Taking a Break
I’m a consumer. I spend so much time on social media and, yeah, it keeps me distracted and entertained. I met some cool people but for the most part....I use it as a crutch. I use it to help deal with my anxiety and ADHD but it’s a bandaid solution. It doesn’t actually solve anything. I just fall into this black hole and never get out until I realize I have to go to bed. I’m not creating anything. I’m just consuming what others create.
My anxiety has been through the roof lately. I think part of that is cause my meds need to be adjusted and situational stuff but I think....part of it is cause I don’t have a goal. I have things I want to do, sure. But I’m not...working towards any of them. I want to travel, I want to move somewhere not here, I want to be an artist. I’ve labeled myself as an artist but I rarely ever create ANYTHING. I think I’m afraid of failure. Or I’m afraid that my interest will go, fizz out before I can even begin. ANd it does that. Frequently. I need to figure out how to live with it instead of just DEALING with it. I think....if I can do that I can figure out a goal and what I want in life. Figure out a plan to work on instead of just coasting and being unhappy with where I’m at.
I’m actually going to be stopping by work to withdraw my application for two different positions. Throwing myself into another stressful, uncertain position won’t help me at all. It’s setting myself up for failure. So. I’m gonna do the healthy thing. I’m gonna withdraw and focus on where I’m at now and where to go. Where I want to go.
Yeah. This is all stream of conscious writing because I’m still processing everything and it may not make a lot of sense. But I want to become a better me and it’ll be easier if I have fewer distractions. c: Cause then, when I come back, I’ll be more certain of what I want. I’ll be happier and healthier, too!!
SOOooooo~~ I’ll see you guys laterrrr!
