Shibari Basics 10: So you wanna be tied up…
Any willing partner is better than no partner at all. And please forgive me for the bunny reference, but even the hasenpfeffer recipe always starts with “first get a bunny.” I’ve tied guys and gals, a few experienced people, and some stark raving newbies that started out with “what’s a crotch rope?” and “Eew, why would I want that?” "
Well,” I say, “it’s much easier to show you than to explain…” And when there was no one else to take turns with, I’ve tied pillows, teddy bears, and even myself. Which is part of how I learned that crotch ropes really are fun for all…
photo credit Jerome G. Duplessis
If you like the look of rope, and think you want to try it out, you can either start tying yourself, find a partner and teach them to tie, or find a local rope group and join up. Rope groups usually welcome new folks, and often have more riggers than partners. Honestly, it just isn’t that hard to convince someone to tie you up.
Look in Fetlife’s local events for a rope class or rope events. You can check them a bit by asking attendees how they have gone. I generally find there is always room for a willing rope partner to jump in, regardless of past experience. There are usually more riggers than available partners.
image via just-another-irishman
Whether you style yourself a rope bottom, bunny, model, or a partner, you are not just a sack of potatoes. Though honestly I’d take a sack of potatoes over a day without a ride or a rope class without a partner. There are, however, some things you can do to help yourself and the rigger by being a better prepared partner.
- Before tying, touch base with moderators or instructors, and let them know you are there to partner and that you do (or don’t) know the folks there, so they can keep an eye on you.
- Warm up a bit. A few sprinter or yoga stretches can help you be more comfortable.
- Drink some water - be hydrated.
- Hit the head before tying. Hopping on one leg might not work so well once the ropes go on.
When you find a willing rigger, start with communication. Even if it’s just for rope practice it’s important to communicate a few expectations before you start, and to keep communicating, building good two-way communication as you work together.
Model: Pearl Piper image via hiswickedways
- Communicate your experience level, goals for the day, and what you want or don’t want.
- Ask them their experience and evaluate if they seem experienced enough to keep you safe.
- Establish a safe word (words) if they are not already in place in the space.
- State what you are comfortable with, and what limits you want to observe. Being tied does not make you a sex object; define those limits.
- If you don’t want to be touched in some places, sensually, or sexually, or however - say so. This should not be assumed, expected or required.
Beautiful photo courtesy of emskay
Communicate any health issues especially with concerns with diabetes, asthma, mobility, circulation, nerve damage or bones that don’t go that way before a scene. A careful rigger will ask and seek out this information, be open and direct with your responses. Be willing to say what you want, and what you will and won’t do. It you don’t want them to touch sensitive areas, say so. Say how you want to be touched. If a rigger doesn’t want to tie you because you don’t want it to be “that” sexual, their loss.
Riggers should respect your body choices happily, if not - find one that does.
Wait on suspension till you’ve been tied a few times and until you know and trust the rigger, the gear, and situation.
- If it feels wrong or hurts say so. They might not have meant to pinch with that rope. Or they might have and you have to decide if that’s good or bad… That can be a discussion…
- If a tie is pulling you towards discomfort, and you are not that bendy, say so.
- Wear what clothes you want to be comfortable. I like tying nudes, and skin and rope act differently than clothes, but I’d tie sweats and a jacket rather than no having partner. Panties and a bra, sports clothes, yoga pants and a t-shirt, all good.
Always in Kink - Be risk aware. RACK trumps SCC any day. Bondage is not “safe.” Understand that tying can result in serious injury or death. Done with care, it usually doesn’t, but even experienced couples sometimes have issues. You will for sure have some short term rope marks. These may fade in 15 minutes or a couple hours. Rope burns, more common with suspension and higher tension rigging, are more serious and can leave a lasting mark. Understand that risk.
Circulation impingement, nerve damage, and being dropped on concrete on your head from a height while tied, are all potential risks. These events are rare; knowledge and experience and careful rigging limit the probability, but no rigger controls 100% of the outcome. If they say they do, denying risk, it might be a bad sign. Keep yourself safe. As wonderful, compelling, and exciting as the kink world can be, be careful of yourself. Use common sense and keep yourself safe. Go to your first events in public venues, or with a friend. Don’t make your first (or second) rope event with a person you just met a private party. If it feels wrong, step back. Most of the kinky folks we have met are wonderful people. But we all know that a small percent in any group are not so wonderful. Keep it public till you know your way better. In public you know your limits and safe word are much more likely to be honored.
photograph by TheFunction; rigger: gapinglotus model: secondfloorfet
Many thanks to @gapinglotus for permission to use the image
One of the best rope bottom resources I’ve found researching is the site of KinkyClover a rope model, photographer, writer and educator. Her site has many articles on rope bondage largely from the bottom’s point of view. She has produced a very good guide for rope bottoms, 20 pages of text and images available for free download. I’d recommend it for both tops and bottoms:
Kinky Clover rope bottom guide
http://www.remedialropes.com
The Remedial Rope site includes several good resources, including some nice printable safety information and two discussions that are especially good for bottoms.
5 common mistakes rope bottoms make
Bondage safety for Bottoms
This is post 10 of 13 planned posts on Shibari Basics. See them all (as written) with the tag “Shibari basics”
“SpiceNWolf Links” takes you to our links page that includes a catalog of tagged shibari images.
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