Kara Has Returned

The start of a very sapphic story I'm writing to give the finger to forced fem tropes:

Chapter 1: Tuesday 2pm:

It was a beautiful late spring day in Bellingham, and Clark Atkins Jr (ugh) was tired…tired of a lot of things. Tired from finals, tired from packing, tired from a weekend of end of the year partying where he always felt self-conscious rather than ‘letting go’ and tired of playing the part he’d been playing all his life.

Despite the weight, Clark loaded the last of Jessica’s bags into the back of her car. Jess was the one thing he wasn’t tired of, although he couldn’t understand how she wasn’t tired of him, considering he couldn’t make his own decision if his life depended on it. Ever since they met in that creative writing class Winter quarter freshman year, he’d been smitten. Sometimes he couldn’t separate if he wanted to be her or wanted her, but he was happy to have her. She was decisive where he was wishy-washy. She pushed him to explore things, and be honest in ways he just wasn’t ready for yet, but she was patient enough to give him time. Time to tell her what was buried in the trunk of his car, this summer was going to be the time to tell her, to thank her for that one night last quarter and apologize for…“Earth to Clark,” Jessica called as she gripped his hand breaking him out of his reverie , “I know you’re in your head all the time, but be here with me for a sec before I drive off”

“Sorry Jess, just thinking. I’m gonna miss you something fierce babe, but at least it’s under a week before you come visit me at Mom’s place.” Jessica squeezes his hand, acknowledging the plan before Clark sees her go to space for a second.

She’s better at bringing herself back to Earth though and looks him in the eyes. “Are you ready to meet her new wife?” she asks wistfully and the wistfulness makes Clark’s stomach churn but he puts his hand on his belly and takes a deep breath, he can’t help with that yearning…yet.

“I’m still really worried about what this changes, what if she’s done playing Mom now that she gets to be Gabriella to a Xena.”

“Fuck that babe, she chose you, she fought for you, she chose to be your Mom, you’re her kid in every way that matters ,” she says as a simple truth. Clark pulls her close and squeezes, savoring the last moment of physical connection.

“You’re right, I’m just being anxious. Shocking I know,” Clark jokes. Jess giggles into his chest and gives him a little love bite.

“Sometimes I’m awed that I’m with you on purpose,” She teases right back. “I love you, you beautiful dork.” Thinking, maybe today will be the day he sees how beautiful he is.

The use of ‘beautiful’ makes Clark’s heart ache, he wants so badly to be beautiful, but he doesn’t feel it, but he feels her love so pulls her into a kiss. It’s not exactly chaste, but there’s something unsaid in it, that distance that they both notice sometimes, but choose to ignore right now because they’re happy enough.

“Love you too kitten, drive safe and call me when you get to Yakima,” Clark says as they let the kiss come to its natural end.

“Text me when you’re home in Magnolia, and let me know if it’s a Cinderella situation or a U-Haul lesbian Brady Bunch moment. I’ll still be on the road” she says, still holding on to Clark’s hand, not wanting to let the moment end. But it’s time to get going. Clark walks her to her door, waits for her to get situated in the driver's seat before he gives her one more kiss. The taste of that strawberry lip balm always gives him a pang of envy, that he stuffs down.

“Bye babe, I miss you already.”

“Same love,” Clark says before Jess shuts the car door, and he sighs as he watches her pull out of the lot. She deserves better, I need to be better. He climbs into the driver’s seat of his 2010 Prius wagon, opens up Spotify and puts on some Chappell Roan, singing along to something like that in the car usually calms him down, lets him drop the mask. By the time he hits I-5 from campus he’s singing “Lets get coffee, lets meet up…”

The Album ended when he was passing the reservation he and Ricky used to go buy fireworks in. Giving two dorky kids high explosives is never a good idea, and the two of us made the best of it. The new track was from this artist he’d heard but didn’t quite remember and the song was punch in the gut. Then he recognized it, it was a song Jess had on in the background the other day and they danced together carelessly to it.

She is funny and clever and kiiiiiind/

She says whatever crosses her miiiind, oh

His hand reached up and touched that little spot on his lip that still tasted of strawberries. Is she yelling at me I SEE YOU! and I’m just deaf?

And she's so fucking weird, that when she's with me/

I'm laughing most of the time/

And she's mine, she's mine

Jess had said this made her think of him and he just realized how piningly sapphic that song was. He set his mind to it, He, no, she was going to tell mom tomorrow. Thanks “She’s Mine” by Eva Pagan for hitting me in the head with what I wasn’t hearing. She was high on that energy the rest of the way home, nothing could stop that feeling.

Except for her. Except for Vivienne.

Chapter 2 3:45pm Tuesday: