A part of the anti-abortion and declining birthrate bullshit I find extremely upsetting and distressing is the (frankly, misogynistic) belief that the pregnant individual will love their baby when the baby is born*. The background implication that a woman who does not to be pregnant and/or does not want to have children will instantly connect with the child theyāre forced to have because, of course, all women love babies and instantly become a mother upon giving birth and all mothers would kill and die for their children. It is such a fundamental part of anti-abortion rhetoric used by crisis pregnancy centers and the demons that congregate to protest outside of abortion clinics, youāll love being a mama, we just know you will!
We are seeing the direct consequences of this in misogynistic baby rabies manosphere, men coercing their sexual partner into keeping a pregnancy she does not want and then being baffled and disgusted when she is not a good mother or not interested in being in the childās life.
There is definitely a double standard between fathers who have a difficult time connecting with/loving their unwanted child and mothers who have a difficult time connecting with/loving their unwanted child. Women on anonymous parenting forums are so terrified to confess that they do not feel for their infant the instantaneous all-consuming love they have been told theyāre supposed to feel, that they find their childās presence fundamentally overwhelming and they do not enjoy childrearing. This can be the result of postpartum mental health issues in wanted pregnancies but it is also a common phenomenon in babies born from unwanted pregnancies and/or conceived under abusive circumstances and in those cases, it is often a trauma both the mother and child cannot overcome.
I often find that if a man chooses not to be in his childās life, he is often given a level of grace that a woman who made the same choice would not be given. Absent, deadbeat or otherwise uninvolved fathers are so common it ceases to be notable, a silent shame and acceptance. But women are demonized and villainized for abandoning their children, even children they did not consent to conceiving, disregarding the trauma of carrying the unwanted pregnancy to term and having to give birth. Mothers are expected to love their children unconditionally and put them first at the expense of their own wellbeing, no matter the circumstances.
You can force someone to carry a pregnancy but you cannot force them to love their child and be a mother and when the victims of coercion and abortion bans are incapable of doing what society expects of women, theyāre punished even further.
There is a great deal of nuance in this topic but fundamentally, stripping away access to abortion makes everyone fucking miserable.
*I am a trans man and I switch back in forth between gender neutral language and non-gender neutral language in this post because trans men can be victims of unwanted pregnancy but much of this rhetoric is based on misogynistic expectations surrounding women and feminine identity.
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