Inadequate

It was easier to quit meth than it’s been to quit weed.

Even though the way I use it is the same — it takes me from the discomfort and puts me somewhere else for a while.

I never even liked weed. I just liked that it wasn’t sober.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be sober. How to not reach for something.

I quit meth, started weed. Every time I quit weed, I reach for alcohol. I don’t even like alcohol that much either.

But I’ve felt pure sobriety before — a few months of it — and it’s gorgeous.

When I’m clear, I know what to do next. Who I am is clear.

I eat better. I feel better. I get angry. I get annoyed. I get electric.

There are things I never learned how to do sober. Being angry is one of them.

Nothing makes me want to rail lines like a dingy pink bathroom in a bar somewhere...