tea

honestly though, in my opinion the worst part of bipolar disorder is knowing that you’ll get bad again and you can only put it off or do damage control. increase your antidepressants, phone your friends, hide your credit cards, warn your job. you could be stable for a week or for a year but It. Will. Be. Back.

“I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.”

“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”

It’s hard to tell people you’re really proud of yourself for making it through another year.

Even breathing gets difficult.

But I swear, I think I am going to kill myself really soon.

I hate the sound of my voice. And the way I look when I laugh. I hate the sound of my laugh too. I hate the way I walk and my body posture. I hate my body itself and how I look in the mirror. I hate the way I talk and the words I choose, how I talk too much and nonsense or not at all. I hate the way I eat or the fact that I eat. I hate what I think and what runs through my mind. I hate what runs through my veins too and how I feel. I hate how I hate myself: too deeply, too truly, too much to even normally function.