but what if... i Do

i have been diagnosed as the first dog addicted to gambling

not sure if i'm more obsessed with the mental image of loic kissing ysme [he's been ordered to kiss the hand of his goddess and can't defy a direct order no matter how he feels even if what he feels is stop it stop it stop it] or loic kissing ysme [he's been emptied of too much of his mind and context to recognize her as someone who hurts him, and all that remains is an aimless, all-consuming affection in place of what he felt for so many other people in his life] or loic kissing ysme [knowingly choosing affection once again out of a mix of spite and habit, falling in love with someone who feels nothing but derision for him on principle] or loic kissing ysme [because the love is there but it's all wrong and it will eventually seize the body regardless]

i don't think ysme herself even fully realizes how emotionally reliant she's becoming on him or how many feelings she's catching while traveling with him in tow. she's trashing him inside and out because he belongs to her and because he belongs to her she can do whatever she wants to him. it can't possibly hurt any worse than the alternative, can it?