hello, my name is rylee. im eighteen. i use they/them pronouns. my favorites atm are the last of us, marvel, heated rivalry, xmen, harry potter, off campus, dc, and resident evil. huge pedro pascal supporter.
links to my stories will be put below! ⤵
YELLOWJACKETS
Taissa Turner
- sleeping bag: Supplies were limited, including the sleeping bags that were found in the cabin. Taissa and you get stuck sharing one.
THE LAST OF US
Joel Miller
- i thought you were dead: You were separated during a run. Days passed. No word. No sign. When Joel finds you, bloody, barely breathing, he doesn’t yell. He just holds you like he’s afraid to let go. Like he’s been dying, too.
HEATED RIVALRY
Ilya X Shane
- afterparty: After the night at the club, it didnt feel right to Shane to go home with Rose, so he went to Ilyas instead.
OFF CAMPUS
Dean Di'Laurentis
- needed me masterlist: Dean Di Laurentis has never had trouble getting a girl's attention. Morgan Hayes has never had trouble ignoring guys like Dean. But at Briar University, where hockey parties, stupid secrets, and unexpected feelings collide, staying away from each other proves harder than either of them expected.
pls let me know what you think of all of it, and i hope you enjoy! <3
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summary: Dean Di'Laurentis has never had trouble getting a girl's attention. Morgan Hayes has never had trouble ignoring guys like Dean. But at Briar University, where hockey parties, stupid secrets, and unexpected feelings collide, staying away from each other proves harder than either of them expected.
tags: fluff, morgan just doesnt like people all that much, introducing all the ocs!!, moving in/coming back to college, no dean (yet)
word count: 734
━─━────༺༻────━─━
CHAPTER ONE
Morgan Hayes hated move-in day.
Not because of the boxes or the stupid traffic from everyone and their families being on campus, and definitely not because of the three flights of stairs she’d just dragged all her belongings up.
She hated move-in day because Morgan wasn’t sentimental.
At least, that’s what she told herself every August when returning to Briar felt a little like coming home.
The second she stepped into the apartment, Allie screamed, like actually screamed.
“Morgan!”
Morgan barely had time to set her luggage down before her twin was crashing into her in a tight embrace.
“Jesus Christ Al.”
“You missed me.”
“I literally saw you last week at home.”
“That’s not the point.”
Morgan laughed despite herself, wrapping her arms around Allie. The apartment already felt like home.
The familiar couch sat in the middle of the living room.
Somebody, most likely Hannah, reorganized the kitchen, and a pile of unopened brown moving boxes were stacked in the corner of the hallway.
Somehow though, there were more decorative pillows than there had been last semester.
Morgan pointed at them, “Why?”
Allie gasped, “They’re cute!”
“Theres too many.”
“There are never too many.”
“Allie theres like twelve.”
“They bring joy.”
“They bring clutter.”
Before Allie was able to defend herself, another voice cuts in.
“Shes right, they do bring clutter.”
Hannah appeared from the kitchen holding a coffee mug.
Morgan immediately abandoned the previous argument and cross the room.
“Hannah!”
She laughs as Morgan wrapped her in a hug.
“Good summer?”
“It was okay.”
“Just okay?”
Morgan shrugged.
“My sociology professor emailed us three weeks ago.”
Allie gasped, “That’s criminal, schools not even started yet!”
“Exactly.”
Hannah laughed, "What's the specific class?”
“Social Theory.”
“Gross.”
“I know thats what I said.”
Hannah sets her mug down, “Maybe you’ll meet someone cool in class.”
Morgan snorted, “In my social theory class?”
“Stranger things have happened.” Allie chirps back in.
Morgan hated to admit how much she missed this. The people, the constant noise, the teasing. The feeling that no matter how chaotic life got, she could always come back here.
For the first time all summer, her shoulders relaxed.
No Silver Slipper, no Angel, just Briar U.
The front door flew open, startling them.
“MY WIVES!”
Morgan groaned immediately, nevermind.
Maude Parker barreled into the apartment carrying enough grocery bags to feed a small country.
Without warning, she dropped every single one and launched herself directly at Allie, barely catching her.
“Hi baby!”
“Missed you.”
Allie laughs slightly, “You saw me yesterday.”
“Thats irrelevant.”
Morgan made a gagging noise.
Maude flipped her off without even looking away from Allie.
“Love you too, Morgan.”
“Unfortunately.”
Maude scoffs, “Rude.”
The apartment dissolves into laughter, and a small smile tugged at Morgan’s lips as she slipped onto one of the barstools.
She missed this.
It was good to be back.
“Earth to Morgan.”
She looked up, not realizing she was spacing out. Maude was looking right at her.
“Where’d you go?”
“Nowhere.”
Maude scoffs, smiling slightly. “Liar.”
Morgan shrugged it off.
“Just happy to be home.”
The teasing expression on Maude’s face softened.
“Yeah, me too.”
Morgan smiled, then immediately ruined the moment.
“Dont get emotional.:
“Wow.”
“I’m protecting your reputation Maureen.”
“My reputation?”
“Yeah.” Morgan nodded. “You have an image to maintain.”
Maude gasped dramatically, hand over her heart.
“You wound me Morgie.”
Allie snorted at the use of the nickname, Morgan hates it.
“Don’t call me Morgie.”
Allie, Maude and Hannah are all chuckling at how easily they can get underneath her skin.
Morgan goes to say something but her phone buzzes against the countertop.
A text from Lyric and Rachel in our groupchat.
Lyric: just got back to campus
Lyric: tucker almost hit me with his truck
Lyric: it’s good to be back
Morgan: glad to know some things never change
Rachel: PARTY TONIGHT AT HOCKEY HOUSE 9PM!!
Morgan’s smiled vanished.
Absolutely not, she thought.
Across the room, everyone's buzzed at the same time.
Three seconds later, all three women looked up at the exact same time.
Morgan narrowed her eyes.
“No.”
“We didn't say anything.” Allie said.
“You were going to.”
“Possibly.”
“No.”
Allie crosses her arms, “You haven't even heard the argument-”
“I don’t need to.”
Maude grinned.
“Oh, you're definitely coming.”
Morgan dropped her forehead onto the countertop, a muffled groan escaped her.
summary: Dean Di'Laurentis has never had trouble getting a girl's attention. Morgan Hayes has never had trouble ignoring guys like Dean. But at Briar University, where hockey parties, stupid secrets, and unexpected feelings collide, staying away from each other proves harder than either of them expected.
tags: dancer oc, flirty!dean, oc isnt falling for the routine, intense eye contact, dean needs that cookie, healthy work environment!!, morgan dances to afford college, probably poor explanation of a strip club (not sure what else to tag)
word count: 1k+
━─━────༺༻────━─━
PROLOGUE
SUMMER BEFORE THE SEMESTER STARTS.
The bass pulsed through the club hard enough to make the ground rattle underneath Morgan’s heels. Red and blue lights swept across the room, flashing over the crowd tables, scattered dollar bills, and the haze of cigarette smoke that hung stubbornly in the air.
Most people would think the atmosphere is overwhelming, but to Morgan it all was comforting, safe.
Out there she was Morgan Hayes, the college student who majors in Sociology, Allies twin sister.
In here though, she was Angel, and she paid the bills.
“Angel.”
Morgan turned at the sound of her stage name.
Brad stood a few feet away, adjusting his glasses. He’d owned the club for years, and unlike half the horror stories people liked to tell about places like this, Brad ran a tight ship. The girls were safe here. Protected.
It was one of the reasons Morgan stayed.
“Yeah, boss?” She asks with a grin.
“You’re on in five.”
He glanced towards the stage and then back at her.
“You need anything? Water? Snack? Break?”
Morgan laughed softly, “I’m good I promise,”
Brad reached over, fixing a loose curl that had escaped from the rest of her hair.
“Just checking.”
“You’re the best.”
She kissed his cheek before slipping away toward the side-stage area.
The familiar sounds of the club followed her: laughter, music, the clink of glasses against tabletops, heels clicking.
Another shift.
Another night.
Another step closer to paying next semester's tuition.
Her eyes met her reflection.
Angel smiled back.
Morgan took a deep breath.
“Lets do this beautiful.” She blows her reflection a kiss before standing from the vanity.
Right on cue, the emcee's voice rang out across the club.
“Give it up for the beautiful, the one and only, Angel.”
The club erupted into whistles and cheers.
The curtain parted just enough for her to step into the edge of the spotlight, and for half a second she let herself feel the moment, the anticipation pressing against her skin like static.
Then the music dropped.
Pour it Up by Rihanna flooded the room.
Angel stepped fully onto the stage, not rushed, not unsure, but confident, and sexy.
From the corner of the room, Dean Di’Laurentis leaned back in his seat without realizing, nursing his third beer of the night.
Logan was mid-sentence beside him, and Tucker had his drink halfway in his mouth.
Dean wasn't listening to either of them anymore, not after seeing Angel. The way her curves caught the light, like she's meant to be there.
Angel moved with the beat like it was something inside her instead of something outside her. Every step matched the bass, every turn timed like she’d spent hours perfecting it.
Dean’s grip tightened around the neck of his beer bottle.
She looked so.. untouchable.
Like she knew exactly what every man in the room thought he wanted, and didn't even care.
Angel spun once, slow enough that her hair caught the color lights, and her sparkling choker that spells out her name on her neck, like a branding. When she faced the room again, her gaze swept across it like she was bored of all of them.
Until she saw someone new.
For half a second, her eyes met Deans.
Not long enough for anyone else to notice, but enough for him to feel it like a direct hit.
A faint smirk curved her mouth, before looking away.
“..Okay,” Tucker said quietly. “I get it now.”
“Get what?” Dean asked, eyes still glued on Angel.
“That look on your face.”
Dean scoffed automatically, looking at him. “What look?”
“The one where you're thinking about doing something stupid.”
Dean gave him a warning look, but when he looked back to the stage Angel was already walking off the stage, making him curse under his breath for missing the end of her set.
-----
The second her set ended, Morgan slipped offstage to thunderous applause and whistles.
Another night, another crowd, another stack of tuition money.
By the time she freshened up her lipstick and grabbed a bottle of water, she was back on the floor weaving between tables.
This was the part people didn't understand.
The dancing was easy, it was conversations that were the real job.
Most customers fell into predictable categories. The lonely ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones, the ones who think they're funny, and the ones who think they fell in love at first sight with you. Morgan knew how to handle all of them.
Which is why she noticed him immediately. The tall, blonde-haired guy sitting with two friends near the back. Not because he was attractive, though he definitely was.Because while everyone watched the dancers, he was watching her.
Morgan sighed dramatically, might as well see what his deal is, she thought.
She approached their table with an easy smile.
“Having fun, boys?”
Tucker and Logan look at him.
Dean looked up at her.
Close up, his eyes were annoyingly pretty, Morgan hated that.
“A lot more now,” he said.
There it was, the flirting right on schedule.
Morgan laughed, “That line usually works for you?”
His grin widened, “Usually.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
Tucker immediately barked out a laugh, and Dean points at him.
“Ignore him.”
“I’d love to.”
“Dean.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow.
“Angel.”
His smile grew.
“That’s a stage name.”
“So is Dean.”
Logan nearly spits out his beer, and Dean looks offended.
“My name is actually Dean.”
“Sure it is.” For the first time all night, Morgan managed to make him laugh. A real laugh. The kind that crinkled the corners of his eyes, and suddenly she understood why women probably fell for him.
Very dangerous.
“So,” Dean said, leaning back in his chair. “You always bully your customers?”
“Only the ones who make it easy.”
“And here I thought we had a connection.”
Morgan placed a hand dramatically over her heart. “We do.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re helping pay for my sociology degree.”
Logan completely lost it, even Tucker was laughing too.
Dean shook his head, “I don't know if I should be impressed or offended.”
“A little bit of both.”
She winks, and for a second neither of them look away. The noise of the club seemed to fade around them.
Then Morgan stepped back, “Enjoy the rest of your night Dean.”
‘That's it?” He sits up slightly.
“Thats it.”
“You don't even know my last name.”
Morgan started to walk away, a hypnotizing sway to her hips.
“If its important, you'll tell me next time.”
Dean watched her disappear into the crowd, his eyes locked onto the angel wings tattooed on her back.
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summary: Dean Di'Laurentis has never had trouble getting a girl's attention. Morgan Hayes has never had trouble ignoring guys like Dean. But at Briar University, where hockey parties, stupid secrets, and unexpected feelings collide, staying away from each other proves harder than either of them expected.
tags (overall) : dancer oc, flirty!dean, oc isnt falling for the routine, intense eye contact, dean needs that cookie, healthy work environment!!, morgan dances to afford college, probably poor explanation of a strip club, fluff, morgan just doesnt like people all that much
*tags will be updated as i go...
━─━────༺༻────━─━
CHARACTER LIST
MAIN CHARACTERS
Priscilla Delgado as Morgan Hayes
20 years old, She/They, Stripper at "Silver Slipper", Junior at Briar U, love interest is Dean Di’ Laurentis.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Stephen Kalyn as Dean Di'Laurentis
22 years old, He/Him, Defenseman for The Hawks, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Morgan Hayes.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
SUPPORTING CHARACTERS
Odessa A'zion as Maureen 'Maude' Parker
20 years old, She/They, Waitress at Malones, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Allie Hayes.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Mika Abdalla as Allison 'Allie" Hayes
20 years old, She/Her, Waitress at Malones, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Maureen Parker.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Ella Bright as Hannah Wells
20 years old, She/Her, Waitress at Malones, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Garrett Graham.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Belmont Cameli as Garrett Graham
21 years old, he/him, Captain of The Hawks, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Hannah Wells.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Beatrice Kitsos as Rachel Graham
20 years old, She/Her, Movie Theater Employee, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Grace Ivers.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
India Fowler as Grace Ivers
19 years old, She/Her, The Hawks Radio Show Host, Sophomore at Briar U, love interest is Rachel Graham.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Cailee Spaeny is Lyric Yazzie
20 years old, She/They, Fast Food Worker, Junior at Briar U, love interest is John Tucker.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Jalen Thomas Brooks as John Tucker
20 years old, He/Him, Forward for The Hawks, Junior at Briar U, love interest is Lyric Yazzie.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
Antonio Cipriano as John Logan
21 years old, He/Him, Forward for The Hawks, Junior at Briar U.
━─━────༺༻────━─━
All characters I didn't create specifically for this fic belong to Elle Kennedy.
summary: Dean Di Laurentis has never had trouble getting a girl's attention. Morgan Hayes has never had trouble ignoring guys like Dean. But at Briar University, where hockey parties, stupid secrets, and unexpected feelings collide, staying away from each other proves harder than either of them expected.
tags (overall): dancer oc, flirty!dean, oc isnt falling for the routine, intense eye contact, dean needs that cookie, healthy work environment!!, morgan dances to afford college, probably poor explanation of a strip club, fluff, morgan just doesnt like people all that much
summary: You were meant to be on vacation with your boyfriend, but instead you were there alone, where you meet the man across the hall from your hotel room, Michael, drinking alone in the hotel lobby.
Months later, you're admitted to the ER at the Pitt.
warnings/content: angst, fertility issues, Reader has endometriosis, some descriptions of blood, explicit casual-not-so-casual vacation sex, oral (f and m receiving), light praise kink, caretaking, hurt/comfort, accidental pregnancy
a/n: don't even get me startedddddddddddd!!! it's super fitting that March is also Endometriosis Awareness Month. I just have so many feelings. I hope you like this!!!! divider by me; unbeta-d and poorly proofread
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Although, the location seemed perfect. Pristine beaches, the clearest water you'd ever seen. The friendliest greeters when you arrived at the hotel placing leis around your neck. Everyone seemed to smile and absorb all those good feelings. There was literal laughter in the air.
It was all that you planned it to be, except you weren't alone when you first talked about coming to Hawaii. All that vacation time you saved up together, and then your life went to shit.
That was a month ago. You debated for weeks about cancelling everything, since your partner cancelled your life together - but then over time you felt like it was worse to be sitting around at home feeling sorry for yourself instead of being here anyway.
You could grieve your old life here instead, where everything looked like a scene on a postcard.
You went to your hotel room, opened up your suitcase and fished out your first swimsuit. It was a low cut one-piece that hugged your body. You wrapped a sarong around your middle and swapped your sneakers for flip-flops and walked down to the beach with your towel and a book.
You'd been doing the same thing at home, except instead of the ocean you'd had your messy apartment surrounding you. If this was all you did for the rest of the day, fine.
You fell asleep in one of the sunbeds in the long line covered with umbrellas on the shore, only to be awoken by the shrieks of a young family whose children tore down to the beach with their gear. The father gave you a sheepish look as you stared after them, picking up your book from the spot it fell beside you.
Sand was already in it, great. And you managed to lose your spot. You couldn’t be upset at the kids, though. They were in literal paradise. You probably should have stayed home…
You trudged back to your room to shower. As you got out your key, elevator doors shutting behind you, you spotted a man whose back was to you opening the room opposite yours in the hallway.
You ducked into your room without a word, not before having brief, awkward eye contact with him. He was older than you, but handsome all the more for it. His brows hiked ever so slightly as you disappeared, and you hoped he wasn’t offended.
You weren’t in the mood to talk just yet.
-
Hours later, you couldn’t sleep. You ordered room service instead of attending the lūʻau, hoping that by tomorrow you would have the courage to show your face to random strangers.
Now, with the blankets twisting around you each time you moved, there was no way you were getting to sleep anytime soon.
You took a deep breath and left your bed, throwing your cardigan over your sleep clothes. Heading downstairs, you could hear there were still a few people around, but it was nothing like earlier that evening.
No-one was at the bar, save the guy behind it, and another figure nursing a beer. You recognized him immediately as your neighbor from across the hall, and sat nearby him, an empty stool between you.
As you waited, you scanned the wide dining area behind you. There was one other man at the far wall, staring into his phone with a large whiskey by his elbow.
“What would you like, ma’am?”
The bartender approached with a wide smile, unbothered by the hour.
“Uh… vodka soda, please.”
“Of course,” he said, and departed.
You felt watched and looked at your neighbor.
“I’m not interrupting?” you asked, and he shook his head.
“Stay.”
You told him your name and offered your hand.
“I think we’re on the same floor,” you added, and he shook your hand.
“Yeah. I’m Michael.”
You nodded, taking a short sip of your drink when it arrived a beat later. You remembered your clothes. Michael was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.
“I… can’t sleep.”
“Sorry to hear it,” he said. “You’re here by yourself? Where’re you from?”
You nodded. “Pittsburgh.”
He burst into a real smile and you felt your face flush. He was very, very handsome. Never mind your first impression. He was cute as hell.
“Me, too.”
“Oh, no shit?” you said, and he laughed. “What are the odds?”
You talked a bit about the journey there, and Michael said he’d got there yesterday. He was on a long vacation, nothing fixed.
You snorted. “Jesus. Mine was nothing but planned. So much of it went to shit already-”
It was like you couldn’t help yourself, cringing. You hadn’t meant to already get into it, but it was bound to come up, why you were alone.
“I mean, I had these big plans but the person I was supposed to come with decided not to in the end.”
“Sorry, again,” Michael said, taking a swig of beer.
You shook your head. “Don’t be. Turns out he wasn’t the guy I thought he was.”
Michael went quiet for a second, tilting his head, narrowing his eyes. “Was this… a break-up?”
“Yeah,” you sighed.
There was a pause and you added quickly:
“Not that I’m losing sleep over him! I’m way past that. I just… had these plans…”
You should have already been drinking long ago if you were going to bring this up with a complete stranger, but fuck it. You were on vacation, things were different. This wasn’t like being at your local dive, or telling people you work with.
“I had a laparoscopy,” you said. “It’s when-”
“Do you have endometriosis?” he asked.
“How did you know that?”
“I’m a doctor,” he said.
You looked away, suddenly very aware of him looking straight at you. You wondered what else he knew about you, even if it was just by looking at you.
“I wanted to start IVF, after this trip,” you went on. “This was meant to be our last big one before - hopefully - a baby.”
It wasn’t like you, to disclose so much. You didn’t feel judged, though you could sense the cogs were turning when you looked back at him.
“Must be something about you, for me to get so personal so fast,” you mumbled. “And I guess that happens a lot, when people find out you’re a doctor. But I’m guessing you’re not a psychiatrist?”
He shook his head, with an almost sad kind of smile. “Emergency.”
“So you work in a hospital?” you asked, and he nodded.
“Yeah.”
The silence between you that followed felt less strange, somehow. You didn’t want to avoid him like you had before, at least.
“I really am sorry if I gatecrashed your downtime,” you said, and he shook his head, draining his beer.
“Nah, I couldn’t sleep, either.”
He got up and you considered doing the same, but left your glass instead of finishing it.
“You wanna go for a walk?”
You thought about it, and then wondered why it mattered. It didn’t hurt. You nodded, rising from your seat. You gathered your cardigan around yourself and walked out, down the short footpath to the beach.
Tiki torches still burned, lining the sand well enough to see his face in the halflight. The moonlight did the rest. The tide came and went in a steady rhythm, the night otherwise blissfully quiet.
“It’s so… peaceful out here,” you murmured, and Michael nodded.
It was romantic. It was supposed to be, that’s why you chose to take your ex here. If he hadn’t run away from you, you’d be rolling around in the sand together, trying to make a baby. The regret crested over you again and you sighed, moving on, not waiting.
“Has the treatment been… effective?” he asked, and you glanced his way, for a moment too lost in your thoughts to understand.
Oftentimes, when someone learned you had endometriosis, their response was pitying, or worse, falsely trying to relate to your emotional and physical agonies. No, it wasn’t like ordinary period pain. Yes, it had derailed work and school, it had made life harder in a lot of ways.
Yes, you hoped to have children. Past tense - hoped. You didn’t know anymore. It meant doing it alone, if you were doing it now.
“I thought you were supposed to be on vacation,” you retorted, folding your arms.
He copied you, and you could make out a smirk on his face.
“I’ll send you the bill.”
Your welcomed laughter followed, before you rolled your eyes. “I guess it has been. Symptoms aren’t as bad. For now.”
There wasn’t a cure. You just had to wait it out, hope that each cycle didn’t render you bedridden like usual.
“That’s good to hear,” he said. “Sorry, that’s personal…”
“Hey, I’m the one who told you,” you said, shrugging. You glanced towards the water. “Jesus.”
You sidestepped the tide as it came rushing in, faster than you expected. Michael did the same, but he’d been paying attention, guiding you back with a hand that hovered the small of your back. He wasn’t quite touching, but you felt that spark of sudden proximity.
You kept walking in silence, a little further away from the shore.
“How long were you planning on staying here?” you asked, and he shook his head.
“I’m undecided,” he said.
“Is that why you can’t sleep?” you asked.
You may as well try more honesty with him. He knew what felt like too much already. You looked at one another.
“It’s probably related.”
You smirked back at him, then suppressed a sudden yawn. It was probably time to head back. Michael nodded toward the hotel and you walked back together. The elevator ride was silent, too. You went to your door, and then glanced back his way, shoving the keycard in.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” he echoed softly.
Something about that made you feel warm inside.
-
You approached him the next afternoon, among a group of other tourists waiting on the pier. You couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses but he smiled back at you.
“Hey, I know you,” you said, face shielding your eyes.
You hadn’t seen him all morning, though admittedly you’d hoped to. You slept okay once you got back to bed, and spent the beginning of the day looking for him at breakfast before you went back to your room to laze around.
This afternoon trip was booked well in advance. It was supposed to be a late lunch on the ocean, with a tour guide included. A few families, couples and a bachelorette party gathered to board the yacht.
You and Michael stood together like two kids pairing up on a field trip.
“I can’t get over how clear the water is out here,” he said, and you beamed.
“I know, right?”
You hadn’t expected him here. In fact, neither of you had said anything about what you planned to do while in Hawaii. You packed too much, as you were prone to, so you were glad to have brought at least a couple nice dresses and skirts.
Today’s outfit was brand new, tags popped off that morning. Linen dress that cinched at the waist with a broad sun hat.
Michael’s Birkenstocks looked well-worn, his shorts were the same from yesterday. He wore a navy polo shirt that hid little of his broad frame. His… bulk attracted you. You wanted to stare at his forearms but tried not to. He was fun to look at, but he was a person, too.
Also, you’d just gone through a breakup.
You put on your sunglasses and ascended with the others, Michael behind you. He stayed by your side as the tour guide from the hotel began his introduction, and then everyone took a seat as the yacht began to move away from the dock.
“This is insane,” you murmured.
For the next half an hour, you listened with Michael beside you as the tour went on. Describing the flora and fauna of the islands, you wish you could see it for yourself, not have someone only describe it to you.
There was a loud gurgle and you looked at Michael.
“Was that your stomach?”
“...yes,” he whispered.
You covered your mouth with your hand, pressing your lips together for good measure. As the trip went on, you too felt hunger begin to pull your focus.
When they finally docked on the other side of the island, wait staff approached with heaping trays of fresh fruit and seafood. There were collective sighs of relief all around.
“Get in there,” Michael encouraged, and you laughed openly, tucking in.
-
“Did that feel… weird to you?” you asked, twirling your hat absently.
You walked back up to the hotel with Michael, and he nodded.
“Yeah, it felt… commercial,” he muttered. “Inauthentic.”
“Not a waste of money, though, surely?”
“I’m not your accountant.”
“I’m just saying - I don’t totally regret it,” you retorted. “It wasn’t what I expected, though.”
His sunglasses were tucked into his neckline, his arms bearing a healthy glow from the sun. You looked at his skin when he kept the elevator door open for you, allowing you in beside him.
He pressed the button for your floor.
“It’s not gonna help my Yelp review, I’ll tell you that much...”
You smiled again, looking away. “Obviously.”
It felt so good to be on the same page. It was different to what you were used to. With your ex, it never felt like you were truly in sync. It was your downfall, in the end. All the time you were together it felt like you’d manage to get over that eventually.
“Are you gonna grab some dinner downstairs later?” he asked, and you met his gaze.
He wasn’t saying that just to make conversation. You believed that with how he was looking at you now, although maybe you weren’t the best judge of character when it came to men.
“Yeah, maybe after a nap,” you said.
“Sounds good,” he said.
“Were you… were you hoping to see me?” you asked.
“Sure.”
He made it sound so simple. Why wouldn’t he hope to see you? Your face flushed and you looked away.
“Okay, cool,” you said.
“Okay, I’ll see you after,” he said.
He let you out first, and you felt butterflies in your stomach for the first time in years. You smiled shyly and walked away to your door, letting yourself in before you embarrassed yourself.
-
Something shifted inside you and wanted to enjoy yourself for the sake of it. You showered, after you didn’t nap - your brain kept thinking about Michael and his warm eyes peering at you - and dressed in one of your sundresses.
You found him at the bar and he nodded towards the dining area, where the host led you to a table overlooking the beach outside. Handed a menu, you peruse, unsure of where to begin.
Michael ordered beer, looking your way.
“I’ll get a cocktail,” you beamed. “Sex on the beach.”
If it landed anywhere, you tried not to read it too much on his face as you were left alone. He hadn’t said this was a date - but he hadn’t said it wasn’t either.
Conversation came easily, like you’d never stopped talking earlier.
“What’s it like being an ER doctor?” you asked, as you picked up some bread from the basket between you.
You offered it to him and he took a piece, breaking it in half on his plate.
“Chaotic,” he said. “Sometimes heartbreaking.”
“I can’t imagine how challenging it is,” you said, chewing. “I would never stay calm.”
“It’s not easy.”
You felt like he was skirting around the reality he faced, and your brows furrowed.
“I feel like you’re trying to not sound as impressive as you are.”
He laughed at that, passing a hand over his face wearily.
“I mean…”
“You’d constantly have to be flexible, right? No day is the same, you deal with anything and everyone…”
“Yeah,” he said. “But someone has to.”
You swallowed. The waiter returned with your drinks, and you took yours with a brief smile of acknowledgment. You took a sip, and put the towering glass aside, picking out a piece of pineapple stuck to its rim.
“So why you, then? Why not do something other than emergency healthcare?”
You shoved the fruit in your mouth, watching him. He drank from his glass of beer as you asked this. He sighed.
“I don’t… want to. But I probably should.”
You appreciated his honesty. You sucked the juice from your thumb, nodding. The silence felt taut with more questions, from both sides of the table.
“Why’d you break up with your ex?” he asked.
You smiled bitterly. “He didn’t want to have babies with me.”
The heaviness of your conversation only just hit you. You were both alone here, out of choice, but now you’d decided to create this bond, however fleeting it may be.
“I’m sorry,” he added.
“You didn’t upset me,” you said, because he hadn’t. “It’s the truth. He left me. I thought he wanted to have kids. We talked about it enough.”
You sighed, not unlike him.
“We started dating just before lockdown, and then we moved in together pretty fast. I was already diagnosed with endo then - and whenever we talked about the future it felt like hypotheticals. I mean, the world had fallen apart, and we weren’t going anywhere. We were forced to know one another really well. And we did, I thought. I thought we were close.”
You rolled your eyes at yourself, at how wrong you were.
“I think maybe he thought I’d never be serious about it, because I knew it would be hard to conceive, but then I started cutting back on drinking-”
You glanced at your drink briefly and gave a short laugh.
“I was trying to get my body healthy for trying, and I finally had my surgery…”
“And he flaked,” Michael said, not unkindly.
“Yeah,” you said. “And I feel like an idiot that I spent all this time with him, and I never really knew him. I think he meant more to me than I ever did to him.”
You picked up your drink again to stop talking, to stop yourself from becoming too sad again. You were only repeating the same thoughts you’d had for weeks.
“He’s an idiot,” Michael said, and you met his gaze. “He should have known sooner, anyway. Let you down better.”
You rolled your eyes again, trying not to notice how his eyes bore into you. Your skin began to feel hot.
Mercifully, the night’s entertainment began. Dancers twirling flames drew all attention away from your sad life, and with it your perspective. You were here, and not at home feeling sorry for yourself.
The night was warm, beautiful. The scenery and culture was spectacular, and this man was sitting with you out of choice. Things could be a thousand times worse. You were lucky.
“Hey, if anyone gets hurt, at least I know where to find a doctor,” you said, clapping with the rest of the dinner crowd.
Michael’s eyes were bright with mirth.
Some time later, full of good food, carrying your purse under your arm, your shoes in one hand and a water glass in your other, you and Michael walked along the beach together once more.
“Do you have kids?” you asked, and Michael took a second to reply.
“I had a stepson, sort of,” he said. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”
He didn’t explain, but added:
“Answer’s no.”
“Do you want them?” you asked. “I mean, did you ever?”
“Sometimes,” he said. “Other times…”
Again, he didn’t elaborate, his words hanging there. You decided to fill the silence.
“I guess I always wanted to try, to… y’know, give it a shot. Try to fight my infertility.”
He nodded, wincing. “I guess it would be hard if I was working like I do.”
“People make it work.”
“Sorry, I guess I’m just naturally morbid from time to time,” he said.
The sand was oddly comforting as you strolled, the sounds of life around you mere background noise. You drew in a breath, deciding to be your most direct.
“You weren’t just being nice, about my ex being a moron?” you asked.
His brows hiked. “No.”
“It can be hard for guys to be with-”
“With women with chronic illnesses?” he cut in.
You glanced towards the sea, the darkness beyond.
“Yeah, I guess that makes him sound like an asshole.” You sighed. “I’m going to stop mentioning him. I promise.”
Michael stopped, and you turned back, looking down at his hand he had poised beneath your nose.
“Pinky promise?”
You smirked, indulging him. You clasped his pinky with your own, shaking. For a beat too long, you noticed. He pulled away first, only to step closer to you, watching your face.
The heat between you was undeniable. He lifted his hand once again, thumb and forefinger catching your chin.
“Walk you back?”
“Sure,” you said, heart hammering.
-
It took a little while to fall asleep, since he was a gentleman and did as he said - walked you back to your room and then said goodnight.
No kiss, not even a hug. You simply parted ways and then you throbbed for hours after, feeling like you should have just gone for it. Unless somehow you were misreading it.
Those thoughts were pushed aside the second your landline rang beside you, around eight the next morning. You rolled over, confused, picking up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Hey, did I wake you?”
Michael’s voice early in the morning made a thrill stir in your guts, a smile already playing on your lips. He was all soft and friendly, and you felt like you could hear him smiling on the other end of the line, across the hallway.
“No. Who is this?”
“It’s the guy that’s gonna get you to see some real nature today, if you let him,” he replied.
You grinned, rolling onto your back. “What did you have in mind?”
“A hike, if you’re up for it.”
You knew you didn’t look your best when you were huffing and puffing up a hill.
“I’ll take it easy on you,” he added.
“Gee, thanks,” you muttered.
When were you ever going to do this again?
“Alright, fuck it.”
You agreed to meet one another in the lobby in half an hour and you hung up, leaping out of bed and into the shower.
You threw on some shorts and your new hat, tried to figure out a way to look both cute and not totally ridiculous, and then headed downstairs. You grabbed a banana from the breakfast buffet and a coffee and scoffed them down, before making your way to the lobby.
He was waiting for you, backpack over one shoulder.
“Don’t have one of those,” you said, gesturing.
“I can carry everything.”
“Where’re we going?” you asked, following him out the door and into the street.
“It’s a tourist trap, technically,” he said, and you punched the air. “But the biodiversity is up there, compared to yacht tours-”
“Man, that Yelp review just writes itself, huh?”
You suspected he could walk faster if he wanted to, but he was doing the nice thing and making sure you weren’t left behind. He offered you bottled water that you took, uncapping it as you climbed a footpath up a steep hill.
“There’s a cliff view,” he explained.
“That’s the reward?”
“No, the journey is the reward,” he said, and you snorted. “Yeah, I know how I sound.”
He sounded like someone who could call out his own bullshit, which you appreciated. It was refreshing, in a way. In this place with him, there was no room for a facade.
You made sure to walk beside him until the path was too narrow, and then you took the lead, in the hope of seeming up for anything. Also, you knew the shorts you wore did great things for your butt.
Nearly half an hour later, you reached the top, passing another couple that nodded and smiled at you.
“Enjoy.”
“Thanks,” you called after them, as Michael let them pass.
The view took your breath away. Rocks below as waves crashed into them. Lush greenery all around. Birdcalls echoing as Michael rested beside you against a tree.
“You did it,” he murmured, taking out his water.
You tapped his bottle with yours and drank. You felt a little out of breath, but otherwise good. There was a sense of achievement.
When you got back to the hotel, Michael jerked his thumb towards the concierge desk.
“Gimme a sec.”
“What are you up to?”
He had a conspiratorial glint in his eye as he walked over, you hurrying after him. As he approached the desk, a worker smiled at you.
“Afternoon, Dr. Robinavich.”
“I was wondering if anyone was available at short notice, we were out hiking…”
The worker's uniform reminded you to buy a Hawaiian shirt while you were here in the next few days, the thought distracting you momentarily.
“Unfortunately, we only have a couple's massage session available, it's a longer one. Our regular masseuse Amy is away, she does our shorter sessions…”
“Couple's massage?” you blurted, and Michael looked at you.
“Would you mind?”
Uh, fuck no. You shook your head. The worker smiled.
“Alright. We'll see you in twenty minutes.”
-
You quickly realized that you were in over your head. The massage rooms were low lit with the kind of ambient lighting you associated with softcore porn.
The tiny candles that dotted the room, along with the soothing New Age music coming from the small speaker in the corner only added to the highly sensual atmosphere.
“Uh…” you said, as you walked in with Michael.
The masseuses stood by with towels in hand, two smiling young women with matching frangipani in their hairdos, their skin glowing, looking soft to the touch. You envied their calm, feeling your face burn.
“Good afternoon,” one of them said, beaming. “I’m Naomi, and this is Mia…”
Mia gave a little wave.
“Afternoon,” Michael said, nodding.
He was also weirdly at ease. Then again, as a doctor, wouldn’t he deal with embarrassing situations all the time? You pressed your lips together, listening.
“We will give you a few minutes to undress to your liking. Are there any concerns before we continue?”
You cleared your throat. “I - uh, I can have a tender abdomen sometimes, I have endometriosis…”
Naomi nodded, understanding. “Yes, of course. We can avoid certain areas. Anything you want us to focus on?”
“My neck and shoulders,” you said. “I think I probably look down at my phone too much.”
“My back,” Michael added. “I’m on my feet a lot, generally.”
“He’s a doctor,” you said, and he looked at the floor.
“Oh, wonderful,” Mia said. “Thank you.”
They departed, Michael staring after them.
“‘Thank you’? I’m not a veteran.”
“You worked through the height of the pandemic though, right?” you said, and he met your gaze, his face changing.
Dread or something close to it flashed across his face and you immediately regretted your question, realizing far too late how invasive and awful it was.
“I’m sorry, that was crass,” you babbled, and he shook his head.
“It’s fine.”
He moved away, towards one of the massage tables, fingers going to his buttons.
“Right,” you muttered. “Uh. I’ll just…”
You went to the other table, taking your shoes off, hands going to your shirt to remove it as fast as possible.
“Don’t turn around,” you said.
“You good?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” you lied.
“Because we don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable.”
You thought about it for longer than a second and then slipped under the towel, the table firm and unyielding under your weight. You tried to ground yourself, your nipples hardening under your towel as you spared a glance at him.
His back was to you, but he was under his own towel, no shirt. He had some scars, a couple moles you found endearing. Freckles and marks of age that only flattered him more. He was broad, too, of course.
You thought of that strength hidden under his clothes.
“Can I roll over?” he asked, and you whispered:
“Yeah.”
He turned, pulling in a breath.
“You with me?” he asked. “Are you in any pain today?”
You shook your head, and you were touched by his concern. You buried yourself further under the towel, barely peeking out.
He murmured your name a couple times and your eyes snapped to his.
“My liver spots and wrinkles are really that hard to look at?”
“Shut the fuck up,” you retorted, laughing uncomfortably. “You’re cute and you know it.”
He began to laugh, rolling onto his back, hand passing over his face. You wanted him so badly then, wishing he was under the towel with you. Now you had ninety minutes of this a few feet away from you.
“This is supposed to be relaxing,” he said. “So try to relax.”
“A man telling me to relax,” you muttered. “My favorite.”
“Yes, and a male healthcare professional, too, no less,” he retorted.
Your eyes met again and you shuffled up a little, until your arms were free, the towel still covering your naked torso.
“After this, we should-”
Whatever bold thing you were about to propose was interrupted by a short knock on the door, Naomi’s voice floating in.
“Are you ready?”
A beat, and Michael closed his eyes.
“Yeah,” he called. “Thank you.”
The massage itself was divine. It felt far shorter than its ninety minutes, and after a while all you could do was melt into a pile of goo. You were surprised you didn’t nod off, and Michael admitted the same in the elevator back up to your floor.
Whatever momentum you had earlier was lost, but you didn’t mind. You weren’t in any hurry to get back there, by how liquid you felt. You were rubbed all over with lavender oil and felt your clothes sticking to your skin. You craved a hot shower and a bed to nap on.
You gave him a dreamy little wave as you went your separate ways.
-
You woke hours later, hearing a knocking at the front door drifting in as you fought off the remainder of your sleep. You lifted your head from your pillow and walked out to answer it.
Michael stood before you.
“I definitely woke you this time,” he said, looking at your bathrobe that matched his.
He looked apologetic but cuddly in the fluffy white robe, his feet bare. He had nice toes, you noted vaguely.
“It’s fine,” you said, not bothering to lie. “It’s better I don’t sleep through dinner.”
“I’m actually wondering if you wanna…”
He gestured behind him, toward the elevator down the hall.
“I was gonna order room service,” you said.
You were too lazy to dress in something nice, to walk all the way down. You were spoiled by the massage. All you wanted was creature comforts.
“You can order it at mine.”
He really, really wanted to see you, that was clear. You softened, rubbing your eye.
“Okay…”
You took your phone and your keys and followed him out. His TV set was on, his window was open with the curtains moving with the soft night breeze, and the moon was out. The sounds of the hotel floated up from below, but you liked it here best, in this little space of his.
His suitcase was open against the wall, its contents far more economical than yours. From your brief glance, you saw a small bottle of cologne resting on his bedside table. On the yacht you’d smelt a fresh, slightly sweet scent on him.
His room itself had his own scent, amplified. You could chase it if you wanted to. It was vaguely earthy, welcoming. You perched on the end of his bed beside him, your knees touching.
He was so close.
“Good day?” you asked, and he nodded.
Then he took your hand like you were his and you stared down at him.
“Your hand is crazy soft,” you whispered, just to break the tension.
“It’s probably from all the hand sanitizer at work,” he murmured, threading your fingers together. “Aloe in it.”
You looked up into his eyes, your stomach full of butterflies.
“Michael…”
You took his free hand and slipped it into your robe, under your bra cup, his fingers finding your nipple. He stared down at your skin, thumb flicking over you as he rolled your breast, the moan tumbling out of you.
He leaned in to kiss you, your noses brushing. Light teasing, lips passing over one another until he pushed into your mouth with his tongue, your breaths already turning to panting. You were molten, wet without being touched anywhere near your pussy, and you knew it.
Your hands went up to his hair and you pulled him towards you, the TV playing in the background as you kissed and kissed, both of his hands on your chest now. You pulled back once your lips began to numb, relishing in how soft his beard was, noting the grey hairs you could make out.
“Can I take this off?” he murmured, nuzzling your skin as you nodded.
He pushed down your robe and then the straps of your bra. Freed of them both, you threw a leg over him and straddled his lap, feeling how hard he was beneath you. You gave a grind of your hips against his and he groaned into your mouth, the sound reverberating through you.
You slotted in together, rocking as you kissed, clumsy but not ever rushed. It was so thorough, and you throbbed for him, scratching his scalp.
“Sex can hurt sometimes,” you warned.
You were telling him what you knew he’d already know.
“I just don’t want to disappoint you,” you whispered.
Michael promptly planted his foot and spun you around so you were pinned underneath him.
“That’s not gonna happen,” he said, and you kissed him hard for that alone, his cock rubbing against your thigh insistantly.
He broke away with a soft smack of your lips, and you gazed up at him with a shy smile.
“Can you get a condom?” you whispered.
He nodded, moving back quick enough to make you laugh at his enthusiasm. You watched as he went to his suitcase, retrieving a box.
“Wow, how many is in there?” you teased, resting on your elbows.
“I’m on sabbatical for three months,” he said, and you smirked again. “And I’m a doctor.”
“I’m not complaining,” you said.
“Good.”
You took hold of your underwear and lifted your hips, pulling them off. You tossed them aside as he watched with a quiet awe.
“I was hoping to do that,” he said, returning to the bed.
The clear outline of his erection made your heart hammer with anticipation. A Pavlovian-like response, your mouth watered as he went to take off his own robe and pants underneath.
When he stood naked by the bed, you crawled over for a closer look, and to touch, of course. You couldn’t help it. You reached for his cock, wrapping your hand around it, his hand finding your shoulder and squeezing.
“Shit,” he whispered, as you jerked him slowly, tenderly.
His eyes closed, distracted. He still held the unopened box, and you took the opportunity to dip down and take him into your mouth without warning.
You went all the way down, until you were hitting your gag reflex, careful to not trigger it too hard, dragging your tongue along the underside. He tasted nice, that musky saltiness that was never quite enough. The precum that rewarded you made you moan around his cock, pulling back, swirling your tongue around the blunt tip.
He was so warm, and so hard. You bobbed your head, pushing yourself further, foregoing breathing to make him lose his own. He panted as you worked him over in hard sucks, his hand moving up to grab your hair. Just hard enough to be known, but not painful.
“Fuck,” he hissed. “Fuck…”
You missed this, feeling wanted. Feeling cherished, even if this was fleeting. You could believe it just enough. You pulled back, eyes watering from the effort.
“You…”
He pushed you back, until he lay on top of you, caging you in with his arms. His wet cock slipped between you, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, your nails digging into his back.
“You’re a menace,” he murmured, peppering your face with kisses.
You made out again, until you were certain you were dripping onto the sheets, your naked chests and stomachs pressed together. You panted, sweat already beading on your forehead and his.
“Condom,” he said, and you nodded.
He broke open the box, took out the sleeve of them and tore one off. You watched as he pulled it on efficiently, expertly.
“When’s the last time you fucked someone?” you panted.
“Feels like too long ago, now,” he said, his eyes blown with lust.
He pulled you under him again and kissed you, lining you up.
“I’ll go slowly,” he whispered, and you nodded. “We can stop if…”
“No, don’t stop,” you whispered back. “Please don’t stop.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck as he sunk into you, your cunt gripping him already, a whimper falling from your lips as he filled every inch of you to the brim.
You gasped, adjusting. You felt all tingly, right down to your toes. He groaned as he shifted, not moving as you accommodated for him.
“You’re a fucking dream,” he breathed, and you moaned.
“Keep… going.”
“I can’t get too worked up or it’ll be over too soon,” he said, and you laughed breathily.
“You’re so sweet,” you whispered.
“I mean it…”
He finally began to move, his nose bumping yours with each thrust. Things quickly dissolved into sweat and moans, each stroke bringing you closer to the edge. He moved in for another swift kiss, teeth clacking, and you gripped him harder, digging into his flesh.
Your bodies slapped together, foreheads pressed to one another’s. He slowed, breathing heavily, kissing you deep as he tried to recalibrate.
You watched him pull back, to preserve himself a little longer. You squeezed him deep inside and he blinked down at you, narrowing his eyes.
He shifted, moving your legs up to rest your ankles on his shoulders. The stretch was exquisite, his cock feeling impossibly deep inside you. His retaliation was rewarded with your shuddering moan.
As he pounded into you, it blurred between too much and just enough, your trembling hand slipping down between you, desperate to reach your clit.
“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he whispered, and you nodded, suddenly overwhelmed by it all.
Your pleasure crested and you came, crying out right by his ear, his face buried into your neck as he showed you no mercy. Bending you in half like this, your legs in the air, your wailing by his handsome face - it all would usually mortify you but it felt too fucking perfect to diminish.
He kept going for several seconds after you crashed back to earth, huffing and nearing his own end. You clung to him as he spilled inside the condom, going rigid above you. You pressed a kiss to his arm, panting with him.
In the gentle afterglow, he settled against you, a happy kind of hum in your hair. He held you against him, and it didn’t feel like he let go for a long, long time, but things were blurry at best by the end.
It was a good fuck. Legendary, even. He peeled away reluctantly and flopped beside you with a sigh. You rested in the wet patch for all of one minute before you too decided you had to move away.
-
You hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but you woke much later. You drew in a breath, surrounded by Michael’s heat and scent. You shared a pillow, you remembered, as you blinked and took in the surroundings in the early morning light.
The TV was still on, though its volume was too low to make out the majority of the dialogue, you could see it was a black and white Italian movie.
Michael’s arm was across your middle, as if he had flung it across you during the night. You watched the side of his face. His blissed out face filled your stomach with butterflies.
You rolled over, and then he stirred at your movement. You waited until he was waking up to finally move again, slipping out of bed and walking to the bathroom.
“Get back here,” you heard him call, and you smirked, glancing at the mirror.
Once you flushed the toilet and washed your hands, you went back, seeing him waiting for you.
You picked up your robe and threw it on. Michael's brows hiked.
“I really don't want you doing that.”
“I'm gonna go,” you said. You sat on the end of the bed. “Sorry to burst your bubble.”
You moved to grab your slides but he stopped you, suddenly behind you and pulling you back into his arms.
“You want me to stay?”
“Don’t be so surprised,” he murmured, lips already ghosting your neck.
You hadn’t slept with someone new in literally years, so you were rusty, you figured. But he seemed serious about how much he wanted to repeat this. After all the buildup, he wanted more? You weren’t about to argue with him when his hand opened your robe again, exposing your skin once more.
And you certainly weren’t going to stop him when he lay you down, your head half off the bed, diving between your spread thighs with all eager lips and tongue.
He had a confidence with a woman’s body that you knew didn’t just come with age, though you suspected it helped immensely for some men. He had a greater understanding of experience, plus his regular ‘touching strangers’ thing. You could never. Michael seemed born for this.
Your hands found the back of his head as he ruined you, spearing his tongue inside you, fucking you relentlessly with it once you started to whine and shiver with pleasure. Your thighs quivered, fighting to keep themselves open as he stroked deep inside your cunt.
“Oh, fuck…”
You back bowed as you came, and he didn’t let up, working your clit with his thumb at a steady rhythm. He only stopped when you tried to pull away, his kisses landing on your inner thigh, wet and sticky. He kept kissing you, cherishing you.
It was so intimate and intense you had to look away, your hand over your face.
“You okay?” he panted, and you nodded.
He pulled you up and rolled you over so your face was in his pillow, the spare under your hips a second later. In no time at all, he lined himself up, the blunt tip of him teasing your folds.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, and you believed him. The reverence was undeniable.
When he pushed inside, bottoming out with a grunt, you gripped him in earnest. He bent down, kissing your neck, your shoulders. You were still recovering from before, still in that floaty stage, when he began to move.
“Fuck, look at you,” he whispered, never missing a stroke.
He didn’t last long, and you didn’t mind. You honestly didn’t notice, with how full and wanted you felt. He was rougher than last night, taking from you, all the while whispering encouragement as you gave him all.
He came with a groan, fingers biting into your ass as he went still. You sighed, content as he pulled away.
Once you showered in your room and returned, he ate you out again after breakfast. It was a lot. But it felt like the closest thing to perfect. Too bad it wasn’t going to last longer than a few more days of your vacation.
“What are you doing after this?” you murmured, popping a grape into your mouth.
“Well…”
He glanced down at you beside him, lifting the sheet, as if to examine your naked body.
“I meant after vacation,” you said.
He was engrossed in your lower half. You moved your free hand across your lower stomach where your scars were. As if detecting your self-consciousness, he switched back.
“I’m still not sure.”
“Haven’t given it more thought?” you said. “You’ve got a passport, right?”
He nodded.
“You could always, y’know - disappear…”
He swallowed, looking away. The immediate shift in him had you wanting to take it back, like usual.
“I don’t have to know,” you added. “I’d just hope you enjoy it. You deserve it.”
He rubbed his eyes. “I dunno about that.”
He went quiet then and you finished eating, moving closer. He let you under his arm, pulling you into his side. Your legs tangled.
“What have you ever done that was so awful, Michael?” you whispered.
He gave a pained smile. You were starting to know it well.
“The stepson I had,” he began. “Jake.”
“What happened?”
He closed his eyes. “Pittfest.”
Of course. The entire event had slipped your mind as something he’d be part of. You remember donating blood in the days that followed, and you were lucky to not know anyone who’d been there. The whole city had been affected though, for months after.
“He was there, I gave him my ticket for his girlfriend,” he mumbled. He bit his lip. “Leah. She… she was shot, and I… I… couldn’t save her.”
You pulled him into a tight hug before he could resist it, kissing his head, clinging to him. Your chest squeezed when he hugged you back, and you heard him sniffle.
“I’m so sorry,” you whispered.
“Yeah, me too,” he mumbled.
You stayed like that for a while, and he began to relax against you, your lips still brushing his brow when you spoke.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t,” he said.
“Michael, it’s not- it’s not your fault. Don’t do that to yourself. I know we’ve only known each other a few days but…”
You pulled back to look him in the eye.
“I feel like I… fucking skipped time or something. I know you well enough that you tried everything you could to save her, and… I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry you have to live with that-”
He broke you off with a crushing kiss. In seconds you were tussling again, rearranging yourselves for him to push inside you. It was rushed and desperate, like you hadn’t been fucking for hours.
“We fucking skipped time,” he whispered, pounding into you like it was his mission to do so. “C’mon, I’ve got you…”
When he played with your clit, everything shrunk to a pinpoint and you tensed up, clenching around him.
“Attagirl,” he whispered, watching you fall apart.
He didn’t relent until he had his fill, your mind going blank.
-
Robby’s back and shoulders were beginning to ache, as they always did this late into the shift. He hadn’t sat down in over eight hours, except to tell a patient’s relative some bad news in the family room.
That didn’t count.
He hung his neck, tugging on his stethoscope with both hands, taking a deep breath through his nose. It wasn’t chaotic, but a steady hum of constant beeps, voices and movement around him. He was waiting for several beds to be available upstairs.
“Six still waiting on labs?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Dana said without looking up. “And trauma two’s CT just came back.”
“Great,” Robby muttered.
Everything was normal, the tunnel-vision type of end to his day. Dana answered the phone, taking off her glasses as she stood up from her chair.
“Robby. Incoming severe vaginal bleeding.”
He nodded, looking around. Whittaker went into eight with a brave look set on his face. He watched as Mel walked with Mohan, deep in conversation. He knew Santos was trying to chart nearby.
McKay came out to grab another computer, logging in.
“Severe bleeding incoming,” he murmured. “Look alive.”
Not three minutes later, the paramedics burst in with the stretcher, a sheet thrown over the lower half of the woman whose eyes were closed, her face twisted in pain.
“Severe vaginal bleeding,” one of the paramedics rattled off. “History of endometriosis per patient. Syncope at home.”
Robby’s mind clicked into gear.
“How long?”
“Couple hours of heavy bleeding.”
“Any pregnancy—”
He stopped. The patient’s head rolled slightly to the side on the stretcher, just enough for the overhead light to fall across her face.
Robby’s brain registered it before the rest of him caught up.
The ER disappeared. The smell of the antiseptic, the fluorescent lights. All of it was replaced with sun, the ocean - Hawaii.
You.
He stopped walking, McKay bumping into him.
“Robby?”
“Trauma One,” he said, coming back to life. Years of practice kept his voice steady.
He stepped forward, grabbing the gurney to help steer it.
“BP is eighty over fifty.”
“Jesus,” he hissed.
“Heartrate is 130.”
Of all the places to see you again, his ER.
Of all the hospitals in all of Pittsburgh, she rolls into mine.
Like something out of fucking Casablanca.
You were transferred to the hospital bed, Robby slipping gloves on as he approached your side, his voice calm:
“Let’s get two large-bore IVs. CBC, type and cross, CMP.”
Your head lolled to the side, your eyelids fluttering.
“...Michael?”
He ignored McKay’s eyes burning into the side of his face. He began to check your pupils. Your skin was cold.
“You’re in the ER at PTMC. You’ve lost some blood, but we’re taking care of you.”
You blinked, still hazy. But you managed to focus on his face, his gentle tone. You nodded, closing your eyes again.
Monitors clipped into place with soft, rapid clicks. The familiar choreography of a patient circling instability.
“Fluids and a transfuse,” he said to the room. He glanced back at you, grabbing your hand.
“Pressure’s dropping,” Princess at your left said. “Seventy-eight systolic.”
He adjusted your arm for the IV, the sting of it nothing compared to the pain you felt elsewhere. Someone hung a bag of fluids behind him.
“Blood’s on the way, we’ll start a transfusion the second it gets here.”
“Excellent,” he said.
You struggled, eyes fluttering shut. He leaned in closer to you.
“Hey - stay with me.”
“Robby, should we page OB now or wait for labs?” McKay asked, and he shook his head.
“Given the history, I don’t want to wait.”
“The… history?” she asked, sharing a look with Princess.
Robby tried to not visibly react to the highly likely scenario that this incident would be circling in the days to come.
Robby ignored them, giving your wrist a small squeeze.
“You’re going to be okay.”
“BP’s responding,” someone called. “Up to ninety-two systolic.”
“Good,” Robby said immediately. “Keep it going.”
Your breathing had steadied slightly, though your eyelids still fluttered with the effort of staying conscious. The first unit of blood arrived moments later.
“Type O negative.”
“Perfect,” Robby replied. “Let’s start it.”
The bag was spiked, the line flushed, the transfusion beginning in practiced, efficient movements.
Robby didn’t step away, nor did he hand you over or delegate. He lingered by your side, hand resting beside yours as he watched your vitals.
-
On the last day of your vacation, you woke up in his arms. You could hear the crashing of the waves below the open windows, the sea breeze on your bare skin.
You rolled over, facing him, your noses brushing.
“I wish I could go with you,” you whispered for the first time.
You meant it, but knew neither of you would actually follow through with it.
“I should kidnap you,” he whispered back, and then he kissed you.
-
“Robby.”
It was Santos, rushed but remaining calm. Practically fearless, but looking for help. Robby glanced over his shoulder, then back at you in the bed.
“Yeah,” he sighed. He took off his gloves, stood up and tossed them in the trash.
He went by Dana at her desk and nodded over at your room.
“Come and find me when she wakes up.”
“Will do, Chief.”
Dana stared him down but he refused to engage. He wasn’t in the right headspace. Seeing you like that, so vulnerable, had too great of an impact.
He pushed off the desk and left to follow Santos.
-
You rest for an hour before you manage to open your eyes again. You glance around, seeing a nurse wearing a hijab checking your vitals.
Among the sea of pain is a shame so sudden you gasp, remembering Michael all over again. What were the chances you ended up here?
“I’ll go get Dr. Robby,” the nurse said.
You sat up on your elbows, nodding. You hadn’t prepared yourself for this. You only had to wait another ten minutes before the resident with a ponytail from before came in with Michael in tow.
“How are you feeling?” the resident asked, and you glanced over at Michael, feeling scrutinised.
“Okay, uh-”
“I’m Dr. McKay, and this is- well, you seemed to know each other,” McKay said.
Michael crossed his arms. “Yes, uh…”
“We’re friends,” you said, though that didn’t feel right.
You hadn’t spoken in months. On that last day, no promises were made. You exchanged numbers, but you hadn’t wanted to ruin his time off, and you left him in Hawaii.
Sure, you’d thought about him constantly since, but not all for good reasons.
Michael didn’t say anything about that, looking at your monitors.
“You’re definitely improving,” he murmured. “And the glow is back in your skin.”
“It might be sweat,” you muttered.
“How’s your pain?” McKay asked. “If you can give it a number-”
You always thought this was one of the more frustrating ways of dealing with endometriosis. Having to self report.
“Like a seven to eight,” you interjected. “I wouldn’t say it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I can kind of sleep with it. Or pass out.”
That wasn’t funny, not even remotely, but you saw Michael smirk in the corner of your eye.
“You called the ambulance?” McKay asked, and you nodded.
“After I came to,” you said. “The bleeding was getting worse, and then I realized it wasn’t slowing down, and my towel was soaked through.”
“How was your last menstrual cycle?”
“Fine,” you said. “Not like this. Not exactly easy, but not like this…”
You pulled in a breath. You knew where this was going.
“Any surgeries?”
“I had a laparoscopy six months ago,” you murmured. You looked at your hands.
“Any other complications?”
Your eyes stung. You picked at a cuticle.
“I had an ectopic pregnancy a few months ago.”
-
Robby rubbed his eyes under his glasses, staring at his screen. He had left you and McKay, dragged away by another patient.
Santos came up to the charge desk, glancing up at the list of patients.
“Ectopic?”
He heard McKay beside her.
“Left tube,” she said. “Treated with methotrexate. When detected early, we can avoid rupture and surgery.”
It was a teaching moment, but only then did it hit Robby squarely in the chest. He’d been distracted.
Ectopic, a few months ago.
Hawaii?
He looked at McKay, whose conversation with Santos changed to something about the weekend.
“Hey, Santos?” he called. “Are you any closer to sending your guy home?”
“Sure,” she said, hands in her scrubs pockets. “Once I get back a clear drug test.”
McKay met his gaze.
“I ordered an ultrasound for your friend,” she said.
He nodded. He looked at his watch.
“You think you’re leaving any time soon?” Dana snapped.
He put away his glasses with a sigh. He felt several pairs of female eyes on him as he made his way back to your room.
He slipped inside, shutting the door behind him. You swallowed hard, a lump already there.
“Hey, so… you lied to me,” you said.
“About what?”
He came over to your bed and sat on the chair beside it, scooting closer. It was too close for a doctor-patient relationship, you felt. You didn’t mind.
You lifted your hand and reached over, tapping his name tag.
“It was easier to be Michael.”
“‘Robby’ does suit you,” you murmured. “It’s cute.”
“Cute?” he repeated, leaning on one elbow.
You stared at one another for what felt like an age, a story unravelling between the two of you.
“Don’t be sorry you came here,” he whispered.
“I’m not, it’s just - I didn’t want this to be the way I saw you for a second time,” you mumbled. “I mean, if I ever saw you a second time. I didn’t… I didn’t call.”
“Neither did I,” he said. He sighed. “I could’ve.”
“But I didn’t, like you’d hoped.”
“No,” he said. “You did not.”
Everything felt heavy. You sniffled.
“Jesus, sorry,” you said, with a roll of your eyes. You wiped your nose with your hand. “To be fair, I am on my period.”
“It’s okay.”
“It doesn’t feel like it’s okay,” you whispered, your voice so small you could barely hear it yourself.
He was the one to take your hand, your fingers twining. He squeezed.
“I didn’t get back with my ex,” you said, and he nodded.
“Good.”
You snorted, but then instantly sobered by the look on his face. He stared intently at your fingers before looking back at you.
“Was it mine?”
You nodded. You knew what he meant. The moment passed between you and you let out a shuddering breath.
“It wasn’t even a real pregnancy,” you said. “No possibility of it… happening. But I just had this feeling before - and I tested positive, so…”
You rolled your eyes again.
“For two days it was like…”
You couldn’t get the words out. He squeezed your hand again.
“For two days it was like it was ours.”
-
Robby had been taking a lot of deep breaths in the last half an hour. On the rooftop, the air was fresh, the nighttime sharpness coming in.
“So,” he heard someone say, and he turned, seeing Jack.
“So,” he echoed.
“Who’s the girl?”
He smirked, shaking his head. Unbelievable. He hadn’t even seen him yet and he knew about you. He could accuse Dana, but if he was honest, most everyone at the Pitt was a gossip.
“She’s the one I met in Hawaii,” he murmured.
Jack’s mouth fell open. “Holy shit.”
“Mm.”
“You’re up here because you’re trying to figure out a way to get out of this?” he teased.
He joined Robby, glancing down.
“Not exactly,” Robby replied. He grit his jaw for a beat. “She was pregnant. Ectopic. Then today she came in after she couldn’t stop bleeding.”
“Endometriosis? What stage?”
“One.”
Jack shook his head. “Y’know, there are women whose biopsies confirm it, because surgeons can’t find it. They can be microscopic.”
“It’s brutal,” Robby muttered. “I can’t stand it, Jack. Seeing her like that. She might’ve…”
He didn’t dare say it.
“What’re you doing up here, brother?” Jack murmured.
“Thinking,” Robby muttered. “Thinking too much.”
As they began their walk back, he said:
“She’s waiting to be transferred to OB.”
He wasn’t going to let it go until he said it out loud, so he did it, feeling heavy.
“I got her pregnant. It was me.”
Jack didn’t seem surprised, giving him an understanding, soft sort of look.
“It’s okay, it happens. Is she okay?”
“I guess. No?”
He needed to focus back to work, to finally finish his shift. He started to make the rounds.
-
He came back to your room. You put down your magazine Dana got you.
“Hey,” you said. “You’re gonna leave?”
He nodded, going to the computer, swiping his card. He typed, glasses on. You remembered the first time you saw him use them, when he read the menu on your first not-date on vacation.
“I can feel you watching me,” he said, not looking up.
“What’re you doing, then?” you asked.
He typed, then scratched his head. Typed some more.
“Recommending you have an iron transfusion after your follow-up blood test. Your gynecologist will get a letter from the hospital. And then… it’s on me.”
“Robby,” you said, a little alarmed. You knew the cost of those. “That’s too much. What the fuck?”
He smirked, giving a definitive tap.
“Because, baby, you are anemic.”
You felt a burst of something - a warm affection that made your eyes water. You watched as he came over, sitting on the edge of your bed. He held your hands.
“A girl walks into a hotel bar, and she happens to be from Pittsburgh, and I pass that up? What a fucking…”
He pressed a kiss to your knuckles.
“...moron.”
You gave a tearful little laugh, and leaned toward him, kissing him. It was rushed and clumsy, but the mixture of trust and danger - it was everything to you.
He was everything. You pressed your foreheads together.
Summary: After the night at the club, it didnt feel right to Shane to go home with Rose, so he went to Ilyas instead.
Tags: slight angst (sorry not sorry), shane has a gay realisation, small feelings confession from shane, boys kissing, smut!! 18+, top!ilya, bottom!shane, spanking, good boy used multiple times, slight choking (if you squint), blowjob given, no proofread, sorry!
WC: 1k+
Authors Note: decided to write the scene that i feel many of us wanted :') shoutout to Rachel Reid, the author of the Game Changer series, and Jacob Tierney for bringing our boys Shane and Ilya to life. Also, this is my first time writing smut so if it’s horrible I’m sorry :’)
It felt all wrong.
Shanes mind was in shambles.
He had his girlfriend, Rose Landry, with her hand in his as they walked up the stairs to her room, but all his mind could go to was Ilya.
The way the mole on his cheek twitched when he smiled.
The way he kissed him.
His skin under the club lights.
The way he looked at him…
"Shane." Rose's voice pulled him from his inner thoughts.
"Shit, sorry." He leans forward to kiss her, going to place his hand on her cheek, but she catches his wrist.
"Shane." She gives him a look. He furrows his eyebrow, looking down as Rose takes his hand.
"It's okay if you don't wanna do this."
"No, no I want to." He tries to reassure, but she didnt believe it.
"Shane, please. The whole time I was kissing on you I didn't even get a noise from you. I'm not offended if you arent attracted to me." She tilts her head, brushing her thumb against his cheek to comfort him.
"Besides... I think you may be more into some like.. Miles?"
Shane looks at her, words suddenly feeling way too impossible at this moment. Rose suddenly regrets her choice of words, reaching out to offer a comforting hand.
"Hey, its okay-"
"I have to go, i'm sorry." He suddenly stands, leaving Rose alone on the bed as he hurries down the stairs, grabbing his jacket and keys before Rose could even respond, basically bolting out the door.
He pauses on the porch. Great, it’s raining.
He slides his jacket on, flipping the hood on to protect his hair, before running into the pouring rain to his car. He fumbles to unlock his car, but ultimately unlocks it and hurries inside. He lets out a sigh once the door shuts.
"Fuck." He mutters under his breath, rubbing his face. He didnt wanna go back to his apartment, it felt too cold and alone in there.
Ilya.
Shane starts up his car as soon as Rose makes it to the door, hands holding her robe close to her cold body. He looks into her eyes for a moment, long enough to see her pleading look to come back and talk.
He shakes his head, putting his car in drive before pulling out of the driveway and driving to the hotel Ilya was staying at in Montreal.
He stands outside the door, staring at the room number the lady at the front gave him, thanks to his charm, her being a fan, and some ridiculous story of why he, out of all people, needed to see Ilya Rozanov right now.
He reaches out, knocking gently against the door, look around on edge as he adjusts his hood, making sure no one could recognize him.
After a moment footsteps can be heard approaching the door, the lock clicking then the door creaking open.
There he was. Ilya Rozanov with a towel tied low on his waist, and his blonde curls were dripping from his shower.
“Hollander?” He furrows his brows, peeking outside the door to make sure no one else is around.
“Can I come in..?” Shane asks quietly, keeping his head low. Ilya steps to the side for him, his eyes never leaving Shane as he passes him and walks into his hotel room.
Once Shane hears the door shut, he turns to Ilya, eyes watery.
"Shane?" Ilya's tone switches, taking a step closer.
That does it for him.
Shane walks over to him, grabbing his face and kisses him. Ilya's hand go straight to waist, pulling Shane closer into his bare chest to deepen the kiss.
It felt natural, it felt right.
Ilya pull back just slightly. "Hollander, what is bothering you?"
He gentle cradles Shanes face, lifting it up slightly so they could make eye contact.
"Can we not do this right now?" He sniffles.
"I really just-" he pauses, "I need you."
Shanes voiced crack when he spoke, and it tugged at his heart.
"Fine, after we will talk. Okay?" He lowers his face slightly, giving him a serious look. Shane nods softly.
"Good." Ilya kisses him again, picking him up by the back of his thighs and carrying him over to the bed. He tosses him gently onto the bed, slowly stripping Shane down.
He likes to truly admire him, as if he were the only thing in the world. First, he pulls off Shane's hoodie, kissing his neck slowly, getting lower and lower until his lips meet denim. Ilya looks up, waiting for confirmation, giving Shane the option to back out if he wants to.
"Please." A small whine escapes his lips. Something inside Ilya cracked at that small, innocent sound. He crawls up and kisses him again, tongues dancing desperately together. Shane's fingers tangle into his blonde curls, tugging on them slightly, elicting a groan from Ilya. He fumbles to unbutton Shane’s jeans, grumbling in frustration as he finally loosens them, tugging his jeans and boxers off together.
"Tell me what you want." Ilya mutters against his lips.
Shane scoffs, a small blush creeping up his cheeks.
"Asshole."
"No, no. Look at me." Ilya cradles Shane's cheek, forcing them to make eye contact.
"Use your words, Hollander."
"God damn it.. I want you to fuck me, Rozanov."
"Mm, good boy." Ilya kisses his lips. "Was that so hard?"
"Asshole." Shane mutters.
"Yes, that's me." Ilya smiles with all his teeth, eliciting a slight laugh from Shane. Ilya smirks, flipping him so Shane is face first into the pillows, and his ass is arched into the air, sitting ready for him.
"So pretty.." Ilya mutters, admiring Shane's body as he quickly strips from his own clothes, cock already hard from just teasing him. Ilya takes his hand and starts stroking himself slowly while his other hand rubs the flesh of Shane's ass, squeezing it in his hand.
"You ready for me?" Ilya spits on Shane's hole, using his thumb to massage the hole gently, pressing against it.
"Ilya, please." Shane moans quietly, shuddering under his touch. He smirks, leaning on top of him and kissing his shoulder. He grips his cock, lining the tip with Shane before slowly pressing in.
"Fuck Shane." His hand moves to his hips, slowly going in inch by inch, feeling the tight muscle basically strangle him. Shane moans quietly into his pillow, his fingers tangling into the sheets.
“There we go… my good boy. Taking all of me.” Ilya’s hip meet Shane’s, fully buried inside of him. After a moment, he starts slow, deep thrusts as his nails dig gently into his hips.
“So pretty.” Ilya groans, his hand comes down and smacking against Shane’s ass, leaving a pretty red mark there.
Shane moans in response, his hips pushing back against Ilya, earning a deep chuckle from him.
“Needy thing.” Ilya leans over Shane’s back, wrapping his arm around him, snapping his hips into him as he leaves love marks on his shoulder.
The sound of hips smacking together, Shane’s moans, and Ilya’s groans of pleasure filled the hotel room, not leaving much to the imagination if people heard them.
Ilya’s hand slides up his back, gently wrapping his hand around Shane’s neck to push his face into the pillow, pinning him down and fucking into him harder.
“Fuck Hollander…” Ilya’s thrusts start to falter as he gets closer. He pulls out quickly, jerking himself off until he cums all over his back.
He moans, jerking himself off until he’s overstimulated. Ilya leans down and kisses Shane’s shoulder, running his hands up and down his sides.
A small whine escapes Shane’s lips.
“Need something..?” Ilya chuckles darkly, making Shane look at him. He runs his thumb along Shane’s bottom lip.
“You know…” Shane whines, his hips thrusting against the sheet gently, just searching for some relief. Ilya smirks as he watches his movements, making him flip around to lay on his back.
Ilya leans forward and kisses him, pressing his body against his, eliciting a whine from Shane.
“So impatient.” Ilya chuckles darkly, kissing down his jaw and to his neck, praising his body. His hands slowly drag down his body, feeling him up as he kisses lower and lower.
“This what you want?” Ilya looks into his eyes as he licks a long stripe up his cock. Shane moans weakly, laying his head back against the pillows to watch him, nodding.
Ilya stops. “Words.”
“Yes.” His voice sounds broken and needy, just ready to let go.
Ilya smirks, gripping his cock and he takes him into his mouth, bobbing up and down. Shane moans, his fingers tangling into Ilya’s hair, hips thrusting up slightly into his mouth. After a few thrusts, Shane finally breaks, moaning as he shoots his load down Ilya’s throat.
“Fuck… shit I’m sorry.” Shane pants, letting go of his hair. Ilya pulls off and swallows, licking his lips.
“Don’t be sorry, delicious.” Ilya smirks, earning a chuckle from Shane, slapping his arm playfully.
“Asshole.”
Ilya moves so he’s laying next to Shane in his side, looking at him.
“Tell me whats wrong.” Ilya’s tone switches.
“What?”
“Why you came here all sad, what’s wrong?” Ilya takes Shane’s hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of his hand.
Shane sighs, looking around the room to avoid eye contact.
“I ran away from Rose.”
Ilya furrows his eyebrows, confused but not angry.
“Why? I thought you both liked each other.”
“We did- do!” Shane huffs, rubbing his face.
“I tried to sleep with her.. and I couldn’t do it, because… she’s not you. Ilya.”
Silence between them. Shane anxiously waits for an answer while Ilya processes it.
“I think… I think im gay, Ilya.” Shane’s eyes water, looking down at his hands. Ilya takes his hand, making him look back at him.
“You catch feelings for me, Hollander?” Ilya smirks, clearly teasing him. Shane rolls his eyes, playfully hitting his arm.
“Whatever.” Ilya catches his wrist and pulls Shane into a kiss. He immediately melts into it, eyes fluttering shut. This kiss was different… not lustful but, romantic.
“Let’s figure this out together, okay?” Ilya holds his hand, resting his forehead against his.
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pairing. bucky barnes x fem!reader
mcu timeline. tfatws.
synopsis. bucky can't help but wonder why they always come running to you,, or your living fossil of a roommate disapproves of your taste in men and its totally not because he wants a taste of you.
warnings. smut ( pwp, service dom!bucky, unprotected piv, oral sex - f receiving, clothed sex for like a sec, fingering, creampie, tummy bulge, dirty talk, dry humping, possessiveness, dumbification, praise, temperature play, food play, nipple play, pussy pronouns, hair pulling - m receiving, multiple orgasms, consent kink, implied competency kink and cum eating, bucky barnes begs agenda 2025™, both bucky and reader spend the whole fic towing the fine line between horny and pervy ), no use of y/n, angst, fluff, frenemies to lovers, roommate!bucky, cocky+flirty!bucky, also guard dog!bucky ( if that even makes sense ) ( it doesn't ), jealousy, pining, so much bickering, attachment issues, miscommunication bc these two combined have the emotional intelligence of a chihuahua, bucky's hobby is baking bc i said so.
reader inclusivity. bucky can pick the reader up ( but he's literally a super soldier so 🧍♂️ ), one mention of bucky trying to grab the reader's hair, reader has a nut allergy and does not speak russian ( neither do i, so please forgive the very small amount of google translated russian )
word count. 16.3k
hyde’s input. god bless sabrina for saving the summer again. also don't let this flop, it's my birthday tomorrow and i'm not above crying over poorly-received erotica ( i'm joking ) ( no i'm not )
Bucky Barnes is not someone you’d call a friend.
He’s more of a nuisance, really. A fossil, dropped off at your door by one Sam Wilson with a simple request: “Can he crash here for a few days?”
That was four months ago, and Bucky’s still living on your couch.
Which is exactly where he’s sat right now, head buried in a book you barely even remember owning. The pages, so full of neglect, give him hassle as he tries to turn them, catching on one another and refusing to be pried apart by vibranium fingers.
“How do I look?” You ask as you step out from your bedroom, hands fastening an earring into your right ear.
Unfazed by your appearance, he doesn’t bother glancing up from his book as he sardonically replies, “With your eyes, like the rest of us.”
You contemplate plucking one of your heels off and throwing it at his head. Knowing your luck, it will fly right past him and smash your coffee table into pieces. Just like your roommate, it’s vintage. Unlike your roommate, you willingly brought it into your home.
“Ha. Ha.” Rounding the couch, you swat his feet off the table before snapping his book closed. “Now if you’re done playing comedian, would you answer the fucking question?”
“That’s your generation's problem, you know? You swear more than you breathe.”
“Better than waging a world war every few years.”
“Considering the current state of the world, I wouldn’t rest too comfortably on that one,” Bucky rises from his seat and squeezes past you, irritatingly close in a way that makes sure you feel each defined muscle in his chest as it brushes against your shoulder. “Anyway, you look fine, as always.”
“I look fine?” You parrot his words and follow his footsteps over to the kitchen. “Careful Barnes, don’t get too excited, it’s not healthy for a senior citizen’s heart.”
“You know what I mean,” a heavy sigh slips out the soldier’s mouth as he busies himself filling the kettle, glancing back at you from over his shoulder as he continues speaking. “I don’t understand why you worry so much about all of… this.” He gestures at you, water splashing off the tips of his fingers.
“God forbid a woman cares about looking good on a date,” you’re becoming annoyingly aware of the pout on your lips and try your best to correct it, whilst prying open the fridge door and fishing out a bottle of beer. “Gee if only it were still the 40s, then I could slap some mercury on my lips and hit the town with a man ready to buy me off my daddy for the cheap, cheap price of two goats!”
The frustration within you only rises as you struggle with the bottle’s cap, the skin of your hand pinching as you put all your force behind removing it. Since when are twist-tops so damn hard to twist off?
Bucky’s by the kettle, pouring boiling hot water into a mug he’s wrongfully claimed as his and looking irritatingly fine surrounded by steam — which has your mind trailing back to a few weeks ago: an early morning, exiting your bedroom to find your lodger stepping out the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist and the remnant dew of a steaming hot shower trailing down his very naked, very defined biceps, and pectorals, and- He’s not even trying to mask the amusement on his face as he indulges in your failure.
“Don’t you think you’re being a little ridiculous?” He asks and pries the bottle out of your hold, effortlessly ripping the cap off with a twist of his left hand. A familiar warmth curls between your legs, awakening a response from you that you’ve sworn, under no circumstances, will happen due to Bucky Barnes. You barely want to exchange air with him, nevermind bodily fluids. “There’s no way you’re worth two goats.”
“Every day I wake up and resist the urge to smother you in your sleep.”
Your vitriol is met with a smirk taking over his lips. Watching as he brings the beer up to his mouth, you catch yourself forgetting to blink as the soldier engages you both in a staring contest, all the while he’s tilting the bottle up to steal the first sip. He presses the cold glass back into your hand. You try not to focus on his tongue, peeking out to swipe over his bottom lip and clean up a remnant drop of beer.
In a move that puts you even more on edge, Bucky shuffles closer to you. Delirium floods your mind as the smell of smoke, and musk, and a just a twinge of sweat floods your nose, a smell so masculine it has you debating setting feminism and your own self-preservation back hundreds of years by nuzzling your face into the pulse point of his neck, like you’re some damn animal being exposed to pheromones. Meanwhile, he appears none the wiser to the negative effect he’s having on you, too busy reaching his arm behind you and into the fridge.
“Those boys you entertain, do they ever pay you any compliments?” His voice is so gentle, you almost wonder if that’s how it would sound whispering in your ear. Luckily, you don’t actually wonder about that. Not at all, not even a little. “Or is that your job too, like the bill?”
As quickly as he caged you in against the fridge, he moves away and leaves the cool air to rush over your skin, dragging your mind back into reality and away from whatever thoughts it keeps trying to tempt you with. You track his movements towards the island counter as he sets down a glass bowl, marked by condensation and filled with a batter of some sorts.
It's becoming more and more common to catch Bucky pottering around in the kitchen, a recipe on his phone screen and a personalised ‘Kiss the Baker’ apron — which Sam bought as a joke for his birthday — tied around his waist. He’ll never admit it, but a part of you believes baking helps him relax, to shut off whatever thoughts are floating around in that disturbingly pretty head of his and let him focus solely on measuring, mixing, and making delicious sugary treats. You can hardly complain when he’s gifting you the privilege of an at-home bakery. Fortunately, he gives you plenty of other reasons to complain.
“Boys I entertain? Way to make me sound like a stripper,” you huff, sneaking over to dunk a finger into the batter as he turns to grab his coffee. “And I’ll have you know, they do pay me compliments.”
Licking your finger clean, you can’t fight the humm of approval that creeps up your throat nor the way your eyes slip shut as you savour the cold, tangy sweetness of the cake mix. Something warm presses against your left side as Bucky returns to the island, setting down his mug and a cake tin.
“Really? What kinda things do they say?” Just as you go to double dip, he smacks the top of your hand with a wooden spoon, and you nearly freeze at the contact. For a few short seconds, the factory in your mind goes into lockdown as every single one of your brain cells scramble to not conjure up the image of him smacking that utensil on a very different part of you. “Hands off. It’s a lemon cake, not a lemon and your-dirty-fingers cake.”
You silence your thoughts with a swig of beer before putting a safety distance between Bucky and you, unsure whether to be relieved at his obliviousness to the less than ideal affect he’s having on you, or offended by his complete lack of reaction to being so close to you while you’re all dressed up and waiting for another man to take you out.
Not that you want him to be affected by that, or you in general, though.
Your phone lights up with a text from an unsaved number: im hear, r yu coming down or shuld i com up? You shut it off and stuff it into your purse, deciding it's best to keep a man waiting anyway; he’ll appreciate your presence even more once you finally give him it.
Besides, you’ve yet to answer Bucky’s question.
“I’d tell you but I’m too sober to stomach you yelling ‘Heaven to Betsy!’ and giving me a lecture on your medieval dating ethics.”
You earn a genuine laugh, in which his knees bend a little and his head is thrown back, while his vibranium hand winds up splayed across his midriff. The sun is setting beyond the window, lingering shades of orange warmth frame a heavenly glow around Bucky, highlighting a slight curl in his hair and the piercing blue of his eyes. The view is uncomfortably pleasant, so you bring the bottle back to your lips and turn your head away, suddenly utterly fascinated with the eggshell colouring of the kitchen cupboards.
“I think there’s a leak under the sink,” the comment is absentminded, a meager attempt at steering your mind away from the man and his mixing bowl.
Bucky ignores it and drags you right back to the actual topic at hand.
“That’s funny,” there’s a shuffle of tin behind you. You glance back around to find him smoothing batter into the cake mold, wooden spoon clasped in metal fingers spreading the mix evenly. You’ve never noticed how good Bucky is at spreading things. “Cause I swear I remember Sam mentioning something about the last guy moaning his own name in your ear.”
Beer shoots to the back of your throat.
In a spurt of coughing, amidst the burning pain of the carbonated liquid dripping out your nose, you hurry over to the sink. Mouth dropped open in a dry heave, you lean into the basin and try to minimize the mess you make in search of a breath. Heat envelops you from behind and a pair of sock-clad feet come into view next to your maroon heels. You briefly register the cool brush of metal against the back of your neck as he tries to tidy back your hair and, while you appreciate the action, you can’t help note how completely unnecessary it is. Too distracted to care, your attention shoots straight to the weight of his flesh hand pressing into your lower back. Heavy, warm, large, it pollutes your mind with the knowledge of how it feels to have him soothe your skin — even if there is a layer of silk in the way.
The moment air returns to your lungs, you shoot up straight and ache to step away from him and his wandering-to-all-the-wrong-places hands. The battle against his touch is mute, not even one percent of his strength is put behind the way he grips your forearms and turns you to face him.
Bucky’s eyes scan over you, studying your features. You swallow back whatever feeling brings salivation to your mouth. His thumb reaches towards his own and you watch, transfixed, as a pink tongue darts out to greet it, licking a stripe over the pad of it. A splash of cake batter stains his ring finger. You swallow back more saliva; confusingly, your mouth feels drier than ever. Only when he delicately presses his thumb beneath your eye and swipes over your waterline do you realise you’re teary-eyed.
“See how clumsy you are?” There’s a chastising lilt to his voice that sends blood rushing to your face, and then immediately back down to the overwhelmingly empty space between your legs. “Can’t even swallow properly without ruining your mascara.”
You need distance.
You need to move.
You need to leave.
“He’s here!” The words are almost a gasp as you turn out of his hold. The weight of his gaze trails over your legs as you rush around the kitchen island, fishing your keys out of your purse and rambling out the nerves he’s summoned. “Okay, there’s some leftover pasta in the fridge if you’re hungry, and you’re welcome to the beers if you get thirsty. Big remote turns on the TV, the little one changes the channel. Behave and take care of the place while I’m away, okay?”
“Quit talking to me like I’m some kind of guard dog,” he complains as you pull open the front door and cross one foot over the threshold to safety.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” You cheer back, trailing the door behind you as you go. “I wasn’t aware you were going to start contributing rent, I’ll send you my bank details.”
With that, the apartment door slams shut and you head out for a date in which three things will happen: you’ll flirt, you’ll fuck, and you won’t think about your roommate.
Only one of those things ends up happening.
It’s not from lack of an offer that you wind up taking a cab back to your apartment. Your date had been nice… enough. He complimented your outfit, took a sufficient amount of interest in you, and he even bought you flowers — of course, he’d accidentally left them in his parent’s home. Where he lived. In the basement.
And the thing is, you’re not shallow. Time’s are tough, the economy sucks, and the world is still adjusting to the sudden return to half its population post-Blip. So you were more than game to play sneak-me-into-your-bed-without-waking-your-parents, but, as the pair of you waited on a taxi to arrive, his hand found your waist and your treacherous mind noticed something it shouldn’t.
Bucky’s hand was larger. And warmer. And more welcomed against your skin.
Sick to your stomach by your own thoughts, your night ended with you tip-toeing past the familiar figure sleeping on your couch — definitely not pausing to take in the sheer width of his naked shoulders dangling half-off the cushion — and crawling into bed alone, belly full of Thai and mind full of Winter.
When morning comes, the bedroom door creaks as you pry it open, a fist rubbing sleep out your eye and a yawn announcing your arrival.
“Did you eat my ice cream?” Bucky calls out from somewhere, voice muffled and full of accusation.
Despite barely finishing a glass of wine the night before, there’s a throbbing pain beginning in your temples and souring your already bitter mood.
“Wow, good morning to you too,” you stumble more than walk over to the kitchen, in search of the salvation of ice cold water.
That’s where you find him: laid out on his back, grey sweatpants clinging to bent knees, with everything from his shoulders up inside the open cabinet beneath the sink. His arms are inside too, tinkering away at something above his face.
“Good morning. Did you eat my ice cream?” If ever a thing such as a verbal eyeroll were to exist, Bucky would be doing it. From the lack of seeing his eyes, there’s every chance he is literally rolling them.
Your journey toward the fridge is interrupted by the troubling sight of a glass full of water, a plate hosting a slice of lemon sponge cake, and two miscellaneous white pills that anyone who suffers the unusually cruel punishment of a menstrual cycle is likely familiar with. A post-it note with your name written neatly across it sits next to the unexpected care package.
“So what if I did?” The painkillers go down effortlessly, though there’s a lingering chemical taste that has you gulping down an extra sip of water. “What are you doing, anyway?”
“I paid for it!” For all his outrage, he doesn’t care enough to poke his head out as he chastises you. “You said there was a leak, so I’m checking your pipes. I’m quite good with my hands, you know.”
Is he dense, or is he saying this shit on purpose? The double entendre in his words is glaring, yet you haven’t the confidence nor the will-power to address it, to poke the proverbial bear out of fear. Fear of him scolding your dirty mind, or fear of him doubling down on his suggestive wordplay, you’re not quite sure.
You choose to steer clear of the topic and, more importantly, the unexpected twinge in your chest in response to Bucky’s unrequested help.
“And I paid for the freezer you left it in, the electricity that kept it frozen, and the apartment you live in,” you don’t intend to sound so snappy, like a sulking child fighting against their own self-confessed crimes. “So I think you can spare me some goddamn ice cream.”
You’ve taken to joining Bucky on the floor, sitting across from him, cross-legged and back pressed against the cabinets that surround the kitchen island. In your lap lies the slice of cake, a mouthful already missing and melting its tangy sweetness onto your tongue. You almost moan, but it’s unclear whether the sugary treat just tastes that good or the visual of the soldier laid out on his back and tinkering away beneath your sink is just so stimulating.
If you mention the strange noise your car’s engine has been making recently, would he fix that too? You can already picture him slicked in sweat and oil, hands on his hips as he stands over the opened hood and assesses whatever the damage is. You’d have to watch over the whole thing, of course — not out of your own self-interest but on the off chance something goes wrong and Bucky needs help taking off his oil-stained shirt, or pants, or-
“Your date was that good, huh?” You almost jump out of your skin when he speaks.
“He bragged to me about how he and his college roommates used to play pool,” the pause in your sentences seems to capture Bucky’s attention, coaxing him out from beneath the sink. “Using a shotgun instead of cues.”
As he sits up, elbows finding rest upon his knees, you can’t help but note the five-o’clock shadow he’s sporting. For reasons that have nothing to do with the fraying seams of your sanity, you need him to shave.
To Bucky’s credit, he doesn’t laugh. Yes, his lips glitch somewhere between a cheeky grin and a serious frown, but he does not outright laugh like you expect him to. Instead, he nods down at the half-eaten cake and tilts his head — an unspoken question, is it good?, that only weakens his argument about not being a guard-dog. Between the puppy-dog blue eyes and the yearning for approval, you half expect him to sprout a tail and start panting.
Scratch that last thought, actually. Bucky and panting should not coexist in a sentence together, nevermind in your imagination.
“Mind feeding me a bite?” Yes, actually, you would mind, but one glance at his fingertips stained in whatever-the-hell is going on with your sink leaves you no choice but to tear off a corner.
Bringing the piece of cake to meet his awaiting mouth, you brace yourself for the tentative scrape of teeth stealing it out of your hold. The delicate brush of his lips enveloping your fingers throws you off your axis, and the challenge in his eyes as they hold contact with your own has your thighs involuntarily squeezing themselves together.
For a moment, you swear you catch him glance down at your lips.
Then you remember the health insurance your job provides does not cover the cost of being institutionalised, so you stop hallucinating and come back to reality where Bucky Barnes is not so much a flirt as he is a pest, a stray animal abandoned at your doorstep by a friend who decided to take advantage of your good-natured heart.
“Can you give me the exact phrasing your date used to describe this shotgun-pool?” The soldier is gone in the blink of an eye, flat on his back again and continuing his attempt to seal the leak.
“Why?”
“I’m making this list,” he says, and he must shift his hands higher above his head because suddenly the soft cotton of his white shirt has ridden up his torso, presenting your eyes with a golden platter of sun-warmed skin. “I’m calling it ‘the manchild files’.”
“That’s not even funny,” neither is the way he inches deeper into the cabinet, exposing not only the glaringly white tan-line delineating where the band of his boxers should be resting but also the beginning dark curls of a happy trail.
“Well ‘the stupid files’ sounds so simple, I was worried you’d try to jump into bed with it.”
“Are you seriously about to slut-shame me in my own fucking kitchen?” Whilst slutting yourself out on my floor like your name is Mike and you’re about to show me some magic? is the quiet part you don’t say aloud.
“I’m critical but I’m not hypocritical,” there he does again with that verbal eye-roll. “I wasn’t exactly the image of celibacy when I was your age-”
“Yay, more grandpa lore!” Your interruption earns you a nudge from his leg, but you know it made him laugh because his shoulders gently shake.
“I’m not slut-shaming you, I’m taste-shaming. I swear, being useless must be the precursor to having a chance with you.”
“It is not!” You gasp, yet you’re hardly surprised — Bucky’s not exactly subtle in his disapproval of the men you date.
If there is anything to be thankful for, it’s the alleviation that comes with Bucky shimmying out from the sink again, happy trail redressed and a hand diving into the pocket of his sweatpants. With a dramatic clearing of his throat, he brings his phone up to his face and starts reciting.
“After being told you have a nut allergy, Carter B. said Wait, like, you’re allergic to cum?” You’d always known showing him how to use the notes app would come back to bite you in the ass somehow. “Tommy L. walked into a lampost because he got distracted… watching a squirrel run up a tree. You almost got stood up by Steve K. because he accidentally locked himself inside his own car. Lee B. asked you-”
“Bucky B. is about to lose his other arm if he doesn’t shut up.”
“I rest my case,” and he still has the nerve to open his mouth, awaiting another bite of cake.
You cave with no fight and give it to him.
Because you’re a nice person, not because you want to feel his mouth on you again.
Something cool drips onto the bottom of your naked thighs after Bucky reaches over you and grabs at the glass of water, stealing an obnoxiously large gulp; or is it just exaggerated by your stare zeroing in on the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he drinks?
A thought pops into your mind.
“Did you leave these on the counter because you expected me to be hungover?” Your tone is inoffensive, and unoffended, a simple curiosity you need answered.
“You have a headache, right?”
“Uh-huh,” your eyes narrow skeptically.
“Yeah, I figured you would,” Bucky takes another sip, more condensation trickling down onto your legs. “You always have one after eating Thai food.”
Something inside of you stops.
Your heart, or your lungs, or your mind. Your goddamn liver, for all you know.
This is not supposed to be happening. Bucky is not supposed to fix things just because you mentioned it, once in passing and as a scapegoat from focusing too much on him. And he certainly isn’t supposed to notice things, useless little factoids that not even you know about yourself until he brings them to light. Hell, he’s not even supposed to still be here, sleeping on your couch and criticising your love life.
When the thing inside of you clicks back into place and starts again, a new weight rests atop your conscience.
Maybe it’s not so bad having a roommate, having Bucky be that roommate. Maybe you’re starting to get used to coming home to the smell of baked vanilla and the signature grouchy look he wears as he asks you about your day, about how your co-worker pissed you off, about why you’re home later than usual and not wearing a jacket out in the cold of winter.
“By the way,” he’s calling out from beneath the sink again. “You’ll be happy to know I’m touring an apartment next week.”
“Oh.” The bite you just took turns sour in your mouth. You struggle to swallow it down. “That’s great. Finally! You’re going, and I’m staying here, and I’ll have my apartment back to myself. That’s… Great. It’s great!”
No, really, it’s great.
“You’re joking,” a palm on your lower back guides you to the right, just in time to avoid being trampled beneath a cart.
“I wish,” you say, and saunter over to some colourful packaging that’s captured your eye.
After a moment of inspecting the product in hand from every angle, you put it back on the shelf.
“Let me get this straight,” Bucky pushes the cart along behind you, grabbing that same colourful packaging and dropping it in with the rest of the groceries. “You lean through his window, kiss him goodbye on the cheek and then he just… What, crashed his car?”
“Into a wall with street art of a cliff painted on it,” as you add the most important detail, laughter is already bubbling up your throat. “He literally crashed his car into a cliff without even getting to switch out of first gear!”
The pair of you make up quite the sight.
An entire morning of tiptoeing through the limbo of delirium, after an entire night spent trying to block out the relentless banging from the upstairs neighbours. The door to your bedroom crawled open some time past four and there was Bucky, head poking through the space and looking rather pleased to find you wide awake — despite his claims of just wanting to make sure you were asleep.
Seated on opposite ends of the couch, both of you found a quiet solace in the other’s inability to sleep. While a movie marathon played over the TV, the sex marathon above continued. When exhaustion took claim of your body, you drifted off with your arms resting on the armchair and your head resting on your arms. You awoke atop a pillow and beneath a blanket, legs stretched out over the couch and Bucky curled up on the floor by your feet — like any good guard dog would be.
After a botched attempt to sneak past the soldier, only to have him scare the living daylights out of you by grabbing your ankle as you tried to step over him, you both came to the shocking realisation that the fridge was void of any food.
Which brings you to here: standing in aisle 7, laughing an ache into your ribs over yet another one of your failed dates, with a half-filled cart and matching bags forming under your tired eyes.
“I think it’s time we had an intervention about where you’re finding these men,” Bucky says that last word like it's covered in poison, burning his tongue on the way out.
“They find me!” You say, as he reaches for the box of strawberries you just put down. “As generous as I am, do you want to maybe slow down on how much shit you load into our cart?”
His hand freezes, the box of red fruit clasped in a confusingly delicate grip of vibranium fingers
“You picked it up,” his tone is riddled with confusion. “Don’t you want them?”
“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not made of money.”
“Okay?” He replies, like it’s the most irrelevant piece of information you’ve ever given him — and you once spent an hour ranting to him about the inefficiency of the ink cartridges in your office’s printer. “I’m paying, so do you want it or not?”
“Since when do you have money? Did your pension finally come through? I mean… You are old enough. Also, aren’t you literally a vet?”
“You managed to say all that in one breath, yet you failed to answer a yes or no question.”
A bubble of silence surrounds you both. Bucky blinks, slowly, exaggeratedly. It’s the perfect opportunity to stare at his face and notice the five o'clock shadow has grown. A gruff ‘excuse me’, followed by a man shoving between you both to grab some strawberries, pops the bubble.
Without a word, you snatch the box and place it in the cart.
Half-way up the fruit aisle, Bucky gets the genius idea to open his mouth again: “You wanna know what my theory is?”
“Nope,” you say, popping the p and glancing back at him over your shoulder. “But you’re going to tell me anyway.”
He looks vexingly domestic like this, wearing a sweater and pushing your shopping around. Thoughts betray you, wandering off into dangerous territory as they begin to question how others perceive you from the outside.
What do strangers see: two roommates that quarrel like it’s a biological need, or a couple doing their weekly shop? Two strangers forced together by a circumstance named Sam Wilson, or two lovers unwilling to voice that the metal container between them is too much distance?
“I think you date idiots because they’re idiots.”
“Gee whiz, grandpa, that’s so insightful. I sure do hope I’m as wise as you when I’m your age, but I’ll probably just be dead.” You feel the cart meet your back in a gentle bump, a non-verbal warning to cut the teasing.
“Dating those incompetent men, it’s like…” he pauses, searching for the right words, and plucks a bunch of bananas from your hand, dropping them in with your mounting pile of fruit. “Jumping out of a plane! You get the thrill of falling but, the moment something a little too real and solid appears on the horizon, you pull out the parachute and, that’s it, you’re safe. No danger of falling flat on your face and getting your feelings hurt.”
“I don’t know when you last jumped out of a plane-”
“Remember that Karli situation a few months ago?”
“But not ejecting your parachute leads to a little more than just falling flat on your face.”
“So my metaphor isn't perfect,” Bucky trails off, eyes staring past you and mind lost in thought. You follow his line of sight and find a couple at the end of the aisle, hands intertwined and smiling at each other like they’re the only two people in the world. An unnamed emotion tugs at the soldier’s lips, but he won’t let it take over his stoic features. “But you get my point. If you were actually looking for something serious, you’d date someone better than those men.”
Unprompted and unwarranted, his words spear your heart.
Memories replay in your head, a kaleidoscope of the featureless faces you let take you out, dine you, wine you, kiss you. A handful of immeasurables: how many times you’ve brushed off mispronounced versions of your name, how many excuses you’ve made for the way they talk to you, how many times you’ve lowered your own standards to help a man feel desired. In your wake lies a graveyard of failed relationships, with no proper funeral nor mourning.
You swallow back the lump in your throat.
“Okay, psychoanalysing me aside, what’s left on the list?” You ask, making your way round to Bucky’s side of the cart.
“Well, I still need to write down Jeff G.’s cliff accident.”
“The other list.” You watch as he struggles to fish out the scrap of paper from his pocket.
“Eggs, pasta, feta, toilet roll,” his brows are furled, his eyes are glaring, and with each item he lists off, his words grow more unsure. “Grapefruit? Your handwriting is shit.”
“I was in a rush!”
“And sitting on a jack-hammer?”
“Gimme that,” you snatch the list, he yields it with no protest. As you scan over the scribbled ink, a frustrating truth comes to light. Bucky’s right, your handwriting is shit. “Is grapefruit even in season?”
“Huh,” it’s the sound of hollow amusement.
“What?”
“Just…” His presence looms over you, infecting your senses with the woodsy smell of his cologne and the arduous heat that radiates off of him. When he nods his head to the right, scoffing out a laugh and poking his tongue into his cheek, you find yourself wrestling between temptations of slapping him or pulling him closer. “You really don’t notice what’s right in front of you, do you?”
Lo and behold, on the right side of the aisle, grapefruits.
You make it through the rest of the shopping list in relative silence, with the occasional side-comment from the super soldier that either rouses a grin onto your lips or has your eyes rolling in faux disagreement. Little by little, you peruse the aisles and fill the cart; and, when Bucky picks out the only ice cream flavour void of nuts, you bite your tongue and choose to say nothing.
“I forgot to ask,” you finally speak, standing in the self-checkout zone and struggling to find something to do with your fidgety hands as Bucky scans each item — you insisted on helping and he insisted he’d get it done quicker alone. “How did the apartment viewing go?”
“Oh. Fine,” you grimace as he says your least favourite f word. “The current lease isn’t up yet, so you’re stuck with me a little longer.”
Are you supposed to feel this relieved?
In theory, you were never supposed to feel anything in regards to Bucky Barnes. In practice, it’s a lot more complicated, a pendulum that seems to swing in constant motion between red hot aggravation and red hot something else you refuse to give a name.
All you know is there are times where you wonder if his back is okay sleeping on the couch, and you contemplate asking him to come meet you during your lunch breaks, and you crave to have the anxious shake in your leg quelled by his daily check-in calls whenever he and Sam go off on another misadventure. Whatever reason lies behind your behaviour, the familiarity of ignorant bliss tempts you away from seeking the answer.
Besides, Bucky will be leaving soon. He’ll no longer be your roommate and you’ll both fall out of whatever routine convenience has forced upon you both.
A series of beeps capture your attention.
At the epicentre of the noise stands an elderly woman, grey hair pristinely curled and an outfit that screams Sunday-bests, struggling with the check-out machine. With no employee in sight and no do-gooder fellow customer stepping out of their way to help, the woman’s distress grows with each beep the machine makes at her.
Knuckles brush down your arm, and there’s Bucky at your side, waiting for you to pay him any mind.
“You mind handling the rest?” He asks, in that softly-spoken tone of his that would make anyone feel like swooning. Maybe that’s why it takes you a few moments to notice the wallet he’s holding out to you. “Cash is in the back pocket. I’ll be a few minutes, okay? Just finish bagging everything, leave the carrying to me.”
There’s no time to get a single word out before you’re staring at the back of his head and watching as he makes his way over to the elderly woman.
For every item you scan, you sneak a glance. The butter beeps onto the screen, and you peek how Bucky has effortlessly become the woman’s personal helper. You pass the strawberries through and reward yourself with the sight of Bucky’s cheeky grin — with the way the elderly lady laughs and swats at his arm, you can only assume he’s made some flirtatious comment. Clicking on the option to pay cash, you nearly give yourself whiplash as you turn to watch them again, Bucky’s just about finishing bagging her groceries while the woman opens her shopping-trolley bag.
Waiting on the receipt to print, your reflection stares back at you on the self-checkout screen: a hue of endearment glowing off your features. The smile quickly melts off your face when you realise that he… Oh no.
Bucky is charming.
Part of you has always known he was handsome — you’re stubborn, not blind — yet the sight of him now, all dashing smiles and twinkling eyes playing rescuer to a woman who, despite the difference in their physical ageing, is closer to his own age than you, it troubles you. The acid burn in your throat is not a manifestation of jealousy, no; it’s the queasy feeling of knowing you’ve never looked across at a date, caught him in a moment of content, and felt the unyielding desire to be the reason behind it.
Someone clears their throat beside you, a man with a wrinkle in his forehead and an agitated look upon his face, so you quickly excuse yourself and, with plastic handles digging into your fingers, you approach Bucky and the elderly lady.
Upon noticing you, Bucky’s quick to tug the bags out your grip, a scolding already falling off his tongue: “I told you to leave these to me.”
“Yeah, well, Mr. Frowny-Magoo over there didn’t appreciate me hogging up the cashier,” the comment is meant as nothing more than a lighthearted joke, yet you swear you see something shift in the soldier’s stance, his shoulders tensing and his jaw clenching as he glances back at the stranger.
Fortunately, the elderly woman interrupts whatever he’s contemplating doing to him.
“Она твоя жена?(Is she your wife?)” She’s looking between you both expectantly, speaking words you don’t understand. “У нее лицо ангела. (She has the face of an angel.)”
Whatever she says, it clearly has an effect on Bucky. His head turns to the side, to you, and a visible softness overcomes his gaze as it traces over your face. His shoulders are relaxing, his jaw is unclenching, and he’s switching the bags over to his metal hand, renewing his grip and freeing up the hand that now hangs right by yours, knuckles gracing over your own in a way that feels like a dare, a challenge, a temptation to lace your fingers together.
You clench your fist shut.
“Я знаю. (I know.)” He says, eyes lingering on you a few moments longer than necessary, before he’s back to smiling at the elderly woman.
Halfway home and doubling your pace to keep up with his effortless stroll, curiosity finally gets the better of you.
“What did she say back there, that lady you helped?”
A stranger rushes past you both, phone glued to their ear and stressing down the speaker. Bucky takes grip of your arm and tugs you closer to him.
“Do you spend your time getting bumped into when I’m not around?” His fingers give your arm a squeeze before releasing you. “And, if you must know, she said I was the most handsome man she’s ever seen.”
Little force is put behind the shove you give his shoulder.
You’re too busy agonising over how much you agree with her.
Bucky leaves.
Not forever, but three weeks away on some stealth mission with Sam sure begins to feel like it.
It happens on a Friday. After the week from hell at work, a friend’s mid-week engagement party, and the unexpected downpour of rain during the journey home, you walk into an unlit apartment and a note stuck to the fridge.
Sam needs me. Be safe, don’t bring strangers home. B.
The batch of freshly baked cinnamon rolls sweeten your night up, at least.
There’s a quiet that always seems to blanket the house whenever you lose Bucky to missions.
Before he was dumped on your front door, you’d been used to living alone and the peaceful silence that came with it. Independence, the ability to need no one and want nothing, a trait of yours that once brought pride, now brings you nothing but the static sound of a muted television and the hum of the microwave spinning a meal fit for one.
Mornings become a ritual of waking later yet leaving earlier, no one is there to distract you from drinking your coffee. Though the workload is the same, somehow the slow drag of hours still finds a way to pass quicker than ever, the revolving doors of the office building spit you back out onto the streets of New York before you’re fully ready. Your evenings waste away, starved of noise and company, while you run out of shows to watch and books to read, and count the hours down until all that silence becomes necessary for your eyes to close and your mind to rest.
It’s when darkness rules over the sky and the hour is a single digit that the phone finally rings. A blocked number, untraceable, pulling you out the hands of sleep and filling your room with the noise of your ringtone. He never speaks first, not until there’s an echo down the line of your own sleep stained ‘hello?’.
“You can go back to sleep now.”
You never stay on the line long enough to find out how quickly he hangs up after he speaks. Because it’s only ever meant to be a way to let you know he’s safe, alive, somewhere out there doing who-knows-what and stopping who-knows-who. It’s just an unrequested favour he’s granted you, after the incident in which both he and Sam fell-off the grid for five days and you were nearly rounding up a search party. He’s not missed a call since, once a day while he’s away.
So, when he doesn’t call, it’s only natural that you worry.
The alarm bell rings when you wake up to birds chirping, sun spilling through the crack between the curtains, and not a single missed call nor voicemail awaiting you.
It’s Saturday and there’s no work to occupy your mind, so you force down a bagel, toss a tote bag onto your shoulder, and head out to the local market. But there’s no joy in perusing fruit stands without a six foot soldier trailing your heels and muttering to himself about how exotic fruit has gotten, and how ‘back in my day you had your apples, your oranges, and your pears.’
You wind up home by noon, and the dwelling begins to grow, still no call.
There’s a weight on your chest, and a balloon of anxiety that grows in your throat, and an unwarranted agitation burning at your skin as you read over his note again, still very much stuck to the fridge and taunting you — Be safe, says a man who clearly can’t take his own advice.
Then, why should you?
You agree to go on a date, one you’ve been dancing around agreeing to for a few weeks yet reach for it the moment you decide you’re not pleased with the way Bucky’s lack of a call is ruining your well-earned free time.
And, hey, the guy’s not a complete loser this time. On paper, at least. He’s handsome, tall, and an athlete — ex-athlete, really, but you don’t bother to point that out while he talks about the gymnastic studio he runs. Most importantly, he’s eager to call a cab and get you home, screw Bucky’s warning. If you want to bring a stranger into your home, you’ll do it.
Brooding, uncalling soldier be damned!
After stumbling through the dark of your apartment into your bedroom, and fumbling with your bra long enough for you to grow tired and just take it off yourself, you and Mister Gymnast tumble into the sheets for a performance so lacklustre, it warrants taking all his medals away. At least your date seems to enjoy himself, spilling onto your stomach and falling asleep the minute his head hits the pillows.
“I finished,” last you checked, he hadn't even started.
You lie awake, staring at the ceiling, and try to will the phone to ring. Encased by a stranger’s snoring and a guilty feeling, you let Lady Sleep whisk you away. When your eyes open next, morning has broken and you’re alone in bed with a remnant trace of warmth on the sheets. But the silence is finally gone.
Beyond your door you hear the faint thud of footsteps, the ding of the fridge being opened, the whistle of the kettle. You almost trip in your rush to get dressed, and nearly rip the hinges off the door as you tear it open. Then the smile falls from your face.
“You’re up!” Everyone’s favourite gymnast is there to greet you, a mug in hand as he goes to pull you in for a kiss. The way you swerve is automatic, unplanned, leaving his lips to land on your cheek. “Uhh, I was hoping you’d sleep a little longer, I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed but-”
“He couldn’t figure out how to boil the kettle.”
And there’s Bucky, leaning back against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest and a smug look on his face. Aside from the butterfly stitches above his left brow, he looks unharmed. Fine, even. Dressed in all black, with a t-shirt that’s hugging his frame a little too tightly for your liking, the double-combo of his dog-tags and vibranium arm on display. Perfectly safe for a man who couldn’t call.
Your date laughs and sheepishly scratches the back of his head before you get the chance to speak.
“Your brother was kind enough to help me.” It’s unclear who laughs first: Bucky or you. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, nothing, nothing, just…” Bucky says, shaking the laughter away with a nod of his head. “In what world do me and her look related?”
“Wait, if you’re not her brother then, are you-” Fifty shades of horror spill over the gymnast’s face, his head darting between looking over at Bucky and back at you. “Holy shit, is he your boyfriend?”
“Husband, actually,” the soldier’s all too quick-witted, pushing off the counter and reaching for a mug of brewing coffee. “But don’t worry, we’re open. What do you think of our kitchen lights, by the way? My wife here likes them dim.”
Dumb as he is, your date tilts his head up to inspect the light fixtures.
“Oh, they’re nice!”
That does it for you.
“Bucky, shut up!” You snap, finger pointed over at the menace who’s biting back a smirk and stirring away at his mug, face as innocent as sin. Is this some twisted version of revenge, a punishment for bringing a stranger home? You’d prefer the punishment to be a little more… hands on. Preferably in the form of your slapping that twinkle out of his eyes. “He is not my boyfriend, or my husband. He is the bum that lives on my couch.”
“You see how she treats me, Vince?”
“It’s Lance,” the gymna- Lance corrects him.
Moving towards the kitchen, your eyes check over your roommate once more, as though they expect some previously unseen injury to make an appearance on his skin. Come the end of your search, you’re left looking into a face that is sporting a split brow and a cruel level of entertainment from the situation at hand.
There’s a relief to having him back, and it’s wrestling with the exasperating emotions a single missed call conjured up.
“What are you doing here, anyway? Aren’t you and Sam still meant to be… I don’t know, on a homoerotic getaway, fighting crime?” The questions fire out of you as you slip into one of the island’s stools.
“We finished early,” Bucky appears by your side as though from thin air, hand clasping the back of your seat and pushing you in closer to the counter top.
“Aww, don’t worry, big boy, it happens to the best of you,” you tease, an empathetic pat against his shoulder.
The mockery backfires when you notice his brows shoot up and his stare shifts towards your date, who’s too busy trying to open the sugar jar to notice the dig at his own sexual inabilities.
Wait, when exactly did Bucky get home?
“How do you take your coffee?” One-Thrust-Lance asks you over his shoulder.
Before you can answer, a cup is nudged into your grasp and Bucky looks over you with triumph, metal fingers reaching out to drag over a plate of freshly-baked cookies. The smell of warm vanilla pairs well with the soft musk of his cologne, your eyes nearly roll back inhaling it.
“Mmm,” one sip of your coffee is all you need to know it’s perfect, made exactly to your taste. “Coffee and baked goods… I knew I kept you around for a reason.”
In lieu of any verbal response, the soldier takes to dunking one of the cookies into your mug before stealing a bite out of it. You watch as he chews on the sweet treat, head nodding in approval at his own skills. After he dips a second time, you expect him to take another bite, only to find him offering the chocolate chip goodness up to your mouth. Two eyes, blue as any winter, stare encouragingly while you sink your teeth into the cookie.
Heaven couldn’t taste any sweeter, you think, as the perfect blend of coffee stained dough and the sharpness of the dark chips flood your tastebuds.
“So messy,” Bucky tuts quietly, his right hand grabbing a steady hold of your chin while his thumb swipes away the crumbs dusting the corner of your mouth.
That thing inside of you stops again as you watch him bring his hand up to his own mouth, a pink tongue poking out to lick his thumb clean.
Arousal thrums through your blood, a pulsing rhythm that spreads straight to your clit. A squeeze of your thighs brings momentary reprieve, yet the ache fights back with renewed force, drying up your throat and knocking the sense right out of you.
Squirming where you sit, your legs switch position until one foot finds itself tucked beneath the opposite thigh, the heel of it sitting perfectly against your clothed core. You find no mercy, no chance to roll your hips forward in search of the balm only friction will bring to your burning skin. Instead there’s simply Bucky, eyes trailing down the length of you and settling on your short-clad legs. As though his behaviour is not cruel enough, he wets his bottom lip with his tongue
“You like that?” More than you’ll ever know, you almost scream until the logical side of your brain takes the wheel again and you notice him pointing down at the half-eaten cookie. Of course he’s enquiring about his baking skills, what else would this scrambled-egg-for-brains senior citizen be talking about? “Are you gonna make me wait all day for an answer?”
Something smashes behind Bucky, just in time to startle away the racy thoughts from your mind.
“My bad!” Your date — who you damn near forgot was even here — is apologising, bending at the waist and trying his best to collect the fractured pieces of a mug off the floor. “Where do you guys keep your dustpan?”
Bucky pushes away from the island counter, taking the smell of his cologne with him; if you weren’t fully back to your rational senses, you’d miss it.
“I’ll get it, Vince, you just stand there and look pretty.”
“Okay!” Lance, it seems, is just as eager to please the ex-assassin as you almost were a moment ago.
You decide you need to move, to stand up, to stretch your legs. This has nothing to do with the lingering effect of Bucky’s antics, nor the damp patch gathering against your panties.
Slipping off the kitchen stool, you work on chugging down gulps of coffee with every intention of dumping the empty mug into the sink, dashing to your bedroom, and conjuring up the best plan you can come up with to get not only yourself, but also the trash you brought in with you last night out of the apartment and away from an infuriating roommate.
Something on the floor derails you, however, dragging you away from the path to sanctuary. The tiniest red petal, lonesome and neglected upon the cold tile. Three steps over, and there’s another petal. One step until the next petal. You follow the breadcrumb trail all the way over to the garbage can where, with one gentle push of a button, the lid opens up to reveal the unexpected, thrown away like a dirty secret.
A crumpled bouquet of roses.
Everywhere you turn, there’s tension.
In your neck, from sleeping at an unfavourable angle. Within your stomach, where a queasy feeling keeps threatening to spew your guts out onto the bathroom floor. Between you and Bucky, a foreign energy that’s grown over the course of this last week, during which you’ve been avoiding eye contact and his stare is full of accusation.
Retracing your steps, they take you back to the moment Lance left the apartment and you found yourself drowning in Bucky’s company for the first time in weeks. He was barely half-way through poking fun at the choices you made in his absence — most of his focus being on the blubbering fool you brought into your bed — when your patience ran thin and snapped.
Now here you are, bearing the consequence of your own short temper, wiping lipstick off your teeth whilst mentally preparing yourself to go on a second date, planned sheerly out of spite and the need to prove a point.
Poor Lance is none the wiser to his role as pawn in your game of ‘Screw You, Barnes!’.
“Everything okay in there?” Think of the devil and he shall knock on the bathroom door, apparently. “Thought you had your big date at seven.”
The gymnast’s text thread stares back at you, a wall of grey bubbles. You have to swallow down the lump in your throat to speak, “He’s not answering my calls.”
“You’ve been stood up? By that loser?” There’s every chance your storm of emotions is impeding you from thinking straight, but you swear you almost hear a hint of disbelief in Bucky’s voice. Disgust, even.
There’s no point dwelling on the thought.
After a quick wash of your hands, you pry the door open and watch as the soldier leaning against it nearly topples forward before catching himself against the frame. He’s entirely too close for comfort, close enough for you to notice the different shades of blue in his eyes.
“Maybe he broke his phone?” The lack of assurance in your voice has you cringing, the fear of being called out suddenly doubling.
Bucky scoffs, arms crossing over his chest.
“More likely he forgot to charge it.”
Is that what happened to him? Is that why he left you to dwell in the dark over his whereabouts and wellbeing, rendering the usual distraction of a night-time companion useless? Only for you to find him the following morning, right as rain and as annoying as ever, standing in the kitchen and casting judgement-filled glances at your overnight guest?
Thinking about it, about him, brings on an onslaught of anger you’re not willing to address. Not right now.
“Shut up!” It comes across as less independent girlboss and more petulant child, but you’re too busy noticing how firm his chest feels under your palms as you push past him out of the bathroom to care.
Prying open the freezer, you hear the soft click of the toilet door closing. Good, you think, he’s gone away. Out of sight, out of mind. Even if it is only for the short time it takes him to do his business.
That time ends up being even shorter than expected, for only minutes after you’ve dug your spoon into the creamy, frozen goodness of vanilla fudge, the object of both your fascination and your torture is making his way towards the kitchen.
“Didn’t I tell you to stop eating my ice cream?”
“Didn’t I tell you to move out?” Mouth full of vanilla, you shoot him a toothy grin and relish in the grimace it earns you.
Satisfaction melts away when Bucky invades your personal space, metal arm reaching over head and pulling open a cupboard.
“Don’t do that,” you swat at the vibranium bicep, a futile fight that simply makes you all too aware of how smooth it feels beneath your fingertips.
“Do what?” Brain of a caveman, Bucky continues his rustling through the cabinet behind you, features as stoic as a rock as though he’s none the wiser to how your chests brush against one another with each exhale.
“That,” another swat at his arm, though this time he yields. The space between you doesn’t grow, however. It worsens, his attention fully falling onto you now. “Reaching over me like you can’t just ask me to move.”
“Fine, if it really bothers you that much,” are the last words you hear before you’re airborne, two hands squeezing at your hips and moving you two steps over and out of the way.
The soldier doesn’t struggle, not even for a moment, the serum that’s altered his DNA leaving him primed and ready to manoeuvre the most steadfast of objects. Manhandle them, too. Pick them up, turn them over, pin them down, make them scream… Objects, of course, or those big, bad guys he and Sam are always chasing after.
The anger in you is renewed, burning brighter than a star ready to die. You shove his hands off of you and secure another step of distance between you.
“Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine today.” With the rate he’s going at, one would think the soldier makes a living out of deepening the frown on your face. “Is this princess’ first time being stood up?”
You’d slap him, right here and now, if it didn’t mean moving closer and touching his skin; the current top two of your ‘Things To Not Do’ list.
Luckily, the tub of ice cream sits just within reach and your eager fingers take grip of it, sliding it over the counter towards yourself. A mouthful of coolness precedes the burning question on your tongue, “Why didn’t you call?”
“Are you serious?” Now he’s the one scowling and taking a step closer.
“Deadly,” you dig the spoon back into the carton. “Now answer the question.”
“You’re pissy with me for not calling, meanwhile I’m the one who came home to some asshole in your bed?”
He’s moving closer. You try to step backwards.
“Yeah, well, if you’d called like you were supposed to, I wouldn’t have ended up with said asshole.”
Bucky’s eyes narrow, “Oh, so now it’s my fault that you date degenerates?”
The cackle that escapes you could break the soundbarrier.
“Wow! Everybody, give it up for another original dig at my love-life from James Buchanan Barnes!” Voice dripping with seven layers of venomous sarcasm, you give three slow claps of your hands. The cynical smile that overcomes your face feels borderline deranged, something plucked right out of a horror movie. “Okay, yeah, I date losers! Happy? Jesus Christ, Bucky, what do you expect me to do? It’s not exactly like there’s anyone else lining up to date me.”
“I am!” His voice is raised, his eyes are wide, his chest is heaving. “Maybe I’m the biggest idiot, rushing home last week to surprise you. Even brought you flowers. I just… Fuck!”
You don’t move, don’t blink, don’t breathe.
Bucky runs a hand through his hair, knuckles going white as he pulls on the tresses.
There it is again in his eyes, the accusation.
Even though he’s shaking his head, he steps closer.
The kitchen counter is right behind you, there’s nowhere for you to run.
The heels on your feet almost give out beneath you, you try to steady yourself with your hands.
Bucky has other plans and grips both your forearms.
“I am,” he repeats, softer. Slower. The icy exterior of accusation melts away to reveal vulnerability.
A hand meets your cheek and holds you like you are glass, breakable beneath his touch. Your heart’s in your throat, and there’s a current of electricity running down to your toes, and that neglected hunger in your loins creeps in again. His eyes search your face, while his thumb gently swipes over your bottom lip, prying it out an involuntary capture from your teeth.
It’s unclear who reaches for who first, whether he dips and takes possession of your mouth, or you grab him by the collar of his shirt and lay your claim over him. In a matter of seconds, a tentative press of lips against lips divulges into loss of breath, tongues in mouths, and fevered kisses.
The soldier kisses with starvation, like he has walked through the desert of loneliness and at last stumbled upon an oasis, like a bee seeking every last drop of nectar from a flower dying off with the spring, like a body clings to sleep in the throes of exhaustion. It’s a necessity, a human need, a matter of survival to keep your lips interlocked.
The hand on your face holds you steady as he tilts himself deeper into the kiss. Noses brush against the swells of cheeks, eyelids rest close, feet shuffle closer in search of eradicating the crevice of distance between you two. Metal fingers curl around the nape of your neck, a gesture you reciprocate while your spare hand lays flat-palmed against his beating chest. One of his legs winds up between yours and, as he shifts weight from one foot to another, there’s the faintest relief of friction against your cunt and a whine gets caught between your throat and Bucky’s eager mouth.
Despite how you chase his lips, he pulls back and grants you the sight of pure endearment.
“Look at you, whining already. Where’s all that fire gone?” It’s practically a whisper, spoken with fascination. “Or were you just needing Old Bucky to touch you, huh?”
Second-hand embarrassment burns the tips of your ears, while your own unspoken agreement to his question has your stomach twisting up. Survival instincts, that have never been much of a friend, scream at you to flee this feeling, to throw away Pandora’s box before you risk fully opening it and having it consume you.
Bucky intercepts your attempt to push out of his arms.
“Ah, ah, get back here. Not done kissing you,” his words divulge into a barely coherent mumble as he reconnects your lips.
Beneath the heat of his kiss, the discomfort in your chest turns to ashes. Because, while instinct tells you to run from danger, this is Bucky.
Bucky who fixes cupboard hinges, and sleeps with both eyes on the door. Bucky who carries all the shopping, and holds every door. Bucky who calls to hear your voice while he’s away endangering his life, and brings home the silliest trinkets he finds on missions. Bucky who wakes you when you miss your alarm, and knows if you’ve had a bad day simply from looking at your face.
How could you possibly be in danger when it comes to him?
While you’re overcome with epiphany, he’s taken to tracing his lips over the slope of your jaw and mouthing at the skin of your neck. It’s when he lifts you up onto the kitchen counter that your wandering mind is reeled back in, to the physical present where your legs rest on either side of the soldier and the prized possession of vanilla fudge once again sits within reaching distance.
“Are you stealing my ice cream right now?” His lips tickle your collarbone as he speaks, barely a moment after you’ve scooped the spoon into your mouth.
“I’m warm, and it's melting,” his head pops up just in time to accept the spoonful of vanilla you deliver. There’s a glow in his eyes, one that has you questioning if it's been there all along or if it's a consequence of touching your skin. “Don’t want it to go to waste.”
His mouth is on yours again, a rush of three chaste kisses seared against you before he replies, “Then let’s cool you down.”
At a teasingly slow pace, you feel his fingers tug down your dress’ straps, leaving the silky fabric to slip down your frame and pool around your hips. Under the golden hue of the kitchen lights, his gaze studies your bare skin like it's a work of art, an eighth wonder of the world, the greatest poem never written woven into it. Yet it still manages to pale against the face that overcomes him as he removes a final layer of lace.
Unlike Vince, he has no trouble removing your bra.
“So responsive,” he talks as though only his ears are meant to hear it, his vibranium palm gently taking hold of your left breast and rolling the hardening nipple between two fingers.
He’s studying your reaction, bewildered by the goosebumps spreading over your flesh.
When was the last time he truly touched another person? Weeks, months, years, decades? The thought of his hands on a faceless shape makes you sick. First with envy, and then with hypocrisy, an amalgamation of all the men you’ve taken to bed flashing before your eyes. But none of them ever touched you like you were porcelain, and none of them looked at you like you held the key to eternal pleasure. None of them were Bucky.
A chill runs down your spine and a gasp rips out your chest as Bucky swipes the spoon over your skin, leaving a trail of ice cream atop your right breast for his tongue to follow. He plants a garden of kisses along the swell of your chest before pulling away to give the left side equal treatment, another creamy river along your skin for him to clean up.
Moving at their own volition, your hips grind gently against his steady figure as Bucky coats your nipple in vanilla, moaning into your chest as he lays claim over you with his mouth. Spoiling you in his kisses, the soldier begins to yearn for friction, meeting the careful roll of your hips with his own.
Your hand finds his hair and his stare meets yours, intense and all-consuming as he releases your nipple with a scrape of his teeth. You want to soothe his kiss-swollen lips but they’re already wrapping themselves around your other breast, not even patient enough to lather you in the vanilla goodness this time.
Instead, the coldness on your skin stems from metal fingers, perched on your thigh and creeping up the length of it, inch by tormenting inch. A hesitant hand wraps around a vibranium wrist, tightening its grip before you begin guiding his touch inwards, upwards, to where you need it most. Bucky's stronger, more resistant, and holds off your interceptance, left hand continuing its intended path beneath the skirt of your dress and grabbing hold of your naked waist.
He’s everywhere, all over you. Mouthing at your chest, gripping at your hip, rutting into your pussy. The sweet drag of his bulge over your clothed core sires a wet patch against your thong and has your fingers tugging on the roots of his hair, winning you the hair-raising hum of a groan against your breast.
Desperate to feel more, you renew your efforts to lead his hand to the space between your legs and are met with a shake of his head.
“No,” he mutters, and robs you of a hand beneath your dress, using it instead to cradle your jaw while his lips skim over the shell of your ear. “Wanna feel you.”
The warmth of flesh brands your thigh, Bucky’s right arm now leading the charge beneath the silky fabric. With bated breath, you brace yourself against his strong chest and try not to squirm in anticipation of his touch. With one final squeeze at your inner thigh, the soldier’s hand engulfs your clothed cunt and his breath cracks in your ear, a strangled out, feral noise that has your toes curling.
“She’s so wet, darling,” his voice has you delirious, breathy against your ear. His fingers flex against your pussy and a moan catches in your throat. “You gonna let me touch her?”
Something about the way he’s speaking to you, the words he’s choosing, makes you want to fall apart. Your sex-life has always been liberal, you know what it is to have a man’s hands all over you, trying to take ownership of parts of you he thinks belong to him. Men who take, and take, and take, until there is nothing left of you to give, and not once do they care to win your favour, to plead for permission. But Bucky…
“Please, say I can touch her, wanna give her what she needs,” he’s pleading for it, begging for you — wrecked and desperate, breath run ragged from no more than the relief of rolling his groin against your thigh. “Promise I’ll be real sweat, make you feel good.”
Too caught up in his own head, he doesn’t notice you nodding, until you’re granting him salvation verbally, “Touch me, Bucky.”
He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t waste time on taking off your underwear, just moves it to the side and drags the tip of his fingers down the inseam of your pussy. You hear it, more than you feel it, the moment he touches your opening, a sharp inhale at your ear telling you he’s exactly where he wants to be.
As his middle finger slips in, it’s hard to tell which of you reacts louder, both a mess of guttural moans. Once it's fully sheathed within you, he curls it and presses against your soaked walls, grinning against your skin at the reaction it coaxes out of you.
“Don’t hold back,” he chastises you as you bite back another pathetic whimper, a second finger slipping into you. “Let me hear what I’m doing to you.”
He must have a magic touch, you’re sure of it. Thick fingers that fuck into you at a steady pace, curling and teasing at that world-bending spot inside you, while his thumb makes itself useful against your clit, a firm force for your bucking hips to grind up into while you chase the pleasure he’s unleashing on you. In a matter of minutes, the room is alive with your melodic moans, Bucky’s endless hums of approval, and the damn-right embarrassingly loud squelch of him fingering your drooling cunt.
You make the mistake of letting your eyes slip shut, relinquishing yourself to the way he touches you with the rough hands of a soldier yet the delicate stroke of a musician playing his favourite instrument. He must feel the shift in you, for he’s instantly prying his face away from your neck and tightening the metal grip on your jaw, fingertips digging into squished cheeks.
“Look at me,” his words are both a command and a plea. An order you follow and a prayer you answer, eyelashes fluttering open to find his face in front of your own. His lips are a hard line, his brows furrowed in disapproval, and there’s a vein threatening to split down the middle of his forehead, but his eyes. His eyes are affection incarnate, two pools of lust and worship that pose no threat of drowning. “Do you want to cum?”
Never has a more needless question been asked.
You nod into the force of his vibranium hand, but that’s not what he wants, frown deepening.
“Say it,” needy, helpless, spoken like he’s the one on the brink of ecstasy. “Please.”
“Bucky,” it feels good to say his name like this, brain melting into mush and heart racing in your chest. “I want you to let me cum.”
“Let you?” He’s offended by the word, fingers burying impossibly deeper inside of you while he continues to stare you down. “I beg of you.”
No warning precedes the coil in you snapping. The muscles in your core tense, your back arches into his broad figure, your pussy squeezes at Bucky’s fingers with a death grip. He guides you through it, ignoring the cramp in his wrist in favour of continuing to fuck his hand into you, a smile finally cracking over his face as he watches you fall apart atop the counter, nothing but Bucky, Bucky, Bucky surrounding you.
He tries to give you reprieve, a moment to breathe and savour the buzz in your veins, the hand around your jaw shifting to stroke at your cheek while the hand between your legs soothes you with featherlight touches.
You don’t let him, hand pawing down his torso and gripping at the belt of his jeans, delighting in the familiar clang of a buckle being undone, nimble digits that tear leather out its loop and tug down his zipper. Bucky’s bringing his lips back against yours just as you palm at his bulge, his tongue licking into your mouth when you finally release him from the confines of his boxers.
Fingers coated in your own slick grip at your thigh while the soldier makes it his mission to steal your breath, rendering you blind to the sight of his cock. But you can feel it. The weight of it in your hand, the burn of want ingrained in his skin. The width of it, and the length of it, and the perfectly mushroomed tip that has him keening into your touch as your pointer finger drags over the head.
“Is this what I do to you?” Still lost in the maze of your orgasm, you manage to gain back crumbs of your usual confidence watching Bucky fall mute. When he merely nods, you play him at his own game, fingers back in his hair and forcing him to look you in the eye. “Say it.”
He doesn’t.
He says something much better.
“D’you even realise how many nights I’ve laid on that fucking couch, hard as a rock and willing you to come out your room?”
“That’s your generation's problem, you know?” You whisper teasingly, incapable of fighting off your own laughter. “You swear more than you breathe.”
“C’mere,” he’s rolling his eyes and pulling you in, kissing you like it’s been a milenia and not a minute, hand nudging yours out the way to take a hold of himself.
Your teeth graze over his tongue as he drags the head of his cock through your folds, and he groans into your mouth before pulling back. Resting his forehead against yours, he’s teasing you both as his tip brushes over your hole before continuing its rutt up, bumping against your sensitive clit.
A wicked voice takes control of your mouth.
“Lance would have fucked me by now.”
“Vince would have cum by now, too,” he’s still rocking his hips, no sense of urgency behind the way he soaks himself in you.
Meanwhile, you’re a handful of seconds away from screaming at him to just stick it in already.
“You- Oh!” Prayers answered, hallelujah, his cock finally sinks into you. It’s a shallow thrust, barely more than the tip before he’s retreating, yet it's enough to mess with your head. “You heard us?”
“Unfortunately,” and he means it, the most subtle of pouts forming on his lips before he feeds himself a little deeper into your pussy. “I’m not great when it comes to timing.”
“I only slept with Lance because you-” Right on cue, he fucks into you even deeper and your words dissappear before they can reach your tongue.
“New rule,” a hand rests on your knee and encourages you to spread your legs wider. “No speaking another man’s name when you’re in bed with me.”
“Technically, this is the kitchen counter-” The bastard does it again, cuts you off with his dick — if it didn’t feel so damn good, you’d slap him.
He’s bottomed out at last, buried himself fully in your cunt. Hands snake around your waist, one palm flattening against your lower back while the other rests a little further up and guides your spine to arch into him, closer, like there’s anymore space left between you to devour.
His pace is still slow, teasing. A toe-curling drag of his cock out of you, letting you feel every ridge and vein before his hips promptly snap back into you and send your eyes rolling back, your head falling back — and smacking loudly against the cupboard door behind you.
Bucky freezes, one hand quick to cradle the back of your skull while his eyes scan over you.
“Jesus, doll, you okay?”
“Please don’t stop,” you plead, ridiculously unfazed by the faint ache when you’ve got him inside of you.
Even though he rolls his eyes, he complies.
“Might have just given you a concussion and all you care about is getting fucked?” He asks, like you could possibly care about anything else when his arms are hooking themselves under your knees and rucking you up off the counter, away from any rogue cupboard that means you harm.
If anything, you’ll gladly shoulder the burden of any possible injury, if it means being granted the sight of his biceps tensing as he effortlessly stands there and fucks you down onto him. Were you in any sane state of mind, you wouldn’t think it, but god bless that super soldier serum.
“You can give me a cockcussion for all I care,” head perched on his shoulder, you watch your nails sink into the fabric of his shirt and wish it would disappear and gift you the naked view of his back.
“Adding that to the list,” he whispers against your forehead, pressing a kiss against it.
Legs bent at the knee, you watch how, with one particularly deep thrust, they bounce at either side of him and one of your heels clatters to the floor.
The room pivots as Bucky turns, you still in his arms and your ankles locked behind his back. At first, you believe he’s aiming to move things into the bedroom, where the only thing your head will be hitting is the mattress when he lays you down. He proves you wrong, however, the cold press of marble against you once more as he settles you down onto the kitchen island.
Much to your chagrin, he slips out of you, cock now sitting pretty against his clothed abdomen and glistening with the sheen of your essence. In the blink of an eye, the soldier is sinking to his knees, metal finger reaching back for your fallen shoe.
The scene plays out like something stripped right out of a morally dubious, low quality pornography retelling of Cinderella, in which Prince Charming has his dick out, Cinderella’s gown is half-way off, and the infamous glass slipper is just a pair of heels you bought on sale.
Bucky is delicate and slow, mouth tickling at your inner knee as he secures the shoe in place. He rests back on his haunches and fully takes in the sight of you, perched upon the counter, hands splayed out on marble, a tangle of silk around your waist, lips parted in search of steady breathing.
There’s an intensity to his gaze, burrowing itself beneath your skin and becoming part of your bloodstream, spreading throughout your body. It makes you want to hide, flee like you do best, but Bucky has other plans.
“The shoes stay on, but this,” Bucky’s fingertips tug lightly on the hem of your dress, exposing a sliver of new skin. “I need this gone. Am I allowed to take it off?”
There he goes again, face the model of innocence while he asks for permission to your body. If you weren’t already dripping against your panties, you would be now. Luckily, he doesn’t push you to verbalise your agreement this time, more than eager to comply the moment you nod your head.
You wiggle your hips as he pulls the fabric out from beneath you, his grip snagging on the waistband of your thong and dragging it away alongside the dress. When your ass cheeks press back down onto the cool of the counter, reality hits you like a freight-train: you’re completely nude, with Bucky on his knees before you, in the middle of the kitchen.
“Buck,” the y of his nickname disappears as you feel him peppering kisses of your leg, inching that little bit higher each press of his mouth. Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to remember where your rational thoughts are stored, conjuring up images of friends, of Sam sitting at this very surface. “I don’t think we should… I mean, people eat off this counter!”
“Don’t worry,” reaching the threshold of your thigh, his kisses seem to speed up, that sauve and composed exterior chipping away to reveal a man who no longer wants to take his time with you. “I intend to eat.”
No sooner than the words reach your ears, Bucky swipes his tongue up your pussy and any fight left in you melts away as you turn to putty beneath his touch, soft and malleable, willing to sit there and take whatever he wants to give.
Give, he most certainly does. Lips latch onto your clit, hands hold your squirming hips in place, tongue dances over your most delicate areas before dipping into your entrance. He drinks from you like you’re the sweetest honey, the richest of red wines, the Holy Grail promising an eternal youth to a man whose time was stolen from him.
“You should see her, doll,” there’s a rasp in Bucky’s voice, a feral undertone to the growl that rests in the back of his throat. One hand tugs his shirt off while the other snakes between your legs, two fingers spreading your lips open in an obscene gesture that has you clamping down on your bottom lip. “She’s drooling for me, all pretty and wet.”
Dropping both your legs over his shoulders, he tugs you right to the edge of the counter and dives back in. You feel his nose bump against your clit and your hand grabs onto your thigh, nails piercing into flesh as your mouth sings a whined symphony.
Vibranium curls around your wrist, prying harm away from your own skin and silently imploring you to hurt him instead, nestling your fingers back into his hair. He’s renewing his effort, a touch that’s more determined than ever to make you fall apart, on his knees and worshipping the altar of your body — fealty and devotion seared into each lap of his tongue, each brush of his lips, each stroke of his fingers.
Who are you to reject his piety? You welcome it, with closed fist and glassy eyes. The soldier shudders — a full-body shiver that shakes down his spine — as the point of your heel digs into his back and your fingers squeeze at his scalp, no mercy shown as you lose yourself in the throes of lust.
When you cum, a silent scream rips through your chest and a burning-too-bright white light turns you blind. He doesn’t let up, tongue still buried in your convulsing walls as your thighs clamp around his head and your feet kick at his back, shoes flying elsewhere into the kitchen. He pays none of it any mind, content to prolong your orgasm for as long as you’ll allow him, slowly rising off his knees with two hands pinning you back against the counter while he continues to feast on your pleasure.
“Ja-mes,” a fractured call of his name is all it takes for him to stop, pupils more black than blue as they stare down at the picture you paint atop the counter: teary-eyes, swollen lips, heaving chest.
He’s hardly the image of composure either, red lines along the expanse of his back, hair a tousled mess, the scruff on his face covered in a sheen of your juices. And, yet, never have you wanted to kiss him so bad.
All you manage, after minutes of floating atop the cloud of your peak, is a cheeky grin and a comment that makes him roll his eyes: “For a fossil, you’re pretty kinky.”
“War camps aren’t exactly known for being fun,” as he speaks, he slowly lowers your legs off his shoulder. “You find ways to keep yourself entertained.”
“Bet you were quite the pleaser, huh?” Trying your best to play it cool, you lay your head fully back on the counter and stare up at the ceiling, praying he doesn’t notice the hypocritical pit forming in your stomach as you listen to your own words. “Probably had all the prettiest nurses fighting over who gets to tend to your poor, aching, throbbing co-”
“Jealousy looks cute on you,” he interrupts, amused, as his hands soothe over your hips.
“I’m not jealous!” You exclaim, barely believing yourself.
One hand reaching out for him, you watch your fingers intertwine with the prosthetic digits and let him tug you back up, chest to chest when his hand finds your cheek.
“I was,” his confession is crooned whilst staring right into your eyes, the tiniest up-turn to his mouth. “Everytime you walked out the door to go date a new loser.”
“Who knew,” your voice is as gentle as his own, nonchalant as a finger dances down the well-defined muscles of his abdomen and elicits a groan out of him. “All along I had my own loser at home.”
Bucky opts for silence as your hand reaches his groin and pays no mind to his cock, red-tipped and leaking, flushed against his stomach. You’re more interested in his jeans — in removing them, to be exact. It doesn’t take much, a sharp tug at the hem before they’re slipping off, meeting restraint as they cling to his muscled thighs and implore him to finish the job on your behalf, shucking them off blindly to where the rest of your clothes lie.
You must have saved a village in a past life to be rewarded with the view of a completely nude Bucky Barnes, skin stained by lust and laced with gold beneath the kitchen light. You must have saved the rest of the world, too, to watch how his eyes roll back and his mouth falls slack when you take his length in hand and give one slow pump of your wrist, releasing it just to watch it slap back against his abdomen.
As you reach for his dick again, his hand secures itself around your own and guides it up and down the length of it. Once, twice, thrice, till he’s breathing heavily and dripping in pre-cum.
“You must be close,” a statement you make with his own bodily reaction as evidence to back it up, yet there’s still room for doubt — to what extent does that soldier serum interfere with him?
“Put me back down on my knees and I’ll cum to the taste of you,” the soldier certainly makes a tempting offer, one that it almost pains you to refuse.
Almost, if you hadn’t already felt the sweet stretch of him inside you.
“Pretty sure putting you back down on your knees might be considered elder abuse, ole buddy.”
“My age may be a hundred and six but-”
“Exactly my point.”
“But my body isn’t,” he’s using that stare of his, the one Sam always warns you about, while you’re full-on cheesing, a rush of adrenaline shooting through your veins as you wind him up.
“Remind me, who threw their back out a few weeks ago pulling a tray of muffins out the oven?”
His flesh hand grips behind one of your knees and tugs you right to the edge of the counter, while his left one, still clasped over your own, drags his tip over your folds.
“I don’t remember hearing you complain when you drunkenly ate half the tray and then threw up over the rest,” admittedly, not one of your proudest moments.
“Shut up and fuck me, Barnes.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Just like that, you’re drowning in him again, gasping for breath as you lose yourself in a flood of lust. Bottomed out, stuffing you full, Bucky barely graces your pussy with the chance to adjust to his stretch once more before he’s moving, the sweet graze of every inch being dragged along your sensitive walls.
Your nerves are still reeling from his mouth, a quiet hum of electric pleasure reawakened by his throbbing cock and his vulgar mouth.
“She fits me like a fucking glove,” his hands are pawing at your waist, your breast, your face, never in one place for too long as he begins to settle into a rhythm of thrusts. “Doing so good for me, darling.”
The softness put into his term of endearment births an ache in your chest, one that will accept no medicine other than your arms around his neck and his lips on yours. Mouths tangled in kisses and sweat dripping down your skin, Bucky halts — your hips pressed together, the swell of his balls resting right against your swollen cunt, the head of his cock resting right against your sweet spot — and grinds.
Slow, deliberate, delicious. You whine into his mouth and feel how he swallows it, feasts on your ecstasy with a willing tongue, and a smiling mouth, and possessive teeth that tug at your lip as he pulls back. He stretches out the feeling, grinding a second time as your noses bump against one another.
“Bucky,” his name is an anchor, a paperweight, something to ground you amidst the floaty feeling of being two orgasms deep with a third approaching any time now.
“I know,” he says, and you believe him. Believe that he knows, that he’s known, that he always knows when it comes to you.
You lay your head to rest upon on his left shoulder when he returns to chasing a high between your thighs, a renewed vigor behind each thrust that has your hips rolling to meet his and your nails raking over the straining muscles of his back.
“I lied,” an unprompted confession stumbles out his mouth, fingers flexing into their grip on your waist. “About the apartment viewing. I didn’t go.”
“Bucky,” is all you can manage, branded into his skin with a kiss along his neck.
“Is that all you can say? Huh?” His voice carries a teasing lilt, paired to perfection with the pad of his thumb rubbing at your clit. “I’m giving pivotal revelations here, and you’re just gonna reply with that?”
Another echo of his name, walls fluttering around his dick.
“Bucky, Bucky,” he’s mocking you, a torturer’s laugh as he moans his name into your ear. “Keep going, you sound so pathetic it’s almost cute.”
Beyond words and beyond sense, you give in to the weight of his palm splaying against your stomach and guiding your back down onto the island. The soldier hooks your legs over his elbows, deepening the angle that his cock fucks into you, and you swear you see stars dance along the kitchen ceiling.
A hand smooths over your gut and you look back at Bucky to find adoration in his eyes.
“You see that?” You almost want to cry when his movement switches back to a slow drag — innnnn and outtttt — until you notice it: the smallest hint of movement beneath your flesh, a subtle visual of the outline of his tip bulging against your skin from inside you. “See how full she is, how good I’m making her feel?”
Pressing your hand against it, you can’t help but giggle as you feel him poke at your palm, only to fall back into a puddle of incoherent noises when he keeps pushing at that sweet spot, over and over. Harder and faster with each draw back of his hips, you feel rivulets of your own arousal roll down your ass and onto the marble, tainting the counter forevermore in the sins the soldier commits against you, the sins you welcome with open legs.
You’re near the edge again, and he feels it, pushing you closer and closer as he slowly spirals into a mess of phrases that barely begin before he’s cutting them off with something new.
“Don’t deserve this-” He catches himself, rips the insecurity in his voice out by the roots. “C’mon, let me see it one more time. Need to see you fall apart.”
“Want you to fall apart too,” you manage to beg, unwilling to watch him hold back or pull out before he finishes. “Please!”
Like any good soldier, he obeys.
Crashing over you like a wave, he’s doubled-over by the waist and sandwiching you between the counter and him. You feel him spill into you, hot ropes of cum painting your walls white as a third crescendo washes over your body.
Both of you seek out the other as his thrusts grow languid and your walls spasm, milking him for every last drop he’s got. When your mouths meet, it’s less of a kiss and more of you simply breathing into the other, exchanging air and body heat.
“So,” you croak eventually, exhausted and spent atop the counter yet completely unwilling to relinquish him from blanketing you. “Are you gonna do that every time I steal your ice cream?
Somewhere between jello-ed legs and cold compresses, you wind up in bed.
Skin clammy, lips swollen, lust satiated, you practically melt into the buttery softness of your bed sheets as Bucky lays you down. Despite how you’re still basking in the glow of your third and final orgasm, the soldier seems to think, for a second, you can handle another.
With gentle hands prying open your thighs and a curious tongue diving in for a second helping, licking up the dribble of his own cum spilling out your hole, he’s quick to be corrected when you roll away from his touch with a whine and a plea, “think I might actually die if you make me cum again, Buck.”
He’s unbothered by the rejection, wholly embracing it as he curls up behind you and snakes his arms over your naked skin. It’s you who drags the sheet up and over you both, turning in his arms to plant your head on his chest. His heart races beneath it, but you hold off on teasing — your own isn't any better.
“Sam’s going to kill me,” you whisper out into the room, when moonlight is peeking through your curtains and both of your heartbeats have calmed down.
“I’m sorry,” you feel him shift beneath your head and, though you can’t fully see him, you feel that blue gaze land on you. “Have I not made it clear enough what name you should be saying in bed?”
“There’s a serious chance I’ll die and you’re thinking with your dick,” he squirms as you pinch at his nipple. “You’re no better than the men on your list, Barnes.”
Silence floats back in between you for a moment, peaceful as the slow stroke of his fingers dancing up your spine.
“Why would Sam kill you?” He pauses, hand pressing a little harder down against a knot in your shoulder. “He knows you have a crazy guard dog.”
Your crazy guard dog just pressed a kiss against your forehead, how frightening.
“He made me swear I wouldn’t get involved with you. He said you weren’t in the headspace for a relationship, that you needed to focus on inner peace first.”
“Turns out inner peace is being inside of you,” you pinch at his nipple again. This time, he doesn’t run from it. This time, you almost swear you hear a little moan creep up his throat. “So, Wilson’s to blame? I can get behind that.”
“To blame for what?”
His hand’s now running up and down the back of your arm, leaving goosebumps wherever its tender touch goes.
“Why it took you so long to jump my bones.”
“You think I jumped your-” Your head rises off his chest and you stare into the navy darkness of the room, trying to make a concrete shape out where you see shadows of his face. “Wait, so these past few weeks, I’ve not been hallucinating? You’ve been… flirting?”
“It’s been more than a couple weeks, sweetheart,” Bucky seems to have no problem finding you in the dark, hand cupping your cheek and dragging you up to press a chaste kiss against your mouth. “You don’t seriously think I waited until morning to check that sink without hoping to be caught, do you?”
“So you were slutting yourself out on the kitchen floor!”
“Think the kitchen’s seen worse,” worse might be the understatement of the century.
Clothes still lay discarded, counters unwiped, ice cream completely melted. Cleaning you up had been the soldier’s only priority, and you weren’t in the mood or the mindstate to argue with him on that.
A fingertip tickles down the slope of your nose.
“Stop fighting it, you’re tired,” you hear him whisper.
“I want to hear more about your desperate efforts to get my attention,” it’s nothing but a weak protest.
“We have all the time in the world for that. Sleep,” you don’t hesitate to comply when Bucky’s hand presses you back down against the warmth of his chest. “You’re going to need it. Our upstairs neighbours still need a taste of their own medicine.”
+ extra hyde !
· 70% of this fic is just dialogue, these two losers would not stfu!
· writing banter + sexual tension feels more exposing than writing literal porn.
· lore accurate photo of me whenever bucky barnes exists:
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