Icons Icons Everywhere and not a One for Me

Fuck, Bollocks, Bastard, Twat, you complete wanker!

The only 2 acceptable flavours for milk are milk and chocolate.

If my books aren't in alphabetical order, my life isn't in any kind of order.

Look, please don't hate me, but I ordered pizza.

Touch my chicken wings and I'll shove the bone up your ass.

I'll be right with you, whoever just texted me!

Yeah, sorry, my cat decided she had to eat my nachos.

Why are you getting home at 5AM? I know I'm still up at 5am but why are you?

If you value your life, you'll step away from my cheese.

Look, I learned this for a play and now I can't stop doing it.

Takes the most photos:

Talks in their sleep:

Takes Petty Revenge on their partner over minor offenses:

Talks the other into doing things out of their comfort zone:

Watches the most TV:

Lives off of microwave meals and takeout if no one cooks for them:

Watches reality TV shows seriously:

Watches Reality TV shows as a joke:

Kicks ASS at video games:

Only plays games on their phone:

Has the plan for a Zombie Apocolypse:

Does the crafty things:

Reads kids/YA books rather than age appropriate literature:

Quotes stupid things in day to day life:

Insists that they HAVE to take the top bunk in bunkbeds:

Still sleeps with a stuffed animal:

"Urgh, my underboob is all sweaty..."

"Dude, I know I put them on by accident but your underwear is SO comfy, I'm not giving them back now."

"Did you just brush your teeth with your finger? You could have just used my toothbrush y'know?"

"Ooh, I'mma eat your booby grape!"

"Hey! Food dropped down MY shirt belongs to me, give me that back!"

"If you touch my chocolate, you're never touching my boobies again."

"Hang on, I need to unstick my balls from my leg!"

"You watched the next episode without me? You Traitor!"

"Hmmm, it's so nice having the whole bed to myself, you should sleep out more often."

"Did you... you moved my bookmark you little shit!"

"I give you my Netflix password as a true statement of our love. Plus it's cheaper than a ring."

"Ewww, get off, don't hug me you're all sweaty! You can hug me once you've showered!"

"Stop swearing at the game, it's not the games fault you suck."

"I love your cooking. I mean, I love you too, but the cooking swung it for me."

TW for stupidity, occasional racism and lots of references to Nuclear Holocaust.

It was addressed to Occupant

The inability of people to communicate with the people that they love

Spend hours bemoaning the fact they can’t communicate.

I feel that if a person can’t communicate the very least they could do is shut up.

First we got the bomb and that was good

We love peace and motherhood

The balance of power’s maintained that way

Who’s next?

They’re on our side, I believe...

They can’t wipe us out for at least five years

One for the Black and One for the White

Just to use on you know who

Wants on in self defense

Just in case... we’d better get a bomb

Who knows, maybe Monaco?

Good ol’ American know-how

Don’t say that he’s hypocritical

He’s a-political

Once the rockets go up, who cares where they come down?

That’s not my department

Our attitude should be one of gratitude

You too may be a big hero

In German or English I know how to count down!

In an attempt to make the Church more commercial...

If they really wanna sell the product...

I have a modest example here...

First you get down on your knees

Fiddle with your rosaries

Bow your head with great respect

Do whatever steps you want

Get in line in that processional

He’ll tell you if you’re sins original

Drink the wine and chew the wafer

Make a cross on your abdomen

TW for stupidity, occasional racism and lots of references to Nuclear Holocaust.

The current revolution in mathematics teaching

We’re gonna cover subtraction

We will have to make do with more primitive visual aids

The important thing is to understand what you’re doing rather than get the right answer

Here’s how they do it now

And you change a ten to ten ones

Is that clear?

That leaves five. Well, six actually but the idea’s the important thing...

Everybody get one? Not bad for the first day

Hooray for new math!

It won’t do you a bit of good to review math

Only a child can do it.

That is not the answer that I had in mind.

If you’re missing two fingers...

Shall we have a go at it?

Sixty four? How did sixty four get into it? I hear you cry. Well sixty four is eight squared don’t you see?

Well you ask a silly question and you get a silly answer.

Now lets not always see the same hands

Whoever got one can stay after the show and clean the erasers.

Come back tomorrow night, we’re gonna do fractions.

I have a title that I know would sell a million copies!

There were three whom she went to far as to marry

and other light classics

When Mozart was my age, he’d been dead for two years

The story of [name] is the stuff of which ballads should be made

You’d never be free of her spell

Her lovers were many and varied!

All modern women are jealous!

Each time he saw her, he’d holler ‘ach that is the fraulen I must have!’

You should have a statue in bronze

Her tear drops were copious

She cried all the way to the altar.

It’s time to change partners again!

And he too was caught in her net!

And that is the story of [name]

One that had known how to live!

How can they help being jealous?

Ducks always envy the swans

TW for stupidity, occasional racism and lots of references to Nuclear Holocaust.

It has been a nervous year

I feel like a Christian Scientist with Appendicitis

Here’s a song about it

Who is it that always intervenes?

SEND THE MARINES!

We’ll send them all we’ve got

Remember those exciting fighting scenes?

Might makes right!

They’ve got to be protected

Till somebody we like can be elected

They’d rather kill them off by peaceful means

They love us everywhere we go

If you visit American City, you will find it very pretty

Don’t drink the water and don’t breathe the air

Turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud

They don’t last long if they try

Then rinse your mouth with industrial waste

Just go out for a breath of air

If the hoods don’t get you, the monoxide will

Wear a gas mask and a veil!

Stay away from the kitchen sink!

See the crazy people there

Like lambs to the slaughter

*cough* the air

It’s been a good year for the War Buffs

I have one here

A bit of pre-nostalgia

So long mom, I’m off to drop the bomb

But while you swelter down there in your shelter

No need for you to miss a minute of the agonizing Holocaust.

He was mighty proud when world war three was declared

This is what he said on his way to Armageddon

Don’t wait up for me.

Although it may be a pile of debris

Remember mommy, I’m off to get a commie

I’ll look for you when the war is over, an hour and a half from now.

Whatever became of [Name]?

Once he shone on his own

Once a firey liberal spirit

Second fiddle’s a hard part, I know, when they don’t even give you a bow

We must protest this treatment!

Take us to your leader!

Are you sad? Are you cross? Are you gathering moss?

I’ll do unto you like they did unto me

TW for stupidity, occasional racism and lots of references to Nuclear Holocaust.

and I HATE people like that!

An old established rule

As long as you don’t let them in your school

The poor folks hate the rich folks

It’s American as apple pie

It’s very Chique

Step up and shake the hand of someone you can’t stand. You can tolerate him if you try

National everyone smile at one another-hood week

Be nice to people who inferior to you

It did get a certain amount of publicity

In peace may you slumber

We’ve got the missiles

One of the fingers on the button will be German

England says no, but they all are soreheads

A bygone should be a bygone

That couldn’t happen again

We taught them a lesson in 1918 and they’ve hardly bothered us since then

We know our buddies won’t give us the finger

Hail to our loyal ally

I hope he is half as scared as I

No one but a Mexican would stoop so low

Think of all the musicals we have in store!

Now that he’s a Senator...

Folk song of protest!

Imagine, if you will, that I’m playing an 88 string guitar.

Unlike the rest of you squares

They don’t even care if Jimmy Cracked Corn

Some people may prefer action

It sounds more ethnic if it ain’t good English

We had all the good songs!

Guitars are the weapons we bring

Ready, aim, sing!

I do have a cause though. It is Obscenity. I’m for it.

Smut! Give me Smut and nothing but!

If it’s uncut and unsubtle

I would devour where others merely nibbled

Pornographic pictures I adore!

I like them more if they’re hardcore

More! More! I’m still not satisfied!

Lets face it, I love slime

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

The Wizard of Oz, there’s a dirty old man

But now they’re trying to take it all away from us!

Smut! I love it

Ah the adventures of a slut

Hip-Hip-Hooray!

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Send me  ☮ and I’ll generate two numbers between 1-10. The first for the type of Soulmate AU and the second for their relationship pre-discovery.

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Random Generator Here

(Mix of Genre’s below the cut, bonus points if you don’t peek!)