Send me a 'Couples Shirts' + a ship and I'll mark who's wearing which shirt:
adjust pronouns as preferred
I love weird // I'm weird
Big spoon // Little spoon
I'm doing stuff // I'm stuff
The Boss // The Real Boss
[Name] // [Name]'s problem
I come in peace // I'm peace
He's my sweet potato // I yam!
I don't do matching shirts // But I do!
If lost, return to [Name] // I'm [Name]
She's my soulmate // I don't know her
I'm with creepy -> // <- I'm with creepier
Certified Silly Goose // Silly Goose Wrangler
Wearing chapstick // My back smells like chapstick
One lucky fisherman // The biggest catch of his life
If drunk and passed out, return to [Name] // I'm [Name], I'm drunk too, send help!
(add any extras you want)