golden boy

ROUX SELKIRK AESTHETICS: eternal sleepover

The smart thing would probably be to avoid DeeZee. If he had even a tiny bit of shame—which he doesn’t—Roux would think about his breakdown in the elevator and walk the fuck away from the victor in order to not be forced to relive the memory of him losing his shit in front of someone he hates. And yet, Roux is all smiles as he walks up to DeeZee, pulls out a makeshit tail out of his fanny pack, and ends up pinning it on the back of his outfit. 

“It’s not the same without blindfolds but, you know, I am kind of cheating so I didn’t want to get it right the first try,“ Roux tells him, laughing as he stares at the piece of fabric dangling from the man’s shoulder. He hoped someone would be willing to humor him and play some games so they wouldn’t have to just talk all night, but all the people in that party are boring so it’s up to Roux to find ways to entertain himself.  DeeZee is just unlucky to have  been on Roux’s way. 

“Didn’t you help plan this? What the fuck is up with the lack of entertainment? This is a sleepover, where is the suck and blow games? Spin the bottle? Why is no one playing seven minutes in heaven?“

Roux LOVES parties. He always shines at parties since he has a knack for becoming the center of attention wherever he goes.

Except this stupid sleepover.

He is cranky and bored, gets his flask out of the fanny pack that is making up for his lack of pockets, and intends to take it upon himself to liven up the party a little bit. Or more like a lot given that he ends up emptying all of his liquor into the teapots placed all over the table. Tea tastes bad anyway so people surely won’t notice the taste of alcohol and then in a bit, everyone will be tipsy and happy and open to playing some of Roux’s party games instead of sitting around and gossiping like a bunch of old ladies. 

He shakes the flask, grumbling when there’s not even one drop left. After putting it away, he grabs one teacup and tastes his creation just as he spots Robyn on his left, glaring at him. 

OF ALL THE things Robyn had expected this new Roux to do ( nothing at all like the Roux who would have dropped the glass and let them worry over cleaning the mess up themself ), a hug hadn’t been one of them. This entire time, Robyn had been the one considering those urges, wondering if they ought to be reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder or his arm, if they should be patting his back or squeezing his hand, but considering the nature of their relationship over the years, one rife with exasperating interactions and the absolute worst of bad vibes, they had hesitated, only going far enough to sit beside him and offer him a glass of water. A hug, one that surprisingly isn’t even awkward on Roux’s end, seems almost like a miracle. Top that off with another word of thanks, and Robyn has to question whether or not they’ve become so tired that they’ve finally started to hallucinate.

For a moment there, the Escort is incapable of moving, eyes blinking as they stare blankly at the wall behind Roux — but it’s easy to become caught up in the warmth of a sincere embrace, something they’ve only been having more of just recently, the very act of it a gesture they’d purposely denied themself of for years and years. With a heavy sigh, they lift their arms up and wrap them around Roux’s back as well, eyes closing briefly as they savor it, basking in the surprise, the unexpectedness that inexplicably feels somehow pleasant now that they consider it. It’s a welcome change of pace for the two of them, certainly something he never could have imagined in all his years as Roux’s Escort ( something they would’ve scoffed at, even, and made a face at had the very image of it crossed their mind then ), and soon after they return the embrace, they find themself responding as well.

“Of course.” It’s a simple answer, but it feels, to Robyn, like something of an acceptance — coming to grips with their role as someone who could help Roux, a role they probably should have taken more seriously before, a role they could have worked towards instead of avoiding in favor of a more peaceful day at work. “I should’ve been there for you before. Tried harder.” They pull back slowly, the embarrassment of being in a position of closeness with Roux suddenly starting to creep in. They make up for cutting it short with words. “But I’m here for you now.” For the first time since who knows how long, they find themself smiling up at Roux. It’s a small one, and it fades as soon as they speak again, but it’s genuine and true. “Whenever you need someone to talk to, you can come to me.”

“They’re all weak when it comes down to it,” He waves off Roux’s sentiment, but he knows the two men have very different opinions of who they share company with. “They have no backbone and no concept of reality and they’re just looking for validation. It’s hard to stomach. No amount of sex could make that nonsense worth it.” They’d just want to stay and talk anyways, which he hated most of all.

However, the conversation takes a dead halt when Roux mentions someone in Four who was blind and, as he said ‘still came out a badass’. This is not the kind of ‘fun’ he thought Roux would try to pitch to him. In fact, it’s not fun at all. His jaw tenses and he would look Roux over with a death glare if he could, but he can’t, so he continues his dead, blank start in a direction he thinks is where Roux is from the sound of his voice.

“That sounds like the opposite of fun.” He pans, holding onto his rage and deciding not to blow up on Roux, who is only trying to help. Even if his words were uncalled for, it only being… what, a day, or maybe two, since he lost his eye?

...

“They grew up with everything, having people do everything for them. Of course they’re weak.“ Which Roux used to his advantage. The privilege the Capitolites are drowning in made it so much easier for him to milk them dry, use them, have his fun and come out on top. They used him for his looks and his abilities, so Roux used them back much harder. They got stories and attention, he got money and fame and part of the privilege they feel entitled to. They were born with it, but Roux earned it. “Which makes it easier for me to get shit from them. The sex isn’t so bad. Some of them are good at the sack. Others make up for it by having deep pockets and a loose tongue.”

Of course Slate doesn’t say yes to him. Roux didn’t expect him to. At first he thought of offering something else, having Slate accompany him while he fucked around the tower just to get an excuse to get it out of that musty room. But Roux is impulsive, doesn’t usually think before speaking when he is with district people so once the idea popped into his head, he had to bring it up. Slate looks pissed off, but he doesn’t regret it. 

“At first I was going to offer getting you to be my wingman, but that seemed like a much better option.“ A shrug. “So, want to help me throw eggs at DeeZee’s door then?“

THAT DID IT, somehow, and Roux ends up calming down a great deal, enough to take the water from their hand and actually get a few sips in. Perhaps there would have been a time in the past when, had Robyn done the same thing, he would’ve swatted the glass away or maybe even taken it and smashed it against something, given how prone he was to fits of anger, his temper an issue between them in the years they’ve known each other.

Between the twins, Harbor’s mood had always been lighter, his patience much longer than Robyn’s when it came to dealing with the unruly, which was why the arrangements they’d made in the past had worked for the two of them. Harbor cared for the more difficult Tributes, and Robyn took on the particularly docile ones, beyond taking care of scheduling as well and making sure things happened strictly according to the timetable ( things Harbor admittedly preferred to bow out of himself ). Roux had been the toughest of the lot, even when many other Tributes came and went long after him, and Robyn had envied Harbor’s ability to deal with him, thought it a slight in their own skillset that they couldn’t calm him down themself. When Harbor was taken from them, they had had to deal with him on their own, and the results of their efforts were exhausting on good days, and catastrophic on bad ones. That they’re somehow both here now, sitting next to each other, with Robyn offering Roux a glass of water, and Roux taking it without incident, is testament to how much they’ve changed.

Roux might not agree, but Robyn wants to think he’s matured a little too, albeit very, very slowly and in particularly tiny increments.

He recognizes that he needs to talk to Swann and is even honest about his fears, about not knowing how she would react to what he has to say, and then subsequently being afraid of that. Robyn is familiar with that feeling, that notion of avoiding someone because you have something to say to them that they might not want to hear. It’s no small miracle that Roux has confided in them his thoughts all breakfast time, and that he keeps confiding in them still. When he goes on to say sorry, too, that’s when Robyn knows that this Roux in front of them isn’t at all the same one they’ve watched over from a safe distance in the past almost six years. It’s an apology not just for what he’s asking from them now, but an apology for before. It’s a single word, and it’s vague, and it barely covers all the migraines and the bullying and the messing around and the terrible fucking treatment, but for Robyn, in this instant, it’s good enough to encapsulate all that anyway. Knowing Roux, at least.

“It’s quite alright, Roux,” they say calmly, and it surprises them how much they mean it. Additionally, it shocks them how they don’t feel like they need to ask for more from him at the moment, but perhaps they will, eventually, now that it seems they’ve reached a certain point in their relationship where honesty is no longer something to be avoided. “I do understand, though. Everything you’re telling me. I promise, I do.” Just a few months ago, they never would have said anything like this at all. “Remember that Swann loves and cares for you, and that she will try her best for you, even when it gets hard. That talk should be tough, but I’m certain you’ll make it through in the end.” They pause. “If you can talk like this with me, of all people, you can talk like this with her.”

...

Roux has been making Robyn’s life hell for years, there is no way he can’t deny that. He did ignore that, of course. Always so busy thinking of only himself, Roux didn’t think about it at all until now. It’s not until he got to actually talk to them and see how recent events affected them that Roux realized he wasn’t exactly helping Robyn when maybe that’s what they needed after Harbor’s disappearance. If anything, Roux perhaps made something that affected both of them so deeply worse. Without Harbor to rein him in and take care of the messes he left behind, Robyn had to take on all of those responsibilities and problems their brother was in charge of. Roux was semi-okay with that, not seeing Robyn as anything more than an assistant who would take care of his schedule only for him to ignore all of their work. He enjoyed fucking with them, and Robyn probably knew that too given how insistent Roux was on making their blood boil. And yet, despite all of that, Robyn is still willing to talk to him, guide Roux as he tries to deal with his own fucked up feelings. 

Robyn is a much better person that he could ever be. 

The glass that once upon a time would’ve probably be dropped to let Robyn pick it up for him is now carefully placed back on the table once there’s not even one drop of water left. Roux’s apology is pitiful and mediocre, but Robyn accepts it nonetheless, another display of the miles ahead of Roux. There’s probably a lot Roux has to learn from them, but he puts that thought aside, knowing that if he wants to fix his shit he is going to take it one step at a time so he actually sticks to this. 

“I know that about Swann,“ he adds in before he bites his tongue, hesitating on whether he really wants to say the other thing that’s on his mind. “I’ll do better for her, that much I have decided that by now. But uh.... You eh, you care too. And you’ve been good despite all the shit I did, so uh....“ Words are obviously not his forte right now. Roux shines when he gets to talk about himself and his accomplishments, but this is different. So, he chooses to shut up and move towards Robyn, wrapping them into a bear hug.