runners up zine

here i go again; a playlist i listen to when i think about the future

the future the drums | forever haim | when the lilies die io echo | hong kong hotel beverly | forget marina & the diamonds | in the middle (i met you there) matthew dear feat. jonny pierce | befour zayn | this must be my dream the 1975 | a world alone lorde

[listen here]

wednesday

do not go gentle into that good night.

for weeks now, i’ve been getting ask after ask, wondering what to do when you don’t get accepted into your dream school, what to do when your heart’s broken, what to do when you’re day or week or month is not working out, when your future is about as clear as mud.

to all of these, i never know what to say. i’m 17 years old, just barely accepted into my schools, stumbling through each day with heavy boots. every day is a different whirlwind, each day measurable by how much (or little) i’ve gotten done.

but i’m 17. seventeen years old, born in 1998. the days i’ve lived can still be measured out in a reasonable fashion. it’s not mindblowing. yet somehow, some way, i’m thinking about my future every. single. day. it’s not a mystery. every college, every billboard, every teacher or (semi-)adult tells us that once 18 hits, or graduation day approaches, the future becomes the present, life is ending.

but that is so far from the truth. the truth is, yeah, things will be screwed up. yeah, the future is messy, and confusing, and stressful. but it’s there, and it holds different, confusing, amazing, spectacular things that you can’t even imagine. in the wise words of one of my favorite episodes of New Girl, the messy parts are the best parts.

and yes, i’m seventeen. but in the last year, i’ve dated two people, i’ve moved houses, i’ve gathered some sort of idea of what career i cannot wait to have. i’ve become a barista, a captain, a girlfriend and an ex-girlfriend. I’ve made and shattered friendships.

every day is different. that’s obvious. every single day, you and i change. that’s also obvious. but it’s also amazing. who were you yesterday? who will you be tomorrow? we can answer one of those, and yeah, the answer to the latter can be terrifying, can be exciting, can be horrendous. but the smallest thing can change it all.

to answer the questions from before: i have no idea. each day is a battle for me for my own reasons, and i can never begin to grasp the extent of anyone else’s struggles.

but for me, the simplest things help to sort through the mess, because although the confusing parts can be the best parts, a little clarity is always appreciated. for me, that usually means tying my hair into funny looks, trying on funky, ridiculous outfits, lighting some candles and blasting “always you” by the vaccines, or “emily” by MIKA (check both out if you need a pickmeup. they truly help). it means binge-watching New Girl (Season 2 is a wild ride). it means going out, dicking around with my friends, drinking coca cola slushies from target and pointing at funny things and taking turns giggling “that’s you!” it means separating yourself from those thoughts shouting that the future needs you right away. it means living, rather than waiting. it means accepting that although future you is important, and valid, and worthy of a plan, so are you, right here, right now.

but those are my two cents.

rage, rage against the dying of the light.

sunday

Sunday

Hello! I went to the Lollapalooza festival on Friday and Saturday and it was fucking amazing. Here are some pics of my favourite performances, click on the picture to see the artist and go check them out!

Wednesday

Yesterday evening, I stumbled into my polling facility, jittering and (in the words of my brother) “literally buzzing” with excitement. Like most 17-year-olds in Ohio who’d been waiting anxiously for march 15 to roll around, voting was a thrilling yet chaotic experience. If you aren’t caught up on the drama surrounding Ohio’s Secretary of State Husted and Bernie Sanders, you might want to check it out. Luckily, Sander’s success in suing Husted allowed me and hundreds of other teens the chance to give our two cents in regards to our future presidential nominees.

However, voting turned out to be far more stressful than anticipated, especially for some of my friends who aren’t as grounded as I am in politics and standpoints. So, in the hopes of making voting a little easier, check out some of the following links!

Which candidate do you align with?

The candidates on “big issues” (Written December 2015)

The websites of the “main four”

Hillary Clinton

Ted Cruz

Bernie Sanders

Donald Trump

How can I find my polling facility? What will be on my ballot?

What’s happening in politics? (contains links to biased articles)

What’s your political alignment?

View speeches of the main four

Why does your vote matter?

Why should students vote?

Other cool links

George Washington on political parties

What matters “most” to you, politically?

Political Animals (a neat show on Netflix -- watch it and see all the foreshadowing)

If you’re in high school or even college, I strongly suggest talking to your history teachers, your friends, your family, everyone. Take the time to form your own political opinions, rather than shaping them to appease those around you. My parents know my political views are vastly different than theirs, yet they supported me going to the polls. I can’t guarantee yours would react the same, but forming your own views is valuable beyond words.

I hope this helps, and good luck voting!

(Don’t forget to vote for senators, governors, and local government. Each and every vote matters.)

you can pick yourself off the ground; playlist inspired by songs that make me feel at home

book of revelation the drums | drive halsey | the kids from yesterday my chemical romance | jinx dnce | we are the kids walk the moon | paris fickle friends | white teeth teens lorde | northern downpour panic! at the disco | daydreaming paramore | the sound the 1975 | artpop lady gaga

[listen here]

friday

for me my room is the place i feel most at home here are some diys you can use to make your room feel more like home to you._raleigh

1. copper pipe pineapple mirror

2. painted animal bookends

3. skinny planter stand

4. cinder block furniture 

Thursday

a poem about home

You can begin submitting now! This includes anything relating to home (pictures, stories, poems, art, etc), so start sending them in!

finding other people who share the same or similar experiences to you has been helpful for me. 

you can try looking and seeing if your illness has a tag on tumblr with people posting their experiences or try looking in the chronic illness tag, the chronic pain tag, or even the spoonie tag.

there’s also the cpunk community that seems pretty rad from what i’ve seen.