RPG Nonsense

Player 1; "I can't believe I got slapped by an arse tentacle."

Curious another player inspects the thrown die.

Investigating player: "It's a 19."

Throwing player: "Can I keep that?"

So one of our players, with a critical hit dealt an accidental 214 points of damage to one of the party's mother who was being mind controlled by an enemy.

Needless to say she was killed instantly.

"These are enemies, you're supposed to kill them, not collect them. This isn't Pokemon!"

DM - "Oh I forgot to use this one action, can I retroactively do it?"

When an enemy stepped on a landmine that one of the players threw on the floor.

DM - "Okay, describe the explosion."

Our Centaur Monk - "I am going to run up the wall and backflip off so that I land on the opposite platform."

DM - "I don't know what it is about my sessions but there are just some moments where there are no filters."

DM - "As you hit the corrupted Treant you become infected with wood-blight."

Player 1 - If the enemy is on a platform 60 feet above mine how far back would I need to go to be able to see her?

Player 2 - Well if we use the Pythagorean theorem...

DM - Just eyeballing it, from there she would probably have 3/4 cover from you.

Player 1 - I ignore 3/4 cover because of my Sharpshooter ability.

After our monk learned to use Banishing Strike...

The party met a symbiotic alien life form that could create living metal creatures.

Symbiote - "There is a range to the connection. It is the same as if a bee travels miles from it's hive, it will be confused and not know what to do."