darkness settles in.

A  collection  of  angst  prompts  that  delve  into  the  struggles  of  soldiers  facing  PTSD,  survivor’s  guilt,  and  the  lingering  scars  of  war.  Themes  of  mental  health,  trauma,  substance  abuse,  suicidal  ideation,  hypervigilance,  combat,  loss,  identity,  and  alienation.  Feel  free  to  add  your  own  edits  as  wanted  or  needed.

" I  keep  his  picture  in  my  wallet,  like  it’s  gonna  bring  him  back. "

" We  were  all  just  kids  playing  soldier,  and  now  we’re  men  with  scars. "

" They  trained  me  to  fight  wars,  but  no  one  trained  me  to  live  after. "

" I'm  not  a  fuckin'  hero...I'm  just  a  guy  who  got  out  alive. "

" Doc  can  take his  fuckin'  PTSD  diagnosis and  shove  it  up  his  ass.  It’s  just  me  trying  to  remember  how  to  survive  in  this  goddamn  world. "

" We  joked  about  not  making  it,  but  it  was  just  that...a  joke.  Until  it  wasn’t."

" You  ever  wake  up  and  think,  'Fuck,  why  didn’t  that  last  bullet  hit  me  instead?'  'Cause  I  sure  do.  Every  single  night. "

" They  called  it  collateral  damage.  Like  it  wasn’t  somebody’s  damn  family! "

" Every  time  I  close  my  eyes,  I  see  his  face.  I  can’t  keep  doing  this. "

" I  miss  home,  but  y'know  what?  Can’t  even  remember  what  home  feels  like  anymore. "

" The  worst  part  isn’t  what  we  did;  it’s  how  normal  this  shit  is  starting  to  feel. "

" Don’t  fuckin'  tell  me  to  ‘man  up.’  You  weren’t  there!  You  didn't  see  what  I  did! "

" Sometimes  I  wonder  if  it  would’ve  been  better  if  I  hadn’t  made  it  back. "

" They  said  we’re  heroes,  but  I  don’t  feel  like  one.  Heroes  don’t  do  what  we’ve  done. "

" There's  nothing  wrong  with  me.  I'm  fine,  I  don't  need  help. "

" Even  back  in  society,  when  I  look  in  the  mirror,  I  still  see  myself  in  uniform;  covered  in  sweat,  dirt,  blood,  gunpower.  I  don't  think  I  ever  truly  came  back  home. "

" Goddamn  it,  I  told  you  to  keep  your  fuckin'  head  down!  The  hell  were  you  thinkin'!? "

" You  can’t  fix  me,  so  stop  fuckin'  trying  to. "

" If  I  have  to  fold  one  more  goddamn  flag  for  a  funeral,  I’m  gonna  lose  it."

" We  didn’t  join  up  to  be  heroes.  We  just  didn’t  know  what  the  fuck  else  to  do. "

" Fuck.  I  shouldn’t  have  told  him  it  was  clear.  It  wasn’t  clear. "

" They  keep  saying  it  wasn’t  our  fault,  but  it  sure  as  hell  feels  like  it. "

" Sometimes  I  forget  why  we  were  even  there  in  the  first  place. "

" I’m  tired  of  waking  up  every  day  wishing  I  hadn’t. "

" We’re  not  soldiers  anymore.  Now  we’re  just  survivors. "

" I  don’t  pray  anymore.  Not  after  everything  we  saw.  God  can't  save  me  from  that  shit. "

" You  can’t  just  ‘leave  it  behind.’  It  follows  you.  Every  damn  step  of  the  way.  It  just—it  just  never  fuckin'  stops. "

" I  don’t  even  know  what  normal  feels  like  anymore,  man. "

" He  didn’t  even  scream.  Just…  lights  out,  done.  Like  that. "

" No  amount  of  patches  and  medals  will  bring  back  what  I  lost  over  there."

" What  the  fuck  was  it  all  for? "

" I  see  that  goddamned  convoy  goin'  up  in  flames  every  time  I  close  my  eyes. "

" The  meds  don’t  do  shit  except  make  me  feel  like  a  zombie. "

" We  laugh,  we  joke,  but  deep  down  we’re  all  just  broken  toys. "

" Every  time  I  hear  a  car  backfire,  I’m  diving  for  cover  like  a  goddamned  idiot. "

" They  gave  me  a  medal but not  a  reason  to  fucking  live."

" Do  you  remember  his  face?  His  fuckin'  face  when  he  realized  he  wasn’t  gonna  make  it? "

" I  can't  walk  into  a  crowded  room  without  sizin'  up  exits  like  I'm  still  in  enemy  territory. "

" We  all  came  home  in  pieces.  Some  of  us  just  hid  it  better  than  others. "

" Don’t  fuckin'  touch  me.  You  don't  know  what  hands  can  do  when  they’re  scared. "

" The  shit  they  don’t  tell  you  about  surviving  is  how  heavy  the  guilt  feels. "

" It’s  just  a  patch  of  dirt  to  everyone  else,  but  to  me,  it’s  where  I  buried  my  best  friend. "

" Stop  asking  me  to  talk  about  it.  Talking  doesn’t  fix  what’s  broken. "

" One  more  person  says,  'Thank  you  for  your  service,'  I'm gonna lose  it. "

" They  say  it  gets  easier,  but  all  I’ve  done  is  get  better  at  pretending. "

" I  don’t  miss  the  war,  but  I  miss  the  people  I  fought  it  with. "

" I  feel  like  I’m  on  patrol  even  in  the  grocery  store,  scanning  for  threats. "

" You  know  what  the  hardest  part  is?  Knowing  they  died  for  nothing. "

" They  say  ‘thank  you  for  your  service,’  and  I  just  want  to  scream. "

" Sometimes,  I  wish  I’d  stayed  in.  At  least  I  knew  who  I  was  then. "

" You  don't  get  to  tell  me  what  I  saw  out  there,  alright?  You  weren’t  the  one  dragging  what  was  left  of  him  back  to  base! "

" Another  goddamn  name  on  the  memorial  wall,  yeah,  that’s  what  this  mission  fuckin'  accomplished! "

" Don't  give  me  that  'chain  of  command'  bullshit.  You  knew  it  was  a  suicide  run,  and  you  sent  us  anyway! "

" Get  your  hands  off  me!  I  said  I’m  fine,  stop  treating  me  like  I’m  fuckin'  broken! "

" You  wanna  keep  yelling,  or  are  you  finally  gonna  admit  you  fucked  up  back  there? "

" We’re  soldiers,  not  fuckin'  machines.  How  the  hell  do  you  not  understand  that  after  all  these  years? "

" I  can  still  hear  their  screams.  Every  goddamn  night.  Do  you  think  I  sleep  like  this  because  I  want  to? "

" Stop  telling  me  to  'let  it  go!'  You  didn’t  watch  him  bleed  out  while  begging  for  his  mother! "

" I  lost  another  one  today,  and  all  you  can  say  is  ‘it  happens’?  Fuck  you! "

" What  do  you  want  me  to  say?  That  I  don’t  miss  them?  That  I  don’t  hate  myself  for  living? "

" You  keep  saying  ‘it’s  over,’  but  it’s  not  over  when  it’s  in  my  fuckin'  head  24/7! "

" It  wasn’t  heroism,  alright?  I  didn’t  want  to  die.  I  didn’t  want  to  live.  I  just  wanted  it  to  fuckin'  end. "

" You  think  I  signed  up  for  this  shit?  No  one  signs  up  for  nightmares  that  won’t  go  away! "

" I  froze  out  there.  I  just…  froze.  And  now  he’s  gone  because  I  couldn’t  move. "

" You  call  it  a  mission.  I  call  it  a  slaughter.  Tell  me  where  the  hell  the  difference  is. "

" Don’t  you  dare  say  it’s  ‘just  part  of  the  job.’  That  was  someone’s  fuckin'  life! "

" You  really  think  any  of  this  ‘therapy’  bullshit  will  bring  them  back?  'Cause  it  won't,  asshole! "

" You  don’t  come  back  from  war;  you  just  bring  it  home  with  you. "

"If  one  more  person  tells  me  to  ‘move  on,’  I  swear  to  God  I’m  gonna  lose  it. "

" Shut  the  fuck  up,  I  can't  handle  your  sunshine  shit  right  now. "

" You  ever  think  about  how  we’re  all  just  disposable? "

" My  hands  won’t  stop  shaking. "

" I  don’t  need  your  pity,  I  need  another  goddamn  drink. "

" It’s  not  PTSD.  It's  just  me.  I’m  fucked  up,  plain  and  simple. "

" Fuckin'  civvies  don’t  understand  a  goddamn  thing  we’ve  been  through. "

" They  want  me  to  talk  about  it,  but  how  do  you  put  hell  into  words? "

" I  hate  myself  for  making  it  back  alive. "

" Don’t  give  me  that  'brotherhood'  bullshit!  Where  was  that  when  you  let  them  ambush  us? "

" Put  the  gun  down,  man.  Please.  We’ve  lost  enough  already. "

" You’re  right;  I’m  angry.  I’m  angry  because  I’ve  had  to  bury  too  many  good  men  because  of  your  decisions. "

" Don't  act  like  you  care  now. "

" The  blood  never  washes  off,  does  it?  It  just  spreads  around  until  you’re  drowning  in  it. "

" You  call  me  weak,  but  at  least  I’m  not  afraid  to  feel  something! "

" I  told  you  not  to  bring  that  up,  so  why  the  hell  are  you  making  me  relive  it  now? "

" Stop  saying  it's  going  to  be  okay!  It's  not,  and  it  never  fuckin'  will  be. "

" I  don't  need  therapy,  I  need  a  fuckin'  drink. "

" You  see  a  fun  fireworks  display,  I  see  flares  'n  mortars  tearing  us  apart. "

" I  can't  even  look  at  my  kids  without  wondering  if  they'd  be  better  off  without  me. "

" I  used  to  takin'  long  drives  at  night,  but  now  I  can't  even  get  behind  the  wheel  without  feeling  like  we're  about  to  hit  an  IED. "

" Every  time  I  close  my  eyes,  I  see  him...my  best  friend,  blown  to  pieces. "

" Yeah,  I  take  the  pills  and  wash  'em  down  with  vodka,  what  of  it? "

" I  didn't  sign  up  for  this  life;  I  signed  up  for  a  job,  and  now  I  can't  get  out. "

" You  want  me  to  talk  about  it?  Alright,  fine.  Let's  talk  about  how  I  watched  my  buddies  burn  alive. "

" The  VA?  Yeah,  they've  got  a  line  for  everything.  Too  bad  it  never  leads  to  real  help. "

" STAY WILD MOON CHILD. "

curious eyes stare at rumlow's features as the other studies him as if he wants or expects something. there's concern written on his features. the asset's head tilts from where he is seated on the edge of the bed. he's long lost the mask. his hair has been pulled slightly back to dry leaving the back falling out of the tie near the crown of his head but his face is visible from the mess of damp hair that needed washing save a few stubborn pieces that refused to be contained. his hand is steady when reached for. faint bruises and scratches are left behind from the fight. the weapon in front of rumlow doesn't seem to notice them. or care that they are there. the serum in his veins will have them, if not completely gone, then close to it by the morning. but he had offered him to touch him. reassured him that he wouldn't break. because. that is how the other looked at him. as if he was fragile. and.. it felt strange. no one looks at him like that. no one sees him as fragile. weapons are not fragile unless they are meant to be. because that fragility is meant to be deadly.

AS SOON AS IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF THEM THE MASK OF THE HANDLER FELL. it would always fell once he had laid eyes on him , once he knew the full truth behind his story and as much as he wanted him out , he knew that he coudln‘t just grab him and leave. it had to be planned , every little step had to be thought about twice and he knew that he couldn‘t trust anyone with his plan. it was just him and as much as his heart ached for him , for now all he had were these moments , where he could let it all drop and actually show the concern and the worry he kept hidden. his hazel orbs roamed over his features , as a small smile tugged on his lips and he just shook his head. „ nothing you have to worry about , alright. i‘ll be right by your side. “ , he promised as his fingers brushed through his hair and he exhaled a deep breathe. „ for now though , we‘ll get you under the shower , alright. get you cleaned up. you want me to wash your hair or you need some time alone ? “ , he asked. he knew too much choices could make him confused , yet he didn‘t want to push himself on him.

❛  it was wrong of me to assume you're ever gonna change.  ❜ ❛  that's it? it was all just a lie?  ❜ ❛  shame on me for thinking you were a good person.  ❜ ❛  you're gonna pay for what you did to me.  ❜ ❛  you didn't hear a word of what i just said, did you?  ❜ ❛  believe me, you weren't my first choice either.  ❜ ❛  if you've got a problem with the way i handle things, just say so.  ❜ ❛  do you think we're gonna survive this?  ❜ ❛  what's your problem?!  ❜ ❛  will you please slow down a little?  ❜ ❛  i can't believe you would do something like that.  ❜ ❛  did it mean anything to you?  ❜ ❛  i'm never gonna be good enough for you.  ❜ ❛  we were just fooling ourselves this whole time.  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry, i didn't know where else to go.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to argue with you anymore.  ❜ ❛  fine. you were right, and i was wrong. happy now?  ❜ ❛  this day feels like it's never gonna end.  ❜ ❛  i didn't think you'd care so much.  ❜ ❛  this must be like the first time you were nice to me.  ❜ ❛  out of all the people here, why do i have to be stuck with you?  ❜ ❛  do you want to go on a date with me?  ❜ ❛  honestly, i don't think i wanna leave the house today.  ❜ ❛  were you ever planning on telling me about all of this?  ❜ ❛  i wish i had another choice.  ❜ ❛  don't flatter yourself, a fifth-grader could've done this as well.  ❜ ❛  you're the most insufferable person i have ever met.  ❜ ❛  here, you look like you need this more than me right now.  ❜ ❛  oh, just so you know, i don't ever lose this game.  ❜ ❛  just let me sleep for five more minutes.  ❜ ❛  alright, is there anything else we have to do before they arrive?  ❜ ❛  do you believe in ghosts?  ❜ ❛  i wish we had more time together.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to leave just yet ... you could stay the night if you wanted to.  ❜ ❛  where are you taking me?  ❜ ❛  trust me, this is the last thing i want to do.  ❜ ❛  i need more time to think about what i want.  ❜ ❛  why didn't you say anything earlier? we could've avoided this whole mess.  ❜ ❛  i don't feel so good, i think i may be getting sick.  ❜ ❛  help me! please!  ❜

what is their favorite lego set?

what do they tend to look for in thrift / antique shops?

which golden girl are they most like?

what is their favorite exhibit at an aquarium?

what does their breakfast look like?

what gaming console was the first one they ever played?

is there a small habit that they do every day?

what color was their childhood bedroom?

what is their favorite wine / liquor?

what's their guilty pleasure tv show?

have they ever gone to an estate sale? does it weird them out?

what is their favorite scent of candle?

what's their favorite board game?

what good deed have they done today?

how much water do they really drink in a day?

do they collect anything?

how do they take their coffee / tea?

do they take any medications?

how often to they fall asleep on the sofa?

what are they like when they're sick?

did they / do they still play pokemon go?

do they watch the olympics? do they prefer summer or winter?

what do they usually buy in a gift shop?

what clubs / sports were they involved in as a child / teenager?

how often do they do their laundry?

do they listen to music or watch tv more often?

how many pillows do they sleep with?

what holidays do they decorate for?

have they ever tried to write poetry?

do they keep a daily journal / planner?

what's their favorite time of day?

how often do they clean out their fridge?

what hill are they willing to die on?

do they prefer ice cream in a bowl or a cone?

what religion are they? how do they practice?

do they give money to the homeless?

what's their least favorite chore?

they can pick one skill to suddenly have, what is it?

do they watch the superbowl even if they aren't into football?

what does a typical day off work look like for them?

do they actually use their stickers or just collect them?

have they ever done volunteer work?

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

" that's a lot of blood. "

" it isn't mine. "

" what did you do ? "

[ sigh ] " what did you do ? "

" come on. have a taste. "

" holy shit, are you okay ? "

" it looks worse than it feels. "

" you should see the other guy. "

" it's a good look on you. you should get covered in blood more often. "

" lean on me. "

" oh my god. oh my god, oh my god, what the fuck ? is that what i fucking think it is ? "

" . . . gross. "

[ standing over a body ] " oops. "

" is that a fucking body ? "

" look, i'm sorry, okay ? "

" what the hell happened ? "

" before you say anything, it wasn't me. "

" at least it wasn't me this time. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you pretend it isn't. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you wish it wasn't. "

" i'm not scared of you. "

" you don't scare me. "

" shut up and let me help you. "

" i got your shirt all bloody. "

" let's get you cleaned up. "

" that looks like it hurts. "

" i'm fine, just. . . give me a minute. "

" we are so fucked. "

" what the fuck is wrong with you ? "

" are you gonna help me clean it up or not ? "

" the fucker deserved it. "

" red looks good on you. "

" what the hell did you do ; tap - dance all over the body with ice - skates ? "

" what, did you run over the body with your car a couple times after ? "

" i. . . i didn't mean to. . . "

" sorry. fuck, i'm sorry. "

" this isn't what it looks like. "

" it was an accident. "

" motherfucker ran right into my knife, i swear. "

" people need to look both ways before crossing. . . bullets. "

" would you believe me if i said wrong place, wrong time ? "

" hey, look at me. i don't care. are you okay ? "

" they deserved it, right ? please tell me they deserved it. "

" you're bleeding. "

" what the fuck happened to you ? "

" you're getting blood on the carpet. "

" sit down before you fall down. "

" that looks like a you problem. "

𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

sender spits out a mouthful of blood at receiver's feet

sender spits out a mouthful of blood on receiver

receiver finds sender covered in blood

sender tries desperately to stop receiver's bleeding

sender helps receiver clean up after a kill

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with a washcloth

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with their thumb

sender licks receiver's blood off a knife

sender licks receiver's blood off their thumb

sender lights up a cigarette a foot away from someone they killed before offering one to receiver

receiver finds sender stood over a body

sender stitches up receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender digs their finger into receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender frantically checks receiver for injuries under all the blood

sender guides receiver's bloody hands under a faucet / water source and begins washing them clean

sender bites receiver hard enough to draw blood

sender tilts receiver's head back to staunch a nosebleed

sender draws a smiley face out of the blood they spilled :)

receiver finds sender cleaning up a kill in a daze

sender looks receiver in the eye as they shoot / stab / kill someone

sender ruffles receiver's hair, getting blood all over their hand

sender gets some of receiver's blood on them and makes a face

sender flicks blood at receiver to annoy them

sender stomps in a pool of blood to splash it on receiver

sender slips in their victim's blood but receiver steadies them before they can fall

sender steadies receiver when they slip in the blood sender spilled

receiver comes home to sender covered in blood and waiting for them with all the lights off

sender spits out a tooth and it hits receiver

sender tries to wipe blood off receiver but the blood on their hands just makes it worse

sender takes an injury meant for receiver

sender shows up on receiver's doorstep covered in blood

sender sits down quietly next to receiver after receiver kills someone

sender punches receiver in the mouth

receiver watches sender lick the blood off their fingers like its cheeto dust

sender helps receiver bury a body

sender hugs receiver just to get their victim's blood all over them <3

sender hugs receiver just to get their blood all over them <3

sender leans on receiver for support

sender kills someone to protect receiver

receiver finds sender in a frenzy maiming a body after they've already killed it

sender kills someone and the blood spatters on receiver

receiver finds sender desperately trying to wash the blood off of themself

sender kisses receiver to taste the blood on their busted lip

A SOFT CHUCKLE LEAVING THE OLDER MANS LIPS AS HE FINALLY STOPPED IN HIS TRACKS , just to stand there , brow arching up and he slightly squinted his eyes at him. „ oh dear , you need to learn how to lie better , because you‘re really suck at it and you‘r pretty awful. “ , he hummed ,finally making another move so he stood in front of stiles , hazel orbs roaming over his features. „ far too nervous. far too smart for your own good , aren‘t you ? “ , brock asked and with a quick movement he pulled out the knife and pushed it inside the wall next to stiles head. „ i will tell you this just once , alright. you stay out of this business , before i KICK your ass out of it , alright kiddo ? your superheroes all got some flaws , they‘re not perfect and it‘s going down. and you with them if you keep putting your nose in it. “

„ ALWAYS UP , HUH ? “ , BROCK RESPONDED WITH A SMALL SMIRK PERKING UP ON THE CORNER of his lips and his hazel hues roamed over her for a moment , letting his stare linger on her for a moment , inspecting her hands , but he knew that she would be fine. she always came out fine or with more bruises , but he never bothered to ask where she would get them. she was a woman that could handle herself , but that didn‘t mean he wasn‘t slightly worried about her. „ body to body , huh ? i mean if you‘re up for the more adult contet , you can still come back home with me. have a drink and see. “ , he teased with a wink and a soft chuckle. his intention wasn‘t just sex or anything else. perhaps a part of him believed he could safe her from getting harmed for at least one night. that she wouldn‘t return with another bruise on her pretty face. „ i mean only if you‘re up to. i‘m not going to force you. it‘s fine if you don‘t feel like it or got better things to do. “