B.O.W Unit 3586-UMB, known as "RPD"

RPD is a fucking cutie 

A tall glass of SKINLESS and BEEF has shown up! Here’s beefo boy RPD wearin’ his +50 Mudhole stompin’ thigh highs~

RPD gets super sassy when he’s taller.

…and chunkier.

“Listen, buddy, For the last time I said I’m the BOOT Fairy. Now whadaya want?”

RPD in a pinup pose wearing these

“I didn’t say it was a big thing. Just a thing. Or things. God don’t make me explain how time works.” She nods her head and pats his shoulder “Man I’m so proud of you, you’re able to remember a conversation that just happened.  And people say your brain gets damaged when it’s on the outside.” She grins to herself, obviously making her own amusement now.

“It’d be nice to have, y’know, like my name n’ shit.” RPD would be rolling his eyes if he still had them. “Don’t call me kiddo, probably twice yer age.” He waggled a finger toward her a little before flicking the spent cigarettes out of his mouth.

“So yer here to make sure shit I do in my life goes according to plan? The fuck is so important about my dumbass life that you need to monitor it anyway?”

“Ooh ok old man, here’s the thing though, being a little shit towards me ain’t gunna get you any information.  So maybe stop wagging your finger at me, grandpa.“ She still seemed amused with him to an extent, but now she was glaring.

“Well, fine, but when ya tell someone you know a shitton about them and said person ain’t got a recollection of 70% of their life and they ask about it and you say no; that’s a bit of an informational cocktease. Naturally some folks are gonna get annoyed.” RPD let go of the cigarettes, forgetting he had them, and handed over the lighter too. Rubbing his face, the licker groaned.

“I just got the shit kicked outta me and was passed out for like 20 minutes. Kinda cranky. Sorry.” RPD rolled his shoulder some before there was a disgustingly loud POP, and the BOW grit his teeth before clenching the bloodied limb, “AaaFUCK. God damnit, I didn’t know it came outta socket too. God, fuck.” A fist slammed down on the floor before he calmed down, opening and closing his fingers to move the digits carefully.

RPD was muttering, “Truly, truly, truly outrageous…” as Gem scooted closer and explained herself. Ashes dropped from the cigarettes. “This place? You gonna tell me something’s wrong with my kids now too, right?” More references, because of course.

“So yer here to make sure everything goes smooth, huh? Was me turnin’ inside out parta that?”

She was now rolling her eyes at him, maybe he was still drunk, “Actually yes, but you probably didn’t want to hear that.”  She was looking over the rest of him now, for any shard of glass or metal that might be lodged in him, “I ain’t got control over what’s suppose to happen, I just make sure it does. And no, I didn’t have anything to do with your mutation. I just know about it. I know a good amount of the basics with you. You got a nice list of documents talkin’ about you.”

She sucked on her teeth for a moment when he mentioned rules “Well about that. You really expect me to be able to give you such important info? To be honest, I didn’t take a real good look at the files havin’ to do with your life before… jerkification.”

“But uh yeah. You were suppose to win that fight by a landslide. Like, you fucked up real bad, kiddo.”  She seemed genuinely amazed at how badly he did, but there was amusement in her voice. After all, she did get to watch the whole show play out.