Ryan Stories

[start monologue]

          Alright, so I’ve come here with a proposal to all wrong-doers and/or photographers. Stop pouring the milk before the cereal. Stop putting cereal in glue. That’s disgusting. I had to sit next to one of those people today, in my very own house. Let me tell you a story about that very culprit: my sister. I’m sitting here, right, just enjoying some good ol’ Saturday cartoons when she plops down in the chair beside me. My eyes shifted immediately toward that empty bowl. Before I knew it, the milk went right in. It was like a slow-motion scene from a movie. The Matrix was in my kitchen!           That’s not the end of it. There are more enemies on the horizon. Photographers who put cereal into glue. I understand you want a good glory shot, but that’s food. It’s like looking at a good thing, but then it turns out to be a bad thing. Almost like Reese’s Pieces and M&Ms on a table, but you discover that what’s in the bowl is actually Skittles. What kind of disappointing creature does that?

In the end, don’t do these things.

[end monologue]

----Disclaimer: Even if you do these things, I still accept you as a person. I had the chance to read this aloud in front of my class and later learned that one of my friends actually does pour the milk before the cereal. I still accept her. Sorry if this writing sounds harsh. Also, about the photographer thing, I understand you’re just doing your job. I know I don’t agree, but do whatever’s best for those photos (as long as it’s safe. Is glue safe to eat?? Just kidding. I know you wouldn’t eat it... At least.. I hope.)

~I just chose this topic because I only had 20 minutes to write a monologue in class. So I just basically wrote anything “pet peeve” that came to mind. Plus, when I read this to the class, I made almost everyone laugh and that made my day.

Answers to questions??:

The thing about cereal and glue: some photographers put cereal into glue for a good shot because if they used milk, the cereal would sink.

Then there’s the milk before the cereal thing: I just find it kinda funny when I see those Tumblr posts about pouring the milk before the cereal and acting like they hate everything about it. My mind takes it in as a meme for some reason. It’s just funny to me. Sorry.

         Often without notice as we sleep, the clock continues, but this night someone's awake. Kristal sits at a 90 degree angle on her bed as she listens to some of her favorite music. She does this most nights. Eventually turning her head to look at the glowing numbers, reads "2:00". Of course, it's the morning. Just another sleepless night.

         A noise comes from behind the door leading to the hallway. She knows it's probably one of her "friends" acting up like they always do. She still has no idea why she allowed Theo and Brandon into her house for a few weeks. They're at a low point of their life right now and need major help. Nobody knows what happened between Theo and Thaddeus, only the two know themselves, and their pets, Darwin and Panero, might have a slight idea.

         Now that the noises have gotten louder, it's brought her out of her thoughts. She's had just about enough of their shenanigans. As she gets up, the creaking of the bed is simultaneously followed with the sound of her feet beginning to step on the carpet.

         Opening the door, she sees Theo's pet called Panero, a two month old organism. Kristal had heard the history of how this little creature got his name. Theo had been eating Panera bread and was naming things "ironically" as a always does.

         Panero's bioengineered species hardly ever sleeps, so he's usually waiting nearby Kristal's door. He probably missed Darwin. Luckily they will see each other in a few days or hopefully less.

         Despite this small, cute distraction, Kristal continues down the hall. The light shining through the cracked-open bathroom door could be a huge hint to where one of the guests are hiding out at the minute.

         Giving 3 knocks on the door, she hears a reply. "WhAAT??!" she hears Theo yell on the other side. There was snoring to be heard too. Brandon must've gotten caught up in Theo's shenanigans again.

         "What are you doing in there?" Kristal asked in an irritated voice. She honestly was not in the mood for what she was about to see probably. She hadn't been in the mood the last 3 times either.

         "Just swimming," Theo says calmly. Just a little too calm.

         Peering through the crack of the door a little bit, Kristal sees something red smeared on the bathroom counter. Panicking, she swings the door open to see uncountable empty ketchup bottles piled up by the toilet. Turning her view toward the bathtub, she sees Theo and Brandon still fully clothed as they sat in a pool of ketchup.

         Brandon was passed out, leaning his head against the wall, looking sound asleep as ever. Theo just sat and stared at Kristal as he licked ketchup of his hand very slowly. As for Kristal, she stayed quiet and walked out, closing the door behind her.

         Tiny whining noises came from around her feet. There sat Panero. He likes to be held every now and then so that's probably what he's crying out about so Kristal decided to pick him up and carry him to her room.

         On the way to her room, she realized that Panero is getting heavy and chubby. At the end of each month, his species gets chubby, storing matter for the next time they fall asleep so they can grow rapidly.

[not my edit. i just randomly found it on google images and used it for my journalism assignment. images were needed. credit for the edit: xxx]

Nanalan (the Canadian puppet) has been confirmed for the next Star Wars movie called “Return Of The Peepo”. The purpose of this movie is an experiment to see how far the characters are able to get into the story as Nanalan has replaced a crucial character.

           The young actor, Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen, has been cast as the new Luke Skywalker because he shares a lot of similarities in looks with the original Luke. In order for him to be in this movie, he had to be separated from his “number one” hat, this leading him to separation anxiety issues. So far, it hasn’t been going so well. He damaged one of the props last week.

           Richard Marquand (director of “Return Of The Jedi” and “Return Of The Peepo”) agrees that this might’ve been a mistake. “Yoda shouldn’t have been replaced by this abomination!” Richard shouts. “Get out of my office!” he concludes. As we exited the room, he slammed to door shut and cried profusely. Yes, we could hear him sobbing through that thick door of his.

           We talked to Harrison Ford (original actor of Han Solo). Out of all the mass chaos going on throughout the fandom, Harrison is extremely glad that he isn’t a part of the “Return Of The Peepo” cast. “I was born at the right time and the right place. I feel like time and space helped me dodge a bullet,” he admits.

           At the end of the day, we all know that this movie is a really good example that the human race might’ve been a complete mistake. Like they say, “What are birds? We just don’t know.” Well, I say that birds are much better than our species. Look at them with their luxury of being able to fly and having no taxes.

    “Anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough.” Here, we see a wild Deadpool in his natural habitat. Peter’s eye-twitch pretty much explains everything that’s going through his head right now.

    “I mean, I guess, but~” Parker says, but is abruptly interrupted by Wade once again.

    “One of these days, I’m gonna use this Spider-Man toy as a dildo and get it stuck up my anus. That’s where you come in. You’re gonna drive me to the hospital and I’m gonna explain to the doctor what just happened. No guarantees that it’ll all be true, though.” Wade finally dragged the toy out of his ass and tossed it at Peter. “Alright, it’s your turn.”

    “I am not shoving this up my gluteus maximus.” Peter’s just not having it today.... or any other day. He still hasn’t completely adapted to living with Wade, but he’s trying... to survive.