uh oh

boyoung swallowed hard to get past the lump that was steadily forming in her throat. it wasn’t often that she got like this -- sad, disappointed in herself, embarrassed -- but there was one thing that always managed to pull her out of it: her girls. brushing her hair out of her face, she pulled herself out of bed and trudged the short distance to the living room in search of her members. “can we go out tonight? i need a drink.” after a moment’s pause: “or four.” || @rvsunny​ @rvsookie​ @rvdoah​ @rvevie​ @rvvia​

boyoung finally laughed then, finishing the line of stitches and setting her fabric on the table next to her. “xinyi,” she began, a hand over her heart. “i absolutely adore you, too. my ride or die, number one bitch.” getting up, she crossed the room and placed herself in xinyi’s lap rather obnoxiously and clumsily. “it would be a privilege to be murdered by you.”

“how many comebacks have you had in the last five years, solhee?” she continued without waiting for an answer. “and how many times have i rolled my eyes? once. and the camera just happened to catch it. but that’s not even the fucking point.” she stepped closer to solhee and lowered her voice. “contrary to what you’ve somehow managed to make yourself believe, i don’t blame you for what happened. i knew dating was against the contract and i chose to be with you anyway. what upsets me --” she struggled, swallowing hard before continuing. “what upsets me is that i got cut and it’s like you fucking disappeared. not even a text or a goodbye. tell me, did you block my number right away or did you actually read my messages and choose to ignore them?” she held up a hand. “don’t answer that.”

boyoung grinned, reaching forward and toying with the ends of sunjoo’s hair for just a moment. she’d never been very good at recognizing whether or not people were okay with her touching them, but she figured sunjoo would let her know either way. “have you ever thought about going orange? kind of like sangsuk’s during our promotions for lion.” 

boyoung started shaking her head before solhee even finished making her point. she rolled her eyes, arms crossed over her chest in a defensive pose. the way solhee was talking to her made her feel like a small child, like she couldn’t be trusted to understand even the most basic concepts or the complexities of relationships. “try to rein in the hyperbole, solhee, it’s not cute on you.” she had no doubt in her mind solhee couldn’t give two shits less if boyoung still thought she was cute, but the dig helped her gain her footing a little more. “i was petty once. how many songs have you guys released without me making even a peep?” she quirked an eyebrow. “i honestly don’t care if all of korea thinks i’m bitter i got cut from iris. as long as they don’t know the real reason, right?”  it didn't matter to her if people knew she was queer anymore. after all, bia was the first openly bisexual idol and rejectz was still going strong.

boyoung’s hand didn’t falter for even a moment as she deftly worked on a line of backstitching for a custom piece, the corners of her mouth climbing as she fought to hold back her laughter. “it’s a really good thing everyone knows you handle our social media, then, huh?” she shot xinyi an innocent look. “otherwise, everyone would assume it was me and there’d be another dispatch article.” it was growing increasingly difficult for boyoung to avoid laughing.

boyoung rolled her eyes. “did i ask for money?” she waited a moment before answering her own question. “no, i didn’t. honestly, i’m bored. and i know my version will be ten times better than that shitty dollskill ‘fit they put you in.” she winced. “no offense.”

just when she’d thought they were going to have an actual conversation again, solhee had to open her mouth and ruin it. “are you serious right now?” she asked, incredulity evident in her tone. she scoffed, counted to three in her head to keep from blowing up in solhee’s face, and continued with as much dignity and respect as she could muster. “you really think i’m upset because i didn’t get to debut with iris?” late at night, when boyoung couldn’t sleep and she was contemplating every mistake she’d ever made, she sometimes wondered how her life would have turned out if she’d debuted with iris. but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine herself singing those songs or embodying that concept. she really was meant to be a part of rejectz. she shook her head. “i couldn’t give a fuck less about that now. rejectz is my home. those girls know that i love them with my whole heart and that i’d rather die than be signed to spotlight.” was she really so blind to boyoung’s true feelings, or was solhee looking for her to verbalize why she was in pain? “even after all this time, you still don’t understand, do you?” 

boyoung could feel the facade of bravado and resentment that she typically maintained around solhee giving way to the underlying pain of the whole thing. the longer she spent with the other girl, the more difficult it became to act like everything was fine, that solhee’s rejection hadn’t broken her heart. and it had been a rejection, hadn’t it? maybe it wasn’t a fair choice, but she’d been given one: spotlight or boyoung. and boyoung knew all too well that she lost that particular fight. her company, her career, her group, her future, and her girlfriend -- she’d had them all when she’d woken up that morning and none when she went to sleep. and yet, a part of her almost understood. she shrugged a shoulder, considering her response. she almost wished she could come up with something petty and sarcastic, but she was tired all of a sudden. “touché.”