my baby likes to hang around with the dead

me: *is no longer okay*

Lily tells James they’re pregnant. James panics, leaves, finds the other Marauders and demands a lads night, you know, no reason, just some drunken shenanigans for no reason at all with friends! Remus notices something seems a bit off and keeps an eye on his friend, but no one says anything. It’s only several hours later, when James is drunkenly crying and wailing on the floor, “He’s going to be so small! How can I protect him? SO SMALL!” that they realize what’s going on. They ask him if he is going to be alright. He sobs, tears and snot running down his face, and nods furiously. “This is the happiest I have ever been!” The others look at each other, shake their heads, and pull him to his feet. Sirius marches him back home to Lily, who has been waiting, scared, alone, and more than a little pissed off at her boyfriend for the better part of the night. She softens when she sees James drunkenly leaning on Sirius, Sirius shrugging in apology, because James is a mess but at least he’s home now. James falls to his knees in front of her and says, “I’m so sorry I ran off. I got scared. I’m still scared. But I’m happy too.” Lily can’t help but smile. “It’s alright, James, we’ll figure–” But James loudly shushes her and points at her stomach. “Wait. I’m talking to my son.” Lily glares at him and reminds him that it could be a daughter. Sirius adds, “Could be twins! Or quintuplets!” Lily glares more and tries not to laugh while James murmurs into her belly, “’M gonna ask your mum to marry me, but keep it secret ‘cause I have to buy a ring first. And a broom. Not for the wedding. For you. Do you like quidditch? You probably don’t know what that is yet. Don’t worry. I’ll teach you. I’ll teach you everything.”