* eternal melody .

     SHE  ENJOYS  PROBING  FOR  ANSWERS  EVEN  IN  THINGS  THAT  ARE  OBVIOUS.    perhaps it is a genius' way of extracting more than one variable,  trying to test if they can create another hypothesis    &    generate a new conclusion out of it.    truthfully,  nothing else matters to the nameless     ———     not the opinion of others,  the concern of masses,  nor the    QUIET   whispers that chastise their own lovestruck faith.    to some,  such commitment may seem onesided.    (  'ruan mei is indifferent.'  )      gossip    &    naysayers would argue,  wishing to spare the trailblazer's feelings instead of watching them chase.    they have withered many times under worries,  the    EFFORT    to push away all of these budding feelings in hopes that it could be computed as something else has affected them so during her    ABSENCE.

if they are nothing to her then why does this heart beat like it longs to be a    PART     of something  ?    the warmth of life she has always sought out culminating into this unspeakable bond.    one that no one else should be privy to.    one too    SCANDALOUS    that it has caught the attention of many.   it is not a secret that they have turned into some form of lab rat from the very beginning.    people of the space station who have been exposed to the trailblazer's countless    CONQUESTS    extending their worry and pity with becoming another tool for dissection.

"  do you have to    ASK    something that you've already known  ?  "     this same song and dance repeating over and over again.    an endless melody that seems to fall on    LOOP    the moment that they to this point.    they are selfish,  they know.    ruan mei is someone who cannot be bound,  not a person that will   EVER    stop her pursuit of even greater excellence.    for she is a genius before she is a lover.    not that she ever was.   

the plush skin beneath their hands,  that faux sense of dominance which hangs in the air    ———    they know none of it will last.   her answers oftentimes more    QUESTIONS    that remain unsolved,  their weary heart never knowing if they will ever get an answer.    for she does not need someone tied down to her,  needing just another    CRAZED    fool who will do her biddings should she call for it.    shallow,  maybe.    but built off of everything they have ever done,  their affections real yet also stagnant.    never fading,  but never    LEAVING   either.

she has them caged in her web,  trapped with her.

hiking her dress up even more,  leg is propped on their shoulder.    lips pressing from her knee and down without restraint.    like there are no    PRYING   eyes,  lacking any remote consideration towards the perception of others if it means having more of her.    they are certain that being around her does something to them.   

it is    TROUBLESOME    to feel this way.    part of themselves never wanting to dismiss even the greatest worries of others but they know where their heart lies    &    what their heart says.    what she means to them under the curtain of     PRECONCEIVED    notions,  assumptions,  and concerns.    where her beliefs stand.    where they connect.

where they find peace in her as they squeeze along thighs,  exhaling hotly.    lost.    but there is nowhere else that they would    RATHER   be than here,  with her.   by her side.     "  it feels like,  the less i have of you,  the more i want you.  "     beyond mere voracity,  beyond mere desire,  beyond existing physicality    ———     longing to be part of her rather than something to be acknowledged then forgotten.    there is that growing need,  that ugly want    (  ...  )    an ache to live inside of her like    PARASITE   she cannot rid of.

"  and the more that i have of you,  "     each word enunciated with a bite,  a suck,  marking skin without    RESTRAINT.    like a worshipper desperate for the hand of god.    "  the more twisted i feel.  "     for wanting more than they should.

To them , she need not ascend to an Aeon to worship , nor carve a new path amongst the stars for them to follow . Stelle , without an inkling of doubt , has regarded Ruan Mei with nothing but adoration . Admiration unending , showering with affections she had long deemed herself unmoved by .

Now , with their head buried within her lap , cheeks burning against the skin teeth mark without care , her own theory had proved debunked .

' Of course . ' Hissed between a breath , her grip on them never ceases . She continues as if they do not evoke a lust within her core through every mark they leave , as if they are not injecting the very toxin of obsession that serves to drive her curiosity ever forward . ' Your answer may change . If not now , then ... perhaps one day . '

& through the whispers work to mask it , though the air 'round grows thick with their shared breaths , it does not conceal the hint of sorrowful acceptance laced within her words . She has grown hungry as they have , raising no protest as they pull her daringly close , lips mere inches from taking what they both crave . The question may be pointless , may simply fill the silence , drown out the groans that dare escape her as staggered percussion to this song they sing .

But it is not without its meaning , for everything she wants to say , everything she wants to hear could so easily be communicated within this voracious dance . Redundant to sing their praise once more , perhaps , but the comfort she finds within their voice , within their reassurance , is indescribable . Emotions she had long neglected , deemed unworthy to indulge with the cosmos clouding her vision , felt safe to experiment with . Though they may not realize , Ruan Mei finds herself to be the guinea pig ; Stelle , the controlled variable .

That's part of the problem , isn't it ? She's yet to voice her own intentions , leaving nothing more than crumbs for Stelle to haphazardly piece together . No matter how they may try , it is impossible to bring the entire picture into frame . They cannot know the upheaval within her mind , and when they last tried to unravel the threads of her heart ... she was not satisfied with her own answers .

It was ... not until Amphoreus that absence allowed her to thoroughly examine her heart ; how it ached without their comfort , how it preemptively mourned them when Herta shared that they may not return . They wanted her true feelings , an answer without conditionals , and she had doubted her ability to provide that . Everyone believed her incapable , she herself doubted the possibility that she may ever feel the love so many coveted . Content with solitude , she did not want . When the nights grew cold , she did not fantasize at the warmth of another .

Not until Stelle .

An unfamiliar anxiety swirls within as she listens carefully , focusing as intently as possible while they leave their mark upon her , paint her in crimson and purple she will regard fondly .

' Twisted ... ' She chews at the words , hopes that with enough effort , she may bite away the negative connotation such a word brings . And for a moment , she is agony , swimming with resentment for a past self that was so oblivious to the knowledge she had denied herself . Ruan Mei had concluded long ago that emotions would only weigh upon a logical mind , drive them mad when the universe did not bend to their whims . Many geniuses , within and outside of the society , have acted too carelessly on anger , jealousy , addictions .

One day she may do the same . Human temptations seemed likely to only increase this chance , but the probability does not rise with Stelle . It falls .

Without a breath , another question follows , rushed as she anticipates whatever truth may come . Should their distant acquaintance hear Stelle's answer , they , too , will have an answer to the inquiry she's danced 'round .

42. clumsy 37. back of the neck 32. a kiss while someone watches 29. a kiss to the back of the hand 31. a kiss to the inner thigh 22. a french kiss

      THERE  ARE  MANY  PRYING  EYES  WITHIN  THE  SPACE  STATION.     all too curious about the real depth of their relation to the renowned genius.    ruan mei has always been    REGARDED    as odd,  the sort of person that nobody wanted to cross lest they become a subject of interest.    selfishly,  trailblazer disproves of this notion,  believing that nobody else could ever amount to the   DEVOTION    that they already have for her.    they worship her like she is someone to be revered,  a goddess that could rival even the most     MORTIFYING    aeons,  someone comparable to the image that idrila has imagined to be the true pinnacle of beauty.

people simply care too much about things that they should not even    PRY    into.   they think,  all too aware of a lurking frame.    yet,  they do not pay any heed to it as they hover over her from behind.    sweeping hair over to the side,  warm lips plant on her nape.   the exhale a little shaky,    BETRAYING   any form of pride they previously wore.    haughtiness within them is always short-lived,  prideful bouts of dialogue    NEVER    truly holding and real bite to it as they exhale hotly. 

"  someone's nearby,  "    whispered to her ear,  maneuvering to fill her sense of sight instead of giving her time to    LOOK   around to survey their surroundings.    "  but you're not going to keep me from my reward,  right  ?  "     they have always been obedient,  following orders and her demands even if ridiculous at times.    fetching items,  lending their body,  allowing her to     PLAGUE    their mind    ———     it is only fair that this is the sort of honor they receive in turn for doing so much of her biddings.   

gloved hand is raised to lips,  the affection placed there being chaste.    

too    CHASTE.    as if setting a feeling of foreboding to their little voyeur before guiding their hand to the small of her back.    a mutt.     maybe people who have voiced their concerns before were right,  ruan mei has casted a     SPELL    over them.    injected some form of toxin into their veins to make sure that they never stray from her.     perhaps she has placed a veil over their eyes,  leaving them    SUSCEPTIBLE    to never knowing.    never finding out the reason why they feel the way that they   DO.

but if this were mere faux feelings,  engineered to have them fall for the sake of    SUBSERVIENCE,   why do their feelings grow worse  ?     why does this heart swell and beat  ?     why is it that they chase for that    SWEET    nectar on her lips,  the addicting taste of sugar on her tongue as they mold into one another.    pushing and grabbing,     RUINING    samples and trampling on reports that should mean the entire world to her  ?     

the answer is second to their need,  their want for what is    ENTIRELY    her.    ruan mei has strung them along,  leaving no room for escape.    and they have become willing     CAPTIVE   for her,  pushing desperately.    needily.    recklessly.     like they'll pass if they cannot have her.    if they were never meant for her then why do hands push beneath her dress ?     feeling   &    coveting the skin of thighs,  growing hazier.

from her lips,  to her jaw,  down the column of her neck,  tracing between the    VALLEY   of her chest then reaching her stomach.     pushing    LOWER    until they are kneeling between her legs,  a place of devotion.    spreading her a little more to accommodate them just to kiss and bite,  growing worse with time.    becoming    GREEDIER   with every moment with blatant disregard for anything else that isn't her.    too intoxicated.    too risky. 

"  i think    ...    i'm going crazy.  "

Perhaps she should punish this proclamation , chastise her most loyal pet for acting with a boldness , with a hunger she did not permit . Their time to worship had been strictly defined , granted only within the confinement of her lab , sprawled atop the desk she had damned to the Destruction should it promise their research may continue .

But it wasn't about the research anymore . At least , not the research on Stelle . Ruan Mei had been toying with her own heart , evoking attention , beckoning to be ravaged , to see how deep her own desires may run . With time , she had found herself longing , craving , fantasizing about the moment they may meet again . She'd heard it said absence makes the heart grow fonder , and for some time , she had doubted that ; believed it more likely one would forget as distance allowed familiarity to wither away . Much like a seed , the neglect would quickly kill whatever had hoped to grow .

Her seed had only blossomed , festered into desires she had oft struggled to imagine . Here , now , she covets their touch , pale skin prickling when their lips warm her at last . And their voice , their challenge all but growled within her ear , stirs adoration within her . They needn't guide her to the distant eyes ; she had always advised discretion , yet in this moment , she cannot be bothered to enforce it . A test on their boundaries , or ... her own .

' Mm ... it doesn't seem you intend to wait either way . ' Her words may hint at a distaste for this exhibitionism , yet the tone she carries is almost ... playful . An acceptance that she , knowing the risk , knowing the scorn she shall be fated to should they be caught , is far too curious to deny herself the chance to see how far they intend to go .

' Well . You've always been brave , haven't you , Stelle ? ' Spoken so naturally as their hands find their place along her thighs , dare to graze 'gainst the skin , the ribs that cover a heart that beats only for them . Can they feel it ? The way it aches for them , jumps so desperately into their grasp only to sulk within ivory cage the moment they part ?

She watches , waiting , for whatever revelation it may bring to her dear assistant , and as they fall to the floor before her , she finds it is her hand guiding them along ; no longer restraining them , Ruan mei stands still — watching , waiting for them to act as they desire .

& when their teeth find the soft warmth of her thigh , they will be blessed with her favor , a sharp breath working desperately to bite back the pleasure that threatens to spill at any moment .

' And what if they see ? ' Despite breath growing labored with their affections , she manages a whisper . She's certain the answer is obvious , but a hypothesis merits research , and there is a selfish wish to hear their desperation . ' Surely your fellow trailblazers will have certain , ah ... feelings about this exchange ... ' The concerns spill from her lips , but her body acts on its own ; digits snake through their hair , grasping whatever handful she may catch to steady herself against them .