confused and tired

—

“Please, just one date and that’s it.” Your friends pulls up her index finger as to emphasize on the ‘one date’. You sigh at her pleading behavior. “Fine, one date and that’s it.” And your friends jumps on you with a hug and lets out a happy squeal.

And that’s how you met the older brother of your friends date. Ran Haitani. And he looked quite serious while you glanced at your friend beside you, she looked completely enamored with her date and he looks equally enamored back.

You look back at your own date and he seems to be interested in the sports event playing on the tv behind you, so you take a look to only look back at him again.

“Do you like hockey?” You speak up and Ran looks at you with his brows raised in surprise. “Not really, some dude just got knocked over and that caught my attention.” Something with how his eyes seemed to be lightening up in amusement at some guy getting knocked over, made you let out a little laugh. Ran looks at you in surprise again.

“Sorry, didn’t know you had a liking for guys almost being beaten up.”

“It’s better to be the one beating them up.” He says and you get slightly gape at him shock and his brother Rindou hits him on his side with his elbow, as to say ‘behave!’ And Ran just grins in amusement. You glance at your friend as to say ‘did you hear that?’ And she nods in knowledge.

“These guys leads the entire Roppongi.” She says and you just gape even more. Why didn’t she tell you that before? You look back at Ran and he looks amused as he looks at you.

“Afraid?” He asks.

“I’m not afraid of you.” You answer back. And he leans back in his seat as he crosses his arms on his chest. All while he seems to grow even more amused at you.

“Why not?”

“Question is, why should I be?” You retort back calmly as you take a gulp from your glass of water, while looking at him and his lips forms into a grin. And he shrugs his shoulders.

“Good question.” Is all he said before his brother managed to switch conversation to include all four of you around the table.

Thé double date went fairly well and your friend looks happy as she leans into Rindou’s side, hugging him as he had his arm around her. You look at Ran from beside you.

“Do you have a car?”

“Should I have one?”

“Yeah.” You simply say and Ran chuckles.

“Today, both you ladies get a special treatment.” He says as he points at a sleek black car appearing. The window rolls down from the passenger seat and you see a guy in blonde hair and scars on the corners of his lips, grinning widely at the four of you.

“Get in the car before we all get shot.” Is he all he says as he rolls up the window. You hear the brothers chuckle and you feel absolutely terrified at the thought of being shot, you didn’t realize you had subconsciously sought safety and comfort in Ran, by leaning into him.

“He likes to scare people, a specialty of his. No need to get scared.” Ran tries to reassure you. Which kinda worked but at the same time didn’t. You nod your head in reply.

As Rindou opens the door to the backseat, you managed to steal a glance at someone with a black hair, who was already sitting on the left side beside the window. Meaning there’s only two seats available.

“Looks like we have to team up.” Rindou says as he gets in and signals your friends to get in the car, before he lightly taps his lap.

“Free lap dance.” You hear the same blonde guy speak up, he is whistling when he realizes me and my friend got to seat on the brothers lap during the entire ride.

“Can you sit on my lap instead?” You hear your friend ask Rindou which makes him laugh. She looked quite determined to have him sit on her lap, but he didn’t oblige. She gets in the car, sits on his lap and looks quite content as she leans back on him and he wrapped his arm around her. Now it was time for Ran to get in and for you to follow.

Which you do and when you’re sitting on his lap, you decide to do it sideways, so your knees were touching the side of your friends thigh and your shoulders were leaning into Ran’s chest. Ran looks even more amused than during the dinner and you wanted with your whole soul, to slap the slight grin off his face along with his amusement. You’re not an entertainment, you thought to yourself as you slightly adjust your place on his lap and Ran stills in surprise.

“Sorry, it feels like my thigh was gonna get a cramp.” You tell him as you intertwine your hands on your lap. “It’s fine, no worries.” He says as he places a hand in your hip to steady you.

The entire ride was full off the blonde guy talking on about some deal with the driver while the guy with the black hair was occupied with his phone. Rindou and your friend seems to be in their own world as they whisper and giggle on about something you didn’t wanna hear about. During the ride, you had to lean into Ran’s chest or you had to be bumping heads on the cars roof when the car had to drive over speed bumps or take turns.

You were watching in content at how happy your friend looked while also fiddling with your fingers. Then you look ahead on the window in front of the drivers seat and see how the car is gonna make a huge turn, which makes your heart beat even faster. You hold your hands together tighter as you try to relax. All while not trying to look like you’re having a breakdown.

That is until you feel a larger hand place on top of your own, it’s warmth seething into your skin. Ran touch on your was oddly comfortable and you placed a hand on top of his, so you could hold his hand with both of your own. You visibly start to relax, which Ran observed. You lean back into his chest, placing your head on it as you seem to be subconsciously rub circles on his hand. Ran leans his head back on the head rest of the car seat as he felt proud, and content at what he did and how it managed to make you feel.

After that day, they had drove you and your friend home. While you didn’t wanna admit you miss the touch of Ran’s hand on yours and feeling safe in his presence, you couldn’t stop thinking of it. How he had managed to observe your small fear of huge turns and made you relax. Your friend looked at you as if she knew what you were thinking off, so you could only huff in reply as you went up to the front door of your guys shared apartment complex. You hear her giggle behind you and you wanted so badly flip her off.

“Maybe a another date sounds good.” She says in a teasing voice. “No.” You hastily say back to which she laughed at.

“We see about that.”

—

After the date, you have met Ran so many times, mostly because your friend always manages to make your meeting look so coincidental when you’re pretty sure she’s setting you guys up, you’re starting to actually like him. Not in a romantic sense, of course.

Rindou had invited his girlfriend (your friend) and you to a small gathering he and his brother is hosting, only with closest friends at his apartment. When you entered it, the music wasn’t booming so loud, it was on a nice volume and there was guy’s sitting on the couch, some guys hanging around the kitchen.

“Is there only men here?” You whisper to your friend. “Seems like it.” Her face expression was a full giveaway she didn’t like this whole setup at all, until she looked like she was in heaven when she saw Rindou. She runs up to him and you see Ran appear from behind his brother, greet your friend before his eyes casts upon you. You slightly fiddle with your fingers at how his gaze on you made you feel.

He approaches you. “Hey.” He says in his fine voice and gives you a hug as a greeting. “Hi.” You say back. The hug lasted tad bit longer which you’re not complaining about, actually you wanted to hug him as long as you could but he had already pulled away.

Ever since that moment, you couldn’t stop thinking about how he hugged you. Or when during a conversation Ran had said something which made people laugh, after he said it he looked at you and you hide your giggle behind your hand in embarrassment at him catching you laughing at his joke. He looked away in delight and a grin on his lips. What you didn’t know was that Ran immediately looked at you to see you smile and your pretty laugh, that’s why he had said something funny in the first place.

It’s been months and your friend is getting tired of you and Ran dancing around each other, denying your guys feelings for the other one. She planned a sleep over and decided to take on a moment to make you guys be together alone.

Sitting on the couch, close to your friend, you watch the tv playing a movie all four of you decided on. Ran munches loudly on popcorn as Rindou throws popcorns on his head when Ran purposely smacks his lips together loudly as he chews, just to annoy Rindou. You giggle at the sight when Ran got a popcorn thrown right on his eye. Finally deciding to watch the movie properly, all of you sat in silence, sometimes commenting on some scenes until your friend decided she was tired in the middle of the movie and pulls Rindou along with her. When he doesn’t budge, she pulls him harder and does a angry face which makes Rindou sigh as he gets up from his comfortable position on the couch, to the bedroom. Ran who was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, looked at the two in amusement before he looked at you for a few seconds and goes back to watch the movie.

For a few minutes, both of you didn’t speak up until you decide to move your ass and sit down on the floor beside Ran. Your shoulders were touching, the proximity close and it makes you want to hyperventilate in nervousness. How does this gangster and leader of a entire city manage to feel like you’re in seventh heaven and not like you’re being hunted by a serial killer?

“Aren’t you gonna sleep?” You mutter out as you look at the movie and fiddle with your hands as usual.

“I don’t feel tired.” Ran simply says with his eyes on the tv. You badly wanted him to look at you, to touch you, to hold you or just anything with you in it. How you would love if you knew that Ran was thinking exactly that. How he badly wanted to touch you, hold your hands or just anything as well.

“You look just like that thing there.” Ran suddenly says and you look where he pointed only to scoff in disbelief when you see the deformed creature, your reaction makes Ran laugh and he laughs even more when you hit him on his shoulder because he is laughing. “You look more like it than me, shut up.” You try to hide your grin but you failed.

“You’re smiling.” He simply says. “Yeah, because it looks just like you and I’m glad to see you have found your doppelgänger.” You tell him which Ran laughs at. He breathes out after laughing and when he’s done with that, he slightly moves his shoulder back so your shoulder was on his. Feeling his touch on you makes you still in surprise. And you feel yourself warm up inside when you feel Ran slide his hand down your arm to only rest his arm beside yours. He leans his head onto yours as he intertwines your fingers with his.

“You feel cold.” He softly mutters out as he rubs circles on your hand. Wanting to be closer to him, you lean into his side closer and rub his hand as well.

“It’s quite cold.” You softly say back, now incapable to fully pay attention to the movie and only at your intertwined hands. Ran places your intertwined hands on his lap and places his free hand on top of it. He rubs his head on yours when according to you, it felt like he was only trying to lean closer into you as well. You smile to yourself at his possible action.

“Why are you scared of huge turns?” His question has no pity or malice in it, just pure curiosity and you absolutely loved it. When most people didn’t quite understand your little fear of huge turns, Ran’s curiosity of it is a new breath of fresh air.

“It was a small accident. It was snowing that day and the road was slippery. The car was sliding along the road and my sister who was in the drivers seat, reeled the car in a way the impact against the side of the road wasn’t to strong, it quite scarred me a little bit.” You manage to tell your story as understandable as possible. “And it was during a huge turn?” Ran asks as he strokes your wrist with his free hand. You nod your head. “It is a small accident but huge turns still makes me feel a little bit scared.” You tell him. “I make you feel safe.” You could practically feel Ran’s grin and you could only chuckle at his reaction.

“Do you think your friend and Rindou planned this?” You speak up and you feel Ran nod his head. “Yeah, that idiot would never move his ass from his comfortable position on the couch for anything.” Ran says as you let out a small laugh. “I wouldn’t either.” You say and you feel Ran playfully flick your wrist which only makes you chuckle.

Both of you ended up sleeping beside each other that night, to the movie playing in the background the entire night. Rindou who only wanted to take a bathroom break, didn’t expect to see his brother and you sleeping beside each other, all while sitting up against the couch.

When you had woken up that morning, you quickly realized where you were and who you were with and immediately pulled your head up, hitting Ran’s head along the way. Waking up to a smack to his head, Ran could only hiss in pain and rub the spot he got hit. His eyes slightly closed, which looked like he was still clearly sleepy, he sleepily gets up from his place on the floor while he rubs his sore ass, lays down on the couch and he grabs your arm from where you were stilled in shock. And hugs you into his embrace and locks you into place by slinging his arms and legs around you. You were practically stuck in shock as Ran rubs his face into your chest and mumbles something in his sleep.

“He is a clingy sleeper.” You hear Rindou say, you look up and see him and your friend towering over you. “I can see that.” You say, still surprised at what just happened, but mostly at what position you’re at and who you’re in the position with.

—

Weeks after that day at the couch, you couldn’t stop thinking about it and neither could Ran when he woke up from his sleep that day and found himself buried in your chest, in your warm yet comfortable embrace. You were sound asleep as well, with your arm under his neck and the other one on his hair. And all Ran wanted is to be back in that exact position again. He wanted to turn back the time so badly, he threw his pillow on the door every time he thought of it.

When you had woken up from the sleep on the couch, your sleepy smile when you saw Ran made him want to pepper you in kisses everywhere on your face, hug you so tightly and never let you go.

Thinking about you as he walks down the road, he didn’t see you in front of him and crashed into you. Quickly getting back into his senses, he catches you before you fall and you hold onto his arms to steady yourself.

“That scared me.” You chuckle in embarrassment as you look up at Ran and he don’t say anything as he looks at you. “Are you okay?” He looked so intensely at you, you swore you had something on your face. Until he shakes his head.

“Wow, couldn’t speak for a second. Must be because of how pretty you look.” He says in a voice that makes your heart skip a beat but you could only slap at his chest in response. “Shut up.” You tell him off which he grins at.

“So, what are you doing out here?“ Ran asks as he puts his hands in his front pockets. “Buying some stuff, you?” You ask back.

“Hmmm, what for?” Ran asks again as he leans in closer to you while having his hands in his pockets. You meet him head on even though you wanted to kiss his pretty face so desperately.

“Well, for some stuff.”

“Hmm, interesting. Do you want help?” He asks. And you take the opportunity to accept his help considering Ran’s birthday is coming up and you could try to subtly ask what stuff he likes so you know what to gift him. Ran helped a lot just by offering his help and you wanted to kiss him even more for that.

After a day of asking what he found interesting and being with him all day, Ran drives you home and arrives at the front door of your apartment complex.

Before you could thank him for the ride, he speaks up before you. “I follow you to the door.” He says and you could only nod at that, even though you silently wondered why he wanted to do that.

Arriving at the front door, you turn to face him. As you turn and look at him, he looked so much prettier below the moonlight, how his cheeks seemed to be a slight shade of rosy cause of the cold and even the tip of his nose is the same color. He looked so cute you wanted to kiss him like usual.

“Thanks for the ride.” Is what you could only say, with a soft and genuine smile.

“C’mere you.” Ran simply says and closes the distance between you and wraps your form with his arms and pulls you into a hug. Not wanting to waste the moment, you hug him back and slightly burrow your face in his chest. You felt a fast thumping from where his heart is. It is thumping fast.

“Your hearts beating so fast.” You say into his chest, all while your heart is thumping fast as well.

“Pointing out the obvious, love?” Ran says with amusement and you hit his back which he chuckles at. The name he called you only made your heart skip a beat.

“Sleep well tonight.” He says softly after he pulled away. Expecting him to walk back after saying that, his hold on you lasted a bit. Before he actually turned and walked away, he places a gentle kiss on your forehead which has you melting in adoration for the man, who just gave you a forehead kiss and also in surprise. Unable to say anything to him, you couldn’t anyway when he had already walked away. You turn your back on him with a even faster thumping heart in your chest. As you’re unlocking the door and you hear the Ran’s car engine roar and you smile to yourself at his little gesture. He waited for you to open the door before he drove off.

Closing the door to your apartment with a smile on your face while thinking of what just happened, you hear your phone ding. Looking at the screen as you see a message from Ran. Opening the message, the content has you smiling widely at the screen.

I should have kissed you.

Is what he said for the night. He actually wanted to kiss you on the lips but didn’t. And the next time you could see him was for his upcoming birthday party which is soon.

—

Arriving at the apartment of the Haitani’s with your gifts, you realize you and your friend is the first ones to arrive. Rindou was the one who opened the door and the birthday boy, the one you badly want to see, is nowhere in sight. Which is actually good, it gives you time to prepare yourself mentally to meet him.

You take a sit down on the couch, scrolling on your phone until a face appeared near you.

“Hey!” Ran grins, his face close to you. The close proximity is making your heart beat out of its regular pace. And his beautiful grin is an extra fuel to it. And his presence.

“Hey.” You softly say with a shy smile. Ran looks at the bag beside you and points.

“Is that my gift?” He asks and you nod. “Can I open it now?” He asks again.

“If you want to.” You answer. “Which I want to.” Ran says back and goes around the couch to sit down beside you.

Feeling nervous to if he would like your gift for him, he opens the bag and pulls out a small white jewelry box. Ran looks at you in surprise and wonder. His expression is so cute you had to let out a chuckle. He opens the box and it reveals a silver bracelet along with a simple silver ring.

“Is that what we looked at the other day?” Ran asks as he looks at gift in surprise. “I saw how much you looked at it, so I thought you must have wanted it really much.” You tell him and Ran could only muster up a big smile before he puts on the ring which fits his pinky finger and pulls out the bracelet.

“Help me put this on.” He tells you and you obeyed. When you were done, Ran inspected how his new jewelry looked on him and he looks at you. Then he engulfs your in a warm and tight hug. You feel him burrow his face in the crook of your neck and you gently stroke his back.

“Thank you, love.” Him calling you love again never failed to make your heart skip a beat again and you felt like soaring into the sky when you felt Ran place a soft kiss on your forehead. “Anything.” You tell him with a soft smile.

His message from the other night comes into mind. ‘I should have kissed you.’ And you thought he would do it this time, but he doesn’t.

After his birthday had ended, Rindou offered to clean up along with his girlfriend. Bidding your friend and Rindou bye, you open the front door of the apartment. That’s when you hear Ran call out.

“I drive you home.” He says with a big smile as he puts on his shoes and jacket. You could only nod in acknowledgment.

“Thank you for the gifts, I love them.” He says during the drive home. “I wasn’t expecting you to use our outing as a way to figure out a gift for me.” Ran chuckles as you smile. “Had to take the opportunity.” You say.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Ran grabs your hand while the other one is holding the steering wheel. Intertwining your fingers together, you could feel how he sometimes every few seconds tightens the hold as to tell himself he’s truly holding your hand.

Feeling like he is dancing around you (and you as well), and how what he is doing despite both of yours feelings towards each other is not clear and official, you muster up the courage to ask him.

“Did you mean what you said? The other night.” You ask as Ran glances at you quickly and pays attention on the road.

“About the kiss?” The question is simple but it set off a raging fire inside your heart.

“Yes.” You nod.

“Yes.” He says before he parks the car close to your apartment complex and looks at you.

“Okay.” You couldn’t find anything else to say, so you decided to leave it at that. Opening the door, you bid him thank you for the drive and close the door. Not taking even two steps away from his car, you hear his side of the car door open and close. Then he gets in front of you.

“A kiss before I go?” He breathlessly asks as he wraps his hands around your neck. You look at him in pure delight as you nod. He leans in closer and he finally places his lips on top of yours. Craning your neck up, you hold onto the front material of his jacket. Caging you against his car, Ran deepens the kiss and you meet his kiss even more. Deepening it along him. Standing up on your tippy toes as you felt your neck getting tired (screw Ran for being so tall), you feel how Ran slides his hands from your neck to waist and hoists you up in the air. Instinctively, you wrap your legs around his hips and wrap your arms around his neck.

Gasping in surprise into the kiss, Ran presses into your body even more. Tugging on your lower lip, you softly gasp again at the feeling of him nipping and kissing your lips. He slightly pulls away to kiss the corner of your lips. Then he trails his lips along your face, to kiss your cheek, your temple, to your forehead and goes below again. To your jaw and he softly kisses your pulse point on your neck and you tighten your hold on him.

“I can’t stand a day without seeing you.” He kisses your lips.

“I think of you every day, I want to touch you, kiss you and have you beside me.” He kisses your lips again.

“Seeing you happy, your smile or hearing your laugh, makes me feel like I accomplished in life despite what I do.” He says with a smile when he hears you giggle a little bit.

“I also think of how I could possibly hurt you by being with me or possibly scare you if you saw me do what I do.” He confesses and you cup his face, about to tell him something.

“I will hate myself to make you afraid of me.” He says. “Ask me if I’m afraid of you.” You softly tell him as you rub his cheek.

“Are you afraid of me?” He asks.

“No, I wasn’t afraid of you the day I met you nor am I afraid of you now.” You tell him with a soft kiss on his lips. “And I will never be.” You kiss him again.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asks and you giggle at his question.

“I would love it if you did.”

And he do kiss you.

—