SPIRITS AND SUCH CONSULTING

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage

i love every pixel of you my dear mutual

when you’re eating a banana and it lowkey never ends

gen z so fucking lazy they don’t even include the reaction image for the post anymore they just let you imagine it

It's crazy that I used to live without the saluting emoji

having a smart woman follow you back is so scary bc it’s like what if she finds out that im stupid

and now Lamine Yamal must participate in an UNICEF's photoshoot with a baby that will defeat him in 19 years

please everyone take a moment and thank @starvverie because spain’s victory would not have been possible without her love for bunny iglesias