something new to conceive

Can you please fuck off? I’m trying to sleep for once.

Ever heard of a bed?

....

What, afraid of a dirty diaper?

Well, what the hell were you expecting when you climbed in?

Wh - what? Really?

Oh, yeah. Bloated, you've got that glow... No, not fuckin really. You're a stick. Why? Are you pregnant?

It’s not when it comes to this fucking school. All the students do here is hug, kiss, and have sex with each other. No, stay away. You take your temptations and go hug someone else.

Fair enough. Luckily for you, I'm not too big on the former. You seem like you could benefit from some affection, though, Grumpy.

I think that’s a bit too troublesome for my liking. Why’s that?

Then I guess you should prepare for a lifetime of black licorice. I think people just put too much weight on what other people like and don't like. Like, shut the fuck up.

While those all sound really fun, I’d rather not give my grandparent’s’ a heart attack. You’re that passionate about Brussels sprouts?

I don't know, causing heart attacks definitely sounds troublesome to me. I'm passionate about people liking things.

I’ve gotta say, Europe was amazing and I didn’t want to come back, but I did finally make my way to an airport so here I am. For how long? I don’t know. I kinda like this traveling thing.

You were in Europe and you came back here? Did you hit your head or something?

"If you even think about answering that question, I'll make sure you can never tell another joke again."

And how do you suppose I do that? Brussels sprouts are actually really good, though.

Steal a husband, start a high-speed police chase, make some meth. Whatever your pretty little heart desires. Good. People will start fights over that shit. And by people, I mean me.

It is when you’re stuck in this boring town. How does one like black licorice?

If you can't find trouble, you gotta make it. It's called individuality. I like Brussels sprouts, too.

My little brother just ran out of his room, pants down, slapping his ass, yelling “poison Ivy!” Should I be worried?

Depends. Is he talking about the plant or the supervillain?

Well, now that you mention it...

I may be back, but I have not changed at all. That means I will not hesitate to resort to violence if any of you try to hug me. Take that as your one and only warning.

That seems a little presumptuous, if you ask me. Though I must say I'm tempted now, just to see how you'd look coming out of a brawl with me.

My Grandma stopped by and gave me a bag of black licorice as a ‘reward’ for not getting into trouble so far. First of all, school hasn’t even started, so. Second of all, black licorice isn’t a reward, it’s a punishment. Really. Who likes this stuff?

You say that like it's difficult to get in trouble before school starts. Either way, black licorice is the shit.

What even is sexting? Why are you turning people on through text message? What is this?

I'll admit it's a bit of a power trip on my end. You'd be amazed at how little effort you can put in to spelling and grammar and still get a guy going. It's like their brains completely block out all the misspelled 'you's.