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Is that some god damn ahegaud???

Stokes Dracula is set in 1893. Dracula could have canonically had Nintendo merchandise.

Coca cola was founded in 1892. Dracula could have canonically been sitting around his castle chugging soda and gaming 

Well, Nintendo games in that time were most likely board games and also I’m like 90% sure Coca Cola still had cocaine in their drinks by then so now I’m just imagining a coked up Dracula playing monopoly

I met Candle Jenner at a fashion show. We shook hands, but hers were terribly dry and crusty and I ran to tell everyone I knew about her gross hands.

Kandle* Jenner

I’m Pretty Sure it’s Kindle Jenner…

No, you’re thinking of that electronic reading device, it’s Camel Jenner

i can’t believe he’s gone

Kanye Rest in peace

Kanye west in piece

So these people found a snake that legit looks like magic and the first thing they decided when naming it was “hey let’s look at its mouth and nothing else”

Holy FUCK where do I buy these?

please do not disrespect the moon

that doesn’t look right but I honestly don’t have enough evidence to dispute it

Honestly I just say god

*literally just drinks some water*

Look at this dude drinking cloud piss

Well now I kinda want to know what you think of pewdiepie

Wait... life sized?... HOW DID I NOT KNOW THEY WERE THIS BIG?

But can you?

I swear to everything holy if one day I find a fossil is named pukicho I’m gonna flip my shit

Me entering into the replies: “the walls are salt, the floor is salt and the air we breathe is salt, everything is salt”

sinship (like friendship except u sin together)

So like t*uching hands or k*ssing before marriage?

Cantrips and Ninth-Level Spells are reversed.  Your first-level bard can cast Power Word Kill completely at will, but Vicious Mockery is an arcane secret they may never become powerful enough to cast.  Amount of damage done by any given spell is completely unchanged.

The whole party has dice made of ice. When a damage dice melts you can’t use that weapon. When your d20 melts you die.

Play in a fridge and you’ll never die