thought it was him coming through the door.

but that spark of hope gets stomped out beneath the metatrash's feet and he fully turns around, unable to face him and the reality of it all.

this time, he went too far.

this time, crowley did not want forgiveness.

he was about to say i love you and turned it into i forgive you, still clinging to their old ways, their old rituals, just that they are no longer those beings, no longer in that specific relationship. everything has changed.

*insert sappy/fluffy/angsty/ineffable dialogue here*

“hE’s NoT- He’S- WeLl hE’s cErTAinlY nOt NAkeD aNyMOrE!”

"...and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person."

💫 Dancing in Space

My art tribute to that epic intro sequence for Good Omens Season 2. @neil-gaiman I am so beyond excited to see what all of you have in store for us!

How could I resist these two babes? 💕 Just gals being pals, hanging out in their undies. Probably won’t get up to anything naughty. Probably.